Welcome! My name is Calle Zorro and if you are interested in your wife being more affectionate and sexual with you, then you are at the right place … and I am THE guy you need to be listening to and talking with.
If you have been married for any length of time, I expect you will agree that there is more to a marriage than just sex … and yet, when the sex part is working right, everything else just seems to come together so much easier, wouldn’t you agree?
On the flip side, there can be so many things right in a marriage (or long-term relationship) but if the sex is missing or if the sex is unfulfilling, then everything else just does not seem to work very well … making it even harder to enjoy those things that are right. You have probably found this to be the case too, right?
And probably, you have found that your interest and desire for sex with your wife persists through most of the ups and downs and the ins and outs of life and marriage.
At the same time, you have probably also “discovered” that this is rarely the case for your wife. Probably, you have found that the least little issue can squelch or even kill your wife’s desire for sex with you … even when it has nothing to do with you.
But, you know what? There are a FEW husbands who DO enjoy frequent intimacy and sex with their wife in spite of whatever issues crop up in life.
The thing is, the wife of these few husbands is no different than yours. Their wife has a “female mind” just like yours does. The difference is what these few husbands do to their wife’s “female mind” compared to what you are doing.
Here is what this means to you: WHEN you find out how to interact with and handle your wife in such a way that you fire up her interest in and desire for sex with you, THEN you too will enjoy frequent intimacy and sex with your wife in spite of life’s circumstances and issues.
Now, I am wondering…
Are you a husband who does not believe this because your “read and “take” on your wife is that she does not have any need or interest in sex?
Has your wife even told you literally that she does not “need” sex?
Well, here is what I must tell you: that highly sexual girl who thought about and dreamed about sex with a man … all the time … when she was 18 … whether she has ever admitted that to anyone or not … is STILL inside your wife.
And, that girl inside your wife STILL wants a MAN that she can be sexual with. The question is, do YOU want to become that MAN who your wife WANTS to get sexual with?
Or, maybe your situation is more like this…
Are you in a marriage where the sex was great at the beginning of your marriage but with each passing year, your wife has become less and less affectionate and sexual with you?
Or, maybe it is this…
Do you sense that your wife IS still a sexual woman … even though she resists or even refuses to be sexual with you?
Do you sense that your wife masturbates when you are not around … even though she is not interested in being with you … or letting you be a part of her private solo-play?
Does your wife have a drawer full of vibrators … that you suspect she uses all the time … when you are gone … even though she does not want to have sex with you?
Or, maybe your situation is different from the ones I am describing … there are definitely plenty of other scenarios I could describe … but I am going to skip past them because I want to tell you some things about your wife…
There are two variables you must manage in order to help your wife retain her interest in and desire for sex with you:
- You must meet her emotional needs
- You must meet her psychological needs
Both of these needs are similar in that they directly impact your wife’s interest in and desire for sex WITH YOU. The difference is in where the need originates.
The emotional element is a series of causes and effects that originate within your wife. The psychological element is a series of causes and effects that originate with YOU.
In other words, when you are managing your wife’s emotional needs, you are mostly helping her manage HERSELF so that her sexual energy is not squashed or destroyed by negative emotions.
But, when you are managing your wife’s psychological needs, you are mostly managing YOURSELF so that you trigger a sexual response in your wife towards you.
Should you get either variable wrong … emotional or psychological … you will get the wrong answer … i.e. an unhappy marriage with little to no sex. Get either variable wrong, and you can forget about enjoying frequent, fulfilling sex.
Now, let’s delve a little deeper and explore these two variables … starting with the first one…
I am sure that by now, you realize and understand that women are more emotionally driven than are men.
But, what does that really mean?
It means that a wife has a tendency to have wide swings … both up and down … sometimes very quickly … in what she FEELS and EXPERIENCES … depending upon what happens to be “crossing her path” at both an external and internal level at any given moment.
At its extreme, a wife can experience joy, sorrow, fear, hate, depression, excitement, love, happiness, or any number of other emotions in a very short period of time.
And, we all know that the tendency for us humans is to focus on and pay attention to NEGATIVE emotions much more frequently and strongly than we do POSITIVE emotions.
Here is the problem with that … by definition, an emotion is a “strong feeling”. As such, an emotion will have a PHYSIOLOGICAL IMPACT on any human being – male or female.
But, as it pertains to your wife, the typical “physiological impact” of negative emotions is to dampen or shut down her interest in and desire for sex.
And that my fellow husband, is NOT what you want.
Let me give you a simplistic but all too common example…
A wife cannot and will not be attracted to or sexual with a husband who goes to work, comes home, plops down on the couch with a beer in one hand, a remote in the other and glues himself to the TV … all while ignoring her and the children … and he does this day after day.
The same is true if a husband uses all his free time to run off and “play” with his friends … or his hobby.
A husband who behaves in any of these unattractive ways can want sex till his last day on this earth and he is not going to get it … or if he does, it will be a lousy, degrading, unfulfilling experience.
Such a husband will have a non-existant sex-life because he has NOT helped his wife manage her emotions … and HE HAS TRIGGERED negative emotions in her besides. And again, her physiological response is to lose her interest in and desire for sex…WITH HIM. (In other words, she will still want sex but just not with her husband.)
Now, this raises some key questions that are probably already going through your mind:
- What are your wife’s needs?
- What exactly is it that your lady wants?
- What can you do to increase your wife’s sex-drive?
- How do you get your wife to want to be sexual with you?
- How do you get your wife to be more affectionate and loving towards you?
- How do you meet her needs in the right way – in a way that works for both you and her?
Probably, you have already discovered that when it comes to questions like these, it is nearly impossible to get a meaningful answer from your wife. And yet, it is impossible to have an enjoyable and fulfilling marriage until you do get the answers.
And that raises a HUGE point … I am going to help you right now…
Have you ever gotten frustrated at your wife’s “unhappiness” with you … or her resistance to sex with you … and exclaimed to her, “Just tell me what you want … just tell me what you want me to do so that you can be happy … so that you can want sex … and I will do it!”
Well, probably you have because most husband’s have … and by saying that, you GENERATED within your wife negative feelings along the lines of: “Now I REALLY feel bad about you and our marriage because if you do not know how to take me to that happy, positive, sexual place that I want to share with a MAN … if you need me to tell you how to take US there, then you are not MAN enough for me … and NOW, I am REALLY NOT INTERESTED in sharing my affection and sexuality with you! In fact, you cause me to realize that I REALLY need to be with another man because OBVIOUSLY, you do not get it … and based on what I have seen in you thus far, you are NEVER going to get it.”
Yes, you had a positive intention behind your question. Yes, you meant well. Yes, you really wanted to make things better between you and your wife. But, because you do not understand how your wife’s “female mind” works, YOU turned off her affection and sexual desire for you.
Even worse, you have done this hundreds of times in hundreds of different little ways and the result is that your wife’s interest and desire for sex with you keeps on diminishing.
Just go back in your memory to all the times your wife went into a “dark, distant mood” … and you did not know why … and she would not tell you why … and you will have an idea of how much and how often you are affecting your wife negatively without even knowing it.
There are so many “secrets” like this that I could tell you about … that you definitely need to know about … but we have to get to the second part…
Once you are meeting your wife’s emotional needs (and based on how she is wired that has to come first), then the other variable comes into play … meeting her psychological needs.
As was stated previously, this mostly has to do with YOU! The kind of husband that you are, the way you think, your “mode of operation”, and how you carry yourself all affect your wife’s mind in terms of her mental states and thinking processes.
In other words, your level of MASCULINITY … in relation to your wife … functions to either increase or decrease your woman’s awareness of, interest in, and motivation towards sex with you. Think of it like this … your level of MALENESS relative to your wife fires up or shuts down those sexual parts of her brain and body. That is why this is a psychological need.
The problem for most guys is that they are the proper kind of masculinity in every area of their life … EXCEPT in relation to their wife. When they start interacting with their wife, they no longer possess the proper kind of masculinity.
Consider what happens in far too many marriages: a guy and a gal are attracted to each other. They get married and she goes to work “domesticating” him. He “let’s” her do it … because he wants to be a good husband … except now,
- She is no longer attracted to him.
- She is no longer interested in being sexual with him.
- He has become her eunuch.
- He is a castrated guy friend who takes care of her, who does for her, who helps provide for her.
You must fully realize that it is impossible for your wife to be attracted to or sexual with you if you are this kind of man.
Here is another way to look at this … your wife cannot be attracted to you if you allow her to bridle and harness you to the wagon of her whims, wishes, fits, tantrums, or orders.
The sad truth is that if you are not purposely and purposefully managing your wife’s psychological needs then she:
- Is just using you
- Doesn’t respect you
- is not attracted to you
- Rejects your sexual advances
- Would rather spend time with other people
Now, once you are actively managing your wife’s emotional AND psychological needs, that is when your marriage will become truly exciting.
As you become better and better at meeting your wife’s emotional and psychological needs, YOU create a foundation upon which a beautiful, amazing, wonderful marriage can blossom and bloom.
As you go through the growing process of becoming MORE of a MAN, you teach both yourself and your wife to:
- Be less selfish and self-centered
- Be more loving
- Move beyond just having sex to making love
- Get beyond the emptiness of fantasy-world and dream-land and over into real, genuine fulfillment and happiness in marriage
- Be more accepting, flexible, and approving of each other
Of course, a blooming, blossoming, wonderful marriage is not all up to just you. Your wife is most definitely an equally key player in your marriage. However, experience has proven that your wife is best able to “play” her part and make her improvements AFTER you take a leadership role in the marriage relationship.
When you take the lead in becoming the MAN for your wife, it CLEARS the way for her to become your affectionate, sexual wife.
My fellow husband, that is how it works … the sooner you decide to understand how your wife’s “female mind” works … and the sooner you start leading and managing your wife emotionally and psychologically the sooner you will get to enjoy the kind of marriage you want.
Now, if anything I have said here resonates with you, then here is my first recommendation to you…
Here is my second recommendation…
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PS: Husband, do you remember how wonderful it was when your wife was excited about you? Do you remember how satisfying it was when your wife was interested in you … when she was attracted to you … when she desired you … when she wanted a MAN … and YOU were THAT man?
Well, if you have been married for more than a couple of years, then probably your wife’s interest and desire for you has faded significantly … and probably, you would really like to get back to having that wonderful, satisfying kind of marriage relationship you USED to have with your wife, yes?
If so, the questions I set before you … right NOW … are these:
- Do you WANT a happy, affectionate, intimate, and satisfying marriage relationship with your wife … a marriage relationship that is BETTER than it has ever been before?
- Do you WANT a warm, close, loving marriage … enough that you are willing to CREATE it on purpose?
- Do you WANT your wife to feel and express desire and passion for YOU … enough that you are willing to do something about it NOW?
If your answer is yes, then again…
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