Bob's Wife Cheated On Him…And What YOU Need To Learn From Bob!

Fellow husband, are you falling short in satisfying and fulfilling your wife? I'm wondering this because I see the same "pattern" emerge again and again when a wife cheats on her husband.

As someone who does extensive research into marriage relationships, I frequently get to interact with men whose wife has cheated on them. And, what's interesting is that these men "thought" they knew their wife...they thought they knew what she wanted...and what she liked and didn't like...and who she really was. But, when these men contrasted what they "knew" with what their wife and her lover actually DID, they realized they didn't know their wife at all.

For example, consider this man's story (names changed for privacy):

Bob and Sue had been married for nearly 10 years. Before that, they had dated for nearly 4 years because Bob wanted to make sure he married a "good" woman. Moreover, Bob wanted to be a "good" husband and provider. And, although he had to work a lot, Bob had done well enough that they had a nice home in a nice neighborhood, they drove nice vehicles, and Sue was able to stay home with their son and daughter.

All in all, Bob really thought he "knew" his wife. Bob "knew" that his wife was the moral good girl. In fact, he described her as the "Sunday-School Teacher" type.

Bob "knew" that his wife wanted sex 2 – 3 times per month...and even though Bob had repeatedly pushed for more than that through the years, he just couldn't seem to get her to buy into more frequency. In fact, Bob admitted that as far as he could remember, only twice in their entire marriage had they had sex twice in one week...that once every two weeks was the "norm" for his wife.

Bob "knew" that his wife only liked having sex in the missionary position and that she was not open to experimenting with other positions or doing even simple things like oral sex because he could count on one hand the number of times anything outside of "normal" had happened in their nearly 10 years of marriage.

Yes, Bob "knew" his wife and nobody could have convinced him that she was anything otherwise...at least not until he came home unexpectedly one afternoon and caught her fully engaged in "wild" sex with their next-door neighbor man.

In confronting her, Bob found out that Sue had been having this affair for over 6 months. He found out that she was having sex with this neighbor man 4 – 5 times per week...that they had engaged in sex in a boat...at the zoo...and a host of other "crazy" places. He found out that she frequently gave the neighbor man "blow jobs" just to make sure he was "sexually satisfied" and that she had danced naked for him and gave him anal sex on his birthday.

Needless to say, Bob was literally blown away. He was beyond shocked. Sue's level of sexuality with this other man was beyond anything that Bob could have imagined or comprehended in relation to her. And of course, the deeper hurt was the fact that Bob had wanted all these things himself. HE had wanted Sue to share her sexuality with him but he had never been able to get her to do that.

Now, I want you to check something...what are your thoughts about Sue right now?

Are you thinking of her as a tramp, slut, or whore? If so, (assuming you've been married for more than a year or two) I can RELIABLY predict that YOU have a low-sex to nearly sexless marriage yourself...and that YOU seriously need to make some changes in YOUR life.

How can I predict that? Here's how...

Men who have a happy, sexual marriage have a very different way of thinking, behaving, and operating...they process information like the story I just told you in a much more USEFUL way. They don't concern themselves or waste their mental energy on judging, condemning, or criticizing other people...they figure that's a USELESS, NON-PRODUCTIVE activity one their part...and besides, God is far more qualified to judge other people than they are.

Instead, along with feeling sympathy for Bob and the children, they quickly ask themselves a USEFUL question such as, "What do I need to learn from this...what do I need to do differently...what do I need to change in ME...to make sure I never experience something like this?"

Here's the thing...a man who has a happy, sexual marriage understands that he MUST be the man who is the best deal around for his woman. That's why he asks himself useful questions and then IMPLEMENTS the answers that he comes up with.

Ok, it's time for you to check something again...what did you think about the statement, "he must be the man who is the best deal around for his woman"?

Well, here's what I can tell you...those guys who have the low-sex to sexless marriage RESENT that kind of statement. They "think" they should just be able to be who they are without doing anything special...without putting forth any real effort...and that should just be good enough for their wife. They "believe" that whether or not they are the "best deal", their wife should just stay loyal and faithful to them.

Well, maybe she "should"...and maybe in the dreamy world of some guy's head, she "would". But, in the real world, to be a man who expects a woman to hang around with him when he's NOT the "best deal" shows that he doesn't understand how women think and operate.

Now, I don't want to sound like I'm excusing people from their wrong-doing because I'm not. The fact is, even as I write this, it's been several years since this particular incident actually happened and both Sue and the neighbor man are STILL reaping long-term consequences that are far worse than whatever momentary pleasure they derived from their 6-month "fling".

But, like I pointed out before, that's not our business. OUR business is making sure that we are the MAN who IS the BEST DEAL around for our woman!!!

So, have you got the lesson yet?

Have you got what you needed to learn from this?

Well, to make sure you have, I want you to think about all that I've said from this specific angle... There IS a HOT, SEXY woman hidden away in your wife...and I'm pretty certain you have seen occasional glimpses of THAT woman through your years of marriage...and YOU really need to bring THAT woman "out" before your wife let's some other man bring that part of her out.

That's the mistake that Bob made...he never took the initiative to learn how to bring his wife's sexuality "out" where they BOTH could enjoy it.

He WANTED it...but he didn't put forth the effort to LEARN how to bring his wife's sexuality out!

You do know there is a BIG, BIG, difference between wanting something and doing something about getting it, don't you?

Consider this...most people are being "selfish" in such a way that they CHEAT THEMSELVES out of the good that they want. But, there's another way to be "selfish" where you get everything you want...and that's what men who have a happy, sexual marriage understand...and what you need to understand too...

Be "selfish" in a way that's useful to YOU...become the MAN who is the "best deal" around so that you INSPIRE your wife to open up her sexuality to you.

I mean, come one, think about it...if you were to become that MAN who is the "best deal" around, your wife would HAVE to come up with SOMETHING that she could give back in order to match your new and greater "value".

What could she give you that's of equal "value"?

Well, pretty much nothing except the hot, sexual woman that's hidden away inside of her!

So, are you thinking about making some changes? I hope you are...and I suggest you go here next: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro, MarriedAndHappy.com

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, http://www.dothisgetsex.com/ ]

Would Fixing This Mistake Turn On Your Wife Sexually?

There's a serious mistake that some men make in the way they think about their wife and their marriage and this error causes them to lose out on a LOT of intimacy that they'd otherwise get to enjoy. Even worse, it eventually drives their woman to either leave the marriage or to seek out a more satisfying partner on the side.

We have a word for this mistake; it's called entitlement and here's just one example of how the line of thought behind this mistake goes...

"I am the husband and my job is to "work" and provide for my family. I take responsibility for our financial welfare and all money obligations. I pay a house payment so my wife can have a nice home. I pay her car payment so she can drive a nice car. I pay for many other things as well. Therefore, I am ENTITLED to her giving me whatever I want from her...especially sexually...and she is responsible for everything else. Since I work and pay the bills, I shouldn't have to do anything else...I already carry my share of the burden and she can carry her share!"

Well, guess what, your wife has her own "work"...and it's the work of "everything else" that you've saddled her with...that you've dumped on her with little to no regard for her...and it may be different from your work...and it may not pay as well as yours...but it's still work...and it IS important work...

...and if you think your marriage can and should carry on successfully based on nothing more than the fact that you "work" and provide for your family financially...then you are in for a rude, rude awakening.

The fact that you provide financially for your family does NOT "qualify" you for sex.

The fact that you work a job does not excuse you from meeting your wife's other needs – just as her doing her work does not excuse her from meeting your various needs.

And yet, this is exactly how one-sided some men's thinking really is – they think they can do ONE thing in their marriage and EVERYTHING else their wife needs from them should just be covered by that one thing.

But, if their wife was to only do ONE thing – say only clean the house – and act like that one thing should just cover all the rest of his needs...why, these men would be "raising cane" in a hurry.

In fact, just take a look at how much unfriendliness there is in your wife towards you right now and how non-sexual she's been towards you and you'll have an idea of just how one-sided your thinking has been.

Of course, this is only one example of how a man can make the mistake of entitlement. There are plenty of other ways too...

What about you? In what ways are you playing the entitlement "card" in your marriage?

In what ways does your behavior demonstrate that you believe you can do only one thing and that one thing should just grandfather you in to everything else you want from your wife?

What is it that you are "shouldering" that's giving you that feeling of entitlement that your wife should just "understand" and "give" to you?

Think about those questions as long as you need to...as long as it takes for you to realize how urgent it is that you make some changes in your attitude and behavior towards your wife.

On the flip side, women also make this entitlement mistake in their own way...and how to be the kind of man who can handle that problem is the topic of a different article.

The issue for most husbands is NOT that their woman is non-sexual (although that's what they usually think). The real issue is that men need to learn how to do things like a lover and a wife-seducer. That's why men who want to improve their sexual relationship with their woman go here: http://www.nymphomaniacwife.com/ while men who are doing everything they know to do and still there is not enough sex in their relationship go here: http://www.moresexformen.com/

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro, MarriedAndHappy.com

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog ]

What Is Love? Happily Married People Say It Is...

What is love?

Well, unhappily married people would say it's that "magic" feeling that "just happens" between two people...it's not something you can consciously create...it's that "spark" that's either there or it isn't.

And, with a definition like that, you know WHY these people are unhappily married.

Love is the thing that people want more than anything else in life...and unhappily married people have defined it as something that's completely outside of their control.

They've defined it as a WHIM that can come AND go...it's something that's unbelievably exciting when it's there and intolerable when it's not...and they are literally wrecking their lives trying to find and "pin down" this elusive feeling.

For people who are unhappily married, love is something to "GET" from others.

In complete and total contrast, happily married people define love as a feeling that is subject to their thoughts...thoughts produce feelings...and therefore, to produce the feelings one wants is as simple as having the right kinds of thoughts.

Moreover, in the view of happily married people, love is something that a person receives IN KIND!

In other words, one doesn't try to GET love from others...rather they GIVE love to others WITH JOY AND PLEASURE which inspires others to GIVE love back.

While unhappily married people take the "hard" route of bending over backwards to GET love...and rarely ever reaching it...happily married people take the "easy" route by bending forward and GIVING it to their spouse and everyone around them...and love EASILY comes back to them.

Moreover, love is deciding that one's spouse HAS value and being committed to showing, expressing, and articulating that value in as many ways as possible.

As you consider that, perhaps the elusive secret to a happy marriage really is as simple as consciously deciding to consistently put intention, attention, and effort towards HAVING a happy marriage.

That's not very hard and yet so many people's behavior indicates that they think a good marriage is just a matter of happenstance. It's like they think their marriage is a "thing" like their car or home or watch. But, it most definitely is not.

Your marriage is something that you and your spouse are DOING. And, by looking at the level of happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure that's in your marriage, you can tell how well the two of you are DOING your marriage.

Do you like the results of what the two of you are doing? If not, then maybe it's time to learn what happily married people do so that you can do what they do and get the results they get.

http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/ Learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people. Find out what they do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. Filed Under: Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling or Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro, MarriedAndHappy.com

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog ]

Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling: Try This...

When a married couple finds themselves needing help in their marriage, the generally accepted "solution" is to seek out a marriage counselor / therapist. Well, at $75 - $200 per hour and a weekly session for both the husband and the wife and appointments scheduled well into the future, this option can quickly become prohibitively expensive.

Moreover, there's usually the issue of participation and cooperation. There's almost always one spouse who really wants to get help...and one who doesn't.

Further, there's usually a problem related to privacy. There's usually at least one spouse who is not interested in opening up and exposing the details of his or her personal life to the "world".

Besides the issues of cost, participation / cooperation, and privacy, there are two even more important reason why a person should seriously consider do-it-yourself marriage counseling.

First and foremost is that classically trained marriage counselors are trained to explore and analyze the problems a married couple is having...with the idea that by exploring and analyzing the problems, the "solutions" will somehow surface.

In reality, all that happens is that the spouse who is already upset and "negative" about the marriage simply gets to RE-EXPERIENCE all the "bad stuff" that's going through his or her head and all the negative feelings they feel towards their spouse and marriage gets AMPLIFIED even more.

And so, the marriage ends up in worse shape than it was before the couple went to "marriage counseling".

The second big flaw in traditional counseling is that it generally creates greater division instead of bringing the troubled couple closer together. Usually, a married couple is already "divided"...that's why they are seeking marriage counseling. And then, they get to the marriage counselor or marriage therapist office and they get "divided" even more by getting assigned to SEPARATE counseling sessions...and it becomes an adversarial / divided situation where the counselor / therapist is essentially encouraging each spouse to BASH the other one...and that's NOT how you bring two people together.

Of course, the idea is that the counselor / therapist will somehow be able to "mediate" and "negotiate" the two people back together...but that's sort of like trying to "mediate" a fight while egging the fight on.

It's no wonder that traditional marriage counseling has such a low success rate.

But, with Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling, a person gets to bypass all of these problems and drawbacks to traditional marriage counseling.

If a couple is having major financial problems...and issues relating to money is one of the top three sources of marital trouble...then a person can go to Amazon.com and buy a couple of books such as: "Love Life For Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat and "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. With these books, a person can read, highlight, make notes, and work out their own "marriage counseling" solutions that they then take to their spouse...and it will cost about $20.

It's not very sophisticated...and much of the advice in these books is pretty simplistic but it's enough for a person and their spouse to get their marriage going in a positive direction.

If you want something that's more sophisticated...something that's already worked out for you, then an even better solution is to simply learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people like what is offered at http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/. This is a solution that shows and explains exactly what it is that happily married people do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. It's really an unusual and unique approach because while the rest of the marriage counseling world is focused on identifying, fixing and solving marriage problems this solution barely even touches on the problems and yet the problems all go away by simply installing a new, different, and better "model" (thought patterns) in you and your spouse's mind. It's incredibly effective.

Filed Under:
Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling
Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro, MarriedAndHappy.com

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog ]