Husband, when it comes to interacting with your wife, learn to be comfortable with not “closing the loop”. As guys, when we start a loop, we are generally bound and determined to close it before we move on…come hell or high water, we are going to close that loop.
As it pertains to our relationship with our wife…if we have a point we want to make to her, then we get so focused on making that point that we ARE GOING TO MAKE THE POINT NO MATTER WHAT…and we end up overpowering our wife…we don’t “hear” her…we don’t “listen” to her…we don’t “consider” her. How can we? We are too busy closing our loop.
AND, THE RESULT IS THAT OUR WIFE IS VERY, VERY TURNED OFF BY US.
Over time, incident by incident, we CAUSE our wife to NOT like us.
It happens all the time…a guy wants to talk about something with his wife…but then she jumps onto something else…and the guy interrupts her and drags her back to what he wants to talk about…and a little later, the wife takes off on a different line of thought…and the guy cuts her off and brings her back to his topic…and HE IS NOT CREATING GOOD FEELINGS IN HIS WIFE TOWARDS HIMSELF!
So, the way to handle this is to understand your model…and to understand your wife’s model too…and then set the expectation when you want to use your model. And importantly, you should let your wife use her model as much as you can because that’s the model that she’s comfortable in…that’s the model that creates good feelings in her towards you.
But, when you want to use your model, then you can say something like, “Wifename, I want to talk about something…and this is one of those times when I want us to talk about this one thing…I don’t want to loop other topics into it…I don’t want to weave a tapestry of conversation…I want to address one subject…and this one subject only…and then when we are done with it, THEN we can go back to interwoven and multi-threaded conversation and topics, ok?”
And related to this, learn to be a gentleman who invites others to go first.
Imagine two cars arriving at a stop sign or light at nearly the same time. Do you RUSH and PUSH to beat the other person?
Imagine that you and another person reach a door at nearly the same time. Do you RUSH and PUSH to get through the door first?
Imagine that you and your wife start to say something at the same time. Do you RUSH and PUSH to dominate the talking? Do you raise your volume and try to drown her out?
Imagine that you and your wife have some extra money…and you both have something you’re interested in getting. Do you RUSH and PUSH to direct the money towards your interest even if it means your wife has to abandon her interest?
You CAN be guy who is always pushing to get ahead of others…but keep in mind that long-term, NOBODY likes a PUSHY person.
And, in the case of a marriage relationship, a PUSHY husband may APPEAR to get his way for a while…but what he WILL find out IN TIME is that all he did was PUSH his wife AWAY from him…as in he PUSHED her into the arms of another man or into filing for divorce.
I liken my interactions with my wife to a sales call…a professional sales person will NEVER interrupt a prospective buyer…but he will ENCOURAGE the prospective buyer to interrupt him.
Not only that, but he will watch the prospective buyer closely and if he sees anything that indicates the prospective buyer WANTS to say something, he will IMMEDIATELY stop himself and encourage the prospective buyer to speak with something like, “I sense that there’s something you want to say???”
Why does he do this? It’s because if the prospective buyer is the one talking the most, then the salesperson knows he is more likely to be able to LEAD things to a mutually beneficial end.
And, even if the prospective buyer doesn’t have anything to say, it MOST DEFINITELY creates good feelings within him or her because it lets him or her know that the salesperson is interested in and cares about them.
But, if the salesperson is dominating all the talking…if he ignores the signals that the prospective buyer wants to say something…then he is FAR LESS LIKELY to be able to LEAD things to a mutually-beneficial end…and particularly because the prospective buyer is going to be turned off by the salesperson dominating the conversation and having NO interest in what he or she had to say.
Bottom line, NOBODY likes a “conversation hog”…including your wife…because it communicates that you are not interested in them and you do not care about them.
Of course, on the flip side, your wife doesn’t like it when she’s trying to have a conversation with you and you are mentally “absent”…or when you SQUELCH her conversation efforts with some short, belittling, or criticizing statement…because this also communicates a lack of interest and care.
Now, you already knew everything I just said…and yet you haven’t been using it on purpose to create a better marriage relationship with your wife. And, I wonder how many other things are there…that you know…and don’t know…that you could be using RIGHT NOW to create a happier, more sexual marriage relationship with your woman?
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro
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