If husbands and wives would just determine to ONLY do those things that lead to a happy marriage … to ONLY do what works for themselves and for their spouse … and if they would determine to NOT do any of the things that lead to unhappiness in themselves or their spouse … then marriage relationships would be easy. But as we all know, that is NOT what married people do.
Now, I am not here to bash women … but I am here to articulate an important concept so that husbands can understand how to create the happy and sexual relationship with their wife that they want.
If you want to increase the amount of sex you and your wife have, then this is something you MUST understand.
Before I start though, I will emphasize the point that BOTH the husband and the wife DO want to be happy AND sexual TOGETHER.
Now, when it comes to YOUR wife, you may not believe this. But, it is true.
There has NEVER been a woman who dreamed of getting married and going through and her entire adult married life in a totally sterile, platonic, passionless, cohabitate-only, friends-only kind of marriage relationship. NEVER!
So, where do things go wrong?
What happened between your wife’s pre-marriage romantic visions of a love-filled, passion-filled marriage relationship and her non-romantic, non-affectionate, non-passionate, non-sexual behavior of today?
Well, the first thing is that MOST guys DO NOT know how to be the kind of husband who turns their wife on day after day. They don’t even have a clue about how to do that.
Most guys have NEVER been around a married couple who were truly happy and sexual with each other on an ongoing basis … which means they have never had a good marriage example they could learn from.
Most guys grew up in an environment where men constantly bashed women … and women constantly bashed men.
The result is that most men go into a marriage relationship making mistakes at every level … which results in them turning their wife off at every level.
And in my teachings, I reveal how to be the kind of man who instead turns his wife ON at every level … but for here, I want to talk about something the typical wife does that a husband needs to understand so that he can “handle” it in his wife.
Specifically, a man needs to understand that IN CONTINUED, ON-GOING INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE, the typical woman will almost always mentally sabotage herself and these other people.
In the realm of equipment, we understand the importance of having “fail-safe” devices so that if there is a failure … if something goes wrong … if something goes differently from plan … then the equipment defaults into safe-mode.
A woman’s mind is the exact opposite. If anything goes contrary to her wants, needs, or expectations, then her mind “device” WILL “fail-negative” … her mind will go to negative thought patterns that produce negative feelings, negative attitudes, negative behaviors, and negative actions.
Now, if a woman is single and unattached … and she is primarily around family members or friends who harmonize and sympathize with her … who are “yes-men and yes-women” to her … then she will generally get along just fine … she will generally be more or less positive, optimistic, and happy.
But, as soon as some new person comes into her life … male or female … she will almost always judge and evaluate that person based upon their looks, status, prestige, popularity, wealth, or other surface-level, materialistic criteria.
If she judges the person as not attractive or desirable … if she judges the person to be of no consequence or benefit to her … then she will mostly dismiss and disregard that person.
But, if she judges the person as attractive and desirable … as a person who can benefit or serve her in some way … then she will generally use her mind to FANTASIZE about a FABULOUS “relationship” between them … she will ignore what is and HALLUCINATE a perfect relationship with this person … she will ROMANTICIZE this person as a perfect person … and this is such a COMPELLING scenario to her that she usually becomes completely INFATUATED with the idea of having a closer relationship with this person … to the point she is typically CONSUMED with desire to HAVE her FANTASY.
But, once the FANTASY becomes a REALITY, she then goes into a totally different mental mode. Now, she goes into evaluation mode, comparative mode, and judgmental mode … and her FANTASY is violated on every hand … and now she moves into OFFENDED AT THE PERSON mode.
Now, let’s understand how this happens … in the mind of a woman, who is this perfect person she was “seeing” in her FANTASY?
Well, at its core and essence, it is another person who:
• Thinks EXACTLY like she thinks
• Wants EXACTLY what she wants
• Does things EXACTLY the way she does them
• Has the EXACT same timing of things that she has
• Values EXACTLY what she values
• Holds important EXACTLY what she holds important
• Wants to do for her EXACTLY what she wants them to do for her
• Wants to give to her EXACTLY what she wants given to her
• And so on…
Now, how many of these kind of people do you think there are running around across our globe?
Obviously, there is NO SUCH PERSON on the face of this earth. Everybody is such a unique person that NOBODY will EVER match her criteria of perfection.
If you reflect back on women you have ever interacted with or observed, you will undoubtedly find that most of them fall right into this pattern I’ve described: they get along well with “yes-men or yes-women” … “undesirable’s” get dismissed … and “desirable’s” (male or female) cause her to go through this sky-high enamored state to bottomed-out turned off state.
This pattern is definite, distinct, and pronounced in husband / wife relationships … but it is also found in business relationships and social relationships … and it is even there between women.
In fact, observe some women interacting with each other in a business or social setting. What you will usually find BEHIND their polite, smiling faces is “unspoken negativity” between them … the exception again being those who are “yes-women”.
But, bringing it back home … you HAVE EXPERIENCED this pattern in your wife first-hand, have you not?
You are painfully familiar with your wife “failing-negative” on you, right?
In fact, no matter how hard you try to keep things smooth, easy, and good for your wife, she STILL finds a way to “fail-negative” on you, doesn’t she?
Obviously, if you are to increase the amount of sexy you and your wife are having, then you must learn how to keep your wife from “failing-negative”.
Continuing on … there can be all kinds of permutations of this pattern that produce all kinds of unpleasant, unhappy marriage relationship problems.
For example, if a woman is never able to move a FANTASIZED “relationship” with a certain “desirable” guy past FANTASY and into REALITY … then she will tend to STAY STUCK in the FANTASY … and it turns into an UNRESOLVED DESIRE … sometimes a super-strong curiosity … sometimes a burning infatuation … that does not go away.
But of course, the necessities and flow of life REQUIRE a woman to move on with her life … so she will marry some other man … for the provision and security that he affords her … but her “passion” is still STUCK with the guy in her FANTASY.
And, this FANTASY is so REAL to her that YEARS LATER when the opportunity comes for her to reconnect with the guy in her FANTASY, she literally cannot “see” what the guy in her fantasy really is. Quite often, the guy is a total loser who has been divorced multiple times … he has been a failure in his career or business … sometimes, he is even living off of other people.
To any rational woman, this guy would be a completely unattractive “dud” that she had ZERO interest in. But for THIS woman, all she can “see” is the guy in her FANTASY that she has been holding all these years.
There are plenty of men who have ran into this problem with their wife … especially with the connectivity and accessibility that Facebook and smart-phones now provide.
So, what does this all mean?
It means that if you want a happy, affectionate, intimate, and sexual relationship with your wife … if you want to increase the amount of sex you and your wife are having … then you MUST become a MAN who is a master-handler of his own thoughts and feelings … and a MAN who is a master-handler of his wife’s thoughts and feelings towards herself and towards you.
You MUST become the caliber of MAN who has the understanding and capacity to HANDLE his wife in the ONLY way that works … so that she doesn’t “fail-negative” on you … and instead she responds with love, affection, and sexual desire towards you.
ONLY THEN, will you be able to have a marriage relationship with your wife that satisfies and fulfills you … and that satisfies and fulfills her … producing the happiness that you both want.
And if you choose not to become this kind of man … well, you will just continue to be another one of the millions of men who are running around buying their wife flowers and gifts, taking her to expensive dinners, trying to “communicate” with her, trying to be nice to her and do for her, and all the other common things men do to get their wife to be more sexual with them … that DO NOT work … that DO NOT produce the kind of marriage relationship that YOU WANT.
Copyright 2011 by Calle Zorro
You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“