Over and over, husbands come to me saying something along the lines of, “I am so frustrated with my wife because she won’t be a loving, affectionate, intimate, and sexual wife!”
As a specific example, a man recently emailed the following to me:
I am so frustrated with my wife!!! No matter what I do, she does not give me love, respect, or sex.
On my end, I constantly do nice things for her. For example:
- I let her sleep in everyday
- I clean house nonstop
- I take care of the children (the roles between me and my wife are switched)
- I tend to her hand and foot trying to make her feel like a queen
- I try not to let her down in anyway
- I tell her she’s beautiful multiple times every day
- I’m always complementing her on how intelligent she is
- I don’t get mad and call her names or say hurtful things
- I support her a lot as well as helping pay the bills
- I am currently going to college so I can start a new career and support her and the children better financially
The list can go on and on. I do all of these things and more — all out of love and because I want to. I do it out of love and because I want to make her happy.
I’ve always had this strong belief that If you’re with someone you should do your best to always keep them happy and I guess me doing everything she asks for is my way of trying to do just that — to love and keep her happy — and that is my true motive.
But, I figured since I do those nice things (because I want to) she should feel the same way — as a 50/50 type of thing — and that is what I DO NOT get from her .
You know, no one wants their efforts to go unnoticed and underappreciated. All I really want is the same love and respect FROM my wife that I GIVE her. The sex is just a bonus I crave — LOL!
So hopefully, you can now see why I’m so frustrated. After a while it feels like I’m just being taken advantage of and taken for granted.”
This sad story is one that I have heard enumerable times. And, it is understandable why husbands like this guy are thinking, “I am so frustrated with my wife!”
After all, it is only logical that when a husband is nice to his wife that she should be nice back to him, right?
Well, it may be logical but logic is NOT what drives a woman’s heart or desires.
Let me tell you the cold, hard truth…a woman can only SURRENDER her heart and her desires…she can only GIVE her love, respect, and sexuality…to a MAN that she LOOKS UP TO AND ADMIRES.
And, there are a thousand plus ways that a man can think, behave, and operate such that he causes his wife to NOT look up to him or admire him.
Granted, the husband may do all kinds of nice things for his wife on one hand. But on the other, he is failing to operate in a way that causes his wife admire him. And, if his wife does not admire him, then she does not desire him.
Consider yourself. In each of the roles, facets, and aspects of who you are, do you operate in a way that inspires your wife to look up to you and admire you?
Is your mode of operation such that your wife can take you seriously? Can she take you as a man who is a serious contender in the game of life?
If someone was to privately ask your wife to name a few men that she considered to be REAL MEN, would your name be on her list?
Let’s illustrate just briefly. Many a young husband has thought himself to be funny and entertaining to his wife…and all the while, he was completely ignorant of the fact that he was turning her off towards himself.
While he was doing all kinds of nice things for his wife and while he was being entertaining (in his estimation), HE was creating a reaction and a response in his wife such that she could not give him love, respect, or sex back.
The kind of man that a woman can admire enough to give her heart and desire to him is one who is never silly or foolish. Sure, he knows how to have fun, be fun, and create fun. But at the same time, he is grown-up enough…he is mature enough…to have important, serious, and meaningful things going on in his life. He is LEADING his wife somewhere meaningful and important…instead of leaving all the leading up to her while he sits back and plays the clown…or house-dad.
Now, this is just one example. Like I said, there are a thousand plus examples that could be given of how men inadvertently turn their wife off.
There is good news however. When a wife is not interested in giving her husband love, respect, or sex, it simply means that the husband needs to learn some important lessons about how to interact and relate with his wife and how to operate in such a way that she admires and desires him.
And, if he will learn these lessons pronto…before his wife gets tired of being turned off by him and turns to another man…he can turn his wife’s negative attitude towards him completely around so that his wife WANTS to share her love, respect, and sex with him.
So, let go of thinking, “I am so frustrated with my wife” and take action on, “I am going to develop myself into a man that my wife admires and desires!“
Looping the thought, “I am so frustrated with my wife because…” is NOT going to get you what you want. What WILL get you what you want is YOU making the decision that you are going to develop yourself into an attractively-operating man that your wife can admire and desire.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro