Are you a husband who wishes your wife was more affectionate and more intimate with you?
Are you a husband who is tired of plain, boring, uninspiring, unenthusiastic sex with your wife?
Do you wish there was more real enthusiasm, feeling, passion, excitement, and closeness when you and your wife make love?
As you think about wanting a better kind of marriage relationship with your wife, consider the following…
As a wife observes and interacts with her husband, she is ALWAYS asking herself two questions:
1. Can I trust him?
2. Is he attractive?
Of course, these questions are mostly at a subconscious level…but the answers are readily manifested in a woman by the feelings she has towards her husband. And more specifically, by the degree of closeness, affection, intimacy, and passion she exhibits towards her husband.
As a wife watches the way her husband operates…as she watches how he interacts with her…as she watches how he interacts with any children they have…as she listens to what he says…or doesn’t say…as she watches the choices and decisions he makes…as she watches the directions in life that he takes…as she watches the people in his life and gauges their quality and caliber…and particularly who is coming in and who is going out of his life and their life…as she watches dozens of patterns, attitudes, and behaviors that all reveal what kind of man she is with, she develops a FEELING of whether she can trust her husband.
As a wife looks at her husband’s level of manliness and masculinity…as she looks at his level of strength and courage…as she looks at his level of lovingness, consideration, and empathy…as she looks at his achievements and accomplishments…as she looks at his abilities…as she looks at his growth and development…as she looks at his abilities and results in the areas of their relationship, their children and family, money, health, and spirituality…as she looks at dozens of features and characteristics in her husband that are manifested in all kinds of ways on a daily basis, she develops a FEELING of whether her husband is attractive and sexually desirable or not.
And, LOGIC will not ever change how a wife feels in relation to her husband. The only thing that will change her is when the husband learns how to change the FEELINGS that he is generating within her towards himself and towards herself.
As a husband, have you ever told your wife your wife in some way that things need to step up in the sex department?
Most husbands have…and NONE of them got any results that lasted…and in most cases, the situation got even worse.
Why is this?
It’s because the husband is interacting with his wife on a logical level.
Everyday this plays out…a husband wants more sex…and the real kicker is that HIS WIFE WANTS MORE SEX TOO…but he is on a logical level and his wife is on an emotional level…and neither of them know how to come together onto the same level.
And, the problem is that the wife simply cannot get to the sexual place her husband wants her to be at…and that she WANTS to be at…because her passion, her desire, and her body respond to the feelings she has about her husband. She goes by her feelings…no matter how right or wrong…no matter how correct or incorrect…no matter how accurate or misguided they are.
A wife is like a deer…a deer pays very little attention to what it sees…it goes by what it smells. A deer doesn’t trust its eyesight but it implicitly trusts its sense of smell. It’s the same with a woman. She doesn’t trust logic, explanation, analysis, or argument — ALL OF WHICH IS WHAT THE TYPICAL HUSBAND IS SPEWING AT HIS WIFE ON AN ONGOING BASIS — all of which only makes the woman FEEL even worse in relation to her husband.
And to her husband’s sexual detriment, she trusts, responds to, and goes by her feelings…even if they aren’t the feelings that she wants.
The point is, unless and until a husband learns how to generate good feelings within his wife towards him and towards herself, he will continue to experience lovemaking sessions that are dispiriting…he will continue to have a wife who has low sexual desire FOR HIM…and that is evidenced by his wife’s lack of interest, passion, and desire before, during, and after sex.
Perhaps you know how unsatisfying, ungratifying, and disheartening this kind of sex is. If so, you should know that you CAN learn how to create the kind of sexual encounters that you DO want to have with your wife. Those men who enjoy a high-quality, high-frequency sex-life learned how to do it and so can you.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro
Uhmm. What do you think the man is doing? Watching how she runs a home, watching how she feeds her face, watching how she walks by mess after mess, he watches the food spoil in the fridge, the garbage pile up, the grass grow, the snow fall, the trashy novels being read, time spent doing nothing…..You’re saying this is because she has decided the answer to the two questions asked is NO, only she can decide to change the answer.
This article is complete BS.
The response that “Male” has given is the the same response that most guys in a situation like what “Male” has described give.
Guys like “Male” primarily see two things:
1. That their wife is “broken”.
2. All they are doing for their wife that she SHOULD be responding positively to.
And, these kind of guys “see” these two things so strongly that they are completely BLIND to how they personally are “broken” and how they personally are turning off their wife.
In fact, you can see this if you go back up and read my article and notice where my attention and energy is directed … and then notice where “Male’s” attention and energy is directed in his response.
Now, I am NOT here to be a man-basher. I AM a man myself and my heart goes out to men who are suffering in a miserable marriage relationship with a non-affectionate, non-intimate woman … just as my heart goes out to women who are suffering in a miserable marriage relationship with an uncaring, self-focused, non-loving husband.
Moreover, I am NOT suggesting that everything is always a mans fault and that nothing is ever the woman’s fault because we all know that it takes two people relating in a certain way to create a certain kind of relationship.
But, what I AM saying is that if I or any man who has studied and implemented my materials was married to “Male’s” wife, she would NOT be living, behaving, or operating in the way he describes his wife to be.
How do I know this?
It’s because men like myself have developed and expanded our awareness. We have developed and expanded our understanding of how a woman thinks, behaves, reacts, and operates to the point we usually understand a woman better than she understands herself. We usually know exactly what she is going to do before she ever does it.
(And, before somebody starts thinking that now I am bashing or belittling women, men are just as “readable” to a woman who has developed herself on the subject of men.)
Furthermore, we have developed and expanded our awareness of our own self. We have developed ourselves into our best self so that we get the best results in every area of our lives. We have developed ourselves such that we ARE the kind of man that EVERY woman WANTS to be with … the kind of man that a woman finds highly valuable and desirable.
As such a man, we inspire and motivate a woman such that she WANTS to be her best and to share her best.
But, if we were to get the opportunity to ask “Male’s” wife if “Male” inspired her or motivated her, I PROMISE you she would emphatically let us know that he did not.
So the bottom line is that before “Male” can ever have the kind of wife he wants, HE is going to have to make some major improvements in himself. Only then, will his wife have the motivation to respond by making her own improvements.
I just hope the “Male” comes to understand this before his wife leaves him for another man that she finds to be more inspiring and motivational.
One more thing…
For those who are not convinced that “Male” is the primary problem, the fact is that “Male” COULD go find himself ANOTHER woman … and within a few years (if not sooner), he would have the EXACT SAME situation on his hands.
Why is this true?
It’s because “Male” has a certain mode of operation that in time will infallibly create a certain kind of reaction in a woman. Yes, the specific details and circumstances will be different, but the end result … the outcome … will be exactly the same.
I have watched it happen over and over through the years.
So, if it seems like I am bashing men in some of my blog posts, forgive me because that is NOT my intent. My intention is to wake men up to the AWESOME POWER they have … and the AWESOME OPPORTUNITY they have … to create the kind of marriage relationship that they want … and that their wife wants.
Warmly,
Calle
But the problem is the “male” having to make the change. Why? This accepted notion that the “male” is always wrong is BS. While we are wrong a lot of the time, the “female” needs to sometimes eat a spoonfull of casteroil and admit that she is wrong and initiate change.
I understand what the author is trying to say to a certain degree, but I also agree with Mike. The author himself says that men are wired to be logical and women are wired to be emotional, and then goes on to basically say that the man has to change his innate behavior if he wants a response from his wife. So all marriages would apparently just be great if only every man would just overcome his biological wiring and meet the emotional needs of his wife. The approach seems to be that the women are perfect to begin with and that only the man needs to change. As the author himself says, it takes two to tango. I understand the author is trying to sell a book and isn’t showing his cards, but I think he needs to show a bit more if he expects anyone to buy into this.
Gentlemen,
Calle is right… It seems to me that your fragile egos are more interested in being ‘right’ and not “having to make the change” than you are in getting good loving from your ladies. You CAN go on this way… or you can summon the courage to take charge and get the energetic, fun, sassy, sexy, loving wife back that YOU turned off. “MAN UP” as they say… : )
This is the mindset of many guys…and it is a mindset that will NEVER get good results with women in the long-term. This is the mindset of a guy who wants a woman to lead him and make him ok…and NO woman will respond positively or sexually to such a mindset and such behavior for very long.
This is an EXCELLENT example of how unaware men are and how self-justifying they are. So, let’s look at the “innate” mindset and behavior of a husband in a not-very-happy, not-very-sexual marriage…as it pertains to his wife and his relationship with her:
1. He’s lazy. (He doesn’t want to have to do anything to stimulate or inspire his wife…he basically wants to do his own self-interested things…and then any and every time the “urge” for sexual release hits him, he wants to “massage” his wife for a few seconds…at which point he WANTS her to immediately rip BOTH of their clothes off and beg him to sex her…and it makes him mad and offends him when she doesn’t respond to him in this way…and after enough “declines”, his “conclusion” to his wife’s lack of response (which actually is a response to HIM) is that SHE is the one who is broken and messed up. After all (in his mind), why wouldn’t a woman want to enjoy something that feels as good as sex? Well, if only he knew how much is wife DOES want sex with A MAN.)
2. He is manipulative. (Anything that he DOES do is done to obligate, coerce, shame, guilt, or manipulate his his wife into having sex with him because he thinks that is the only way he can get what he wants from her. It never occurs to him that she NATURALLY WANTS to have sex with a MAN who is NOT manipulative.)
3. He is insecure. (He STRONGLY NEEDS his wife to be affectionate and sexual with him so that he can feel ok about himself. He has a STONG NEED for his wife to affirm and re-affirm her devotion and loyalty to him…and his ONGOING behavior to get this affirmation causes his wife to feel like she is dealing with a childish boy…and that does NOT create a sexual response in her…EVER!)
4. He is ignorant. (He does next to nothing to educate himself on HOW to have a happy, loving, affectionate, sexual, turned on wife. After all, in HIS mind, there is NOTHING wrong with him…and his wife is the one who is messed up.)
5. He is a “little” person. (He essentially lives a life…and he thereby drags his family into a life…that has no purpose, value, significance, or meaning. And, when his wife tries to motivate him to be a “big” person, he just calls her a bitch or a nag.)
6. He has a small mindset. (His mindset rarely gets any bigger than his own self-interest…he cares about what is important to him…and what is important to other people…including his wife…rarely if ever registers in his awareness. If it does register, it’s because he wants something from his wife…so he will try to connect what she wants to what he wants.)
This is just the start…there are plenty of others besides…but the point is clear…there IS A REASON why a wife becomes non-loving and/or non-sexual with her husband…and as long as HE is sitting there thinking it is all his wife’s fault…as long as he REFUSES to BE A MAN AND TAKE THE LEAD…he is going to CONTINUE to be in a not-enjoyable relationship with her…UNTIL she finally gives up on him and moves on to some other man who WILL take the lead and take her into a happy, passionate, exciting, and sexual relationship with him.
So, I am NOT trying to change “who” a man is…I am NOT trying to get men to be a different person. What I am doing is helping men become their best self…I am helping men become aware…I am helping men get rid of their “relationship ignorance”…I am helping men get rid of bad conditioning and bad learning…so that they can begin to get good results in relation to their wife…which ends up improving every other area of their life too…because that is ALWAYS what happens when a man consciously and purposely becomes his best self and operates accordingly.
This too is the typical response (and rejection) of a man who is in an unpleasant relationship with a woman. In his “relationship ignorance”, he does not understand even this most basic and foundational element of male/female relationships…that the man is the one who must positively lead so that his woman can positively follow.
If you go back and look at how most men became married in the first place, it was because the woman expressed her interest in the man because she STRONGLY WANTED to be married…and because of her strong desire to be married, she basically led the whole relationship. But, once she became married…and that need to be married has been met, NOW her TRUE female-wiring takes over and she needs a MAN who knows how to LEAD, STIMULATE, AND INSPIRE her. Well, the typical husband doesn’t know how to do this…he has NEVER known how to do this…he has NEVER developed himself into the kind of man who knows how to create a positive, interesting, exciting relationship with a woman…and if it was not for the fact that his wife TOOK THE LEAD in the dating game, he would STILL be a single guy wandering around waiting for some female to express interest in him.
But, if you look at those cases where a woman is having a turned-on, sexual response to a man, it is because the man knows how to lead her into a positive relationship with him and keep her there…he KNOWS how to think, behave, and operate in such a way that she cannot help but have a turned-on, sexual response to him.
And, this is EXACTLY why a woman who won’t be very sexual or “adventurous” with her husband will turn around and act like a porn-star with some other guy…her pent up desire to share herself in all her female fullness with a man becomes unleashed WHEN she encounters a man who knows how to create a positive relationship with her…and that is EXACTLY why I encourage men to develop themselves into their best self so that their wife can have a porn-star reaction to them instead of with some other man.
Yes, it is an ongoing challenge to reveal enough information that men can understand I really can help them…without “giving away the farm”. Obviously, I cannot work for free any more than you can work for free…but at the same time, you need enough from me to develop a sense of trust and confidence in me and my products. So, what that often means is that my “promotional articles” are a bit high level…they are a bit abstract. But in contrast, my products are detailed and clear…they are filled with solid answers and solutions. Once a man buys into my program, there is nothing high-level or abstract about it.
Weve been married 45 years and right from our wedding night till now my husbannd thought sex was boring, disgusting, smelly, messy and not worth the effort. Also he got no excitemnet, no meaning just something married people are suppose to do. He has slept in the basement and worked the midnight shift forever. That was to be away from me. He doesn’t care about me our marriage and I feel the same way now. My anti-depressiant pills have been my best friends all these years. I’m in my mid 60s now and wasted my life. I feel so dumb and stupid about that.