Husband, Is Your Wife A Housewife? This Could Lead To Divorce...

If a husband has a wife who is a full time housewife – or the more politically correct term "homemaker" – then he needs to know that he is in a "charged" situation that can easily explode into a full-blown divorce.

As the primary bread-winner, it's easy for a husband to elevate the importance of what he's doing and to minimize the importance of what his wife is doing at home. It's easy for him to look at his long hours and "compare" that to her sitting at home doing nothing.

In the meantime, his wife is at home struggling with thoughts like:

• Nothing positive is happening for me
• I have no career or future
• I have no money to get the things I want
• I have no way to contribute or carry my own weight
• He gets to get out of the house and I don't
• He thinks all of his needs and interests are important
• He thinks the needs that the children and I have are stupid and unimportant
• If I have to vacuum, wash dishes, scrub toilets, etc one more time I'm going to lose my mind

Obviously, these thoughts lead to feelings that are anything but pleasant. And, when a person is feeling unpleasant feelings, they are primed to MOVE AWAY from them – even if it means moving away from other things that are also important to them – such as their family!

But then, an even more powerful charge is added to the situation when the wife asks for something from the husband that she is dependent upon – the husband who is giving no consideration to the personal sacrifices his wife is making to be a homemaker…

And, for a myriad of reasons, he complains and gripes about whatever it is that she's asked for before he finally tells her, "No".

Now, those unpleasant feelings she was previously feeling have just become intensely unhappy feelings that become darker by the minute as she feels the related feelings of:

• Being neglected
• Being a burden
• Stuck and dependent
• Uselessness
• Being demeaned

And those intensely unhappy feelings build a stronger and stronger motivation inside of her to make some changes in her situation – changes that don't include a husband whose attitude and behavior straps her down to a life of insignificance, unimportance, and boredom.

Plus, it doesn't matter how a woman came to be a homemaker. Maybe, she and her husband agreed before marriage that she would be a homemaker. Or, maybe circumstances have just worked out such that she's now a full-time at-home mom.

Either way, husbands are strongly advised to realize a few important truths…their wife and children:

• Have wants and needs too
• Have interests, desires, and hobbies too
• Want to have significance in life
• Want to achieve and accomplish meaningful objectives and goals
• Want to experience excitement from time to time

This is important. It's important because if a man doesn't take the lead and PROVIDE for these needs within his family – and these needs are just as real as the needs of having groceries on the table and a roof overhead – then the woman will be forced to take her own lead and create a better future for herself that does not include the man who is currently repressing her.

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.

I Think My Wife Is About To File For Divorce. Help!

If you're a husband who is seeing signs and signals that indicate your wife may file for divorce, there are some important things you should be aware of.

First of all, DO NOT move out of YOUR house. DO NOT go stay with someone else for a while. DO NOT relinquish control of YOUR possessions in any way.

If your wife suggests that the two of you "take a break" and "spend some time apart", then directly and firmly let her know that SHE certainly has the right to go stay somewhere else but that you are NOT leaving your house.

Of course, it sometimes happens that a woman will have the locks changed on the house while her husband is away but more often than not, if a man tells his wife that if anyone is leaving it will be her, then, she'll be the one who does the leaving.

Now, this is important for a number of reasons...

One, when a man leaves, it gives a woman extra space and freedom to initiate the divorce. For whatever reason, it seems to be easier for a woman to file for divorce when she's separated from her husband.

Two, it sets the foundation for the woman to get custody of any children by default. If you care about your children at all, this is very important.

Three, lawyers can and WILL distort anything and everything you've ever said or done – which means if you try to be the nice guy and leave your house to give your wife her "space" until things get "worked out", and things take a turn for the worse instead of for the better, then don't be surprised if in court your separation gets morphed into something like, "This horrible abuser ABANDONED his family and left them to fend for themselves."

Now, before you start thinking to yourself that I'm some amazingly negative person with major issues and a huge chip on his shoulder, please understand that I'm merely relating facts based on what happens to thousands of men every day.

In fact, before I continue on, let me inform you that every day, false charges are filed by women against the husband they are divorcing – simply to gain the upper hand on him in the divorce and/or custody proceedings. And, these false charges are usually of a very serious nature – ranging from "alleged" physical abuse to outright claims of sexual abuse – often resulting in the woman gaining a protective order which blocks the husband from all access to his children and possessions.

Ok, let's continue... The second thing you should know is that if your wife files for divorce, EXPECT her to become vicious in all sorts of ways you would have never dreamed of – ways that hurt you and cost you. I'll give you two common examples.

One, it's typical for husbands to want JOINT custody of the children. In other words, they want their children to have equal access to both their father and their mother. And, that seems like a reasonable sort of arrangement, don't you think?

Well, court records PROVE that with very, very few exceptions, women seek SOLE custody of the children – and specifically, they mostly seek an arrangement where children have as little access or contact with their father as possible.

Two, in the context of a divorce, it's typical for husbands to want a fair and equitable distribution of the property. Again, that seems like the fair thing to do, wouldn't you agree?

But again, court records PROVE that with very few exceptions, women seek to get ALL of the major possessions of worth or value. It seems that women rationalize to themselves that their husband has some unfair advantage such that she needs EVERYTHING to continue on and he needs NOTHING because he can easily go make a new start.

The third thing you should know is that it's certainly appropriate to want to work things out between you and your wife. By all means, let her know that you would PREFER to work things out with her...that you'd PREFER to make a fresh start where you do a better job of meeting her needs and equally as important, where she does a better job of meeting your needs too.

She may or may not accept your INVITATION.

If she doesn't, LET her be an individual who is free to make her own choices and who is free to pursue whatever paths in life she chooses to pursue – even if that means one without you.

DO NOT supplicate. DO NOT beg. DO NOT pester her with "tracking" calls any time the two of you are apart. DO NOT stalk or spy. DO NOT project insecurity and paranoia. Be a man. Respect yourself. You're a survivor and a winner. You WILL be ok with or without this PARTICULAR woman.

If your wife chooses to move on without you, there are plenty of quality women in this world who would be EAGER to join paths with you.

Of course, you don't want to go overboard with this such that your wife thinks you don't have any interest in her. That obviously wouldn't help improve your marriage.

On the other hand, if she does accept your invitation, that's wonderful. Promptly and proactively seek for ways of improving your marriage relationship.

When it comes to "fixing" relationships, the pattern is that men tend to procrastinate and women tend to act. And specifically, women tend act by interviewing multiple attorneys, by making plans and arrangements – all the way down to knowing exactly where you're at and making sure any children are with her when she fires off her dirty deed of filing for divorce. The result is that men willingly put themselves in a position of HUGE disadvantage.

So, your best option is to DO something TODAY to turn your marriage around for the better.

Whatever you do, don't leave things in limbo – put time frames and constraints on things. Many a woman has strung her husband along while she's out playing the field, making alternate arrangements, and setting up a new life without him while he's at home hoping she'll come back around.

And, just so you know, when a man is passive in this way, it just proves to his wife that he's not man enough for her and that she needs to find someone else who is manlier.

Also, a word of warning...

Beware of counselors who want to pull up and "analyze" all the bad stuff that's happened in your marriage as this will only serve to emphasize the negatives that your wife is already holding in her mind and further suggest to her that leaving you is the right thing to do.

Your wife is already acknowledging internally all the bad stuff and perceived wrongs that's happened in your marriage in a strong, vivid way and anything that "strengthens" her in this state is only going to work AGAINST you.

So, if you and your wife are still in the same house and nothing has happened yet, then I URGE you to get these two books (available at www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog) right away:

"How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac"

"Strategies and Tactics for the Husband in a Sexless Marriage"

Not only will these two books show you what you need to do to save your marriage, they will also show you how to get the kind of marriage you want – a happy, sexual one.

Now, if you're reading this and your wife has already filed for divorce, then I have two important recommendations for you:

One, I highly recommend that you IMMEDIATELY go to Amazon.com and get the following book OVERNIGHTED to yourself:

The Father's Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour Through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce by William Dawes

Also, if you have children, I STRONGLY recommend you get these books too:

Custody for Fathers: A Practical Guide Through the Combat Zone of a Brutal Custody Battle by Carleen Brennan

Fighting for Your Children: A Father's Guide to Custody by John Steninbreder

Fathers' Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery Leving

All four of the above listed books are critically important to a man with children facing a divorce.

Perhaps most important is that they will educate a man on how to direct and drive his attorney in a way that's useful to him. Without the information contained in these books, a man's attorney will more often than not work AGAINST him more than he works FOR him. But, with the knowledge contained in these books, a man is better armed to protect himself and his interests.

The second recommendation is to realize that EVERYTHING is important in a divorce proceeding. If your attorney tells you something isn't really important then understand that HE/SHE is probably LYING to you.

For example, attorney after attorney has told husband after husband that the initial "Temporary Hearing" (the "Pendente Lite") was "no big deal" and that it wasn't important for him to be there. Well, the fact of the matter is that this is usually the MOST IMPORTANT hearing there is because key precedents are set which shape the way things are to be LONG-TERM.

Similarly, everything a man signs is important. For example, many a man has signed an unfavorable agreement in good faith based on his attorney's statement of "just until we get this worked out". Unfortunately, that unfavorable agreement became a binding and legal agreement that the man had to live with for the next 10 to 20 years – or in some cases, for the rest of his life (or his ex-wife's life).

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.

Video Review: "Somebody's Daughter: Pornography"

This post is unlike any I've ever posted...this is highly unusual...this may invoke a pretty strong response in you...you may find this quite controversial...this brings things right down to the level of real life...husband, it's time for you to stand up for yourself...wife, it's time for you to get it right or you're out...see what you think about this...and I want your comments...

I recently watched the online video, "Somebody's Daughter: Pornography" (http://www.afa.net/somebody/). While I certainly can appreciate the effort that was put into this video and the positive intention of the video, I must say that this video may well cause more harm and damage than good and defeat the very purpose for which it was intended.

There's a specific reason I say this...for the most part, porn addiction is a symptom of a bigger problem. Let me explain...

As you probably guessed, the essence of the afore-mentioned video is that pornography destroys lives, marriages, and families. However, on behalf of HURTING and UNHAPPY men everywhere, I'm here to say that in general, pornography is NOT what destroys lives.

I'm here to say that pornography is merely a link in a chain of problems and there are PLENTY of links PRIOR to the pornography link and you CANNOT focus on just the pornography link and ignore those prior links and expect any level of success in marriage relationships.

I'm here to say that for the most part, pornography is merely an instrument men use to get their needs met. And, I'm here to specifically emphasize that if most men had a wife who was meeting those needs, AT THE LEVEL DEFINED BY THE BIBLE, these men would NOT be interested in porn.

Granted, they might have a passing curiosity but they wouldn't have a need or interest in spending untold hours hiding what they're really doing and segregating themselves away from their family and society.

I'm going to be so bold as to say that in the majority of cases, if a wife were to regularly make love with her husband with HALF or even a FOURTH of the energy that the women in porn exhibit, she'd find that her husband had ZERO interest in or desire to look at porn.

So, before we condemn and sentence to hell all these sinner men who are looking at porn, let's go deeper...

A study of the Bible will reveal to you that appropriate forms of erotica and sexual stimulus shared between a husband and wife is healthy for a marriage and that it is accepted by and approved of God within their marriage bed. You can study the Bible and decide what the definition of "appropriate" is – but that's not what I want to talk about here...

At the same time, a study of the Bible will also reveal that God is not pleased with LUST – which is a strong desire for something while being completely devoid of any love, honor, or respect for that something or the provider of that something – but that's not what I want to talk about either...

What I DO want to talk about is perhaps best dramatized in the first segment of the "Somebody's Daughter: Pornography" video... It's 2 something in the morning, and a HORNY guy is laying in bed tossing and turning with his wife's back turned to him...and he finally gets up to sneak off and get RELEASE through porn.

Here's a key point: if that man had known how to invoke a strong desire in his wife for sex with him...such that they made strong love before they went to sleep...HE WOULD NOT be up in the middle of the night slipping off to watch porn -- HE'D BE SLEEPING LIKE A BABY!

But, because his needs have NOT been met, he can't sleep, he's up, and he's on the prowl.

Warning, I'm about to unload...

I AM FED UP with society's message that men are "bad" because they have a sex drive.

I AM FED UP with society's constant effort to BRAINWASH men into believing they should squelch, squash, or ignore their desire for sex and live like eunuchs (castrated men) whose SOLE purpose in life is to support their wife in whatever way she wants and to complete whatever tasks she happens to throw at them.

I AM FED UP with FOOLISH women who want to act like they've "met" their husband's needs by "pecking" a kiss on his cheek and cuddling on the couch with him in front of a TV for a few minutes – and fully expecting him to be happy and satisfied with nothing more than that.

I AM FED UP with women who subvert their own sexuality or re-channel it into romance novels or soap operas and play their stupid sex-withholding games on their husbands...

And then, when he moves to porn or an affair, she (and most of society) condemns him and acts like HE'S the one who did something wrong.

I grant you that two wrongs don't make a right but if you want to get right down to it...from a BIBLICAL perspective...SHE WAS DOING WRONG LONG BEFORE HE DID!

So, while we're condemning him, why don't we go ahead and condemn her too?

I have a very deep reverence and respect for God, and with that understanding, I don't care how "Godly" you are, if you stop eating food or drinking water, you WILL eventually die. We were made by God to PARTAKE of appropriate food and water for sustenance.

And, history has proven repeatedly that when people are placed in situations where food and water are withheld, they will eventually resort to all sorts of "immoral" and "ungodly" behavior – theft, killing, or cannibalism just to name a few.

Are you going to CONDEMN such people who found themselves in these terrible situations and used whatever means was available to them to get their basic needs met?

The fact is, God designed people to eat food and drink water and to withhold either is to go against God's design for life.

In like manner, men (and women) were made by God to EXPRESS their sexuality in an appropriate way and to attempt to deny that sexuality is to GO AGAINST GOD'S DESIGN of life.

Excepting the eunuchs that Jesus talked about in Matthew 19:12, if the average man attempts to DENY his God-given sexuality, he WILL sooner or later – just like with food – resort to "immoral" and "ungodly" behavior in order to get his needs met.

Now, here's why I'm saying this "Somebody's Daughter: Pornography" video is dangerous...

Men everywhere can try to "get past" their "addiction" to pornography and it's only going to BACKFIRE on them.

Sure, I believe God is capable of spiritually touching men in such a way that they become eunuchs – but experience proves that rarely does God do something like this because it goes against His design of life.

The DANGER is that the pornography problem is only going to fester and get worse until each of these men is in a warm, loving, marriage relationship where HIS sexual needs are FULLY met by his wife.

Men have the need for physical sex -- that's why God provided for every man to have his own wife.

Men have the need for viewing a nude female body -- that's why God provided for every man to have his own wife.

Men have the need to see a female body enjoying sexual pleasure -- that's why God provided for every man to have his own wife.

And, UNTIL A MAN HAS A WIFE THAT MEETS EACH OF THESE NEEDS AT THAT MAN'S LEVEL OF DESIRE, HE WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BEING ATTRACTED TO AND SUCCUMBING TO PORN, OTHER WOMEN, OR EVEN AFFAIRS.

And, the more he tries to deny this, the more problems will pop up in other areas of his life – just like poking a balloon creates more pressure and stress in other parts of the balloon.

But, when a man has a wife that meets each of these needs at that man's level of desire, with very few exceptions, she'll have a man who is faithful and loyal to her.

Of course, many women in our society don't want to hear this sort of "blasphemy".

Many women want to "throw the Bible" at men and say it's "wrong" for them to look at porn...but, there's a whole other side that isn't Biblical either...come Judgment Day, what are women going to do with verses like this one:

"rejoice [make love] with the wife of thy youth. Let HER be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let HER BREASTS satisfy thee at ALL times; and BE THOU RAVISHED ALWAYS WITH HER LOVE." Proverbs 5:18-19

It's kind of hard for this to happen if all a husband hears is "No!" every time he initiates a sexual advance towards his wife, don't you think?

Or, what about this verse: "A bundle of myrrh is my WELLBELOVED unto me; HE SHALL LIE ALL NIGHT BETWIXT MY BREASTS." Song of Solomon 1:13

Really think about that...a normal husband is NOT interested in trading off the reality of his wife's readily available breasts for inaccessible ones in a picture or movie. At the same time, he WILL be interested in the pictures and movies if his wife's breasts are inaccessible to him.

Plus, if you want to get all technical about it, the Bible tells us, "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." 1 Corinthians 11:8-9

Or what about the scripture that commands men and women to NOT withhold sex from each other; "Defraud ye not one the other" 1 Corinthians 7:5

Now, there's always a flip side; let me tell you about the "Bible" that women whose husband's DO NOT have a problem with porn live by:

"My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among [my] lilies." Song of Solomon 2:16

"I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me." Song of Solomon 7:10

"By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth" Song of Solomon 3:1

Do you see how DIFFERENT the mindset of this kind of woman is compared to the stereotypical woman?

"She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night." Proverbs 31:18

The wife whose husband does NOT have an interest in porn REALIZES that God has blessed her with the "goods" and consequently, she leaves the lamp on beside her bed and she shares those "goods" with her husband – and she can be confident that he's NOT nearly as interested in porn as he is in HER!

But, for the rest of the women, I can ACCURATELY predict EXACTLY what's going to happen... AFTER their husband is gone...well, here's some scripture for that too...

"I rose up to open to my beloved (she was closed to him before); and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer." Song of Solomon 5:5-6

So, here's the message to women...

If your husband has a problem with porn, you need to go take a long, long look in the mirror, you need to do some deep soul-searching because the odds are real, real high that YOU are the reason why he has such a problem in the first place.

And then, you should profusely thank God that you have a husband that's a good enough man that he is ONLY getting his needs met through porn instead of with some other woman.

But, if you want, you and your lady friends can keep joking amongst yourselves about all your sex-prevention strategies and tactics...and here's what you better realize...

"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1

And to all you men,

PUT AN END TO ALL OF THIS NONSENSE AND BECOME THE KIND OF MAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO CREATE A DESIRE IN YOUR WIFE FOR SEX WITH YOU!

That way, you can HAVE THE REAL DEAL.

There really are men who know how to invoke desire in their wife for sex with them and these men have no interest in porn because what they have with their wife is far, far, far better than anything they could see in a picture or movie – I know because I've become one of these men – and you can become one of them too by getting the resources that are here: www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog

Now, what do you have to say about all this? Comment on your thoughts now...

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.

Unhappy Marriage? Can't Get Through To Your Spouse? Here's How...

If you're in a marriage or relationship that isn't as happy or fulfilling as you'd like it to be...if you're in a marriage or relationship where your needs are going unmet...and no matter what you say or do you can't seem to get through to your spouse, then read on because in this article, you get a simple and powerful way to get your message through to them and thereby initiate the improvements you want.

Many a man and woman started out in a wonderful relationship. He thought she was just the thing – and she thought the same of him. In fact, they both just "couldn't" live without each other – they "had" to be together.

You know what happened next...

Over the course of time, the "togetherness" gave way to "separateness".

The excitement and happiness gave way to dullness and unhappiness.

Now, permit me to share some good old-fashioned marriage advice – the kind that really works...

Husband, what it took for you to get your lady is what it will take for you to keep her!

Wife, what it took for you to get your man is what it will take for you to keep him!

Stop doing what you did to get him or her and soon enough, you're going to lose him or her.

It's as simple and sophisticated as that.

Of course, at some level, every husband and wife knows this. And yet, husbands and wives everywhere violate this truth that they know.

Then, when the relationship falls apart – as it surely will when this truth is violated – when an affair is discovered or divorce papers are served – they say things like, "I'm shocked. I had no idea he/she felt that way."

Now, I want to help you get through to your spouse so hold this thought of, "What it took to get him or her is what it will take to keep them" and let's cover one more thing...

The marriage relationships that fail, the one's that end up in disaster, the one's that wreck people's lives have a specific strategy that they use to reach that end.

And, the marriage relationships that survive and thrive, the one's that are a source of joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, and inspiration also have a specific strategy that they use to reach that end.

Would it be useful to you to know what the difference is between the strategies? Yes? Ok...

In marriages that have failed, the strategy used was this; sometimes the husband...sometimes the wife...often both of them essentially viewed their marriage as a THING – it was something to GET – and once they GOT it, they were then free to move on and GET other things that they were individually interested in – and while they were pursuing their individual interests, they still EXPECTED to GET whatever it was they wanted from their spouse without any additional effort or cost on their part.

Well actually, in the beginning, they did GET a THING...when they got married they received a marriage certificate stating that they were legally married.

A marriage certificate isn't a marriage!

A marriage relationship isn't a THING. It's an ongoing PROCESS.

And marriages that survive and thrive understand this...because their strategy is one of continually RELATING to one another in a way where there is BALANCE between them as they BOTH repeatedly put forth the effort and pay the price to GIVE to each other – which means they perpetually RECEIVE from each other.

And yes, even in the best of marriages, there are times when it's a sacrifice to give. But mostly, it's a joy. And yes too, there are times it seems like one is giving out more than they're getting back. But here too, soon enough, one finds that it all comes back to them and more.

Ok, so how do you get through to your spouse so that you can get your marriage going in a better, happier, more fulfilling direction? Here's how...

In a loving, kind way you DIRECTLY and BOLDLY tell your spouse, "A marriage is an ongoing process of RELATING to each other in a way where we are both SERVING to meet each others needs – where we are BOTH having our needs SERVED by the other. Further, we must BOTH realize that what it took to ATTRACT each other is what it will take to KEEP each other. And, if EITHER or BOTH of us STOP SERVING or DOING ATTRACTING and ATTRACTIVE things, then OUR marriage WILL dissolve and come to an END. I want you to know that I don't want that to happen and my hope is that you don't want that to happen...AND from my perspective and experience there are some things we DEFINITELY need to work on IF we BOTH want this marriage to be the happy, fulfilling, and satisfying union it was meant to be. Am I making myself clear? Am I getting through to you? Good, I'm ready to talk about this in depth whenever you're ready...we can do it now or we can do it within the next day or so if you need a few hours to gather your thoughts...which would you prefer?"

I can assure you, if you express this message in the right way, it WILL get the attention of your spouse. And, it works particularly well because it gets them thinking in terms of PROCESS and RELATING and HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE and SHARED RESPONSIBILITY. This is much better than two people feeling "unhappy" with each other and fighting and arguing without ever channeling their energies and emotions in the direction of improvement.

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.