Husband, are you living with a wife who is not as sexual as you would like for her to be? Are you tired of having sex problems with your wife? If yes, then this article is for you!
Let’s start by asking this question: have you ever seen a bored, cold, withdrawn, distant, unfriendly, closed-down woman when she was with a man she was attracted to, turned on by, and excited about?
I didn’t think so! I haven’t ever seen such a woman either.
Rather, when a woman is with a man she is attracted to, the woman is a bundle of energy, excitement, passion, vivaciousness, liveliness, animation, exuberance, cheerfulness, chirpiness, big smiles, and so on.
She is quite literally a sparkling human being!
Now, what the man she is attracted to is actually doing with her may be the most boring, mundane, simplistic thing ever. For example, the man may be doing nothing more than driving her to a 1-star restaurant…and yet, she will be “all fired up” and “bubbling over” in a setting that is ultimately nothing more than a car ride and a cheap restaurant.
But for the woman, the big issue is NOT what she and the man are doing together. The big issue is the fact that she is getting “face-time” with a man that she is attracted to…a man that she respects, admires, and desires.
Moreover, while she is with this man she is attracted to, she is NOT interested in starting arguments. She is NOT interested in being at odds with him. She is NOT interested in disagreeing, contending, or in being in opposition to him.
Likewise, she will NOT sit silently with nothing to say while she is with the man she is attracted to. When she opens her mouth, it is NOT to share some menial administrative fact that is really nothing more than filler. Instead, she will literally be a gushing fountain of conversation.
Furthermore, she will have endless, boundless energy when she is with this man she is attracted to. She can quite literally stay awake all night long…or as long as the man she is attracted to chooses to stay up with her.
And particularly, there will NOT be any “sex problems” because she will be highly sexual with this man she is attracted to. In fact, she will be a quite sexually adventurous woman.
Bottom line, this non-bored woman will exhibit all of these characteristics and behaviors because she is with a man she is attracted to.
The corollary here is that the less attracted a woman is to a man, the less she will exhibit these characteristics and behaviors. And in particular, the more there will be “sex problems”.
So, having the kind of relationship that you want to have with your wife…one where there are no sex problems…depends upon you being attractive, desirable, and appealing to her.
When you are attractive to your wife, she WILL be everything that you are wanting her to be towards you…and there will not be any sex problems.
But, when you fall short in attractiveness, your wife WILL be LESS than you are wanting her to be towards you…and there will be sex problems.
Unfortunately, in far too many marriages, the wife simply is not very attracted to her husband…and that is why the husband suffers in a not-very-sexual relationship…i.e. that is why the husband has “sex problems” with his wife.
Now, let’s get clear on what attraction is…
For the typical male, the feeling of “attraction” stems predominately from what a female looks like…and IF she looks good to him…IF she looks physically appealing to him…then he WANTS to have sex with her…and hence, he feels “attraction” for her.
In short, about all the typical male needs in order to feel “attraction” is a female body-form that he finds sexually desirable.
And in fact, this is the case with most husbands. Their wife is physically appealing to them…so they feel attracted to her.
But, here is what you must understand: this is NOT how it is for a female. More specifically, this is NOT how it is for YOUR wife!
The typical male only processes from his own perspective…and he has little awareness that his wife’s way of processing things is very different than his own.
Yes, the typical male can readily tell you that men and women are different. But, the reality is that there is very little understanding or recognition of male/female differences in his way of operating and interacting with his wife.
To illustrate, the typical husband is horny for his wife…and because that is HIS perspective…he just wants his wife to think and want the same thing towards him.
In other words, the typical husband has little awareness that the drivers, factors, and criteria by which his wife processes are very different from his own drivers, factors, and criteria.
Consequently, he gets very frustrated and angry when he and his wife are having sex problems because she does NOT mirror him sexually. He gets very irritated and bothered when what is driving him does not also drive his wife in the same way. He gets hateful and spiteful when his wife does not feel physical-sexual-attraction for him like he feels for her.
And, the result of this mentality and unawareness is the dissatisfying marriage relationship that many husbands suffer in.
That brings us to this: what is “attraction” for a woman?
Well first, you need to understand that what a man physically looks like is something a woman evaluates the first couple of times she sees him. And, what a man physically looks like is important when a woman first introduces him to her family and friends. But beyond these exceptions, what a man physically looks like is more or less at the bottom of a woman’s list of what is important.
Now, I am not saying that a man’s looks are irrelevant. But, I am saying that a husband’s looks are NOT the primary determinant as to whether his wife is attracted to him or not.
And for sure, many a man has worked himself to a frazzle at the gym trying to get his wife to be attracted to him…only to fail in turning her on towards him.
He failed because he failed to realize that for a woman, “attraction” is based more upon how a male thinks, processes, behaves, operates, interacts, relates, and conducts himself relative to her…and less about how he physically looks.
This is why there are cases where a beautiful woman is madly in love with a bald-headed, pot-bellied, no-job-and-no-money guy who still lives with his elderly mom. He is disgusting in his looks and in who he is as a person…but, RELATIVE TO THE WOMAN, he thinks, processes, behaves, operates, interacts, relates, and conducts himself in a way that triggers attraction in her TOWARDS HIM.
As a more mainstream example, I frequently get called by some husband whose wife has just left him for some other man…and he cannot understand why because he is better looking than the other man…he is more successful than the other man…he has a higher status in life than the other man…but yet, his wife still ran off with the other man.
Well, she ran off with the less-attractive, less-successful, lower-status man because he knew how to think, process, behave, operate, interact, relate, and conduct himself in a way that triggered “attraction” in her…while her husband…in spite of his looks, success, and status…failed to trigger sufficient attraction in her. That is why she left her husband for a “lesser” man.
Now, there is another element to consider…
It is usually the case that a female seems to be attracted to a male when they are dating and when they are first married. Most husbands can remember their wife being that “sparkling” female I described previously.
But then, after a certain amount of time passes, the wife stops being as “sparkly”. She loses her passion. She is no longer as vibrant. She starts withdrawing. She stops being as sexual…and the sex problems start. She begins starting fights. She seemingly begins to relish conflict and discord…and so on.
And, the typical husband cannot understand what happened to his wife. He does not understand why his wife became a different woman towards him. All he knows is that he just wants his “original” wife back.
Well, here is what you have to understand: his wife was never “attracted” to him because he was actually an attractively-operating man. He just so happened to be a cute guy with a nice smile and a cool vehicle that SHE COULD PLUG INTO THE FANTASY SHE HAD RUNNING IN HER MIND.
But, after a bit of time in the reality of life, it quickly becomes apparent to the wife that the guy she married is in fact NOTHING like what she “thought” he was.
In HER fantasy, the guy she dated and married was perfect…no matter how relationally ignorant and undeveloped he actually was…no matter how “unattractive” he was in reality.
But, after a season of real life, HER fantasy dissolves…and all that she sees NOW is how relationally ignorant and undeveloped her husband really is…all she sees NOW is how “unattractive” her husband really is relative to her.
This is the exact process that plays out in more marriages than not. This is the exact reason why most marriages are great for the first 3-18 months…and then sex problems start cropping up.
The not-so-funny phenomenon is that the typical guy starts out a relationship thinking he is great and awesome…based upon the response he is getting from his gal. But, it is not long until he is frustrated in an unhappy marriage…and feeling like there is no way for him to win with his wife.
Well, in truth, from a relational perspective, this guy was NEVER great or awesome. He was relationally ignorant and undeveloped all along. It is just that the gal’s fantasy was sufficiently strong enough that it hid his relational ineptness.
So again, EVERYTHING you want to share and enjoy with the woman in your life rides upon you being an “attractive” man…and your level of “attractiveness” is predominately based upon how you think, process, behave, operate, interact, relate, and conduct yourself relative to your woman.
And, IF your lady is not attracted to you, turned on by you, excited by you, or desirous of you…then that means you have not yet learned how to be “attractive” to her…and there is no better time for you to learn how to be attractive than NOW!
The sooner you learn how to be attractive to your lady, the sooner you can begin enjoying the kind of relationship with her that you are wanting.
So, get yourself educated on how to be attractive to your lady and your sex problems will go away!
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro