I received the following email from a woman…take a look at what she has to say…and then consider my response that follows…
“I did a little research of my own on the internet about you and what you do. As far as I can tell, you try and help husbands convince their wives why they should have sex with them more often or whenever they want it. It was a real shocker to see a website called nymphomaniacwife.com. I asked my husband about this, and of course he denies he is using your courses to try and persuade me to have more sex with him. I believe sex is a part of marriage, but it is not what makes a marriage happy, at least not for me.
To me, you are giving all heterosexual married males permission to use sex as a reason to be happy in their relationships with their wives. How about teaching them to learn self control? How about teaching them a woman’s point of view? It was once said “women need a reason, men need a place”. Do you believe this? My husband is 57 and I am 47. I have some physiological issues which he is aware of that cause me to not to want to “relate” to him in a physical way. I had a complete hysterectomy when I was 35. I also have issues with my thyroid (under active). Because of our financial situation we can’t afford for me to see a doctor. So, my husband thinks I am inadequate. And most of the time he makes me feel that way. I have no desire whatsoever to make love with my husband. I can’t conjure up any mental images of us in that way without getting anxious – not excited, ANXIOUS.
So please do me a favor? Address these issues I’ve presented. I am pretty certain there are women out there who are in the same boat I’m in. And believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with my husband. I don’t want to have sex with anyone!!!! I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to talk about it. Send me to a nunnery and throw away the key and I would be just as happy.”
Let’s dissect this note…
“I did a little research of my own on the internet about you and what you do.”
This ought to be interesting…because whatever a person is looking for, THAT is what they will find…no matter how skewed…no matter how completely wrong it is…no matter how much unhappiness and dissatisfaction it creates within their life. Out of suspicion, skepticism, and negativity, you established a predisposed / presupposed opinion and perspective of me…which means you could ONLY see information that matched up with your predisposition…and you were blind to everything else.
Now, it matters not to me what your pre-judged opinion of me is because God has blessed me with a special gift for helping and saving marriages all over the world…and sparing the corresponding men, women, and children from untold hurt, pain, grief, unhappiness, and misery…and I have been doing this for a long time and I will continue making a very real difference in the lives of men and women for as long as God wills for me to do this.
But, I point this out for YOUR benefit; in how many areas of your life are you predisposing “bad”…and sure enough finding it…because that’s what you are expecting and looking for…and causing yourself to be blind to all the good around you?
How much of your life are you wasting away WANTING joy, happiness, excitement, pleasure, etc. but LITERALLY BLOCKING yourself from all that you want…because of your predisposed expectation of the bad?
What about all the people who would love to share good with you that you are depriving from that blessing of sharing good with you.
I wonder, are you proud of yourself for depriving yourself and all those other people?
Now that you have read this, I have no doubt that you are fuming mad…that you are in major defensive mode…that you are rejecting me as a person…and slamming me in all kinds of ways…BUT…put all of that aside and just let your awareness be expanded…let your perspective be shifted…and use your anger at me as motivation to begin seeing good everywhere and in everything…and if you will do that, then I have been a life-changing blessing to you.
For the sake of discussion (and expanding awareness), let’s continue on…let’s find out what your predisposition of me was…
“As far as I can tell, you try and help husbands convince their wives why they should have sex with them more often or whenever they want it.”
Ooooohh…just as you suspected…I’m a real nasty, evil person aren’t I.
“It was a real shocker to see a website called nymphomaniacwife.com.”
Confirmed!!! You suspected I was a bad person…and now you KNOW it, right?
Well, let’s slow down and back up. The very first line on www.NymphomaniacWife.com asks men if they are interested in enjoying a wife who is HAPPY … PLEASANT … LOVING … AFFECTIONATE…
Why are you resisting these words?
Do you want to be unhappy?
Do you prefer the unpleasant to the pleasant?
Would you rather your world be unloving instead of loving?
Do want a cold, unaffectionate environment around you instead of a warm, affectionate environment?
In fact, did you even see any of these words…happy, pleasant, loving, affectionate?
Or, did you just see the words “highly-sexual” and immediately jump to the conclusion that I am a rotten scoundrel who teaches men to use, trick, manipulate and coerce women into being the mindless equivalent of a blow-up sex-doll?
Did you perhaps imagine something even worse than this?
In order for you to be “shocked” as you said you were, YOU had to imagine something really “scary” in YOUR mind.
What was that…and did imagining that make you feel happy?
I wonder just how much of your life is dissatisfying to YOU…all because of what YOU are imagining in YOUR mind?
But, let’s suppose that I did somehow give men evil little tricks with which they could overcome women’s “defenses” and take advantage of them. Do you suppose that would that cause women to feel happy, pleasant, loving, or affectionate?
Nope! I don’t think so.
So, I must be doing something else. In fact, what I AM doing is helping men become the kind of man that a woman WANTS to be married to. In fact, what I AM doing is helping men become the kind of man that a woman WANTS to be affectionate and sexual with.
I am NOT helping men convince their wife of anything. I am helping men learn how to create a relationship with their wife that BOTH he and she wants…DESPERATELY!
There is ZERO need for me to convince anyone of anything. EVERYBODY already has their wants, needs, and desires…and they just need someone who can help them get what they ALREADY want.
That is what I do…I help men AND women get what they already want.
From the time every normal young girl hits puberty until her wedding day, what is the predominate topic in her mind?
That’s right…just about the ONLY thing she thinks about…dreams about…talks about…reads about…and watches TV and movies about…has to do with being in a passionate, exciting, romantic, affectionate, and yes, SEXUAL relationship with a cool guy.
I help men become that cool guy who satisfies and fulfills this very dream that is STILL inside of every normal female…regardless of what her age is.
I’ve had clients who FINALLY learned how to bring out the giggly, fun, passionate, exciting, enjoyable, and yes SEXUAL 16 year old “girl” who was hidden away in their 60+, 70+, and in one instance, in their 80+ year old wife.
Were these men able to do this through evilness, deceit and trickery? Nope! These men were able to do this because they finally learned how to fulfill their wife’s life-long fantasy of being in a fun, pleasant, enjoyable, satisfying, fulfilling, meaningful, and yes sexual relationship with a quality, attractive, manly MAN!
Now, you may be an exception to this. It may be that when you were 16 years old, you were fantasizing about being in a boring, platonic, decidedly non-sexual relationship…one where you went to your job during the day…and the man you were married to went to his job during the day…and in the evening…you did your share of the chores…and he did his share of the chores…and the two of you mostly did not talk…but on occasion the two of you would sparsely talk about meaningless trivia or insignificant chatter…and then you put on your grandma pajamas…and go to your separate bedroom…while he put on his grandpa pajamas…and went to his separate bedroom…and you lived for 40 years together in this manner…and then died without ever having to “dirty” yourself…or inconvenience yourself…with “nasty” things like deep connection, real passion, or exciting sex.
Was this your teenage fantasy? If it was, then you should write a book about it or something because you are like the only female ever to have such a fantasy.
But, assuming that you were in fact the normal, typical, HEALTHY teenage girl with the normal, typical, HEALTHY interests…then what I can tell you is that your fantasy that you DID have back then is STILL the same fantasy that you DO have today…EVEN if that fantasy has been buried so deep beneath a mountain of hurt, offenses, withdrawal, and self-protection that EVEN YOU have lost awareness of it.
Back to what I do…I help men become the kind of man who fulfills their wife’s life-long fantasy. I help men become the kind of man who NO LONGER hurts, offends, and turns-off their wife. I help men become the kind of man who puts genuine HUGE smiles of happiness…and yes pleasure…on their wife’s face.
And, the people I mentioned above…those who were in their 60′s, 70′s and so on…well, I’m glad that I was able to help them…and that they were FINALLY able to come together in happiness and intimacy…better late than never…but what a waste of life…how sad that they wasted all those years unhappy, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and miserable.
So yes…I guess I am a bad person…seeing as I help men and women BOTH get what they have wanted more than anything else their entire adult life.
“I asked my husband about this (www.NymphomaniacWife.com), and of course he denies he is using your courses to try and persuade me to have more sex with him.”
Whew! That must have been a major relief to you, right? After all, it would not do for you to give your husband something he wanted from you…unless it suited your purposes to give it to him, would it?
Think about that…have you made a decision that you absolutely will NOT give anyone anything except what you WANT to give them…that you will resist and reject everyone who wants something from you…except for what you decide you are willing to dole out?
Many women live their life in this way…in this stingy, rejecting, resisting, non-accepting, rationing kind of way…giving only what suits them to give…and they wonder why everyone in life is having fun but them.
And, why I am telling you this? Well, just as before…this resisting, rejecting way of thinking and operating does nothing except BLOCK YOU from all the good that you want…which makes YOU…and all those around you…miserable.
As you were researching me, did you NOTICE this “attitude” within you rising up in MAJOR rejection and resentment of me and what you were presupposing it was that I do?
Probably you didn’t until I just now mentioned it…and in the same way, this is how UNaware you are of how you are resisting good all around you.
Another aspect to this…
Do you feel a strong attraction to your husband over the fact that he cowers down in fear before you?
Does it make you feel good about yourself to know that you have this power over him?
Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life?
Wouldn’t you rather enjoy life with a manly, masculine man who is your man instead of your lap-dog?
“I believe sex is a part of marriage, but it is not what makes a marriage happy, at least not for me.”
Question #1: What exactly would make a marriage happy for you?
Question #2: What part exactly is sex in a marriage?
Question #3: If a marriage is non-sexual, does that make it a happy marriage?
Question #4: Have you so lost sight of what really makes you happy…have you so lost sight of the things that really have meaning and value to you…that you now think those things have nothing to do with happiness?
Question #5: Is it a good strategy to bury and subvert your natural desires and interests…things you have always wanted…and still want…as a result of what other people…including your husband…say and do?
Now, I am NOT being flippant here. I am asking you these questions so that you can go back and reconsider your own thought patterns…and evaluate if they are really taking you to where you want to go in life.
Also, I am not discounting how hurtful many husbands are to their wife. I am not discounting the sad truth that a majority of women are forced to subvert their dreams and desires…they are forced to retreat and withdraw…as a means of safety and protection…because of all the ways their husband belittles, hurts, criticizes, and condemns them…because of how unattractive and repulsive their husband’s ways of thinking and operating are.
But, is it wise for you to let an undeveloped guy rob you of all YOUR happiness and enjoyment in life?
Just because the guy you married has poorly-developed male/female interaction skills…just because the guy you married has very little understanding of how to be an attractive husband who blesses you on every level…but seemingly has a well-developed understanding of how to be hurtful AND disappointing…does that mean you should decide that everything you have ever wanted is “bad”?
Or, does it mean that your husband DESPERATELY NEEDS my program…so that he can learn how to be a man who understands what your needs are…so that he can learn how to be a loving man…so that he can learn how to be an attractive, appealing, and desirable man…so that he can learn how to lead both of you into happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, and meaning?
“To me, you are giving all heterosexual married males permission to use sex as a reason to be happy in their relationships with their wives. How about teaching them to learn self control?”
Let me ask you a counter question: how about I teach women to be more self and sexually expressive instead of self and sexually repressive?
Why should men have to learn “self-control”? Why shouldn’t women learn to be passionately expressive?
After all, back when the typical female was dating the guy she ended up marrying, she was absolutely passionately expressive back then…and she was not asking the guy to learn “self-control” back then.
Think about what you are saying. Do you REALLY want a guy who is so “self-controlled” that he does not desire you sexually? Do you REALLY…down deep in your heart where honesty and truth reside…do you want to be such an unattractive, undesirable person that your husband has zero desire or interest in you whatsoever?
Or, wouldn’t you rather that your husband learn how to NOT offend, hurt, criticize, and belittle you…and to instead become the kind of man that it is SAFE for you to be passionately expressive with?
What you don’t understand about men is that their urge for sex is on the exact same biological and physiological level as the urge to eat is in you…and so in that analogy, the typical husband is already exhibiting AMAZING self-control as he puts up with a not-very-sexually-expressive wife.
If the typical woman got to eat on the same infrequent schedule as she and her husband had sex…if the typical woman was forced to go without food on the same level that the typical husband is forced to go without sex…well, the women around us would either be a whole lot skinnier…actually, they would just be dead from malnutrition…or they would be a whole lot more expressive sexually.
Granted, as I think I have already made clear, the reason most women are not-very-sexually-expressive is BECAUSE their husband fails to create the kind of environment where it is safe for them to open up and share / express themselves…but that is a different topic that I address with men in my program.
“How about teaching them a woman’s point of view?”
I absolutely DO teach men this. By the time men finish my program, they know more about women than women know about themselves.
Right now, there are so many things that do not “feel” right between you and your husband.
Can you articulate to your husband…in a way that makes sense to him…how to do the right things that would cause you to feel “right” with him?
The answer is that you cannot…or you would have already done it. I am sure you have tried. I am sure that you have “told” your husband what to do to make you happy…or at least you have “told” him that he has made you unhappy…but it made no sense to him because you don’t fully understand yourself or him…or the differences in how the two of you “process”…so that the two of you can get on the same page where things “feel” right for both of you.
But, the men who have gone through my program DO know exactly how to create those feelings within a woman that are “right” and “good”.
“It was once said “women need a reason, men need a place”. Do you believe this?”
Do you recognize that this is you stating what you need from your husband?
Do you recognize that you need your husband to learn how to create a certain kind of environment for you to enjoy with him?
Do you recognize that you need your husband to learn how to be the kind of man who can lead you and him into greater goodness, joy, happiness, safety, and pleasure?
Do you recognize that you need a husband who understands how to create certain feelings within you that are very satisfying, fulfilling, enjoyable, and pleasurable?
“My husband is 57 and I am 47. I have some physiological issues which he is aware of that cause me to not to want to “relate” to him in a physical way. I had a complete hysterectomy when I was 35. I also have issues with my thyroid (under active). Because of our financial situation we can’t afford for me to see a doctor. So, my husband thinks I am inadequate. And most of the time he makes me feel that way. I have no desire whatsoever to make love with my husband. I can’t conjure up any mental images of us in that way without getting anxious – not excited, ANXIOUS.”
This confirms the things I have already said. You have withdrawn from who you REALLY are…you have subverted what you REALLY want…because the man in your life has created an unsafe, scary, non-trusting relationship with you.
Go back to your 16 – 18 year old self…and recall what you really wanted at that point…and you will realize that what you wanted then is STILL what you want now. It’s just that the man in your life has not been able to create the environment where you could enjoy all of what you wanted.
“So please do me a favor? Address these issues I’ve presented. I am pretty certain there are women out there who are in the same boat I’m in.”
You are absolutely right! Sadly, there ARE WAY TOO MANY women who are in the exact same boat that you are in. There are WAY TOO MANY women who are suffering in hurt, pain, misery, sadness, loneliness, and YES…even horniness…because of the unpleasant, hurtful, offended relationship their husband has created with them.
That’s a big part of why I do what I do…because as I help men become the kind of man that God meant for them to be…the kind of man who has certain relationship skills and abilities, I am at the same time, helping women get out of this sad “boat” and get into a “boat” of happiness, joy, and pleasure.
Because of this, I have received thousands of testimonials from men through the years that go along the lines of, “Calle, I thank you for what you have done for me…and my wife thanks you for what you have done for her too.”
“And believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with my husband. I don’t want to have sex with anyone!!!! I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to talk about it. Send me to a nunnery and throw away the key and I would be just as happy.”
For the reasons I have stated above, I do not believe this is true. I do not believe that you mean this. I believe that IF your husband developed himself into the attractive, desirable, appealing, and sexy man that you imagined yourself being with when you were 16 – 18…and if your husband developed the ability to lead and manage a happy, fulfilling, and satisfying relationship with you…that you would VERY MUCH enjoy being close, intimate, and sexual with him…or at least you would enjoy these things after you got over being hurt and offended at him.
Why do I not believe you?
For two reasons:
1) I have seen way too many women who “claimed” they felt just like you…turn into a nymphomaniac wife AFTER their husband learned how to be an attractive man who understood how to create a the right kind of relationship with his wife. And to be specific, the husband DID NOT turn his wife into something she did not want to be. He simply became the kind of man who knew how to create an enjoyable environment for his wife where it was safe for her to be her REAL self.
2) I have seen way to many women who “claimed” they felt just like you…who finally got fed up with the unhappiness they felt with their husband…and so they left him…found themselves another man…and started acting like a porn starlet with the new man…because they suddenly “remembered” all their dreams and fantasies from when they were 16 – 18…and realized that IF they were ever going to experience those dreams, they better get to doing it.
But, let’s look at this from another perspective…
In a happy, satisfying, fulfilling, and meaningful marriage relationship, sex is just ONE of MANY forms of connection, happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction, and pleasure. And so, highly sexual marriages are marriages that frequently express and share happiness, passion, fun, and excitement in MANY different ways…of which sex is just one of those many ways.
Conversely, non-sexual marriages are marriages where there is very little connection, happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction, or pleasure. And so, non-sexual marriages are marriages where there are FEW expressions or shares of happiness, passion, fun, or excitement. Non-sexual marriages don’t share and enjoy sex…and they don’t share or enjoy much of anything else either. Yes, they “love” each other…and they tell each other that…but there is no passion or meaning in that love. Basically, their “love” is nothing more than a connection that stems from having spent a large portion of their life together and from having survived some amount of life’s challenges together.
Sure, they go through habitual motions…they go out to eat and they go to the movies…or whatever it is that they do…but there is very little REAL expressing or sharing of REAL connection or passion.
So, when a woman says she is non-sexual, she is also saying that her life has no connection or passion, she is saying her life has little happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, or meaning…and you will never convince me that any sane, rational woman wants that. I KNOW for a fact that God wired women in such a way that they WANT to have fun…and be naughty…with their husband.
Yes, the non-sexual wife probably has her kids…and yes, she probably wraps herself up in her kids while they are still at home…but after they are grown and gone…well, she’s just left as a lonely, bored, sad, unhappy woman…who is either meddling and interfering in her kids lives…or sitting around waiting on their next call.
And, a woman can live this way if she wants to…or, she can demand that her husband go to www.NymphomaniacWife.com and buy my program so that he can learn how to be an attractive, sexy man…so that he can learn how to be the kind of man who knows how to create a happy, satisfying, fulfilling, meaningful, exciting, pleasurable, and passionate marriage relationship with her…the kind that EVERYONE wants…and very few people have…so that he and she can enjoy the rest of their lives together in the deepest form of love and happiness.
I realize that some of the things I have said here are kind of stout…but my hope is that what I have said here will be the catalyst that triggers an avalanche of great good, enjoyment, happiness, and pleasure coming into the remainder of your life.
I assure you, no disrespect is intended in what I have said. Yes, I have been sarcastic in a few places…and that was on purpose for emphasis…and to stir up your emotions so that you are no longer able to just think about yourself and your situation in the same way you always have.
Every person who has ever REALLY helped me move to greater levels of goodness and enjoyment in my life, caused me to become aware of myself in ways I was previously unaware…they caused me to see and understand things about myself that I was previously blind to and ignorant of. And yes, it was frequently painful…it frequently cut deep into my ego…it frequently hurt my pride…it frequently embarrassed me…and it frequently angered me…but that is what was required in order for me to gain and develop a new awareness of myself so that I could get better results in my life.
I am not the only human being with this characteristic. Look back into your own history…and you will find certain not-very-pleasant moments in your life that were moments of great and rapid change in YOU. In these moments, you SUDDENLY recognized something and consequently you became a different person who was able to get better results or effect better outcomes in YOUR life…because you SUDDENLY saw yourself in a new way or understood something about yourself that you did not previously understand.
Another thing…I could have cowered down to the tone of your message to me and the accusations you were throwing at me…I could have just agreed with the “direction” of your message…I could have told you what you wanted to hear that would make you feel warm and fuzzy good…and I would have done NOTHING to help you…I would have simply left you right in the same situation that you were previously in…getting the same results that you were previously getting. And yes, your ego would have felt good because I had agreed with you…but again, I would have done NOTHING to help you improve your ability to enjoy greater enjoyment in life. If I had verbally patted you on the head and pacified you, I would have done you a disservice.
I have no desire or interest in trying to convince you of anything. You are welcome and free to think and do whatever you want…it has no impact on me in any way…YOU are the one who gets to live with the consequences of your choices, ways of thinking and operating, ignorance’s, and so on. Because you have come to me for input, I have an obligation to help you expand your awareness and understanding…I have an obligation to break you out of the rut you have been in for a long time…i.e. to help you see things you didn’t see before…understand things you didn’t understand before…be aware of things you were unaware of before…all of which will enable and empower you to get and enjoy better results in your personal life. Whether you receive that or not is entirely up to you. You are welcome to receive it and find ways to benefit from it…or you are free to reject it and stay right where you are at getting the same results you have previously gotten.
When I say that, I am not being sarcastic or flippant. I am stating that you really do have a choice that you will make one way or another.
Also, I may be completely wrong in every single thing I said in relation to you…and that is immaterial…as long as it caused you to reconsider and reevaluate yourself. As long as my response prompted you to do this…as long as my response gave you enough emotional energy and motivation to be CHALLENGED…then you will never be the same as before…and you can begin to get better results…and I have been of service and value to you.
Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro
You may use this article on your own website AS IS…IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“