A Peculiar Way Husbands Sabotage Their Chances of Intimacy...

It's a peculiar phenomenon… Any husband can tell you that men and women are different – they think different, they have different ways of reaching the same end, and they march to the beat of different drums.

And yet, even though men know this, their behavior and actions imply that women are just like them – that women have the same approach, the same take, the same perspective, the same processes as they do…

But they don't! Women do NOT have the same approach, the same take, the same perspective, the same processes that men do.

So, let's look at some examples where men frequently act as if women are just like them…

Here's one… As a general rule, a wife (assuming she's reasonably attractive) can expose her nude body to her husband and in a matter of a few seconds, her husband will be ready for sexual intercourse. Oddly enough, the way many men go about lovemaking it's the same as if they believed they could expose their nude body to their wife and she should be ready for sexual intercourse within a few seconds.

Technically, men understand this difference and yet, when they get into the bedroom with their wife, their actions belie IGNORANCE in the ways of female sexuality.

Here's another… When a group of guys are together in a "locker room" type setting, they have a certain way they talk amongst themselves. Generally, there are plenty of dirty jokes flying around. Usually, penis size put-downs are being bantered back and forth. Often, there's plenty of talk about "using" a woman sexually, etc. Bizarrely, there are men who come on to their wife in the same way they banter, brag, and bash with their guy friends – although it's usually somewhat scaled down and softened.

These kinds of guys usually feel genuine affection for their wife and they're always hurt when their wife doesn't respond in the way they want her to – and they wonder what's wrong…

Here's yet another… Men can have a perfectly wonderful day accomplishing and achieving whatever it is that they are doing, completely happy, and it doesn't bother them in the least if their wife doesn't say a word to them all day. They can then crawl into bed with their wife at night and accept her sexual advances as if it's the perfectly natural and appropriate thing to do.

But then, they'll turn around and swear that they are married to the world's most non-sexual woman because she doesn't respond to him after he's ignored her the entire day.

I could give plenty more examples but you get the idea; men know women are different but they frequently act and behave as if they are the same – AND THEY GET LOUSY RESULTS in their relationship with their wife.

Now, I'm going to reveal a MAJOR SECRET to you…

This tendency you have of PROJECTING – of acting and behaving as if others are just like you – well, guess what? Your wife has the same tendency too. Let me say it this way…

For the most part, your wife behaves and acts TOWARDS you the way she wants to be treated BY you.

What this means is that all you have to do to start enjoying more intimacy and more sex with your wife is start paying attention to how she is NATURALLY acting and behaving towards you and then start PROJECTING that same type of action and behavior back to her – in a manly way of course. This will cause her to feel a closer connection with you which you can then parlay into a sexual connection.

In other words, your wife is plainly showing you how to seduce her if you'll just pay attention and leverage her "lead".

Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.

The 2 Kinds of Husbands Whose Wife Withholds Sex From Them...

Relative to having a sexual relationship, there is a certain dynamic that men absolutely must understand and it is this:

"A woman's interest in sex and desire for sex (or the lack thereof) with a given man is a REACTION to that man."

More than a few young guys have been surprised to discover an attractive young lady they knew – say from school or the neighborhood – a young lady they fully believed to be non-sexual – until they encountered her in a certain environment – say a concert or a new guy showing up at a party – and they were totally blown away by her blatant, promiscuous sexual behavior.

It was usually at this point that these fellows became aware of the fact that when you get a female in close proximity with a certain kind of male she WILL REACT with incredible sexual energy.

Further, it was usually at this point that these fellows realized that unlike the other fellow, they HAD NOT triggered a sexual response in the female – which caused them to realize they needed to make some changes so that they COULD trigger a sexual response in a female.

Let's go deeper…

In general, there are three different ways a woman will REACT to a man; two of them are NON-sexually and one of them is EXTREMELY sexually. Here, I want to talk about the two NON-sexual ways…

The first way husbands initiate a NON-sexual reaction in their wife is by placing her at the bottom of their "totem pole" of life. In this scenario, the only interest the man has in his wife is sexually. Other than that, his time and interests are primarily focused on his career, his hobbies, and/or his friends. Consequently, he has little time for his wife or family as he consistently pushes them to a "back burner"

Although the wife of this kind of husband may remain sexual for a period of time, her receptiveness to his sexual advances will continue dwindling until eventually she is REPULSED by the idea of having sex with her husband.

Usually, the types of husbands that fall into this situation are the dominant and influencer types.

The dominant type is the husband who is motivated by solving problems, who likes challenges, who likes the big picture, who doesn't mind taking risks, the kind of fellow who is results oriented and time/task oriented – the kind of man that's usually referred to as a type-A.

The influencer type – sometimes called the expressive type – is the husband who is motivated and energized by being around people. He's usually quite outgoing, animated, and persuasive. He has a strong need for people interactions – and the more the merrier.

(If this first scenario sounds like you, then I highly recommend http://www.nymphomaniacwife.com/)

The second way husbands initiate a NON-sexual reaction in their wife is essentially an inversion of the first scenario…the husband ALLOWS the wife relegate him into a lower-level support/servant role…he ALLOWS his wife to place him at the bottom of her "totem pole" of life.
Usually, this kind of husband suppresses his feelings, wants, interests, and desires which means he subjugates himself to his wife and he thereby trains her to place a low priority on him and to develop higher priorities in other areas of her life such as her job, hobbies, or friends.

This is the kind of husband that takes on the majority of the family responsibilities as he works a job by day and takes care of the home by night (or vice versa). Not only is he working a full time job, he's also a full time "Mr. Mom", plus he get's to be "Mr. Handyman" for all of the odd jobs his wife throws at him. He does his best to make sure he's always doing the things his wife likes and not the things she doesn't like. And, by his servitude and passiveness, he trains her to control him, to look down upon him, and to belittle him.

As this happens, the wife loses all respect for her husband, and unfortunately, she is wired in such a way that she cannot be sexually attracted to a husband she does not respect.

Soon enough, no matter what the husband does or how much he does, at best it's expected and unappreciated and at worst, it's wrong and he gets a verbal lashing or some similar "treatment".

Sadly, this kind of husband continues to think and operate along the lines of, "I just want my wife and kids to be happy and my own happiness doesn't matter" – he continues to deny himself and give to everyone else – and yet he's extremely unhappy about the fact that he gets no appreciation, respect, affection, or sex in return.

Usually, the types of husbands that fall into this situation are the steady and conscientious types.

The husband who is the steady type is motivated by helping others, maintaining status quo, and maintaining predictability. This type of husband likes a life that's full of repetitive tasks and patterns. This kind of husband usually exhibits extreme amounts of patience. He's the good 'ol boy that gets along with everyone and doesn't like any kind of confrontation or conflict.

The husband who is the conscientious type is motivated by following procedures and by finding better ways of doing things. He loves to analyze things. This type likes lots of details and always wants more facts before he can make decision. And, he's eternally afraid that he'll make a mistake or that he'll do something that will make him look stupid or inept. Because of this, he hates any type of risk and doesn't like change unless it's within his area of expertise.

(If this second scenario sounds like you, then I highly recommend http://www.moresexformen.com/)

Now, here's what I want you to realize…all of these different types of men have certain kinds of strengths and skills that make them very valuable and important. HOWEVER, it is CRITICAL that a man maintain BALANCE because his strength OVER-EXTENDED becomes his greatest WEAKNESS!

Go back and read the previous paragraph again and think about what that means in your marriage…I think you'll find it enlightening.

Now, let me wrap up by reminding you of this relationship dynamic:

"A woman's interest in sex and desire for sex (or the lack thereof) with a given man is a REACTION to that man."

You may not like this dynamic and it may not seem fair or right to you.

For sure, more than a few men have angrily blurted out, "So you're telling me my wife's lack of interest in sex is mostly my fault?"

Well, God is the one who created women to be the way they are…and the feminists hate this…and all the men who are doing without sex hate this…and there's no value or benefit in arguing with facts or denying truths or trying to get something to work contrary to its nature…

Look around at the men who are generating a sexual reaction in women…you can see them at work, on TV, at the store, everywhere. And then, look around at those men who are NOT generating a sexual response in women…they're everywhere too.

Sometimes men will try to explain, "You don't understand, I'm married to a woman who just isn't very sexual and there have even been therapists who said so!"

Regardless of what anyone has said, it's safe to assume that your wife is a "normal" woman which means she is an extremely sexual being. So, if your wife is reacting in a NON-sexual way, then that LETS YOU KNOW that YOU are generating a NON-sexual reaction in your wife towards yourself.

Like it or not, when a husband fully comprehends and accepts this dynamic, he will have taken a giant step towards becoming one of those men who enjoys high-frequency sex.

Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.

Husband, How To Kiss Your Wife In A Way That Gets You Some...

This article is only for those husbands who want to know how to kiss their wife in a way that gets her sexual juices flowing. And, if getting your wife's sexual juices flowing is something that appeals to you, then you need to know how to give your wife a SEXUAL KISS.

Let's begin...

We usually learn about the power, the magic, the effect of a kiss as children. It's likely that there was a time when "Mommy" kissed your "owweeee" or your "boo-boo" and there was just something about that kiss that took all the pain away and made everything better.

But beyond this, kissing was probably something that was more or less "gross" until one day...a day you're unlikely to ever forget...a day that brought excitement to you like you'd never experienced before...that girl you had such a crush on...you finally finagled everything around to where you could kiss her...and you kissed her...

The result was something that was so powerful to you that you could hardly explain it. All you knew was that it was something you replayed in your mind again and again and every time it was just as exciting as when you actually gave that girl the physical kiss.

So, as you think about that, you can begin to realize that a kiss can be way more than your lips physically touching some other person's body. Your kiss can be something that's so "charged" that when you deliver it to your wife it – when your kiss is just right, it causes her to:

• Become aware of exciting possibilities that she wasn't thinking of before
• Access that erotic part of her being
• Notice exciting sensations that she wasn't feeling before
• Create thoughts of romance and lovemaking
• Anticipate feelings of pleasure, fulfillment, and satisfaction all derived from intimacy

All this can happen when you touch your lips on your wife in a certain way.

Now, plenty of wives complain that their husband's doesn't know how to kiss. When asked to describe their husband's kiss, they say things like:

• He's like kissing a frog.
• It's like my Dad kissing me.
• He's like a puppy dog lapping his tongue all over my face.
• There's nothing in his kisses, they're lifeless – there's no feeling to them.
• He just "pecks" me and then he's moving on – it's so fast there's no time to enjoy the kiss.

Obviously, these kinds of kisses are NOT going to get a woman sexually excited. So, let's talk about a kiss that will...

First, realize that your objective is to kiss your wife in a way that causes her to feel a deep connection with YOU and the more intensely you're able to stimulate that connection she feels with you, the more you'll transport her into a world of pleasure where the only way SHE can reach closure is by engaging in the physical act of sex – WITH YOU!

As you keep this objective in mind, remember that it takes time to stimulate this connection with your wife so just drop yourself down into SLOW MOTION!

Second, understand that you must TOUCH your wife with your EYES before you ever touch her with your lips. Your eyes are a tool that you can use to stimulate the intensity of the connection your wife feels with you – and as such, you should ALWAYS use it.

I can't emphasize how incredibly important and powerful this second step is. Your prolonged, LOVING, eye contact with your wife BYPASSES her conditioning and programming and TOUCHES her at a deep primal, instinctual level that triggers sexual response inside of her.

Part of the reason this happens is because it requires strength and confidence for a man to be able to look deep into someone else's eyes and MAINTAIN that deep eye contact. As such, strong, loving eye contact SUBCONSCIOUSLY communicates DIRECTLY to a woman's mind that you are in fact an attractive man who is worthy of her desire.

In contrast, a man who drops his gaze, who subverts his eyes, who cannot maintain eye contact communicates that he is weak – maybe even untrustworthy – and definitely not fit to be a mating partner.

So, think of it like this...your eyes are the first thing you use to INITIATE intimacy in your wife's mind so that she feels the desire to INITIATE intimacy with you physically.

Third, WHILE you are TOUCHING your wife with your EYES, amplify the connection your wife feels with you even further by slightly tensing your hands and fingers so that they will feel firm and strong to the touch and then you TOUCH her GENTLY and LIGHTLY with your FINGERTIPS.

You can put your finger tips on her shoulders – as if you were stabilizing her. You can drape the palm of her hands across your fingertips. You can place your fingertips on the OUTSIDE of her elbows. Or, perhaps best of all, you can cup her face in your fingertips.

Fourth, while TOUCHING your wife with your EYES and FINGERTIPS, now ramp up the connection your wife feels – so that she's starting to feel sparks – by TOUCHING her with your VOICE.

Say to her, "I'm going to kiss you – just because I WANT to kiss you...there's just something about you..." Be sure and let your voice trail off on that last part.

Fifth, shift the focus of your eyes to your wife's lips and begin to move your face SLOWLY towards hers – move just a couple of inches and then STOP – almost as if you were inspecting her lips. Then, relax and soften your own lips and continue moving closer until you're able to slowly, gently, and lightly nibble your wife's lower lip. Then pull back a few inches – as if you were doing another inspection – and just for a second or two – and then move back in and nibble her upper lip.

Now, up to this point, if your wife in any way tries to initiate a kiss of her own or tries to get into a more extensive kiss with you, gently but firmly push her face just out of reach of your lips with your hands and tell her, "Uh uh...I didn't tell you that you could kiss me yet!" and then re-engage in completing the above steps.

Or, if along the way she says something like, "What?" or "What are you doing?" or "What's going on?" then quietly whisper a "Shhh..." to her and continue moving through the steps.

Once you've completed the five steps above, then you're ready to set off fireworks inside your wife...

Sixth, after having nibbled your wife's upper lip in step five, pull your face back, look deep into your wife's eyes and say to her quite directly and emphatically, "You excite me!"

Next, let a sly smile ease onto your face and say to your wife in a slightly teasing way, "Now, YOU kiss ME – and you better make it good – because if you don't, I'm going to paddle your sexy little butt and make you start over!"

Then, using your fingertips, GENTLY pull her face towards yours so she knows she can now kiss you.

Now, if your wife takes off with an AWESOME kiss, then just let her lead – let her do her thing and follow her lead for a while.

If she gives you a brief kiss and then pulls back, then reach behind her with your hand, give her a light spat on the butt and tell her, "I didn't say you could quit. Get back up her and kiss me..." and gently pull her towards you (ABSOLUTELY NEVER USE FORCE) to reinitiate her kissing you.

Ok, at this point, I'm going to leave what happens next up to you and your wife. But, don't be surprised if your wife's face is slightly flushed with excitement. Don't be surprised if she's breathing differently. Don't be surprised if she drags you off to the bedroom right then and there. And if she does, don't be surprised if she reaches orgasm incredibly quickly and powerfully. And, don't be surprised when in the days ahead – maybe even the weeks ahead – she makes comments about and references to you having kissed her...

SPECIAL NOTE: The above process is based on an assumption that you and your wife have a reasonably harmonious relationship. If however, your wife is emotionally and/or sexually estranged from you, then that needs to be fixed before you try giving your wife this SEXUAL KISS.

Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.

If You Are Physically or Intimately Estranged From Your Wife, Read This...

I recently received the following in an email from a man seeking help in his marriage...

"Hi Calle,

Can you help me put my marriage back together? Here are the details of my situation:

• We've been married for 11 years but we have now been separated for about 4.5 months, living in separate houses about 30 minutes away from each other.
• We have two children, ages 4 and 6.
• No sex since our 4 year old son was conceived. The very last time we had sex was a few months after my son was born, so that would have been probably January or February of 2005. So nearly 4 years. However, on that one occasion, it was terribly physically painful for her even though she was “ready”... I assume because of recently having the baby, or being newly sewn up after some tearing during delivery. In any case, she actually cried so we stopped. The last time before that was when our son was conceived. So about 4 years and 11 months ago. That particular time was after a long time of neglect on her part, and she suddenly, basically attacked me. We didn’t even go get any birth control because it had been so long for me that was the last thing on my mind. And I guess for her, it was just too urgent to worry about that. Well, needless to say, my son was a direct result of that encounter.
• My wife suggested separate houses. And strangely she was the one who also suggested that we go on weekly dates. Still can’t really figure that one out.
• She tells me that she thinks about cheating on a daily basis. For example, we had just finished a date, where we played tennis. Then she asked me to go with her on an errand to Target. In the car on the way back I told her that I got a sense that she felt there was some sort of rush, so I asked her who or what was making her feel rushed, if anything. That’s when she told me that she had reached her sexual prime, and that she was basically constantly thinking about cheating on me.
• She tells me that if I ever touch her she cringes inside.
• She says she doesn’t know why she’s not sexually attracted to me anymore, like she used to be.
• She told me late last night that she has made up her mind to file for divorce in January. She originally told me she wanted a divorce last February, a few days after my birthday and two days after my last grandparent’s funeral. After about a month of doing all the wrong stuff (i.e. begging, pleading, etc.) she finally agreed to separation instead, to see if things could improve. So from February to July we lived in the same house and actually even slept in the same bed (even though I told her I’d be fine with sleeping on the couch) until we moved to a different state. At that time we moved into separate households, her to her Mom’s house, and me to my Mom’s house.
• Sometimes I get a response. There have been several times where she’s allowed some affectionate touch. For example, one night while we were talking about politics, she let me tickle her back, and then she let me run my fingers through her hair and sort of a light scalp massage. While I was running fingers through her hair, she was hip to hip with me, turned and looking right into my eyes while we talked, smiling the whole time. A far cry from what she told me last night, which was that any time I touch her, she cringes inside.
• She agreed to see a marriage and family counselor, only on the premise of helping us handle things with the kids better. The counseling quickly turned to focusing on the marriage, in an attempt to rebuild the marriage in hopes of reconciliation. We continued to see a marriage counselor upon arriving in the new state, but after only 6 sessions my wife said she no longer wanted to go to couples counseling.
• Long before moving to the new state, during a counseling session my wife suggested that we go on weekly dates once we arrived in the new state. Both the counselor and I were surprised by this, but obviously I agreed to that, and figured it was nothing but a positive thing. It had also come to our attention in counseling that she pursued me fully at the beginning of our relationship (kissed me first, asked me out on two dates before I asked her out, said "I love you" first, said she wanted to marry me first, had a date for marriage first even before I knew that I wanted to marry her, after marriage she decided when it was time for our first child, our second child was conceived after she basically attacked me after having neglected the sexual relationship for quite some time.)
• We still go on a weekly date whenever possible. However, she has been out of town a lot of weekends with her Mother and other friends living it up.
• I am currently only employed part-time, out of my industry. This is partly due to the fact that I had been at home raising my kids during the past two years, while my wife attended graduate school. I am a graphic designer, so I freelanced from home to make enough for us to get by. Then with the move to the new state, that took a huge toll on my freelance so I am now working nights just to make ends meet, while still trying to find a full-time design job and/or freelance projects. I tell you all of these details because I am wondering if you think it will be simply impossible for her to respect me until I find something full-time in graphic design. Or perhaps some other way to make the same money as I was making before, when my wife was at home full-time with the kids and I was working in a design studio. I am doing my best, but I often sense that this may be a deal breaker for her. The irony is that I was supporting the family by myself until I quit my job to move to another state for my wife to attend school. But I know her mind is not focused on that. Only that currently it has been very difficult for me to find work.
• I should mention that she had been sexually abused at around the age of 5 by her Mother’s live-in boyfriend.
• She had mentioned to my daughter that part of why she wanted the separation was to see if she would miss me. I don’t feel like because of our situation, she’s ever even had the chance to miss me. I think somehow she needs that. It also came out in counseling that she thrives on pursuing (like she pursued me during our courtship) even though right now she is retreating.
• She had told me that she is realizing that she is at her sexual peak (she is 31 yrs. old, so it’s typically known for women to peak around that age range.)
• She also has started drinking, which is against our religious beliefs, and which she hasn’t done since she was a teenager.
• She stopped wearing her ring from the time she said she wanted a divorce.
• She used to have only plain white panties, but last week I noticed that she has new colored, sexy panties. (Only from seeing them peek out the top of her pants.)
• Obviously all of these above things show that she is ready and willing to cheat.
• However, my confidence and true personality are back so strongly, that honestly I am not worried about my reaction or feelings if she chooses to cheat. I realize that the underlying reason she’d likely be doing that is as an attempt at achieving emotional intimacy. However, I am worried that she’d feel so guilty that even though I feel I could forgive her, I don’t think she could forgive herself. I think that guilt would keep her from any chance of reconciliation.
• By the way, my religious beliefs prevent me from dating anyone else during the separation (as the book suggests for the 30 day no-contact period.)
• it has come out in our counseling sessions that the times in our sex life when the sex was fantastic were all the times when she initiated it. Whenever I initiated sex, by and large it was not a positive experience for her. The counselors have said that this is basically because of the abuse that occurred in her childhood. Do I still try to initiate sex? Or do I wait for her to do so? I have concerns that if I initiate it, she will feel pressured, pursued and possibly even controlled. And if I don’t initiate it, I am pretty sure she probably never will. I would really appreciate some guidance on this.

Sincerely,
X"

Following is the response I sent back...

"Hi X,

If you don’t want to know what the most probable “truth” is, then STOP READING right now and immediately delete this email. Otherwise, here are just a few of the things my experience in helping a whole lot of men tells me...

1. It’s possible your case is an exception but in all the other cases I’ve encountered where the woman has been non-sexual for an extended period of time...then initiates a sudden, one-time, “we’ve got to have sex now” fling...and birth-control is avoided in one way or another...and then a couple of weeks later “pops” the news that she’s pregnant...well, the fact was, she was ALREADY pregnant – usually from having an extended affair – and she needed a quick “encounter” to hide that...and a DNA-test eventually proved that out.
2. Now, whether this is true or not, please don’t let this change or alter your feelings for the child because this boy desperately needs and wants your love regardless of who sired him. As far as the child is concerned, YOU are his Dad and he doesn’t want any other Dad.
3. But, as it pertains to you, you really need to be aware of the highly probably “truth”.
4. This also supports why your wife doesn’t have “feelings” for you like she used to.
5. The odd thing is, men have the reputation of being the sexual ones but in reality, experience has proven to me that many men will go sometimes for years without sex as they “hang” on to their so-called “marriage”. In contrast, very few women will go for an extended period of time without sex. She’ll either initiate a divorce quickly, or she’ll find another man outside of the marriage...play that hidden game for some period of time...and then begin the process of dissolving the marriage. Again, your case may be an exception but it is an EXTREMELY RARE woman who will go for nearly 5 years without sex. It’s my opinion that a big reason for this is that a man can “survive” on masturbation for an extended period of time whereas a woman needs more than masturbation can give her – and that’s why she sooner or later finds a sex-partner.
6. Women and cats can be two of the meanest, most devious creatures on God’s green earth...and your estranged “wife” IS playing you for the fool and having fun at your expense doing it. Your wife has no care for you. She has no feelings for you. Believe it or not, you are nothing more than fun and entertainment for her – at your expense:
   
   a. She keeps tabs on you for the perverted enjoyment of knowing that your life is miserable while she “lives it up”.
   b. She wants weekly dates just for the perverted fun of seeing that she can still control you.
   c. She strings you along (politics night) just so she can feel her perverted sense of power over you.
   d. She throws jabs at you such as "thinking about cheating" just for the perverted pleasure of watching you squirm in anguish.
   
7. Now, what WILL happen at some point is she’ll realize that you have zero masculinity, that there is no depth of degradation you’re unwilling to stoop to for her and the moment she realizes this is the moment she’ll cut you out of her life as completely and permanently as possible. When a woman reaches this point, she’d rather sleep with a NASTY DIAPER than the EMASCULATED man who used to be her husband.
8. You’ve LET your wife EMASCULATE you...a woman cannot remain attracted to a man that she controls and directs. From your statements, your wife has been controlling and directing you from the very beginning – which is why the sex disappeared long ago – which is why she most likely has been pursuing other men – or at the very least is ready to pursue them now.
9. There is NO pot of sexual gold at the end of the "self-subverting, self-sacrificing" rainbow. When you say things like, "honestly I am not worried about my reaction or feelings if she chooses to cheat" you're just proving that you're not man enough to stand up for yourself and what you want and that people can walk on you and trample you at will.

Ok, is there any hope for your marriage?

There's a lot of territory that could be covered here but I’ll GIVE you the following:

1. The process a woman (and a man for that matter) goes through to “fall out of love” is this:
   
   a. She mentally dismisses or minimizes all the good and pleasant memories and experiences she’s had with her husband.
   b. She mentally dwells upon and maximizes ALL the bad and unpleasant memories and experiences she’s had with her husband.
   c. She imagines a wonderful, happy future with ANOTHER man.
   d. She repeats steps A through C until she reaches a threshold where she’s totally disgusted by her husband
   e. Now, it’s merely a process of eliminating her husband from her life so that she can be “happy” with a new man.
   
2. I suggest that you seriously consider whether God is trying to give you a better wife. Pull out your Bible and read Ecclesiastes 7:26, “And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall ESCAPE from her”. Consider also Matthew 19:6, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” And that the inverse is also true, what God has let be put asunder, don’t try to rejoin. Related to that is 1 Corinthians 7:15, “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases”. Pray about this for yourself...it may be that you need to go through the “falling out of love” process for yourself.
3. But, if you’re bound and determined to try to reconcile, then here is your only hope:
   
   a. Do your best to REVERSE the “falling out of love process” in HER mind. Say things that cause her to remember when she first fell in love with you. Say and do things that help her imagine and re-experience those feelings. Say and do things that help her move into that “first love” state of mind. Every chance you get, describe in as much detail as you can – using as many of the senses as you can in describing – all the good and pleasant memories and experiences you’ve had together. Similarly, at the right time, you acknowledge the bad and unpleasant and then minimize it and counter-balance it with good. Basically, the process that’s going through YOUR head right now is the process that you want to attempt to get going in HER head.
   b. You’ve got to immediately become the most masculine man your wife knows. A mare NEVER controls or dominates a STALLION. Look at nature’s examples of male behavior in the animal kingdom. You’ll get the right ideas.
   c. By demonstration, your wife must immediately become aware that she CANNOT control or dominate you – that you are your own independent MAN.
   d. Your wife must see that good times and good experiences are enjoyed by those who YOU accept into your world and that you ONLY allow quality people within your world.

May God help and bless you and take you to your highest good.

Warmly,
Calle"

Mr. X then sent back this reply...

"Hi Calle,

Wow! This was eye opening! I really appreciate what you’ve told me here. I am not sure about my son really being my son, but I will be getting a DNA test as soon as possible. I’ll never tell him if he’s not mine, but I need to know. I’ll confront my wife if he’s not mine. And of course I’ll let you know the results as well.

I will take everything you’ve said to heart, and depending on the DNA results, try to do the steps for reconciliation. It may be too late, but I have to give it a shot. I appreciate your comments about the possibility of God giving me a better wife. I am totally open-minded to that as a real possibility. However, to have a clear conscience before God and my children, I need to exhaust all resources before calling it quits even though she has said she is done. Then if she goes through with divorce as she says, I will eventually be open to another wife who is less controlling, more kind and devoted, etc.

The process of falling out of love is EXACTLY as things have happened with us. She was diagnosed with clinical depression shortly after we were married, so I think that has played a factor in minimizing the positives and maximizing the negatives.

It all makes perfect sense to me now. And to think all along, I thought I was being such a good husband for being such a nice guy, and trying so hard to please her. I wish every newlywed man could read this.

I hope this info is not too late for me and my family. I sincerely appreciate your generosity and time! I will eventually buy all your books when I can afford it. For either this marriage or the next, if it comes to that.

Sincerely,
X"

Copyright 2008, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.