When the typical husband finds his marriage relationship generally dissatisfying…that is, when his wife continues to be insufficiently affectionate, intimate, or sexual with him…he generally believes that the path to solution is to find a way to change his wife’s way of thinking and behaving…and in HIS mind, IF he can just get HER changed and fixed, then everything will be good in their marriage and he can finally get and have what he wants from her.
This is why these husbands often like the idea of marriage counseling…because they think that IF they can just get their wife in front of a counselor or therapist, then that counselor will be able to easily see that his WIFE is indeed “messed up”…that it is she who “has problems”…AND…he hopes that the counselor will have the power and skill to be able to COMPEL, PUSH, FORCE, and DRIVE changes and corrections in his wife’s way of thinking and behaving.
In short, the husband generally hopes that the counselor will be able to straighten out, overpower, and subdue his wife FOR him…and then his life with his wife will be good.
To be even more plain…such a husband often thinks he knows what his wife needs to do in order to be a “good wife” to him…and IF she would just listen to him…and IF she would just do what he tells her, then ALL of their problems would be fixed.
So, what the husband really wants, is for some counselor to just tell his wife all the same things that he has tried to tell her but that she would not receive…or to tell her the things he has wanted to tell her but did not have the nerve to say to her.
Well, that sums it up pretty clearly, doesn’t it?
But, there is a fatal flaw in what this husband thinks is the solution to his marriage problems. What HE THINKS is the solution to fixing his wife RARELY EVER works…and usually, it only makes things worse.
Let’s find out why…
Mainstream statistics tell us that only about 20% of the couples who go to marriage counseling actually see any positive changes or improvements. The other 80% walk away without getting any real help…or even worse, their marriage deteriorates even more as a result of having gone to see a marriage counselor.
But, having worked with a lot of problem marriages, I can assure you that the 20% “success rate” is a MAJOR stretch because if you were to check back in with this 20% group in a year or two, you would inevitably find that they are right back where they were…or they are in even worse shape than they were in before.
In short, the marriage counseling only served to soften, ease, or mask the REAL UNDERLYING problem for a short time.
That is, the marriage counseling TEMPORARILY motivated the couple to be a bit nicer, kinder, and more considerate to each other…but it did NOT fix the real underlying problem.
The marriage counseling merely paused or postponed the deterioration that was already happening and underway in the marriage.
That brings us to the fatal flaw mentioned previously…
Even if a marriage counselor is able to gain the level of rapport and influence required to change a wife’s way of thinking and behaving, THAT CHANGE IS RELATIVE TO THE COUNSELOR AND NOT TO THE HUSBAND!
So, the effect is that the wife TEMPORARILY behaves more positively towards her husband AS A RESULT OF THE POSITIVE RESPONSE SHE IS HAVING TO THE COUNSELOR.
Think about the preceding two paragraphs as long as you need to because what it means is that after the rapport and influence of the counselor is gone…and after the wife is no longer responding to the counselor…AND SHE IS BACK TO RESPONDING TO HER HUSBAND…well, ALL of the affection, intimacy, and sex problems return…and often, the situation is going to be even worse than it was before because the wife is going to have even less desire for resolution with her husband than she had before.
Now, here is what this means…and ENGRAVE WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY CLEARLY IN YOUR MIND…
The ONLY way for a husband to “fix” his wife…the ONLY way to get a wife to change her way of thinking and behaving RELATIVE TO HER HUSBAND is for HIM to DEVELOP himself into an attractively-operating man who understands how to lead, handle, and manage his wife…such that HE invokes and effects a positive, turned-on response IN HIS WIFE towards HIM!
This is precisely what I am teaching men how to do here at Married And Happy…and this is why I am so successful at helping men create the kind of marriage relationship with their wife that they want to have with her…while others fail.
Bluntly, getting some other person (i.e. counselor) to invoke a positive response in your wife…even if it is on your behalf…is NEVER really going to fix YOUR marriage problems with your wife…because YOU have NOT changed the response that your wife WILL HAVE…and CAN ONLY HAVE…to YOU!
To make sure you got what I just said, let me say what I am saying in this way: your ONLY possible chance at HAVING the kind of relationship with your wife that you want to have with her is for YOU to develop yourself into an attractively-operating, desirable, appealing, sexy man who is knowledgeable and skilled in leading a male/female relationship.
Notice that I did not say ANYTHING about fixing or changing anything in your wife in the preceding paragraph!
Your wife needs little to no fixing or changing. What she needs is for YOU to become a different quality of man…so that SHE can have a different response to you.
To nail the point home, I will come at it from this angle: IF your wife was to find herself in my presence…or in the presence of any of the men who have developed themselves with my program…SHE WOULD IMMEDIATELY HAVE AN “ATTRACTED, TURNED-ON” RESPONSE TO US!
She would NOT need a counselor to “help” her have a positive response to us.
She would NOT need to be fixed or changed before she could have a positive response to us.
Instead, she would simply, immediately, and naturally respond positively to our attractiveness, appeal, desirability, skill, and understanding of her that we have developed within ourselves.
In other words, she would immediately and naturally think and behave in the right way towards us as a result of who and what we are as developed men who know how to lead a male/female relationship.
The point is this: WHEN YOU develop yourself into an attractively-operating, appealing, desirable, and sexy man, THEN YOU TOO will be able to invoke a positive response in your wife towards you…no matter what “problems” you may presently think SHE has.
But, UNTIL you develop yourself into this kind of man, your wife and your marriage relationship will CONTINUE on a downward path.
Even if you dumped your wife and found yourself a different woman…you would soon enough be on the SAME downward path…because just like your current wife, the new woman WOULD be responding to YOU.
YOU are the common denominator! It is YOU that ANY woman you are with WILL be reacting to.
And so, your ONLY path to marriage happiness and satisfaction is for YOU to develop yourself into the quality and caliber of who knows how to invoke and effect a positive response in your lady towards you.
In a nutshell, put a “perfect” woman with an undeveloped guy…and she will soon be responding to him in a turned-off, shut-down, non-affectionate, non-intimate, and non-sexual manner.
Conversely, put a “broken” woman with a developed man…and she will soon be responding to him in a warm, open, turned-on, affectionate, intimate, sexual manner.
Of course, there are husbands by the millions whose mindset is that they just want their wife to give them what they want from her without any real development on their part. They just want their wife to surrender, submit, and give them what they want from her.
Or, their mindset is that they want their wife to take the lead in creating a happy, satisfying marriage for the two of them to enjoy.
Well, BOTH of these mindsets are guaranteed to fail! Neither mindset will EVER produce a happy, satisfying, loving, affectionate, intimate, or sexual relationship with a woman.
A woman will NEVER give the full extent of her feminine blessings to an undeveloped guy!
Moreover, a woman will NEVER be attracted to a guy who expects her to be the leader!
So, you can just want your wife to give herself to you…or, you can just want your wife to take the lead in creating a happy marriage for the two of you…and you will CONTINUE to find out that it just doesn’t work very well for you.
Now, let’s come back to this: it may very well be the case that your wife has issues, problems, hang-ups, bad-history, and so on. In fact, I am sure she does…because most everybody does have issues of one kind or another.
But, here is the fact that matters: your wife’s issues will become NON-issues WHEN YOU know how to lead, handle, and manage her in a skillful, attractive, appropriately-manly manner.
Consider this analogy…
Is an extremely bashful person shy around everybody?
Of course not!
A bashful person is only shy IN RESPONSE to CERTAIN people…while they are completely open and gregarious with CERTAIN other people.
The point is, a bashful person has VERY REAL “issues”…which causes him or her to have a “negative” response to MOST people…while at the same time, he or she can have a perfectly “positive” response to a FEW people.
It’s the same with you and your wife. She may very well have issues…but in spite of her issues, you CAN learn how to invoke and effect a positive, turned-on response in her towards you!
The question is this: while other men are foolishly trying to get a marriage counselor to effect a positive response in their wife towards them…an approach that will virtually always fail…are YOU going to develop yourself into the caliber of man who knows how to invoke an affectionate, intimate, and sexual response in your wife towards you?
Correction…WHEN are you going to develop yourself into this caliber of man?
Are you ready to start enjoying a more affectionate, intimate, and sexual marriage relationship now?
Or, do you need WASTE AWAY even more years of YOUR LIFE…LETTING YOUR marriage relationship deteriorate even more…and become even more dissatisfying…before you DECIDE to BECOME THE MAN who HAS the kind of marriage relationship he WANTS with his wife?
It is up to you. What are you going to do?
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro