Have you and your spouse found yourselves in a marriage slump? If yes, then this article is for you.
First, let’s recognize this: marriage relationship problems don’t always have to be hard to fix. In fact, your marriage slump might be easier to fix than you realize. With that, let’s get started…
Sooner or later, every marriage will go through a marriage slump where the marriage relationship does not seem to be:
- As much fun as it used to be.
- Working as well as it used to work.
- As satisfying as it once was.
And, when a husband and wife are in a marriage slump, it is usually the case that the husband, the wife, or both feel like:
- They are not being supported by the other.
- They are not being understood by the other.
- They are not being cared for by the other.
To state the obvious, when a married couple start feeling these kinds of feelings, it creates what is commonly called a marriage slump.
Now, let’s go deeper…
Usually, the causes of a marriage slump can be traced to problems, difficulties, or stresses in one or more of the following areas:
- Financial / Money
- Work / Career
- Non-Intimate Relationships
Typically, these problems, difficulties, or stresses generate feelings within the husband or wife…or both…that range from mildly unhappy to burning resentment.
And oddly, even when the cause of one’s negative feelings has nothing to do with their spouse, it frequently gets PROJECTED onto their spouse in all sorts of ways ranging from short, snappy responses…to withdrawing, aloofness, and coldness.
And that in turn, generates a negative response in the spouse that gets PROJECTED back to the originating spouse.
So by way of example, let’s say a husband and a wife both work and they are both unhappy in their jobs. Because of this, they are both unhappy when they get home.
If this couple doesn’t take special care, their actual situation of “I am unhappy when I get home because of work” can quickly TRANSPOSE into, “I am unhappy AT home”.
Notably, this can happen without either party realizing it because they are both so caught up in their own feelings about what they are dealing with…that they come home drained…or even exhausted…from the emotional turmoil of what they are going through at work.
And in this drained state, they do not feel like being supportive of each other. Now, they may or may not want to receive support (depending upon their personality and nature). But, giving support is certainly NOT what they feel like doing.
Now, pause for a moment and think about this with regard to your relationship. Have there been times when some variation of this has happened within your own marriage relationship?
The point is…these negative TRANSPOSITIONS and unwanted PROJECTIONS are what both you and your spouse must stop…if you want to bring an end to your marriage slump.
With that, let me REMIND you of how to do that…
- Start making “thought-sharing” time for each other…even if it is just a few minutes here and there.
- Go sit down together at a nearby coffee shop and “visit” with each other.
- Let the kids lock you OUT of the house for an hour over the weekend…and go play “footsie’s” with each other on the porch swing while you share with each other what is on your mind.
- Start migrating yourselves back onto the same side and on the same team.
If you will do this, then it will reconnect you and your spouse…it will remind both of you how important you are to each other…and you will most likely find that that the unhappiness and resentment starts melting away.
As you and your spouse reconnect…and remember the importance of each other and your marriage…the two of you will recognize and realize that the fight really isn’t between the two of you…that you are NOT each other’s enemy.
Probably, you will both realize that you have allowed external things to come between the two of you…that do NOT belong between the two of you.
Most likely, you will discover that you still like each other a lot…and that you are important to each other.
The result is that you and your spouse will start moving out of your marriage slump and getting back to thinking in the ways…and doing the things…that result in a happy marriage relationship.
So, take some time…make the space…create the environment…where you and your spouse can talk about what is going on in each others’ head.
In doing so, you will eliminate the common mistake that many couples make of transposing external unhappiness into marriage unhappiness.
Now, you already knew this, didn’t you? You already knew that the answer to many relationship issues is and always will be devoting more time to sharing thoughts and feelings with each other more often…so that you can reconnect…and so that you can remember what is most important.
And all of this is an EASY way to get out of a marriage slump that anyone can do…including YOU!
Okay, there is one more item for us to cover…
Intimacy problems are another reason why a marriage slump happens.
Now in some cases, intimacy doesn’t happen frequently enough because the husband and wife are so busy that they simply do not make time for it to happen. And, when intimacy does not happen, the result is a marriage slump.
But in most cases, the reason intimacy does not happen very often is because one spouse has become turned-off towards the other…which means that one spouse does want to be intimate with the other…and therefore, that one spouse avoids, blocks, or denies intimacy with the other.
So, how do you fix a marriage slump when your spouse does not want to be affectionate, intimate, or sexual with you?
Well, the first step is to recognize that there is something about the way YOU think, process, represent, operate, conduct, interact, and relate that is repelling and repulsing your spouse away from you.
In short, there is something in YOUR mode of operation that is causing your spouse to lose attraction for you and to feel turned-off towards you.
Now, I know that is not what you wanted to hear from me. I know that none of us want to believe that we are a turn-off to our spouse.
But, the truth is that your spouse COULD EASILY be affectionate, intimate, and sexual with someone else whose mode of operation they found attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy.
Therefore, YOUR job is to improve YOUR mode of operation until your spouse finds you so attractive, appealing, and desirable that he or she WANTS to be affectionate, intimate, and sexual with you.
Now, if you know what it is about you that is causing your spouse to avoid affection, intimacy, and/or sex with you, then by all means eliminate that cause and get back to enjoying life with your spouse.
On the other hand, if you have tried everything that you could find or think of to get your spouse to be more affectionate, intimate, and sexual…and nothing has worked…then that means you need someone who can help you:
- See what you need to see.
- Understand what you need to understand.
- Begin doing what you need to do.
- Stop doing what you need to stop doing.
With that…here is the bottom line…
There is no reason for you to remain in a marriage slump because there is ALWAYS something YOU can do to make your marriage relationship better!
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro