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Do You Desire Affection And Sex From Your Wife?

For the "undeveloped" married man...those who haven't yet learned how to turn their wife on sexually, their willingness to have sex is mostly based upon one factor:

Is my wife giving me any indication that she will she let me "have" her?

If the indications say "Yes", then the "undeveloped" husband starts hollering "Yee-Haw" in his mind and "in" he goes.

The problem is, there are very few wives around who value themselves so little that they'll stoop to the "undeveloped" man's low value of himself...and the "undeveloped" man doesn't get very much sex.

Given his sexless state of affairs, the "undeveloped" husband quickly realizes that he's got to offer his wife something if he's ever going to "convince" her to have sex with him. So, in his simplistic, one-track-mind kind of way, he offers up his paycheck and "niceness" as "payment" for sex.

Now, offering up a paycheck and "niceness" works a little better than offering nothing...but not much better.

And that's where MILLIONS of frustrated, unhappy, husbands who are stuck in what is essentially a sexless marriage find themselves.

And, they are SO FRUSTRATED because in their mind, they have "paid" for the sex and therefore, they should get it. They "feel" like they've "paid" for the sex by:

1. Working a job and bringing home a paycheck.
2. Doing all sorts of tasks and chores around the house for their wife.

They keep offering up these "payments" for sex...they keep doing the same old thing in an effort to get sex...and they keep on feeling "ripped off" and "cheated" because their wife isn't giving them sex for their "payment".

Every day, literally, I encounter guys who have stayed STUCK in this model for YEARS...until their wife finally realizes, "This guy isn't EVER going to "get it" so I better go find myself another man before my ENTIRE life is wasted!"

The wife then moves towards some other which point these guys FINALLY decide they need some help and they find me.

Here's a quote from a real man that serves as an example of what I'm talking about:

"Calle Zorro, my problem is that I clean and do almost everything around the house so she will appreciate me and it seems like the more I do the less I get...and I don't just mean sex. I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!! I'm always paying her complements and getting none in return. We haven't made love in three months and we used to do it three times a week. I ask her, "What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong?" She tells me it's not me it's her so I've been trying to be patient but I'm so frustrated because I see it all coming to an end...and that's the last thing I want. I love her so much and don't want to lose her. She tells me she loves me to but I can't believe the way she shows it. I could go on and on but I'm on egg shells here."

Do you feel how sorry this guy is feeling for himself? Do you see how cheated he appears to be? Do you hear how mistreated he sounds?

Now, back up and read that paragraph I quoted again...does this sound like a man that a woman could be sexually attracted to?

Well, I can tell you that any woman reading this man's quote would RUN from him because this quote reveals to a woman that this guy is breaking every cardinal rule of being a sexy, attractive, appealing man.

Stated differently, this man has the kind of mindset and behavior-set that THOROUGHLY turns a woman off...and he doesn't even know it.

There are at least a dozen things wrong that this man is doing but I'm only going to give two clues here. The first is...

1. When a woman hears a man ask the question, "What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong?" or say its cousin statement, "What is it that you want...just tell me what you want!" she IMMEDIATELY KNOWS that this man does not have the capacity to take her to the satisfying and intimate relationship that she craves.

So, she "shuts down" while she figures out how to EXTRICATE herself from the mess that she's in. And, to give herself "time" to figure it out, she gives her husband something like, "It's not you, it's me." because she knows she can push him away with a statement like that and there's nothing tangible for him to "grab hold" of. In other words, he can't argue with a statement like that.

Now, here's a second clue...

2. Picture in your mind a totally grotesque woman. Really picture her until you can feel the repulsion in your stomach. Add in a terrible smell that surrounds this woman...a smell that's so bad, you have to hold your breath. Make sure you've really got the full sense of a completely nasty woman who completely turns you off and repels you.

Now, imagine this woman doing all sorts of nice things for you. She's cleaning your house...she's doing your laundry...your dishes...and so on.

Not only is she doing all these nice things for you, but she also is offering to rub your back or your feet or to massage you...because she wants to have sex with you...

Do you want to have sex with her?


Why not?

I mean...after all...she IS doing nice things for you...why wouldn't you want to have sex with her?

I'm pretty sure you got the point.

If you're doing things to try to "get" your wife to give you sex, then what you need to know is that while you're seeing yourself as a "great" husband because you are helping around the house, buying her presents, being affectionate, etc. and bringing home a paycheck, your wife is actually seeing you in the same light as you just saw the grotesque woman.

I hope you also get the point that it's time for you to DEVELOP yourself into the kind of man that IS appealing, attractive, and sexy to a's PAST TIME for you to become the kind of man that your wife DOES want to get affectionate and sexual with.

Go here:

Copyright 2010 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



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Husband Warning: Does Your Wife Have a Guy-Friend?

If you are a married man, this article may save you significant grief...

Let's start by asking, "Why does a wife cheat on her husband?"

Reason #1 is that her husband doesn't know what her needs are and so therefore, he doesn't meet her needs...which leaves her looking for fulfillment in some other man besides her husband.

Reason #2 is that her husband fails to think and operate in a way that's appealing, attractive, and she goes looking for a man who thinks and operates in a way that IS appealing, attractive, and sexy to her.

Reason #3 is what I want to talk about in this article...and it typically goes something like this...

* The wife has a guy-friend.

* Usually, the guy-friend was a "friend" before the husband met his wife...but not always.

* Usually, the wife denies that anything intimate or sexual has ever happened between them.

* Sometimes, the guy-friend is several years older...or younger.

* Usually, the wife claims they are "just good friends" or "he's like a big brother to me" or "he's like my favorite uncle" or even, "he's like the dad I didn't ever really have".

* The husband doesn't want to come across as insecure or jealous or a "prude" so he accepts that his wife's guy-friend comes over to their get-togethers and parties...and that she goes off to lunch or dinner or other activities...alone...with her guy "friend" on occasion.

* The husband trusts and assumes that because he is honoring his wife and marriage that she is doing the same towards him.

And then comes the surprise...

Somewhere along the way...often it's 5, 10, 15, or even more years later that the husband DISCOVERS that there WAS more to the guy-friend than just "friendship".

But what did the husband expect? The guy-friend was CONVENIENTLY "there" for the wife. There was a CONNECTION the wife could go to in the guy-friend for CONSOLATION during hard times, tough times, and especially during husband-problem times.

While the husband was busy making a living and providing for his family, another man was COMFORTING his wife...and CONNECTING with her.

So, the very thing that the husband's "gut" warned him about in the beginning became a reality.

That's why I advise men to mandate the rule: ONLY couple-friends are individual opposite-sex friends allowed...PERIOD! No exceptions!

And, should a husband make exceptions...should a husband let his wife bulldoze him into making an exception (which goes back to reason #2 on why wives cheat)...then he better get ready because the day will come when he'll get to enjoy the not-so-pleasant consequences of having made that exception.

Now, if you're in a situation where your wife has a guy-friend like I've talked about, then I advise you to immediately become the kind of man who understands what his wife's needs are and who thinks and behaves in a way that's appealing, attractive, and sexy to your that she loses all interest in the other man because her interest is now on YOU.

You can do that here:

Copyright 2010 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



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Lack Of Intimacy And Sex: Wife's Sex Drive Is Dwindling

There is a pattern that men play out over and over and over...the one where they take their wife for granted...they give her little to no attention...they give her very little of their interest...they show very little care or concern for her...their only REAL interest in her is sexually...until she gets major upset at which point they start paying attention to her and being "nice" to her...until she returns to "normal" which point they go back to taking her for granted again.

This cycle repeats itself in a series of "wife training lessons" over the course of several years until finally, the wife "learns" that her husband's "attention" and "niceness" is disingenuous, insincere, hypocritical, deceitful, and manipulative.

And of course, with each "lesson" the wife becomes less and less sexual. Until at the end, after the wife "learns" and "accepts" the "truth" of what her husband really is...once she gives up hope that her husband has the ability to be sincere, genuine, honest, caring, or loving...and she starts moving towards another man...or towards divorce, THAT is WHEN these men usually come to me and want to know why their wife isn't responding to their "niceness".

Usually, they say something like, "Calle, I don't know what far as I could tell, my wife and I were getting along more or less fine...nothing had really changed...and then all of a sudden she just blew up. And now, no matter how much I tell her I love matter how much I do for matter how much I bend over backwards for matter how nice I try to be to her, she just tells me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore...that she just doesn't love me anymore...that she needs to find someone else who can give her what she wants. Calle, I love my wife...I don't want to lose her...What can I do to salvage my marriage?"

So, if you're one of those guys who has been taking your wife through the "training process" I've just described, realize that with each iteration of the process, you're one step closer to hearing your wife tell you that she doesn't love you and that she has found...or is going to find...another man.

My hope is that you're getting this "message" from me...and that you take it to heart...and that you decide to do something about your situation...rather than continue on in status quo until your wife gives you the "message" that she no longer loves you or is attracted to you and is ready to split up.

Either way...whether you're getting the message from me...or your wife has already given you the message, go here:

Copyright 2010 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]


Why Jack's Wife Doesn't Want To Have Sex With Him...

After having helped a lot of men from all over the world create a happier, more sexual marriage, I've come to understand an incredible truth: men unknowingly block the very affection, respect, and sex they desire.

Interestingly, the more a husband refuses and rejects this truth...the more a man wants to shift the blame to his wife...the less affection, respect, and sex he has in his marriage...and the worse his marriage grows...guaranteed!

Permit me to illustrate this point by drawing out a few paraphrased points from a "B-movie" I recently watch titled "Far Cry".

In this movie, the leading male character is an ex-Special Forces tough guy named Jack who can handle people with ease...both physically and mentally...up until he gets into an intimate setting with the leading female character named which point he turns into a total "stooge".

Here's what happened...thanks to the efforts of the "bad guys", Jack and Valerie end up dumped in the ocean...they swim to land...they find an abandoned house...where they take the night to recover and recoup. Once they get some lamps lit, Valerie brings it to Jack's attention that he's been shot...and he dismisses it as "just a scratch" and wraps it with a bit of gauze. Now, here's what I'm leading up to...

Jack wants to get into Valerie's, he tells her that she NEEDS to get out of her wet clothes or she'll get sick...Valerie gets out of her clothes (you don't really see anything so guys there's no need to get excited) and gets into the bed that happens to be there with fresh sheets and blankets. Jack then gets out of his wet clothes too...and then gives this LAME excuse that he thinks he's starting to get hypothermia and he needs to get into the bed with her.

Now mind how absurd this's a guy who's just got shot and that's nothing...but because the house is a little cooler than is comfortable...and more importantly, he wants to get into Valerie's panties...he starts "claiming" hypothermia.

So now, Jack and Valerie are in bed...he's on his side and she's on her side...Jack still wants to get into Valerie's, he has to come up with some way to get them even closer. So, Jack proceeds to shift the focus away from what is really his sexual approach by telling Valerie that back when he was in the military, and they were in a situation like this, they shared body heat with another person...and suggests that they should do the same thing now...just so they can "get warm".

Since it's the make-believe world of movies, Valerie goes along with Jack's ongoing "drivel" and "nonsense" and they end up making love.

But, in the real world, when a husband approaches his wife in this kind of nonsensical way...spewing drivel all along the way, she IS turned off by him and she does NOT go along with least not for very long.

Instead, she soon starts claiming she's tired...or that she has a headache...or whatever excuse she has to use to get out of being intimate with the "stooge" that she's married to.

And, I'm wondering...what are the nonsensical ways that you've tried to shoe-horn your wife into having sex with you?

Take a moment to look back and assess yourself...what LAME statements, excuses, and focus-shifting have you concocted in the past to try to get into your wife's panties?

Ok, let's move on...the situation gets worse...the next morning, Jack asks Valerie the question, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how good was I?" Valerie tries and tries to ignore the question...she rolls her eyes to herself when Jack isn't looking...but Jack is persistent...he has GOT to know how he "rates"...he won't give up until he finds out...and Valerie finally tells him that he's a '2'...and of course Jack doesn't like that answer so he keeps pushing until Valerie "gives him another number" and makes him a '3'...and for the entire rest of the movie Jack keeps harping on and complaining about Valerie's judgment that he's only a level 2 - 3 lover.

And, just like Jack...insecure, needy husbands all over the world have asked their wife time and time again to "judge" them...and because the wife knows that her husband needs her to make him feel ok about himself, she tells him that he's a '10'...she even sometimes tells him that on the scale of 1 - 10 he's an '11' or even a '12'...she doesn't dare tell him that he's really a 2 or 3 because she knows that his fragile, weak ego and self-esteem would be shattered and she'd be dealing with a guy who was even more insecure, needy, depressed and whiny than he already is.

And again, I'm your insecurity and neediness...what are all the different ways you've asked your wife to judge that you could feel good about yourself in relation to her?

Like I said unknowingly block the very affection, respect, and sex they desire.

The good news is, if a man can "block" the affection, respect, and sex that he desires, he can also learn how to remove that can find out how to "open" the way so that your wife WANTS to shower you with affection, respect, and sex.

The "way" that works so well is here:

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



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How Can I Get My Wife To Be More Loving And Sexual?

I don't mean to do it...really, I don't...but it seems to happen anyway...usually, right after I name nonsense for what it really is. For instance, a man recently said the following to me:

"I adore my wife. She is 100% perfect even if she is not because I LOVE HER! I tell her every day how much she means to me. I let her know exactly how I feel about her. Because I TRULY love her, I don't have any expectation of my wife. When she is acting like a child, I don't see any less of a woman than I did when we first met. It's been several years now and I still feel the exact same way about her. If she argues with me, calls me names, thinks I'm stupid, etc...even though she's the one who is acting like a child, I tend to see past it...never once calling her a single name or blaming it on her. And, I let her know that I don't want to blame her for anything...that I just wish she would calm down and hear my side of the puzzle after letting her know that I do understand where she is coming from (I practice empathy as well as sympathy). The hard part is that even though I treat my wife this way, she doesn't love me back. It would be really nice if just once in a while, my wife would show that she loves me and cares for me."

Even though it happens all the time in my work, I still can't help but be amazed when I encounter a man like this one. On one hand, as I quoted above, he's telling me how much he loves his wife. On the other hand, he's telling me how unhappy and miserable he is because his wife despises him, disrespects him, dishonors him, belittles him, is verbally and emotionally abusive to him, and REFUSES to be intimate with him in any way, shape, or form. Moreover, even though his wife gives him NOTHING, she FULLY EXPECTS him to give her ANYTHING and EVERYTHING she wants plus more.

Do you recognize the mental and emotional contradiction and denial of truth?

Anyway, after this man told me his story, he asked me this question, "Is there a way I can FIX MY WIFE so that she will stop being the way she is and start loving me back?"

Therein lies the mental block to this man's happiness...he believes it's the case that there's nothing wrong with him...that he's doing everything just right...that there's some problem in his wife...and if someone could just help him understand how to solve that that he could FIX HIS WIFE, then everything would be just the way HE wants it to be.

So, the first thing I tell a man like this is, "I have to shoot straight with DO NOT love your wife...if you did, you would NOT put up with this kind of nonsense from her. Just as a responsible Dad does not let his children abuse other people, a loving husband does not let his wife abuse other people -- himself included -- either."

The second thing I tell a man like this is, "At this time, there is nothing in your wife to fix. Right now, the only thing that needs fixing is YOU. After you get YOU fixed, THEN, there MIGHT be some things to fix in your wife."

Now, this is when it usually happens...the man becomes quite offended and indignant...and exclaims something like, "You mean to tell me that even though I'm nice and loving to my wife...the reason she doesn't love me back is because it's something wrong with ME? That is absolute $%#$ #$%^#$! That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!!!"

It's the denial of truth issue again...mostly, men like this one REJECT what I tell them...and they just continue looking for a way to FIX THEIR WIFE...and I've followed up with enough of these men in my research efforts to know that their life continues to get more and more miserable and unhappy...and their wife generally starts cheating on them...and she gets caught...but because he "loves" her, he wants to work it all out...but the pain and anguish of knowing that she won't be sexual with him but she will be sexual with other men torments his mind...and still, he just wants to know, "How can I fix my wife?"

Men like this one view their wife as having a problem...a problem that needs to be solved...and while they are trying to solve their "wife problem" they are BLIND to what CAUSES the problem...themselves.

The ironic thing is, if you were to talk to this man's wife, she'd probably say there's nothing wrong with her and that her husband is the one with the "problem"...and that's why she acts and behaves the way she does.

The "problem" that the husband can't see in himself, his wife can see it quite plainly...and she undeniably, indisputably RESPONDS and REACTS to what she sees in him.

And, the "problem" is that this man's wife sees a man who has no self-respect. She sees a man who has no masculinity. She sees a man who is so unbelievably "needy" of her that he is repulsive. She sees a man who is so weak he won't even stand up for himself -- and therefore he DESERVES to be USED and ABUSED.

All of these things work together in the mind of this man's wife such that she sees him as GROSS...his very touch feels GROSS...and that's why she can't be sexual with him...that's why she doesn't even want to kiss him on the lips.

And all the while, the guy thinks he's being a loving husband.

But, his wife's still a highly sexual being...she still craves sex...regardless of what she tells her husband...and that's why she eventually either cheats on her husband or divorces him and goes to another man.

This is why I tell men like this one that THEY are the one who needs FIXING...THEY are the one who needs to make some shifts in the way they think and operate...and when they make those shifts...when they FIX THEMSELVES, they generally find out that all the "problems" they thought their wife had magically disappear.



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My Wife Does Not Give Me Love, Respect, Or Sex. Why?

Recently, a man said the following to me:

"I am so frustrated!!! No matter what I do, my wife does not give me love, respect, or sex.

I constantly do nice things for my wife. For example:
  • I let her sleep in everyday
  • I clean house nonstop
  • I take care of the children (the roles between me and my wife are switched)
  • I tend to her hand and foot trying to make her feel like a queen
  • I try not to let her down in anyway
  • I tell her she's beautiful multiple times every day
  • I'm always complementing her on how intelligent she is
  • I don't get mad and call her names or say hurtful things
  • I support her a lot as well as helping pay the bills
  • I am currently going to college so I can start a new career and support her and the children better financially

The list can go on and on. I do all of these things and more -- all out of love and because I want to. I do it out of love and because I want to make her happy.

I've always had this strong belief that If you're with someone you should do your best to always keep them happy and I guess me doing everything she asks for is my way of trying to do just that -- to love and keep her happy -- and that is my true motive.

But, I figured since I do those nice things (because I want to) she should feel the same way -- as a 50/50 type of thing -- and that's what I DO NOT get from her .

You know, no one wants their efforts to go unnoticed and underappreciated. All I really want is the same love and respect FROM my wife that I GIVE her. The sex is just a bonus I crave -- LOL!

So hopefully, you can now see why I'm so frustrated. After a while it feels like I'm just being taken advantage of and taken for granted."

This sad story is one that I've heard enumerable times. And, it's understandable why husbands like this guy are so frustrated.

After all, it's only logical that when a husband is nice to his wife that she should be nice back to him, right?

Well, it may be "logical" but "logic" is NOT what drives a woman's heart or desires.

Let me tell you the cold, hard truth...a woman can only SURRENDER her heart and her desires...she can only GIVE her love, respect, and a real that she LOOKS UP TO AND ADMIRES.

And, there are a thousand and more ways that a man can think, behave, and operate such that he causes his wife to NOT look up to him or admire him.

Granted, the husband may do all kinds of nice things for his wife on one hand. But on the other, he's failing to operate in a way that causes his wife admire him.

Consider yourself. In each of the roles, facets, and aspects of who you are, do you operate in a way that inspires your wife to look up to you and admire you?

Is your mode of operation such that your wife can take you seriously? Can she take you as a man who is a serious contender in the game of life?

If someone were to privately ask your wife to name a few men that she considered to be REAL MEN, would your name be on her list?

By way of example, many a young husband has thought himself to be funny and entertaining and all the while, he was completely ignorant of the fact that he was turning his wife off towards himself. While he's doing all kinds of nice things for his wife and while he's being entertaining (he thinks), HE is creating a reaction and a response in his wife such that she will not give him love, respect, or sex back.

The kind of man that a woman can admire enough to give her heart and desire to him is one who is never silly or foolish. Sure, he knows how to have fun, be fun, and create fun and at the same time, he's grown-up enough...he's mature have important, serious, and meaningful things going on in his life. He's LEADING his wife somewhere meaningful and important...not leaving all the leading up to her while he sits back and plays the clown.

Now, this is just one example. Like I said, there are a thousand more examples that could be given of how men inadvertently turn their wife off.

There is good news however. When a wife isn't interested in giving her husband love, respect, or sex, it simply means that the husband needs to learn some important lessons about masculinity and manliness.

And, if he'll learn them pronto...before his wife gets tired of being turned off by him and finds another man...he can turn his wife's negative attitude towards him completely around so that his wife WANTS to share her love, respect, and sex with him.

A husband can get this learning here:

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



NOTICE: This is a deprecated (old, not-used, not-updated, not-serviced) blog that's here only for old links sake. Please visit our new blog or our sitemap

"I Want My Wife To Want Me As Much As I Want Her! I Want That Closeness Back That We Used To Have."

Recently, a guy sent me the following:

"I have a question about my wife. What if the little things you do -- that are just you -- get on your wife's nerves -- even though you are supportive and caring and everything -- and you still manage to get on her nerves or make her angry --and that causes her to lash out and start calling you names and belittling you -- you know, the hurtful things that make you feel unwanted or not good enough?

What should I do then because I really love my wife and I just want her to want me?

By that, I mean I feel as If I need her to actually (want want) me and get the same look in her eyes as she did when we first met -- the look that gave me confidence and the look that made me feel like a movie star in her eyes. That's what I am (craving) from her.

I do a lot of things to take care of her -- I rub her feet, I want to spend time with her, if she tells me to do something for her I do it.

I LOVE her you know. I am always there for her emotionally but she never opens up to me.
I don't know what to do because if I think these things she tells me, "There you go again...making something out of nothing..."

But, I just can't help the way I feelings have never let me down before why should they now.

I don't get that hot spark -- that lustful passion and longing in her eyes -- like I could do no wrong and have her actually believe it like she used to.

The thing is I need that back in order to feel like I can keep doing the things I'm doing for her out of love now. I do it all because I want to.

I just want her to feel the same way -- I want her to want me because she wants to -- not because she's obligated or that I mention it so she has know?

I need my efforts to be worth something -- worth it period.

How do I make her see what she is doing without making it look like I'm complaining about her and how do I get her to want me like she did in the beginning like no other man could do what I can whatsoever?

That's the way I see her -- like no other could do -- and the passion in my eyes are always on her. But, she doesn't see it and when she gets a glimpse of it, she says I'm just a pervert.

I don't know what to do! I just want that closeness back-- emotional closeness and physical. I want her to want me as much as I want only her -- and want to be with her.

Any answers?"

Can't you just feel the cry of this guy's heart as you read his story?

Maybe, the cry of your heart...maybe your very similar, yes?

Ok, to get us pointed towards some answers, let's first simplify this guy's story down to his basic questions:
  1. How do I get my wife to want me like I want her?
  2. How do I get that closeness with my wife back that we used to have?

Second, let's list out some things we know about this guy from his story:

  1. His wife makes him feel unwanted and not good enough.
  2. He wants his wife to give him confidence.
  3. He wants his wife to make him feel like a movie star.
  4. He wants his wife to show lustful passion and longing in her eyes towards him.
  5. He wants his wife to think he could do no wrong.
  6. He wants to make his wife see things his way and do things his way.
  7. He needs his wife to let him know his efforts are worth something.
  8. He needs his wife to think that he's a man who is superior to all other men...and he needs a strong assurance from her that this is how she REALLY and TRULY thinks.

Third, let's list out three words this guy uses again and again:

  1. Make
  2. Want
  3. Need

Are you starting to understand why this guy's wife is moving away from him?

Are you starting to understand why this guy's wife has lost her attraction for him...why the spark and the longing are gone?

Are you starting to understand why this guy's wife is irritated at him and angry with him?

Just to make sure you are, let's start back at the top...

First, we could accurately recast this guy's questions as, "How do I get my wife to be infatuated with me again so that I can feel good about myself?"

Consider this...what does it tell you when a guy wants his wife to think that he can "do no wrong" and he wants her to "actually believe it like she used to"?

Moreover, what does it tell you about this guy when, "if she tells me to do something for her I do it."

Well, I can tell you what it tells his tells her that her husband hasn't matured into manhood...that state of maleness that's characterized by manliness, masculinity, maturity, independence, confidence, directness, autonomy, personal responsibility, and leadership.

It tells her that her husband still has the mindset of a teenage adolescent who's incapable of giving a WOMAN what she wants from her MAN.

Second, as we look at what we know about this guy we can see that in relation to his wife, he is characterized by lack of confidence, insecurity, neediness, weakness, and fearfulness.

These are NOT traits that a woman is drawn and attracted to!

Third, as we look at this guy's "hot-words", we can see the underlying need to force and control his wife by his frequent use of the word "make".

A man who is attractive doesn't try to MAKE anyone do anything. Moreover, he doesn't even want to MAKE someone do something. Rather, he DOES things that CAUSE other people to WANT to do mutually enjoyable things with him.

Undoubtedly, by the way this guy uses the word "want" his mode of operation is one of constantly trying to GET his wife to GIVE him what he wants...and he's using the worn-out strategy that women find disgusting, sickening, and repulsive...the strategy of "I'm going to be super-nice to you and do all kinds of good and nice things for that you'll give me what I want from you."

Just in case you didn't catch it...when a guy has an ulterior motive behind everything he does, it is NOT attractive to a woman!

And, from this guy's use of the word "need", we can tell that he has a seriously EXTERNAL that needs other people to like him, approve of him, and pedestal him so that he can feel good about that he can be ok. He's needy and women move AWAY from needy "projects" FAST!

Now, lets come at this from a different angle...imagine for a moment that this man's story was his profile on a dating site. How do you think women would respond to this man's profile?

Well, just in case you aren't sure, I can tell you that this kind of guy turns a woman off at her very core. This kind of man disgusts and repulses a woman at the very depth of her being. That's why this guy's wife is responding and reacting to him the way she is.

Now, this doesn't mean this guy is a bad just means that he needs to learn some important lessons about himself and his wife. And, when this guy learns these lessons, his wife will then have the kind of response and reaction towards him that he's wanting her to have.

These lessons can be obtained here: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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My Wife Has No Desire For Sex. Help!

Husband, what about your sex-life (or, as some guys say, "lack of sex life")?

Does your wife seemingly have little to no desire for sex? Consider this man's note:

"Help! For several years now, my wife has had virtually no desire for sex. At the beginning, things were great in the sex department but now, any sex we have is like she's doing me a favor. And honestly, I've just about reached the point where I'm done with her. If she'd just be more sexual, I'd be happy with her because outside of sex, she's a great woman. But, I'm just not the kind of guy who can go without sex for weeks or months at a time. Is there any hope for a man in my situation or should I just bring what could have been a really great marriage to an end?"

Now, I know for a fact that this man's sexless plight is not an isolated case...that in fact, there are a LOT of men in the same situation. So, let's consider this interesting question...

What does it take for a wife to desire sex with her husband?

Well, there are a whole litany of factors that impact a woman's desire for sex. Let's explore four of them:

1. How a wife feels about sex is largely dependent upon how her husband feels about her outside the realm of sex. Any time you find a husband whose only interest in his wife is sexual, you WILL find a wife who is NON-sexual -- or one who soon will be.

So, if a man wants his wife to have a greater interest in sex, then the first thing HE should do is start having a greater interest in his wife as a person. Of course, his interest must be genuine and sincere.

2. In order for a wife to feel sexual desire, she must first GENERATE fun, exciting, positive, and sexy thoughts in her mind so that she INVOKES sexual anticipation within herself.
But, do you know, there are a lot of important and pressing responsibilities and matters that crowd into a wife's mind...responsibilities and matters that crowd out all her fun, exciting, positive, and sexy thoughts.

So, the second thing a man must do if he wants his wife to desire sex more is help her in strategic ways so that she has the time, space, motivation, and energy to generate the kinds of thoughts that invoke sexual desire. This can mean all kinds of things from helping out around the house and with the kids to taking your wife to inspiring places that help her access her intimate side.

Now, as obvious and common-sense as this may seem, there is a world-full of husbands who are busy doing their own independent thing and who are leaving all the home / family / children responsibilities up to their wife which means she's GENERATING sad, boring, negative, and NON-sexual thoughts in her mind so that she INVOKES a complete loss of sexual desire within herself.

Let me put this another takes two to have great takes two to have a great takes two to handle the responsibilities of a home / family / children and men who have a great sex life ALWAYS remember that.

3. In order for a wife to feel sexual desire, she must have a husband who is a MAN! This is where many men blow it. Sure, they are man enough outside of their home / marriage but as soon as they walk through the front door of their house, they turn into a soft, passive, apologetic, push-over that their wife bosses around, uses, and abuses...and their wife feels no desire for them.

These are the kind of men who provide for their family AND do EVERYTHING for their wife / home / children. And, while they are doing EVERYTHING, their wife sits around bored, unhappy, and non-sexual.

A MAN contributes to the marriage "team" that he's a part of and he demands that his wife contribute too. He makes sure everyone on the "team" is putting forth concerted effort to make the marriage the best that it can be -- starting with himself.

A MAN is open and positive about sex. He mingles fun, flirty, sexy talk into his chats and conversations with his wife. Sometimes, he even describes to his wife a deeply connected and highly sexual encounter he plans to have with her in the future so that she has something to anticipate. Of course, a MAN is balanced...his conversations with his wife have plenty of meaningful substance to them that's well outside the realm of sexuality. Without the substance, a wife will come to think of her husband as shallow and sexually-needy and be turned-off by him.

A MAN is direct about what he wants from his wife sexually. There are plenty of men who are unhappy with their wife and their intimate life and yet, they've NEVER told their wife what it is that they want from her. So, a MAN tells his wife what he wants and helps her find a way to give that to him in a way that works for her too.

Think about many times have you wanted to have a fun and sexual evening with your wife? Now, contrast that with this many times you've asked your wife to sit down with you and plan out a fun and sexual evening -- one that both of you can enjoy?

4. Many a wife has lost her desire for sex simply because of too much frustration and not enough fulfillment in the realm of sex. Certainly, their husband is capable of satisfying them but he hasn't put enough planning, variety, or time into lovemaking to satisfy his wife. So, the fourth thing a man must do if he wants to ramp up his wife's interest in sex is put more planning, variety, and time into making love.

Too many times, husbands initiate sex with their wife and 10 - 15 minutes later, they are done. Well, in 10 - 15 minutes, a wife hasn't even had enough time to clear her mind let alone get into having sex. In 10 - 15 minutes, neither the man or the wife has had time to really connect emotionally. 10 - 15 minutes is NOT enough time to do something different than what you did all the other times before...which means you did the same thing you did the last time you made love with your wife...which means you are're a lousy lover...and your wife will soon enough start AVOIDING sex with you. The point is, walking into your bedroom, jumping in bed, engaging in sex, and cleaning up 10 - 15 minutes later is nothing more than a nuisance, irritation, and frustration to your wife.

For most men, if they did nothing more than just give their wife enough time to get out of her negative thoughts and feelings and time to associate into positive, sexual thoughts and pleasurable feelings they'd instantly become better lovers.

Now, drawing from the four points made above, here are two simple ideas that a man can implement within his own marriage:

* Plan out a day that's entirely focused on you "spoiling" your wife. For an entire day, wait on your wife and serve her in ways that she enjoys and appreciates. If she likes breakfast, serve her breakfast in bed. For dinner, grill her up a nice steak. During the day, take her to a nice art exhibition and then take her shopping. Most importantly, make sure you tell her at least a week in advance what you're going to do for her so that she has a week to enjoy the pleasure of anticipation.

* Plan out in detail an evening of fun and sex...something that's definitely NON-routine...for you and your wife and "treat" your wife to that evening. Then, ask her to do the same and "treat" you to a evening of fun and sex that is a creation of her amazing mind.

Next, go here: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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Your Wife Has No Desire For Sex? You Better Read This

Recently, a man asked me the following question:

"Calle, can you tell me what's going on? My wife and I have been married for 15 years and after the first year, the sex started becoming less and less frequent. My wife simply wasn't in the mood for it...she didn't feel like having sex...she had a "headache"...she was "tired" or whatever.

Now, if we make love once a month it's a miracle and even then, she's clearly and obviously just "giving it" to me so I'll shut up and go away. It doesn't seem to matter what I say or do, my wife just doesn't seem to have any interest in sex. And, that's how it's been for years. That's not how it was before we married and during the first year, but after that, it's like her desire for sex just completely disappeared.

And now...the latest thing I have discovered is that my wife seems to be having an affair. Of course, she is denying it but I'm seeing too many indications...too many red flags...and the last time we made love it was definitely like she had been in bed with another guy and since then, she has been even more distant and has shunned my approaches even more strongly than she has in the past.

So, my question is, how can a woman who has had no desire for sex all these years...who has avoided intimacy with me go have an affair with another man? That just doesn't make any sense to me...I don't get that!"

That's a good question don't you think? How can a woman who seemingly doesn't like or want sex go engage in sex with another man? Well, let's explore what's really going on by asking another question...

What kind of man does your wife want?

The answer to that question is my famous line, "A woman wants a man that she can have a positive and sexual reaction to." A woman wants a man who understands and meets her needs. And, she wants a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, and sexy.

And, when the man who asked the question above didn't provide those things to his wife, she began to move away from him...she began to stop wanting sex with HIM.

BIG, BIG, distinction here...she didn't stop wanting sex...she stopped wanting sex with HIM. She stopped wanting sex with a man who wasn't turning her on sexually.

Now, the issue was not that this man was incapable of turning his wife on sexually. The issue was that he had not yet learned how to do that.

As a comparison, imagine that right after this man married his wife she started growing uglier and uglier until she eventually became this horribly grotesque woman. If this had happened, the man would have stopped wanting sex with his wife, right? Well, for a man, it primarily has to do with physical looks. For a wife, it primarily has to do with the feelings that the man she's with creates inside of her...and this man just needed to learn how to create the right feelings inside of her.

Your wife wanted sex in the past. She wants sex NOW. She wants sex in the future. So, if your wife doesn't want sex with you, then she wants it with someone else. If your wife does not want sex with you, I suggest you use that as motivation to become the kind of man that your wife wants before she goes and finds someone else.

Now, I want to raise a related point...

I was helping a different man recently who also found himself in an almost identical situation...he and his wife had been married for 18 years, wife had resisted and rejected sex for years...and then he discovered that his wife was having an affair, etc. Anyway, as I began talking with this man, one of the things he kept saying over and over was...

"Overall, I have been a very good husband and father!"

I'm sure you've heard other men say this about themselves, right? And in fact, you may have even said or thought this about yourself too.

But, let's ask ourselves, what does that really mean to say you are a good husband and father? Well, when you boil it all down, for most men it means three things:

1. They are a decent provider.
2. They aren't an alcoholic or drug-addict.
3. They aren't physically abusive.

Now, here's what men must wake up and realize...none of those three things mean a man has satisfied, excited, or generated a positive and sexual reaction in his wife towards him. None of these three things mean a wife really respects or admires or is attracted to her husband.

In fact, all too often "I've been a good husband" really just means a man has been a soft, passive, be nice, put up with a lot of nonsense and misbehavior kind of guy...and that's NOT the kind of man a woman will have a positive and sexual reaction to. So, let me say it again...

A woman wants a man who understands and meets her needs. And, she wants a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, and sexy. For the sake of your marriage and any children you may have, I strongly encourage you to become this kind of man by going here: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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Bob's Wife Cheated On Him…And What YOU Need To Learn From Bob!

Fellow husband, are you falling short in satisfying and fulfilling your wife? I'm wondering this because I see the same "pattern" emerge again and again when a wife cheats on her husband.

As someone who does extensive research into marriage relationships, I frequently get to interact with men whose wife has cheated on them. And, what's interesting is that these men "thought" they knew their wife...they thought they knew what she wanted...and what she liked and didn't like...and who she really was. But, when these men contrasted what they "knew" with what their wife and her lover actually DID, they realized they didn't know their wife at all.

For example, consider this man's story (names changed for privacy):

Bob and Sue had been married for nearly 10 years. Before that, they had dated for nearly 4 years because Bob wanted to make sure he married a "good" woman. Moreover, Bob wanted to be a "good" husband and provider. And, although he had to work a lot, Bob had done well enough that they had a nice home in a nice neighborhood, they drove nice vehicles, and Sue was able to stay home with their son and daughter.

All in all, Bob really thought he "knew" his wife. Bob "knew" that his wife was the moral good girl. In fact, he described her as the "Sunday-School Teacher" type.

Bob "knew" that his wife wanted sex 2 – 3 times per month...and even though Bob had repeatedly pushed for more than that through the years, he just couldn't seem to get her to buy into more frequency. In fact, Bob admitted that as far as he could remember, only twice in their entire marriage had they had sex twice in one week...that once every two weeks was the "norm" for his wife.

Bob "knew" that his wife only liked having sex in the missionary position and that she was not open to experimenting with other positions or doing even simple things like oral sex because he could count on one hand the number of times anything outside of "normal" had happened in their nearly 10 years of marriage.

Yes, Bob "knew" his wife and nobody could have convinced him that she was anything least not until he came home unexpectedly one afternoon and caught her fully engaged in "wild" sex with their next-door neighbor man.

In confronting her, Bob found out that Sue had been having this affair for over 6 months. He found out that she was having sex with this neighbor man 4 – 5 times per week...that they had engaged in sex in a the zoo...and a host of other "crazy" places. He found out that she frequently gave the neighbor man "blow jobs" just to make sure he was "sexually satisfied" and that she had danced naked for him and gave him anal sex on his birthday.

Needless to say, Bob was literally blown away. He was beyond shocked. Sue's level of sexuality with this other man was beyond anything that Bob could have imagined or comprehended in relation to her. And of course, the deeper hurt was the fact that Bob had wanted all these things himself. HE had wanted Sue to share her sexuality with him but he had never been able to get her to do that.

Now, I want you to check something...what are your thoughts about Sue right now?

Are you thinking of her as a tramp, slut, or whore? If so, (assuming you've been married for more than a year or two) I can RELIABLY predict that YOU have a low-sex to nearly sexless marriage yourself...and that YOU seriously need to make some changes in YOUR life.

How can I predict that? Here's how...

Men who have a happy, sexual marriage have a very different way of thinking, behaving, and operating...they process information like the story I just told you in a much more USEFUL way. They don't concern themselves or waste their mental energy on judging, condemning, or criticizing other people...they figure that's a USELESS, NON-PRODUCTIVE activity one their part...and besides, God is far more qualified to judge other people than they are.

Instead, along with feeling sympathy for Bob and the children, they quickly ask themselves a USEFUL question such as, "What do I need to learn from this...what do I need to do differently...what do I need to change in make sure I never experience something like this?"

Here's the thing...a man who has a happy, sexual marriage understands that he MUST be the man who is the best deal around for his woman. That's why he asks himself useful questions and then IMPLEMENTS the answers that he comes up with.

Ok, it's time for you to check something again...what did you think about the statement, "he must be the man who is the best deal around for his woman"?

Well, here's what I can tell you...those guys who have the low-sex to sexless marriage RESENT that kind of statement. They "think" they should just be able to be who they are without doing anything special...without putting forth any real effort...and that should just be good enough for their wife. They "believe" that whether or not they are the "best deal", their wife should just stay loyal and faithful to them.

Well, maybe she "should"...and maybe in the dreamy world of some guy's head, she "would". But, in the real world, to be a man who expects a woman to hang around with him when he's NOT the "best deal" shows that he doesn't understand how women think and operate.

Now, I don't want to sound like I'm excusing people from their wrong-doing because I'm not. The fact is, even as I write this, it's been several years since this particular incident actually happened and both Sue and the neighbor man are STILL reaping long-term consequences that are far worse than whatever momentary pleasure they derived from their 6-month "fling".

But, like I pointed out before, that's not our business. OUR business is making sure that we are the MAN who IS the BEST DEAL around for our woman!!!

So, have you got the lesson yet?

Have you got what you needed to learn from this?

Well, to make sure you have, I want you to think about all that I've said from this specific angle... There IS a HOT, SEXY woman hidden away in your wife...and I'm pretty certain you have seen occasional glimpses of THAT woman through your years of marriage...and YOU really need to bring THAT woman "out" before your wife let's some other man bring that part of her out.

That's the mistake that Bob made...he never took the initiative to learn how to bring his wife's sexuality "out" where they BOTH could enjoy it.

He WANTED it...but he didn't put forth the effort to LEARN how to bring his wife's sexuality out!

You do know there is a BIG, BIG, difference between wanting something and doing something about getting it, don't you?

Consider this...most people are being "selfish" in such a way that they CHEAT THEMSELVES out of the good that they want. But, there's another way to be "selfish" where you get everything you want...and that's what men who have a happy, sexual marriage understand...and what you need to understand too...

Be "selfish" in a way that's useful to YOU...become the MAN who is the "best deal" around so that you INSPIRE your wife to open up her sexuality to you.

I mean, come one, think about it...if you were to become that MAN who is the "best deal" around, your wife would HAVE to come up with SOMETHING that she could give back in order to match your new and greater "value".

What could she give you that's of equal "value"?

Well, pretty much nothing except the hot, sexual woman that's hidden away inside of her!

So, are you thinking about making some changes? I hope you are...and I suggest you go here next: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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Would Fixing This Mistake Turn On Your Wife Sexually?

There's a serious mistake that some men make in the way they think about their wife and their marriage and this error causes them to lose out on a LOT of intimacy that they'd otherwise get to enjoy. Even worse, it eventually drives their woman to either leave the marriage or to seek out a more satisfying partner on the side.

We have a word for this mistake; it's called entitlement and here's just one example of how the line of thought behind this mistake goes...

"I am the husband and my job is to "work" and provide for my family. I take responsibility for our financial welfare and all money obligations. I pay a house payment so my wife can have a nice home. I pay her car payment so she can drive a nice car. I pay for many other things as well. Therefore, I am ENTITLED to her giving me whatever I want from her...especially sexually...and she is responsible for everything else. Since I work and pay the bills, I shouldn't have to do anything else...I already carry my share of the burden and she can carry her share!"

Well, guess what, your wife has her own "work"...and it's the work of "everything else" that you've saddled her with...that you've dumped on her with little to no regard for her...and it may be different from your work...and it may not pay as well as yours...but it's still work...and it IS important work...

...and if you think your marriage can and should carry on successfully based on nothing more than the fact that you "work" and provide for your family financially...then you are in for a rude, rude awakening.

The fact that you provide financially for your family does NOT "qualify" you for sex.

The fact that you work a job does not excuse you from meeting your wife's other needs – just as her doing her work does not excuse her from meeting your various needs.

And yet, this is exactly how one-sided some men's thinking really is – they think they can do ONE thing in their marriage and EVERYTHING else their wife needs from them should just be covered by that one thing.

But, if their wife was to only do ONE thing – say only clean the house – and act like that one thing should just cover all the rest of his needs...why, these men would be "raising cane" in a hurry.

In fact, just take a look at how much unfriendliness there is in your wife towards you right now and how non-sexual she's been towards you and you'll have an idea of just how one-sided your thinking has been.

Of course, this is only one example of how a man can make the mistake of entitlement. There are plenty of other ways too...

What about you? In what ways are you playing the entitlement "card" in your marriage?

In what ways does your behavior demonstrate that you believe you can do only one thing and that one thing should just grandfather you in to everything else you want from your wife?

What is it that you are "shouldering" that's giving you that feeling of entitlement that your wife should just "understand" and "give" to you?

Think about those questions as long as you need long as it takes for you to realize how urgent it is that you make some changes in your attitude and behavior towards your wife.

On the flip side, women also make this entitlement mistake in their own way...and how to be the kind of man who can handle that problem is the topic of a different article.

The issue for most husbands is NOT that their woman is non-sexual (although that's what they usually think). The real issue is that men need to learn how to do things like a lover and a wife-seducer. That's why men who want to improve their sexual relationship with their woman go here: while men who are doing everything they know to do and still there is not enough sex in their relationship go here:

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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What Is Love? Happily Married People Say It Is...

What is love?

Well, unhappily married people would say it's that "magic" feeling that "just happens" between two's not something you can consciously's that "spark" that's either there or it isn't.

And, with a definition like that, you know WHY these people are unhappily married.

Love is the thing that people want more than anything else in life...and unhappily married people have defined it as something that's completely outside of their control.

They've defined it as a WHIM that can come AND's something that's unbelievably exciting when it's there and intolerable when it's not...and they are literally wrecking their lives trying to find and "pin down" this elusive feeling.

For people who are unhappily married, love is something to "GET" from others.

In complete and total contrast, happily married people define love as a feeling that is subject to their thoughts...thoughts produce feelings...and therefore, to produce the feelings one wants is as simple as having the right kinds of thoughts.

Moreover, in the view of happily married people, love is something that a person receives IN KIND!

In other words, one doesn't try to GET love from others...rather they GIVE love to others WITH JOY AND PLEASURE which inspires others to GIVE love back.

While unhappily married people take the "hard" route of bending over backwards to GET love...and rarely ever reaching it...happily married people take the "easy" route by bending forward and GIVING it to their spouse and everyone around them...and love EASILY comes back to them.

Moreover, love is deciding that one's spouse HAS value and being committed to showing, expressing, and articulating that value in as many ways as possible.

As you consider that, perhaps the elusive secret to a happy marriage really is as simple as consciously deciding to consistently put intention, attention, and effort towards HAVING a happy marriage.

That's not very hard and yet so many people's behavior indicates that they think a good marriage is just a matter of happenstance. It's like they think their marriage is a "thing" like their car or home or watch. But, it most definitely is not.

Your marriage is something that you and your spouse are DOING. And, by looking at the level of happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure that's in your marriage, you can tell how well the two of you are DOING your marriage.

Do you like the results of what the two of you are doing? If not, then maybe it's time to learn what happily married people do so that you can do what they do and get the results they get. Learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people. Find out what they they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. Filed Under: Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling or Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling: Try This...

When a married couple finds themselves needing help in their marriage, the generally accepted "solution" is to seek out a marriage counselor / therapist. Well, at $75 - $200 per hour and a weekly session for both the husband and the wife and appointments scheduled well into the future, this option can quickly become prohibitively expensive.

Moreover, there's usually the issue of participation and cooperation. There's almost always one spouse who really wants to get help...and one who doesn't.

Further, there's usually a problem related to privacy. There's usually at least one spouse who is not interested in opening up and exposing the details of his or her personal life to the "world".

Besides the issues of cost, participation / cooperation, and privacy, there are two even more important reason why a person should seriously consider do-it-yourself marriage counseling.

First and foremost is that classically trained marriage counselors are trained to explore and analyze the problems a married couple is having...with the idea that by exploring and analyzing the problems, the "solutions" will somehow surface.

In reality, all that happens is that the spouse who is already upset and "negative" about the marriage simply gets to RE-EXPERIENCE all the "bad stuff" that's going through his or her head and all the negative feelings they feel towards their spouse and marriage gets AMPLIFIED even more.

And so, the marriage ends up in worse shape than it was before the couple went to "marriage counseling".

The second big flaw in traditional counseling is that it generally creates greater division instead of bringing the troubled couple closer together. Usually, a married couple is already "divided"...that's why they are seeking marriage counseling. And then, they get to the marriage counselor or marriage therapist office and they get "divided" even more by getting assigned to SEPARATE counseling sessions...and it becomes an adversarial / divided situation where the counselor / therapist is essentially encouraging each spouse to BASH the other one...and that's NOT how you bring two people together.

Of course, the idea is that the counselor / therapist will somehow be able to "mediate" and "negotiate" the two people back together...but that's sort of like trying to "mediate" a fight while egging the fight on.

It's no wonder that traditional marriage counseling has such a low success rate.

But, with Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling, a person gets to bypass all of these problems and drawbacks to traditional marriage counseling.

If a couple is having major financial problems...and issues relating to money is one of the top three sources of marital trouble...then a person can go to and buy a couple of books such as: "Love Life For Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat and "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. With these books, a person can read, highlight, make notes, and work out their own "marriage counseling" solutions that they then take to their spouse...and it will cost about $20.

It's not very sophisticated...and much of the advice in these books is pretty simplistic but it's enough for a person and their spouse to get their marriage going in a positive direction.

If you want something that's more sophisticated...something that's already worked out for you, then an even better solution is to simply learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people like what is offered at This is a solution that shows and explains exactly what it is that happily married people they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. It's really an unusual and unique approach because while the rest of the marriage counseling world is focused on identifying, fixing and solving marriage problems this solution barely even touches on the problems and yet the problems all go away by simply installing a new, different, and better "model" (thought patterns) in you and your spouse's mind. It's incredibly effective.

Filed Under:
Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling
Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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I Wish I Had A Hot, Sexy Wife...

Men by the millions are right now thinking to themselves, "I wish I had a hot sexy wife" ... but they aren't willing to "pay the price" to have one.

They aren't willing to pay the price of learning what they need to learn. They aren't willing to pay the price of doing what they need to do. And so, because they aren't willing to pay the price, they get to do without...and they go home to a cold, unhappy wife who is eventually going to get fed up with their unwillingness to "pay the price" and leave for a man who HAS "paid the price".

And to me, the part that seems "not very smart" is that these men are going to pay through the nose when their wife leaves them.

Statistics reveals that the average "price" of a divorce is around $10,000 -- not to mention ongoing payment of alimony, child support and other losses suffered through the division and disposal of assets. That's why 1 in 5 men who go through a divorce end up bankrupt.

Further, when you consider that 1 out of every 2 men goes through a divorce at some point in his life, I'm wondering...isn't it better to be that one guy who willingly invests a few $20's in learning how to get his relationship working well for both he and his wife so that he can AVOID being the "other" guy who gets forced to pay thousands later on?

I'll give you this one for free...

The man who enjoys success isn't really concerned about the cost. He's only concerned about getting what he wants and the cost is incidental. He knows that whatever the cost is, he will have completely forgotten about it within a few weeks – if not days. But, he'll get to enjoy HAVING what he wanted for the rest of his life.

And so, his point of view is NOT "how much does this cost?" Rather, his point of view is, "What will this give me?"

Which point of view do you think is more useful? We all get to pay the "price" sooner or later. The question we must all ask of ourselves is this...

"Can I afford to foolishly wait until "later" when it's way more expensive...or should I just be smart and pay "sooner" when it's way cheaper?"

The smart guy will go here: and take the cheaper route.

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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Is Your Marriage In Trouble? Is Your Wife Saying, "It's Not You, It's Me"?

Frequently, husbands come to me AFTER their wife doesn't want to talk to them, rejects any form of touch or intimacy, and indicates that she feels a need to go "sort out her thoughts and find herself" in some place where her husband is NOT.

Typically, these husbands come to me in a state of "shock" because although they knew their marriage wasn't all that great, they thought it was ok enough to continue on.

But, not for their wife – for the wife, the marriage is no longer suitable enough to continue. The wife is no longer willing to continue on in the unhappy state and situation that she's in.

Usually, these husbands tell me that everything was fine in their marriage up until a few days, maybe a few weeks, sometimes a few months ago.

The thing is, men fail to understand how women generally handle problems and unhappiness differently than they do.

There are always exceptions, but most men will "externalize" a problem that's making them unhappy – they'll generally get it out in the open. And, by getting it out in the open, the problem usually somehow gets mitigated down to an acceptable level such that it's no longer considered a problem – it becomes "No big deal".

Conversely, most women will "internalize" a problem that's making them unhappy – they'll simply "stew and simmer" on the problem internally until it completely eats them up from the inside out. And, by the time the "problem" reaches the "outside world", it is a "HUGE problem" – sometimes it's so huge that it has become a "Deal breaker!"

And of course, as these "shocked" husbands get the "news" from their wife, they start asking her a myriad of questions like:

* What's wrong?
* What did I do?
* Did I do something to hurt you?
* What is it that you want?
* What do you want from me?
* What about us?
* Does our relationship and family mean nothing to you?
* What about our future?
* Etc.

And, as the husband peppers his wife with this barrage of questions, she finally responds with something that goes like this:

"I don't's not's me...I don't know what I want any more...I just need to get away so I can think!"

And, with that one response, the wife takes all the wind out of her husband's sails. The husband doesn't have a leg to stand on. There's nothing he can do.

At least, that's what it seems like to him.

Actually, there's a lot he can do...

First, he can realize that HE IS a big part of the problem. He can realize that his wife is reacting and responding to who and what he is...and it happens to be an unfavorable reaction and response. That's good news because it means there IS something HE CAN do...he can learn how to create a different reaction and response in his wife towards him.

Second, he can realize that his wife is NOT a "logical" person like he is. That means she cannot logically explain what's wrong or what she wants.

All she knows is that she doesn't "FEEL" happy...and she wants to move AWAY from the "thing" that's she FEELS is making her unhappy...her husband!

Third, he can realize that his wife is having this response towards him because she has unmet needs – and he can quickly get to work learning what her needs are and just as quickly get to work meeting those needs.

Fourth, he can realize that his wife is having this response towards him because HE has NOT behaved and operated in such a way that his wife finds him attractive and appealing – and he can quickly get to work learning how it is that he needs to behave and operate such that his wife begins to "FEEL" differently towards him.

Let me give you an example of that last item...

Just the fact that the husband asked his wife all of the questions I listed out above, TELLS the makes it clear to her...that her husband DOES NOT know how to lead him and her to the happy, loving, and intimate "place" that she wants to be in. In her mind, she KNOWS that she wants a MAN who CAN take her to the "FEELINGS" that she wants...and if her husband is asking her how to take her to that place, then that means he isn't the MAN who can take her there. By asking these questions, a husband "operates" in a way that is unattractive and unappealing to his wife.

If you can relate to any of this, that means it's time for you to "get with it"!

You've got a short opportunity to learn what you need to learn. Your wife's clock is "ticking" and she's not interested in living "without" the feelings she wants much longer...

Go here: and make the most of your short "opportunity".

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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NOTICE: This is a deprecated (old, not-used, not-updated, not-serviced) blog that's here only for old links sake. Please visit our new blog or our sitemap

Thoughts of Wife's Previous Lovers Bothering You?

There are men who sometimes think about their wife being with previous lovers and it generates strong, unpleasant, unhappy feelings within them. For some men, it's so strong that it "hurts" or even makes them "sick".

The word we use for these feelings is "jealous".

However, here's what a man needs to know...he must first "do" something in order to "feel" jealous. Specifically, HE MUST USE HIS MIND AGAINST HIMSELF! He must use his mind in a non-useful way.

In other words, he must use his mind to imagine scenarios where in comparison to himself, those previous lovers:

1. Were better lovers
2. Had a larger penis
3. Generated greater pleasure in his wife

Or, he must use his mind to imagine "sickening", "revolting" scenarios that have to do with other men's:

1. "Dirty" hands on his wife
2. Semen on or in his wife's body
3. "Slobbering" lips on his wife

There are other non-useful scenarios a man can imagine about his wife in relation to her previous lovers but the result is the same: the man FEELS unhappy and he REPELS his wife.

Knowing that what's important to a woman is how the man in her life makes her feel about herself and him, there's no way a man dwelling on these non-useful scenarios can make his wife feel good about herself or him.

And so, she will eventually leave. That's why she left all those previous lovers too.

A woman wants a man who has it together in his own head so that he can take both of them to happiness now and in the future.

What she doesn't want is some guy who's stuck in the past and dwelling upon the other men that she's been with. What she doesn't want is some guy who is a "project" that she has to try to "hold together" so he doesn't "fall apart". What she doesn't want is a guy who's constantly drowning in self-pity that she constantly has to "rescue".

She wants a man with love in his heart – not jealousy – because she wants to be loved. She wants a man who desires her – not who's thinking about her and men she's been with before – because she wants a lover. She wants a strong, secure man – not some mental and emotional weakling – because she needs a man whose strength can counter-balance her weakness.

A woman knows for sure that a man who is jealous-turned can never be a source of love and happiness for her.

If you tend to be one of those who feels jealousy over your wife's previous lovers, here's a viewpoint for you to consider...

All those previous lovers made her what she is now...a woman who can REALLY appreciate a good MAN. That's why she's with YOU. She had HIGH HOPES that you were going to be that man!

Are you going to disappoint her? Are you going to let her down and "show" her that she hasn't found the "man" yet and that she needs to continue looking?


Will you become the ATTRACTIVE MAN who is a source of love and strength for her so the two of you can enjoy a happy life?

Really, how long do you expect you can continue to be the weakling who's too weak to even control his mind and direct it to be positive and useful before you lose your wife?

If these questions get your attention, then I advise you to get "How To Seduce Your Wife: A Husband's Guide" at right away.

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

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They Said He Was A Sex-Addict (You've Got To Read This Story)

I continue to be amazed at how insane our "women's-lib-conditioned" world grows. Even more insane is that certain MEN have so bought into that agenda that they have become better "women's-libbers" than the women ever were.

Take this true story for instance (the names have been changed for privacy)...

Bob and Sue were married for 4 years before they had children. During that time, they had a pretty good marriage. Sure they had their bumps in the road just like everyone does but overall, things worked pretty good and the needs on both sides were met at a satisfactory level.

And in particular, they usually had sex at least a couple of times a week – sometimes it was more like 3 – 4 times and sometimes it was only once a week – but overall, it was a frequency level that Bob was happy with.

But then, Sue gets pregnant and 9 months later, out pops little Bobby.

Little Bobby no more arrived on the scene but what Bob and Sue's marriage took a major turn for the worse...

From Sue's perspective, everything was mostly baby...Bob's job paid well enough that she didn't have to worry about money...the house was nice...the cars were all good...extended family was all good...everyone was healthy...and she was satisfied. least on most levels she was. She definitely was not satisfied with the division, distance, and negative energy that was growing increasingly strong in their marriage.

A year and a half later, Sue finds out that Bob has been cheating on her for over 6 months. Of course, she's devastated and angry but they go to marriage counseling and the counselor helps Bob with his "anger management" problem and his "expressing emotion" problem and soon enough, they got everything patched up and they were back to running down the marriage-track again.

But, they no more get back to running when Sue comes up pregnant again – and 9 months later out pops little Suzie.

As you probably expected, the same exact situation plays out again...a year and half later, Sue finds out that Bob's been cheating on her again...for over 8 months this time.

So, they jump in the ol' station wagon, head off to another marriage counselor's office...and this second counselor was a little "sharper" than the first one...he discovered that with the birth of each baby, Sue lost all interest in having sex.

For months on end, 100% of her interest was in the baby and 0% of her interest was in Bob.

Except that wasn't the "problem"...

And here's what I've been leading up to that so amazes me...

According to this particular marriage counselor, the problem was NOT that Sue had lost all interest in having sex with Bob and was refusing to have sex with him month after month.

The problem was...and get this...

Bob was a SEX-ADDICT!

According to this counselor, the fact that he wanted sex at least once a week made him a "sex-addict".

So, Bob accepts the counselor's verdict – who was after all, the "expert" – and they go through a tidy little program to "help Bob overcome his sexual addiction".

Then, with his "sexual addiction" supposedly out of the way Bob and Sue head back to the house to live happily and "sexlessly" ever after...

Is that just NUTS or what?

Well, to me, it's more than just nuts, it's unacceptable.

I DO NOT accept the idea that a woman can go on a sexual vacation for months or years on end and that's completely "ok" because she's "bonding" or "finding herself" or whatever it is that clinicians decide it is that she's doing.

Why should it be acceptable for a woman to stop being a wife in a marriage?

I mean, it's not acceptable to the normal woman for her husband to go on a financial vacation and stop providing for the family, is it?

We know it's fact, it's not even acceptable to a woman who's not even your wife let one of those men who has an "EX" miss even a single support payment and he'll have EVERY branch of government coming down on him like a ton of bricks.

Now, I for one DO NOT excuse myself from my financial obligations and NEITHER do I excuse a woman from being a lover to her husband.

I know...that makes me bad...I guess I'm a bona-fide sex-addict too because not even once-a-week sex is acceptable to me. And, it shouldn't be acceptable to you either.

Especially when you realize that there are skills a man can learn that CAUSES his woman to WANT frequent sex with him.

The issue with Sue in the story above was NOT that she was non-sexual or needing "bonding" time with the baby. The issue was that she needed Bob to learn how to lead both her and him into the relationship that worked for both of them.

Here's the deal... When people first get married, they're excited, interested, and curious...and those emotions naturally drive them to do the right things. But, as the cares and concerns of life begin to kick in with full force AND the excitement, interest, and curiousness begin to wear off...THEN, things no longer work "naturally".

It's at this point that a man better get to learning how to lead both he and his wife into a happy and sexual marriage relationship. If he doesn't, both he and she ARE going to suffer increasingly severe dissatisfaction and unhappiness – until one or the other gives up and leaves OR he learns the right "skills".

Myself, I decided to learn the right "skills" and my wife and I have enjoyed a lot of happiness AND a lot of sex ever since.

And, I've been teaching men from all over the world how to get the same in their marriage.

I guess you could say I've become a "men's-libber".

I'm "liberating" men so that they can have the happy, sexual marriage they desire and you can do what Bob in the story above finally did...get this resource: "How To Create a More Sexual Marriage"

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



NOTICE: This is a deprecated (old, not-used, not-updated, not-serviced) blog that's here only for old links sake. Please visit our new blog or our sitemap

A Happier, More Sexual Marriage; A Secret For Men

Hey guys, are you interested in a little secret that can really help your marriage be a happier, more sexual union?

I thought you might be...but first, I need to "prepare" you to receive this secret...

Men like things to be DIRECT. Men like it when there is a one-to-one correlation to what they want. If they want 'X', then they want to be able to DIRECTLY push the 'X' button and immediately have an 'X' pop out.

This is why men the world over...when it comes time for love-making...well, there isn't actually much love-making...because the guy is busy PUNCHING and GRINDING the 'X' button...or in this case, his wife's clitoris/vagina...trying to DIRECTLY start her sexual motor so that the "sexual pleasure" he wants can occur.

I'm still preparing you to receive the secret...

Mostly, women are NOT direct like men are. In general, women do NOT want to push the 'X' button and have an 'X' pop out. Instead, they want to push the 'X' button which will then open the door so that they can push the 'Y' button which then paves the way so they can push the 'Z' button...which then loops them around so they can start on the 'A' button...and EVENTUALLY get back to the original 'X' button and this time FINALLY, have an 'X' pop out.

Going back to the love-making scenario...guys are driving STRAIGHT for the orgasm...their woman wishes just for ONCE that they could take the "scenic tour"...but the guy's driving...and he usually gets straight to what he wants...and his woman is left unsatisfied...dreaming...wishing...for a man who was a real lover...

Which raises the question, "What kind of lover are you?"

Ok, I think you're finally ready to receive the secret...

The reason we went through this whole direct and indirect thing is because this secret is INDIRECT...but if applied, it WILL lead to a happier, more sexual marriage...

Here it is...

LET YOUR WOMAN DO THINGS HER WAY AND TRAIN YOUR WOMAN TO LET YOU DO THINGS YOUR WAY. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise.

Now, at first, that might seem rather obvious and not all that much of a secret so let's explore the idea...

If he doesn't watch out, a Type-A man (driving, competitive, fast-paced, active, impatient, serious) who is married to a Type-B (laid-back, relaxed, slow-paced, easy-going, patient, non-competitive, fun-oriented) woman will be constantly driving his woman to do what he wants RIGHT NOW. He'll constantly be trying to place her in competitive situations. Because of how he is, he'll be constantly trying to "make" her be like him, do things like him, and do things the way he would do them. And of course, because of how she is, the woman is trying to get the man to do things HER way.

Similarly, if a extroverted woman is married to an introverted man, she'll be constantly trying to get her husband to be more outgoing...she'll be pushing him to relax and open up and have fun in the midst of a big socialize like she does...and the whole time, he's getting more nervous, upset, and frustrated by the second...which is why he always puts up the blocks and resistances to going out and intermingling in the first place.

There are other contrasts I could make but you get the point...and you can plainly see that the result is constant conflict...the result is a not very happy and definitely not very sexual marriage.

But, when a man and woman DECIDE to LET their companion be themselves and do things in their own way and respect and appreciate their companion for who and what they are THEN a person INDIRECTLY paves the way for a far happier, way more sexual marriage relationship.

Do you now see how this really is an important secret to a happier, more sexual marriage relationship? I'll repeat it one more time...

"Let your woman do things her way and train your woman to let you do things your way. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise."

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



NOTICE: This is a deprecated (old, not-used, not-updated, not-serviced) blog that's here only for old links sake. Please visit our new blog or our sitemap

How To Be A Lover Who Really Inspires And Satisfies A Woman

Have you ever wished that you could be the kind of lover who really inspires and satisfies your woman?

Great news...husbands are able to become a better lover and when you become aware of how a woman naturally makes love then you too will become a better lover who inspires and satisfies your wife.

Let me help you increase your awareness...

A man's approach to making love is very linear. It's very sequential. It's very direct. It's a straight line from start to finish that looks something like this:

1. At the moment of opportunity...
2. Express interest in sex...
3. Engage in just enough foreplay for the woman to lubricate...
4. Intercourse...
5. Orgasm...
6. Clean up...
7. Go to sleep or head off to do some work.

Left to his own devices, this is pretty much how a man would do it starting with about his second or third sexual encounter and continuing until his last sexual encounter.

This is precisely why so many women are uninspired by their man and dissatisfied with his performance as a lover.

Now, let's look at a woman's approach to making love. A woman's approach is very NON-linear. It's NON-sequential. It's iterative. It's a blend of direct and indirect. It's a looping process that repeatedly brushes through many different components such as:

A) Sexuality
B) Loving connection
C) Conversation
D) Shared activity
E) Physical touch
F) Emotional touch
G) Foreplay
H) etc.

And, somewhere in this looping process all of the same things happen that happens in a man's linear model.

The difference from a woman's point of view is that the contrasting stimulation spread out over time and the tease of moving away and then coming closer and the difference between the physical and the emotional and silence complimenting the conversation all merge together to create an inspiring, fulfilling, satisfying form of intimacy that REALLY WORKS for a woman.

And so, the man who wishes to be a better lover need only broaden his perspective of making love and embrace more of an iterative, looping approach that so inspires and satisfies a woman.

Ok, consider that I've pointed this out to you, you recognize that this is true. You can look back at examples in your personal history with your woman and recognize the pattern I've described in your woman's behavior, can you not? And amazingly, it didn't ever "click" until you just now read this, right?

And I'm wondering just how many other "secrets" like this one that you haven't recognized or become aware of yet – and I'm sharing them with men from all over the world. I'm also wondering, do you recognize opportunities for getting more of what you want when they confront right now?

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]