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My Wife Does Not Give Me Love, Respect, Or Sex. Why?

Recently, a man said the following to me:

"I am so frustrated!!! No matter what I do, my wife does not give me love, respect, or sex.

I constantly do nice things for my wife. For example:
  • I let her sleep in everyday
  • I clean house nonstop
  • I take care of the children (the roles between me and my wife are switched)
  • I tend to her hand and foot trying to make her feel like a queen
  • I try not to let her down in anyway
  • I tell her she's beautiful multiple times every day
  • I'm always complementing her on how intelligent she is
  • I don't get mad and call her names or say hurtful things
  • I support her a lot as well as helping pay the bills
  • I am currently going to college so I can start a new career and support her and the children better financially

The list can go on and on. I do all of these things and more -- all out of love and because I want to. I do it out of love and because I want to make her happy.

I've always had this strong belief that If you're with someone you should do your best to always keep them happy and I guess me doing everything she asks for is my way of trying to do just that -- to love and keep her happy -- and that is my true motive.

But, I figured since I do those nice things (because I want to) she should feel the same way -- as a 50/50 type of thing -- and that's what I DO NOT get from her .

You know, no one wants their efforts to go unnoticed and underappreciated. All I really want is the same love and respect FROM my wife that I GIVE her. The sex is just a bonus I crave -- LOL!

So hopefully, you can now see why I'm so frustrated. After a while it feels like I'm just being taken advantage of and taken for granted."

This sad story is one that I've heard enumerable times. And, it's understandable why husbands like this guy are so frustrated.

After all, it's only logical that when a husband is nice to his wife that she should be nice back to him, right?

Well, it may be "logical" but "logic" is NOT what drives a woman's heart or desires.

Let me tell you the cold, hard truth...a woman can only SURRENDER her heart and her desires...she can only GIVE her love, respect, and a real that she LOOKS UP TO AND ADMIRES.

And, there are a thousand and more ways that a man can think, behave, and operate such that he causes his wife to NOT look up to him or admire him.

Granted, the husband may do all kinds of nice things for his wife on one hand. But on the other, he's failing to operate in a way that causes his wife admire him.

Consider yourself. In each of the roles, facets, and aspects of who you are, do you operate in a way that inspires your wife to look up to you and admire you?

Is your mode of operation such that your wife can take you seriously? Can she take you as a man who is a serious contender in the game of life?

If someone were to privately ask your wife to name a few men that she considered to be REAL MEN, would your name be on her list?

By way of example, many a young husband has thought himself to be funny and entertaining and all the while, he was completely ignorant of the fact that he was turning his wife off towards himself. While he's doing all kinds of nice things for his wife and while he's being entertaining (he thinks), HE is creating a reaction and a response in his wife such that she will not give him love, respect, or sex back.

The kind of man that a woman can admire enough to give her heart and desire to him is one who is never silly or foolish. Sure, he knows how to have fun, be fun, and create fun and at the same time, he's grown-up enough...he's mature have important, serious, and meaningful things going on in his life. He's LEADING his wife somewhere meaningful and important...not leaving all the leading up to her while he sits back and plays the clown.

Now, this is just one example. Like I said, there are a thousand more examples that could be given of how men inadvertently turn their wife off.

There is good news however. When a wife isn't interested in giving her husband love, respect, or sex, it simply means that the husband needs to learn some important lessons about masculinity and manliness.

And, if he'll learn them pronto...before his wife gets tired of being turned off by him and finds another man...he can turn his wife's negative attitude towards him completely around so that his wife WANTS to share her love, respect, and sex with him.

A husband can get this learning here:

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



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"I Want My Wife To Want Me As Much As I Want Her! I Want That Closeness Back That We Used To Have."

Recently, a guy sent me the following:

"I have a question about my wife. What if the little things you do -- that are just you -- get on your wife's nerves -- even though you are supportive and caring and everything -- and you still manage to get on her nerves or make her angry --and that causes her to lash out and start calling you names and belittling you -- you know, the hurtful things that make you feel unwanted or not good enough?

What should I do then because I really love my wife and I just want her to want me?

By that, I mean I feel as If I need her to actually (want want) me and get the same look in her eyes as she did when we first met -- the look that gave me confidence and the look that made me feel like a movie star in her eyes. That's what I am (craving) from her.

I do a lot of things to take care of her -- I rub her feet, I want to spend time with her, if she tells me to do something for her I do it.

I LOVE her you know. I am always there for her emotionally but she never opens up to me.
I don't know what to do because if I think these things she tells me, "There you go again...making something out of nothing..."

But, I just can't help the way I feelings have never let me down before why should they now.

I don't get that hot spark -- that lustful passion and longing in her eyes -- like I could do no wrong and have her actually believe it like she used to.

The thing is I need that back in order to feel like I can keep doing the things I'm doing for her out of love now. I do it all because I want to.

I just want her to feel the same way -- I want her to want me because she wants to -- not because she's obligated or that I mention it so she has know?

I need my efforts to be worth something -- worth it period.

How do I make her see what she is doing without making it look like I'm complaining about her and how do I get her to want me like she did in the beginning like no other man could do what I can whatsoever?

That's the way I see her -- like no other could do -- and the passion in my eyes are always on her. But, she doesn't see it and when she gets a glimpse of it, she says I'm just a pervert.

I don't know what to do! I just want that closeness back-- emotional closeness and physical. I want her to want me as much as I want only her -- and want to be with her.

Any answers?"

Can't you just feel the cry of this guy's heart as you read his story?

Maybe, the cry of your heart...maybe your very similar, yes?

Ok, to get us pointed towards some answers, let's first simplify this guy's story down to his basic questions:
  1. How do I get my wife to want me like I want her?
  2. How do I get that closeness with my wife back that we used to have?

Second, let's list out some things we know about this guy from his story:

  1. His wife makes him feel unwanted and not good enough.
  2. He wants his wife to give him confidence.
  3. He wants his wife to make him feel like a movie star.
  4. He wants his wife to show lustful passion and longing in her eyes towards him.
  5. He wants his wife to think he could do no wrong.
  6. He wants to make his wife see things his way and do things his way.
  7. He needs his wife to let him know his efforts are worth something.
  8. He needs his wife to think that he's a man who is superior to all other men...and he needs a strong assurance from her that this is how she REALLY and TRULY thinks.

Third, let's list out three words this guy uses again and again:

  1. Make
  2. Want
  3. Need

Are you starting to understand why this guy's wife is moving away from him?

Are you starting to understand why this guy's wife has lost her attraction for him...why the spark and the longing are gone?

Are you starting to understand why this guy's wife is irritated at him and angry with him?

Just to make sure you are, let's start back at the top...

First, we could accurately recast this guy's questions as, "How do I get my wife to be infatuated with me again so that I can feel good about myself?"

Consider this...what does it tell you when a guy wants his wife to think that he can "do no wrong" and he wants her to "actually believe it like she used to"?

Moreover, what does it tell you about this guy when, "if she tells me to do something for her I do it."

Well, I can tell you what it tells his tells her that her husband hasn't matured into manhood...that state of maleness that's characterized by manliness, masculinity, maturity, independence, confidence, directness, autonomy, personal responsibility, and leadership.

It tells her that her husband still has the mindset of a teenage adolescent who's incapable of giving a WOMAN what she wants from her MAN.

Second, as we look at what we know about this guy we can see that in relation to his wife, he is characterized by lack of confidence, insecurity, neediness, weakness, and fearfulness.

These are NOT traits that a woman is drawn and attracted to!

Third, as we look at this guy's "hot-words", we can see the underlying need to force and control his wife by his frequent use of the word "make".

A man who is attractive doesn't try to MAKE anyone do anything. Moreover, he doesn't even want to MAKE someone do something. Rather, he DOES things that CAUSE other people to WANT to do mutually enjoyable things with him.

Undoubtedly, by the way this guy uses the word "want" his mode of operation is one of constantly trying to GET his wife to GIVE him what he wants...and he's using the worn-out strategy that women find disgusting, sickening, and repulsive...the strategy of "I'm going to be super-nice to you and do all kinds of good and nice things for that you'll give me what I want from you."

Just in case you didn't catch it...when a guy has an ulterior motive behind everything he does, it is NOT attractive to a woman!

And, from this guy's use of the word "need", we can tell that he has a seriously EXTERNAL that needs other people to like him, approve of him, and pedestal him so that he can feel good about that he can be ok. He's needy and women move AWAY from needy "projects" FAST!

Now, lets come at this from a different angle...imagine for a moment that this man's story was his profile on a dating site. How do you think women would respond to this man's profile?

Well, just in case you aren't sure, I can tell you that this kind of guy turns a woman off at her very core. This kind of man disgusts and repulses a woman at the very depth of her being. That's why this guy's wife is responding and reacting to him the way she is.

Now, this doesn't mean this guy is a bad just means that he needs to learn some important lessons about himself and his wife. And, when this guy learns these lessons, his wife will then have the kind of response and reaction towards him that he's wanting her to have.

These lessons can be obtained here: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



NOTICE: This is a deprecated (old, not-used, not-updated, not-serviced) blog that's here only for old links sake. Please visit our new blog or our sitemap

My Wife Has No Desire For Sex. Help!

Husband, what about your sex-life (or, as some guys say, "lack of sex life")?

Does your wife seemingly have little to no desire for sex? Consider this man's note:

"Help! For several years now, my wife has had virtually no desire for sex. At the beginning, things were great in the sex department but now, any sex we have is like she's doing me a favor. And honestly, I've just about reached the point where I'm done with her. If she'd just be more sexual, I'd be happy with her because outside of sex, she's a great woman. But, I'm just not the kind of guy who can go without sex for weeks or months at a time. Is there any hope for a man in my situation or should I just bring what could have been a really great marriage to an end?"

Now, I know for a fact that this man's sexless plight is not an isolated case...that in fact, there are a LOT of men in the same situation. So, let's consider this interesting question...

What does it take for a wife to desire sex with her husband?

Well, there are a whole litany of factors that impact a woman's desire for sex. Let's explore four of them:

1. How a wife feels about sex is largely dependent upon how her husband feels about her outside the realm of sex. Any time you find a husband whose only interest in his wife is sexual, you WILL find a wife who is NON-sexual -- or one who soon will be.

So, if a man wants his wife to have a greater interest in sex, then the first thing HE should do is start having a greater interest in his wife as a person. Of course, his interest must be genuine and sincere.

2. In order for a wife to feel sexual desire, she must first GENERATE fun, exciting, positive, and sexy thoughts in her mind so that she INVOKES sexual anticipation within herself.
But, do you know, there are a lot of important and pressing responsibilities and matters that crowd into a wife's mind...responsibilities and matters that crowd out all her fun, exciting, positive, and sexy thoughts.

So, the second thing a man must do if he wants his wife to desire sex more is help her in strategic ways so that she has the time, space, motivation, and energy to generate the kinds of thoughts that invoke sexual desire. This can mean all kinds of things from helping out around the house and with the kids to taking your wife to inspiring places that help her access her intimate side.

Now, as obvious and common-sense as this may seem, there is a world-full of husbands who are busy doing their own independent thing and who are leaving all the home / family / children responsibilities up to their wife which means she's GENERATING sad, boring, negative, and NON-sexual thoughts in her mind so that she INVOKES a complete loss of sexual desire within herself.

Let me put this another takes two to have great takes two to have a great takes two to handle the responsibilities of a home / family / children and men who have a great sex life ALWAYS remember that.

3. In order for a wife to feel sexual desire, she must have a husband who is a MAN! This is where many men blow it. Sure, they are man enough outside of their home / marriage but as soon as they walk through the front door of their house, they turn into a soft, passive, apologetic, push-over that their wife bosses around, uses, and abuses...and their wife feels no desire for them.

These are the kind of men who provide for their family AND do EVERYTHING for their wife / home / children. And, while they are doing EVERYTHING, their wife sits around bored, unhappy, and non-sexual.

A MAN contributes to the marriage "team" that he's a part of and he demands that his wife contribute too. He makes sure everyone on the "team" is putting forth concerted effort to make the marriage the best that it can be -- starting with himself.

A MAN is open and positive about sex. He mingles fun, flirty, sexy talk into his chats and conversations with his wife. Sometimes, he even describes to his wife a deeply connected and highly sexual encounter he plans to have with her in the future so that she has something to anticipate. Of course, a MAN is balanced...his conversations with his wife have plenty of meaningful substance to them that's well outside the realm of sexuality. Without the substance, a wife will come to think of her husband as shallow and sexually-needy and be turned-off by him.

A MAN is direct about what he wants from his wife sexually. There are plenty of men who are unhappy with their wife and their intimate life and yet, they've NEVER told their wife what it is that they want from her. So, a MAN tells his wife what he wants and helps her find a way to give that to him in a way that works for her too.

Think about many times have you wanted to have a fun and sexual evening with your wife? Now, contrast that with this many times you've asked your wife to sit down with you and plan out a fun and sexual evening -- one that both of you can enjoy?

4. Many a wife has lost her desire for sex simply because of too much frustration and not enough fulfillment in the realm of sex. Certainly, their husband is capable of satisfying them but he hasn't put enough planning, variety, or time into lovemaking to satisfy his wife. So, the fourth thing a man must do if he wants to ramp up his wife's interest in sex is put more planning, variety, and time into making love.

Too many times, husbands initiate sex with their wife and 10 - 15 minutes later, they are done. Well, in 10 - 15 minutes, a wife hasn't even had enough time to clear her mind let alone get into having sex. In 10 - 15 minutes, neither the man or the wife has had time to really connect emotionally. 10 - 15 minutes is NOT enough time to do something different than what you did all the other times before...which means you did the same thing you did the last time you made love with your wife...which means you are're a lousy lover...and your wife will soon enough start AVOIDING sex with you. The point is, walking into your bedroom, jumping in bed, engaging in sex, and cleaning up 10 - 15 minutes later is nothing more than a nuisance, irritation, and frustration to your wife.

For most men, if they did nothing more than just give their wife enough time to get out of her negative thoughts and feelings and time to associate into positive, sexual thoughts and pleasurable feelings they'd instantly become better lovers.

Now, drawing from the four points made above, here are two simple ideas that a man can implement within his own marriage:

* Plan out a day that's entirely focused on you "spoiling" your wife. For an entire day, wait on your wife and serve her in ways that she enjoys and appreciates. If she likes breakfast, serve her breakfast in bed. For dinner, grill her up a nice steak. During the day, take her to a nice art exhibition and then take her shopping. Most importantly, make sure you tell her at least a week in advance what you're going to do for her so that she has a week to enjoy the pleasure of anticipation.

* Plan out in detail an evening of fun and sex...something that's definitely NON-routine...for you and your wife and "treat" your wife to that evening. Then, ask her to do the same and "treat" you to a evening of fun and sex that is a creation of her amazing mind.

Next, go here: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]



NOTICE: This is a deprecated (old, not-used, not-updated, not-serviced) blog that's here only for old links sake. Please visit our new blog or our sitemap

Your Wife Has No Desire For Sex? You Better Read This

Recently, a man asked me the following question:

"Calle, can you tell me what's going on? My wife and I have been married for 15 years and after the first year, the sex started becoming less and less frequent. My wife simply wasn't in the mood for it...she didn't feel like having sex...she had a "headache"...she was "tired" or whatever.

Now, if we make love once a month it's a miracle and even then, she's clearly and obviously just "giving it" to me so I'll shut up and go away. It doesn't seem to matter what I say or do, my wife just doesn't seem to have any interest in sex. And, that's how it's been for years. That's not how it was before we married and during the first year, but after that, it's like her desire for sex just completely disappeared.

And now...the latest thing I have discovered is that my wife seems to be having an affair. Of course, she is denying it but I'm seeing too many indications...too many red flags...and the last time we made love it was definitely like she had been in bed with another guy and since then, she has been even more distant and has shunned my approaches even more strongly than she has in the past.

So, my question is, how can a woman who has had no desire for sex all these years...who has avoided intimacy with me go have an affair with another man? That just doesn't make any sense to me...I don't get that!"

That's a good question don't you think? How can a woman who seemingly doesn't like or want sex go engage in sex with another man? Well, let's explore what's really going on by asking another question...

What kind of man does your wife want?

The answer to that question is my famous line, "A woman wants a man that she can have a positive and sexual reaction to." A woman wants a man who understands and meets her needs. And, she wants a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, and sexy.

And, when the man who asked the question above didn't provide those things to his wife, she began to move away from him...she began to stop wanting sex with HIM.

BIG, BIG, distinction here...she didn't stop wanting sex...she stopped wanting sex with HIM. She stopped wanting sex with a man who wasn't turning her on sexually.

Now, the issue was not that this man was incapable of turning his wife on sexually. The issue was that he had not yet learned how to do that.

As a comparison, imagine that right after this man married his wife she started growing uglier and uglier until she eventually became this horribly grotesque woman. If this had happened, the man would have stopped wanting sex with his wife, right? Well, for a man, it primarily has to do with physical looks. For a wife, it primarily has to do with the feelings that the man she's with creates inside of her...and this man just needed to learn how to create the right feelings inside of her.

Your wife wanted sex in the past. She wants sex NOW. She wants sex in the future. So, if your wife doesn't want sex with you, then she wants it with someone else. If your wife does not want sex with you, I suggest you use that as motivation to become the kind of man that your wife wants before she goes and finds someone else.

Now, I want to raise a related point...

I was helping a different man recently who also found himself in an almost identical situation...he and his wife had been married for 18 years, wife had resisted and rejected sex for years...and then he discovered that his wife was having an affair, etc. Anyway, as I began talking with this man, one of the things he kept saying over and over was...

"Overall, I have been a very good husband and father!"

I'm sure you've heard other men say this about themselves, right? And in fact, you may have even said or thought this about yourself too.

But, let's ask ourselves, what does that really mean to say you are a good husband and father? Well, when you boil it all down, for most men it means three things:

1. They are a decent provider.
2. They aren't an alcoholic or drug-addict.
3. They aren't physically abusive.

Now, here's what men must wake up and realize...none of those three things mean a man has satisfied, excited, or generated a positive and sexual reaction in his wife towards him. None of these three things mean a wife really respects or admires or is attracted to her husband.

In fact, all too often "I've been a good husband" really just means a man has been a soft, passive, be nice, put up with a lot of nonsense and misbehavior kind of guy...and that's NOT the kind of man a woman will have a positive and sexual reaction to. So, let me say it again...

A woman wants a man who understands and meets her needs. And, she wants a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, and sexy. For the sake of your marriage and any children you may have, I strongly encourage you to become this kind of man by going here: I Want A Happy, Sexual Marriage

Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro,

Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if the following is included with it:

[ Article by Calle Zorro, ]