When a married couple finds themselves needing help in their marriage, the generally accepted “solution” is to seek out a marriage counselor / therapist. Well, at $75 – $200 per hour and a weekly session for both the husband and the wife and appointments scheduled well into the future, this option can quickly become prohibitively expensive.
Moreover, there’s usually the issue of participation and cooperation. There’s almost always one spouse who really wants to get help…and one who doesn’t.
Further, there’s usually a problem related to privacy. There’s usually at least one spouse who is not interested in opening up and exposing the details of his or her personal life to the “world”.
Besides the issues of cost, participation / cooperation, and privacy, there are two even more important reason why a person should seriously consider do-it-yourself marriage counseling.
First and foremost is that classically trained marriage counselors are trained to explore and analyze the problems a married couple is having…with the idea that by exploring and analyzing the problems, the “solutions” will somehow surface.
In reality, all that happens is that the spouse who is already upset and “negative” about the marriage simply gets to RE-EXPERIENCE all the “bad stuff” that’s going through his or her head and all the negative feelings they feel towards their spouse and marriage gets AMPLIFIED even more.
And so, the marriage ends up in worse shape than it was before the couple went to “marriage counseling”.
The second big flaw in traditional counseling is that it generally creates greater division instead of bringing the troubled couple closer together. Usually, a married couple is already “divided”…that’s why they are seeking marriage counseling. And then, they get to the marriage counselor or marriage therapist office and they get “divided” even more by getting assigned to SEPARATE counseling sessions…and it becomes an adversarial / divided situation where the counselor / therapist is essentially encouraging each spouse to BASH the other one…and that’s NOT how you bring two people together.
Of course, the idea is that the counselor / therapist will somehow be able to “mediate” and “negotiate” the two people back together…but that’s sort of like trying to “mediate” a fight while egging the fight on.
It’s no wonder that traditional marriage counseling has such a low success rate.
But, with Do-It-Yourself Marriage Counseling, a person gets to bypass all of these problems and drawbacks to traditional marriage counseling.
If a couple is having major financial problems…and issues relating to money is one of the top three sources of marital trouble…then a person can go to Amazon.com and buy a couple of books such as: “Love Life For Every Married Couple” by Ed Wheat and “The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman. With these books, a person can read, highlight, make notes, and work out their own “marriage counseling” solutions that they then take to their spouse…and it will cost about $20.
It’s not very sophisticated…and much of the advice in these books is pretty simplistic but it’s enough for a person and their spouse to get their marriage going in a positive direction.
If you want something that’s more sophisticated…something that’s already worked out for you, then an even better solution is to simply learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people like what is offered at http://www.husbandwifehelp.com/. This is a solution that shows and explains exactly what it is that happily married people do…how they think…their viewpoint…their feelings…everything…and it’s all packaged up as a “model” that you and your spouse can easily “install” in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. It’s really an unusual and unique approach because while the rest of the marriage counseling world is focused on identifying, fixing and solving marriage problems this solution barely even touches on the problems and yet the problems all go away by simply installing a new, different, and better “model” (thought patterns) in you and your spouse’s mind. It’s incredibly effective.
Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro