* The husband thought he and his wife were on the happily-ever-after marriage train.
* Usually, there are a few kids.
* Sometimes, they have been married for 3 – 7 years…but usually it’s more like 10 – 20 years…and 25 years is not at all uncommon.

Probably, this more or less matches your marriage situation, right?

Well, let’s keep going…when a DESPERATE man calls me, I know it is usually going to be for one of three reasons:

1) His wife has just informed him that she is no longer attracted to him…that she is no longer happy with him…that she no longer has the right feelings for him…and she wants to “take a break”…that she wants him to go stay somewhere else while she sorts things out and “finds” herself…that she wants him to leave and give her some time to herself to figure things out…or something along these lines.

2) His wife tells him she has been talking with an attorney and will be filing within the next few days…or she meets him at the door and tells him that she has just filed for divorce and that he needs to go stay somewhere else…or, he gets served papers while his wife was away at her parents or a friends place.

3) He discovers…or his wife tells him…that she is having an emotional or physical affair with another man.

And, whether you realize it or not, you it is highly likely that have something in common with these men. What is that you ask? Well, virtually every one of these men told me the same exact thing…

“I NEVER thought MY wife would do something like this! I thought everything was just fine. Yes…like EVERYBODY…we have had our issues…but in no way did I think things were this bad.”

Virtually all of these men thought everything was fine…and then they got the surprise and shock of their life.

There were some other things these men USED to think also…

They all thought that the occasional dinner and movie…some jewelry on Valentine’s Day…a few presents on Christmas..and the various other minimal things that guys do…was all that was necessary for them to “maintain” their marriage.

They ALL were of the opinion that they did not need to do anything different from what they were already doing in their marriage. They ALL felt like nothing else beyond what they were already doing was required of them or necessary for them to do.

Have you ever noticed how amazingly motivated a husband can be to “work on his marriage” once he finds out his wife no longer wants to be in a relationship with him?

Have you ever wondered why most men…or maybe just yourself…are unwilling to purposely develop themselves into a man who is REALLY attractive to his wife such that she continues to WANT to be in a close, warm, affectionate, and sexual relationship with him?

Wouldn’t you think it would be better for a husband to purposely develop himself into the kind of man who enjoys exactly the kind of relation with his wife that he wants to enjoy…instead of remaining undeveloped and stuck in the kind of relationship he is in?

In virtually ALL cases, the reason a wife wants to end the relationship with her husband ALWAYS comes down to the same fundamental problem…THE HUSBAND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE MAN TO AND FOR HIS WIFE!

At best, the typical husband knows how to be a cute “high-school” kind of guy who is funny in a juvenile kind of way…but he does not understand…because he has never purposely learned…how to be a man who draws and attracts his wife to him on an ongoing basis.

Consider this…any guy who will get up off of his couch and get of the house can get a woman to marry him. But, it takes a real man who has purposely developed himself and his “intimacy-with-a-woman skills” to be able to keep her attracted to him and turned on by him.

Let’s rewind a few years…

Between the ages of roughly 13 – 18, a female builds a fantasy in her mind of what she wants her life with a man to be like. But, being young, inexperienced, and foolish, her criteria for evaluating a guy is mostly based upon how “cute” he is.

More or less, the first “cute” guy who will seriously notice her and hang out with her is who she “plugs” into her fantasy and off she goes into marriage land…only to discover shortly thereafter that the “environment” her new husband creates in relation to her is NOTHING like the fantasy that she had built in her mind of what life with a man was going to be like.

So, as the years pass by, she progressively UNplugs her husband from her fantasy…and more and more she WANTS to plug some other man in…because she WANTS her life with a man to be a certain way…she wants her life with a man to match the fantasy she built in her early single years.

Having said this, the typical wife cannot tell her husband how she wants her life with him to be. For the typical wife, she either “feels it” with her husband…or she does not…and mostly she she does not…and, the more years that pass, the more she does NOT “feel it” with her undeveloped husband.

That brings us to this: as is proven by the millions of passionless, not-very-sexual marriages around the world, a woman will NEVER STAY turned on by an UNDEVELOPED guy…no matter how much he wants her too…and no matter how turned on she was in the beginning when she still had him plugged into her fantasy.

So right now…right now at this time of the year…is the time for you to invest in some “marriage security”…before you end up like the other UNSUSPECTING men…and on the phone with me asking how you can save your marriage.

Now, for some marriages, life is very different from what I have been describing. In those cases where a man purposely develops himself in his ability to skillfully attract his woman to him…well, the wife of this kind of man finds out that he is FAR BETTER than anything she ever imagined in her youthful fantasy-building…which triggers a level of respect…and passion…and intensity…and love…and desire…and fire…within this wife.

From there, let’s just say that this kind of man is VERY HAPPY with all the passion that is in his marriage. All the undeveloped guys can only dream about and wish for what this man enjoys on a regular, frequent basis.

The interesting thing is, ANY man can have this dream come true…IF he will but purposely develop himself into an attractive man.

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website AS IS…IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

“I did a little research of my own on the internet about you and what you do.  As far as I can tell, you try and help husbands convince their wives why they should have sex with them more often or whenever they want it.  It was a real shocker to see a website called nymphomaniacwife.com.  I asked my husband about this, and of course he denies he is using your courses to try and persuade me to have more sex with him.  I believe sex is a part of marriage, but it is not what makes a marriage happy, at least not for me.

To me, you are giving all heterosexual married males permission to use sex as a reason to be happy in their relationships with their wives.  How about teaching them to learn self control?  How about teaching them a woman’s point of view?  It was once said “women need a reason, men need a place”.  Do you believe this?  My husband is 57 and I am 47.  I have some physiological issues which he is aware of that cause me to not to want to “relate” to him in a physical way.  I had a complete hysterectomy when I was 35.  I also have issues with my thyroid (under active).  Because of our financial situation we can’t afford for me to see a doctor.  So, my husband thinks I am inadequate.  And most of the time he makes me feel that way.  I have no desire whatsoever to make love with my husband.  I can’t conjure up any mental images of us in that way without getting anxious – not excited, ANXIOUS.

So please do me a favor?  Address these issues I’ve presented.  I am pretty certain there are women out there who are in the same boat I’m in.  And believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with my husband.  I don’t want to have sex with anyone!!!!  I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to talk about it.  Send me to a nunnery and throw away the key and I would be just as happy.”

Let’s dissect this note…

“I did a little research of my own on the internet about you and what you do.”

This ought to be interesting…because whatever a person is looking for, THAT is what they will find…no matter how skewed…no matter how completely wrong it is…no matter how much unhappiness and dissatisfaction it creates within their life.  Out of suspicion, skepticism, and negativity, you established a predisposed / presupposed opinion and perspective of me…which means you could ONLY see information that matched up with your predisposition…and you were blind to everything else.

Now, it matters not to me what your pre-judged opinion of me is because God has blessed me with a special gift for helping and saving marriages all over the world…and sparing the corresponding men, women, and children from untold hurt, pain, grief, unhappiness, and misery…and I have been doing this for a long time and I will continue making a very real difference in the lives of men and women for as long as God wills for me to do this.

But, I point this out for YOUR benefit; in how many areas of your life are you predisposing “bad”…and sure enough finding it…because that’s what you are expecting and looking for…and causing yourself to be blind to all the good around you?

How much of your life are you wasting away WANTING joy, happiness, excitement, pleasure, etc. but LITERALLY BLOCKING yourself from all that you want…because of your predisposed expectation of the bad?

What about all the people who would love to share good with you that you are depriving from that blessing of sharing good with you.

I wonder, are you proud of yourself for depriving yourself and all those other people?

Now that you have read this, I have no doubt that you are fuming mad…that you are in major defensive mode…that you are rejecting me as a person…and slamming me in all kinds of ways…BUT…put all of that aside and just let your awareness be expanded…let your perspective be shifted…and use your anger at me as motivation to begin seeing good everywhere and in everything…and if you will do that, then I have been a life-changing blessing to you.

For the sake of discussion (and expanding awareness), let’s continue on…let’s find out what your predisposition of me was…

“As far as I can tell, you try and help husbands convince their wives why they should have sex with them more often or whenever they want it.”

Ooooohh…just as you suspected…I’m a real nasty, evil person aren’t I.

“It was a real shocker to see a website called nymphomaniacwife.com.”

Confirmed!!!  You suspected I was a bad person…and now you KNOW it, right?

Well, let’s slow down and back up.  The very first line on www.NymphomaniacWife.com asks men if they are interested in enjoying a wife who is HAPPY … PLEASANT … LOVING … AFFECTIONATE…

Why are you resisting these words?

Do you want to be unhappy?

Do you prefer the unpleasant to the pleasant?

Would you rather your world be unloving instead of loving?

Do want a cold, unaffectionate environment around you instead of a warm, affectionate environment?

In fact, did you even see any of these words…happy, pleasant, loving, affectionate?

Or, did you just see the words “highly-sexual” and immediately jump to the conclusion that I am a rotten scoundrel who teaches men to use, trick, manipulate and coerce women into being the mindless equivalent of a blow-up sex-doll?

Did you perhaps imagine something even worse than this?

In order for you to be “shocked” as you said you were, YOU had to imagine something really “scary” in YOUR mind.

What was that…and did imagining that make you feel happy?

I wonder just how much of your life is dissatisfying to YOU…all because of what YOU are imagining in YOUR mind?

But, let’s suppose that I did somehow give men evil little tricks with which they could overcome women’s “defenses” and take advantage of them.  Do you suppose that would that cause women to feel happy, pleasant, loving, or affectionate?

Nope!  I don’t think so.

So, I must be doing something else.  In fact, what I AM doing is helping men become the kind of man that a woman WANTS to be married to.  In fact, what I AM doing is helping men become the kind of man that a woman WANTS to be affectionate and sexual with.

I am NOT helping men convince their wife of anything.  I am helping men learn how to create a relationship with their wife that BOTH he and she wants…DESPERATELY!

There is ZERO need for me to convince anyone of anything.  EVERYBODY already has their wants, needs, and desires…and they just need someone who can help them get what they ALREADY want.

That is what I do…I help men AND women get what they already want.

From the time every normal young girl hits puberty until her wedding day, what is the predominate topic in her mind?

That’s right…just about the ONLY thing she thinks about…dreams about…talks about…reads about…and watches TV and movies about…has to do with being in a passionate, exciting, romantic, affectionate, and yes, SEXUAL relationship with a cool guy.

I help men become that cool guy who satisfies and fulfills this very dream that is STILL inside of every normal female…regardless of what her age is.

I’ve had clients who FINALLY learned how to bring out the giggly, fun, passionate, exciting, enjoyable, and yes SEXUAL 16 year old “girl” who was hidden away in their 60+, 70+, and in one instance, in their 80+ year old wife.

Were these men able to do this through evilness, deceit and trickery?  Nope!  These men were able to do this because they finally learned how to fulfill their wife’s life-long fantasy of being in a fun, pleasant, enjoyable, satisfying, fulfilling, meaningful, and yes sexual relationship with a quality, attractive, manly MAN!

Now, you may be an exception to this.  It may be that when you were 16 years old, you were fantasizing about being in a boring, platonic, decidedly non-sexual relationship…one where you went to your job during the day…and the man you were married to went to his job during the day…and in the evening…you did your share of the chores…and he did his share of the chores…and the two of you mostly did not talk…but on occasion the two of you would sparsely talk about meaningless trivia or insignificant chatter…and then you put on your grandma pajamas…and go  to your separate bedroom…while he put on his grandpa pajamas…and went to his separate bedroom…and you lived for 40 years together in this manner…and then died without ever having to “dirty” yourself…or inconvenience yourself…with “nasty” things like deep connection, real passion, or exciting sex.

Was this your teenage fantasy?  If it was, then you should write a book about it or something because you are like the only female ever to have such a fantasy.

But, assuming that you were in fact the normal, typical, HEALTHY teenage girl with the normal, typical, HEALTHY interests…then what I can tell you is that your fantasy that you DID have back then is STILL the same fantasy that you DO have today…EVEN if that fantasy has been buried so deep beneath a mountain of hurt, offenses, withdrawal, and self-protection that EVEN YOU have lost awareness of it.

Back to what I do…I help men become the kind of man who fulfills their wife’s life-long fantasy.  I help men become the kind of man who NO LONGER hurts, offends, and turns-off their wife.  I help men become the kind of man who puts genuine HUGE smiles of happiness…and yes pleasure…on their wife’s face.

And, the people I mentioned above…those who were in their 60′s, 70′s and so on…well, I’m glad that I was able to help them…and that they were FINALLY able to come together in happiness and intimacy…better late than never…but what a waste of life…how sad that they wasted all those years unhappy, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and miserable.

So yes…I guess I am a bad person…seeing as I help men and women BOTH get what they have wanted more than anything else their entire adult life.

“I asked my husband about this (www.NymphomaniacWife.com), and of course he denies he is using your courses to try and persuade me to have more sex with him.”

Whew!  That must have been a major relief to you, right?  After all, it would not do for you to give your husband something he wanted from you…unless it suited your purposes to give it to him, would it?

Think about that…have you made a decision that you absolutely will NOT give anyone anything except what you WANT to give them…that you will resist and reject everyone who wants something from you…except for what you decide you are willing to dole out?

Many women live their life in this way…in this stingy, rejecting, resisting, non-accepting, rationing kind of way…giving only what suits them to give…and they wonder why everyone in life is having fun but them.

And, why I am telling you this?  Well, just as before…this resisting, rejecting way of thinking and operating does nothing except BLOCK YOU from all the good that you want…which makes YOU…and all those around you…miserable.

As you were researching me, did you NOTICE this “attitude” within you rising up in MAJOR rejection and resentment of me and what you were presupposing it was that I do?

Probably you didn’t until I just now mentioned it…and in the same way, this is how UNaware you are of how you are resisting good all around you.

Another aspect to this…

Do you feel a strong attraction to your husband over the fact that he cowers down in fear before you?

Does it make you feel good about yourself to know that you have this power over him?

Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life?

Wouldn’t you rather enjoy life with a manly, masculine man who is your man instead of your lap-dog?

“I believe sex is a part of marriage, but it is not what makes a marriage happy, at least not for me.”

Question #1: What exactly would make a marriage happy for you?

Question #2: What part exactly is sex in a marriage?

Question #3: If a marriage is non-sexual, does that make it a happy marriage?

Question #4: Have you so lost sight of what really makes you happy…have you so lost sight of the things that really have meaning and value to you…that you now think those things have nothing to do with happiness?

Question #5: Is it a good strategy to bury and subvert your natural desires and interests…things you have always wanted…and still want…as a result of what other people…including your husband…say and do?

Now, I am NOT being flippant here.  I am asking you these questions so that you can go back and reconsider your own thought patterns…and evaluate if they are really taking you to where you want to go in life.

Also, I am not discounting how hurtful many husbands are to their wife.  I am not discounting the sad truth that a majority of women are forced to subvert their dreams and desires…they are forced to retreat and withdraw…as a means of safety and protection…because of all the ways their husband belittles, hurts, criticizes, and condemns them…because of how unattractive and repulsive their husband’s ways of thinking and operating are.

But, is it wise for you to let an undeveloped guy rob you of all YOUR happiness and enjoyment in life?

Just because the guy you married has poorly-developed male/female interaction skills…just because the guy you married has very little understanding of how to be an attractive husband who blesses you on every level…but seemingly has a well-developed understanding of how to be hurtful AND disappointing…does that mean you should decide that everything you have ever wanted is “bad”?

Or, does it mean that your husband DESPERATELY NEEDS my program…so that he can learn how to be a man who understands what your needs are…so that he can learn how to be a loving man…so that he can learn how to be an attractive, appealing, and desirable man…so that he can learn how to lead both of you into happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, and meaning?

“To me, you are giving all heterosexual married males permission to use sex as a reason to be happy in their relationships with their wives.  How about teaching them to learn self control?”

Let me ask you a counter question: how about I teach women to be more self and sexually expressive instead of self and sexually repressive?

Why should men have to learn “self-control”?  Why shouldn’t women learn to be passionately expressive?

After all, back when the typical female was dating the guy she ended up marrying, she was absolutely passionately expressive back then…and she was not asking the guy to learn “self-control” back then.

Think about what you are saying.  Do you REALLY want a guy who is so “self-controlled” that he does not desire you sexually?  Do you  REALLY…down deep in your heart where honesty and truth reside…do you want to be such an unattractive, undesirable person that your husband has zero desire or interest in you whatsoever?

Or, wouldn’t you rather that your husband learn how to NOT offend, hurt, criticize, and belittle you…and to instead become the kind of man that it is SAFE for you to be passionately expressive with?

What you don’t understand about men is that their urge for sex is on the exact same biological and physiological level as the urge to eat is in you…and so in that analogy, the typical husband is already exhibiting AMAZING self-control as he puts up with a not-very-sexually-expressive wife.

If the typical woman got to eat on the same infrequent schedule as she and her husband had sex…if the typical woman was forced to go without food on the same level that the typical husband is forced to go without sex…well, the women around us would either be a whole lot skinnier…actually, they would just be dead from malnutrition…or they would be a whole lot more expressive sexually.

Granted, as I think I have already made clear, the reason most women are not-very-sexually-expressive is BECAUSE their husband fails to create the kind of environment where it is safe for them to open up and share / express themselves…but that is a different topic that I address with men in my program.

“How about teaching them a woman’s point of view?”

I absolutely DO teach men this.  By the time men finish my program, they know more about women than women know about themselves.

Right now, there are so many things that do not “feel” right between you and your husband.

Can you articulate to your husband…in a way that makes sense to him…how to do the right things that would cause you to feel “right” with him?

The answer is that you cannot…or you would have already done it.  I am sure you have tried.  I am sure that you have “told” your husband what to do to make you happy…or at least you have “told” him that he has made you unhappy…but it made no sense to him because you don’t fully understand yourself or him…or the differences in how the two of you “process”…so that the two of you can get on the same page where things “feel” right for both of you.

But, the men who have gone through my program DO know exactly how to create those feelings within a woman that are “right” and “good”.

“It was once said “women need a reason, men need a place”.  Do you believe this?”

Do you recognize that this is you stating what you need from your husband?

Do you recognize that you need your husband to learn how to create a certain kind of environment for you to enjoy with him?

Do you recognize that you need your husband to learn how to be the kind of man who can lead you and him into greater goodness, joy, happiness, safety, and pleasure?

Do you recognize that you need a husband who understands how to create certain feelings within you that are very satisfying, fulfilling, enjoyable, and pleasurable?

“My husband is 57 and I am 47.  I have some physiological issues which he is aware of that cause me to not to want to “relate” to him in a physical way.  I had a complete hysterectomy when I was 35.  I also have issues with my thyroid (under active).  Because of our financial situation we can’t afford for me to see a doctor.  So, my husband thinks I am inadequate.  And most of the time he makes me feel that way.  I have no desire whatsoever to make love with my husband.  I can’t conjure up any mental images of us in that way without getting anxious – not excited, ANXIOUS.”

This confirms the things I have already said.  You have withdrawn from who you REALLY are…you have subverted what you REALLY want…because the man in your life has created an unsafe, scary, non-trusting relationship with you.

Go back to your 16 – 18 year old self…and recall what you really wanted at that point…and you will realize that what you wanted then is STILL what you want now.  It’s just that the man in your life has not been able to create the environment where you could enjoy all of what you wanted.

“So please do me a favor?  Address these issues I’ve presented.  I am pretty certain there are women out there who are in the same boat I’m in.”

You are absolutely right!  Sadly, there ARE WAY TOO MANY women who are in the exact same boat that you are in.  There are WAY TOO MANY women who are suffering in hurt, pain, misery, sadness, loneliness, and YES…even horniness…because of the unpleasant, hurtful, offended relationship their husband has created with them.

That’s a big part of why I do what I do…because as I help men become the kind of man that God meant for them to be…the kind of man who has certain relationship skills and abilities, I am at the same time, helping women get out of this sad “boat” and get into a “boat” of happiness, joy, and pleasure.

Because of this, I have received thousands of testimonials from men through the years that go along the lines of, “Calle, I thank you for what you have done for me…and my wife thanks you for what you have done for her too.”

“And believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with my husband.  I don’t want to have sex with anyone!!!!  I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to see it, I don’t want to talk about it.  Send me to a nunnery and throw away the key and I would be just as happy.”

For the reasons I have stated above, I do not believe this is true.  I do not believe that you mean this.  I believe that IF your husband developed himself into the attractive, desirable, appealing, and sexy man that you imagined yourself being with when you were 16 – 18…and if your husband developed the ability to lead and manage a happy, fulfilling, and satisfying relationship with you…that you would VERY MUCH enjoy being close, intimate, and sexual with him…or at least you would enjoy these things after you got over being hurt and offended at him.

Why do I not believe you?

For two reasons:

1) I have seen way too many women who “claimed” they felt just like you…turn into a nymphomaniac wife AFTER their husband learned how to be an attractive man who understood how to create a the right kind of relationship with his wife.  And to be specific, the husband DID NOT turn his wife into something she did not want to be.  He simply became the kind of man who knew how to create an enjoyable environment for his wife where it was safe for her to be her REAL self.

2) I have seen way to many women who “claimed” they felt just like you…who finally got fed up with the unhappiness they felt with their husband…and so they left him…found themselves another man…and started acting like a porn starlet with the new man…because they suddenly “remembered” all their dreams and fantasies from when they were 16 – 18…and realized that IF they were ever going to experience those dreams, they better get to doing it.

But, let’s look at this from another perspective…

In a happy, satisfying, fulfilling, and meaningful marriage relationship, sex is just ONE of MANY forms of connection, happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction, and pleasure.  And so, highly sexual marriages are marriages that frequently express and share happiness, passion, fun, and excitement in MANY different ways…of which sex is just one of those many ways.

Conversely, non-sexual marriages are marriages where there is very little connection, happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction, or pleasure.  And so, non-sexual marriages are marriages where there are FEW expressions or shares of happiness, passion, fun, or excitement.  Non-sexual marriages don’t share and enjoy sex…and they don’t share or enjoy much of anything else either.  Yes, they “love” each other…and they tell each other that…but there is no passion or meaning in that love.  Basically, their “love” is nothing more than a connection that stems from having spent a large portion of their life together and from having survived some amount of life’s challenges together.

Sure, they go through habitual motions…they go out to eat and they go to the movies…or whatever it is that they do…but there is very little REAL expressing or sharing of REAL connection or passion.

So, when a woman says she is non-sexual, she is also saying that her life has no connection or passion, she is saying her life has little happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, or meaning…and you will never convince me that any sane, rational woman wants that.  I KNOW for a fact that God wired women in such a way that they WANT to have fun…and be naughty…with their husband.

Yes, the non-sexual wife probably has her kids…and yes, she probably wraps herself up in her kids while they are still at home…but after they are grown and gone…well, she’s just left as a lonely, bored, sad, unhappy woman…who is either meddling and interfering in her kids lives…or sitting around waiting on their next call.

And, a woman can live this way if she wants to…or, she can demand that her husband go to www.NymphomaniacWife.com and buy my program so that he can learn how to be an attractive, sexy man…so that he can learn how to be the kind of man who knows how to create a happy, satisfying, fulfilling, meaningful, exciting, pleasurable, and passionate marriage relationship with her…the kind that EVERYONE wants…and very few people have…so that he and she can enjoy the rest of their lives together in the deepest form of love and happiness.

I realize that some of the things I have said here are kind of stout…but my hope is that what I have said here will be the catalyst that triggers an avalanche of great good, enjoyment, happiness, and pleasure coming into the remainder of your life.

I assure you, no disrespect is intended in what I have said.  Yes, I have been sarcastic in a few places…and that was on purpose for emphasis…and to stir up your emotions so that you are no longer able to just think about yourself and your situation in the same way you always have.

Every person who has ever REALLY helped me move to greater levels of goodness and enjoyment in my life, caused me to become aware of myself in ways I was previously unaware…they caused me to see and understand things about myself that I was previously blind to and ignorant of.  And yes, it was frequently painful…it frequently cut deep into my ego…it frequently hurt my pride…it frequently embarrassed me…and it frequently angered me…but that is what was required in order for me to gain and develop a new awareness of myself so that I could get better results in my life.

I am not the only human being with this characteristic.  Look back into your own history…and you will find certain not-very-pleasant moments in your life that were moments of great and rapid change in YOU.  In these moments, you SUDDENLY recognized something and consequently you became a different person who was able to get better results or effect better outcomes in YOUR life…because you SUDDENLY saw yourself in a new way or understood something about yourself that you did not previously understand.

Another thing…I could have cowered down to the tone of your message to me and the accusations you were throwing at me…I could have just agreed with the “direction” of your message…I could have told you what you wanted to hear that would make you feel warm and fuzzy good…and I would have done NOTHING to help you…I would have simply left you right in the same situation that you were previously in…getting the same results that you were previously getting.  And yes, your ego would have felt good because I had agreed with you…but again, I would have done NOTHING to help you improve your ability to enjoy greater enjoyment in life.  If I had verbally patted you on the head and pacified you, I would have done you a disservice.

I have no desire or interest in trying to convince you of anything.  You are welcome and free to think and do whatever you want…it has no impact on me in any way…YOU are the one who gets to live with the consequences of your choices, ways of thinking and operating, ignorance’s, and so on.  Because you have come to me for input, I have an obligation to help you expand your awareness and understanding…I have an obligation to break you out of the rut you have been in for a long time…i.e. to help you see things you didn’t see before…understand things you didn’t understand before…be aware of things you were unaware of before…all of which will enable and empower you to get and enjoy better results in your personal life.  Whether you receive that or not is entirely up to you.  You are welcome to receive it and find ways to benefit from it…or you are free to reject it and stay right where you are at getting the same results you have previously gotten.

When I say that, I am not being sarcastic or flippant.  I am stating that you really do have a choice that you will make one way or another.

Also, I may be completely wrong in every single thing I said in relation to you…and that is immaterial…as long as it caused you to reconsider and reevaluate yourself.  As long as my response prompted you to do this…as long as my response gave you enough emotional energy and motivation to be CHALLENGED…then you will never be the same as before…and you can begin to get better results…and I have been of service and value to you.

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website AS IS…IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

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Husband, I have great news for you…

Your wife CAN and WILL be as sexual with you as you want her to be.

But, there is a catch…

Whatever the level of “sexual woman” that you want your wife to be at with you…that is the same level of “sexy man” that YOU have to be at in relation to her!

If your wife is not very sexual with you, then that means you are not a very sexy man towards her.

Now, you may argue that your wife was plenty sexual when the two of you first hooked up…and that you haven’t changed from what you were then.

Well probably, that is mostly true…and there is a completely logical explanation for why this happened. Your lady had a fantasy playing in her mind that was exciting to her…you came along…and she plugged you into her fantasy…and her response to you…based upon the fantasy in her mind…was the turned on woman you experienced at that time.

The problem is that over time, the reality of your REAL level of sexiness has manifested itself to your wife again and again…until now, your wife had WITHDREW you…she has UN-plugged you…from her fantasy.

And, when YOU are no longer plugged into that part of your wife’s mind that is exciting to her…well, she is no longer going to respond to you or interact with you in that excited, turned-on, sexual way.

Now, I want to make a couple of items clear…

First, being a sexy man is NOT about being super-handsome and ultra-rich.

Of course, no reasonable woman is going to be attracted to a consistently-broke, slovenly, disheveled, pot-bellied, beer and chips in hand, eyes glued to the TV, couch potato. But, assuming you are a reasonable man who takes reasonable care of himself, being sexy is NOT about looks.

What makes a man sexy is the overall set of feelings that he creates within a woman on an ongoing basis.

And, when a man knows how to invoke these feelings within his wife, he will be shocked at how passionate, affectionate, and sexual his wife will be with him.

Second, being a sexy man is NOT about doing nice things for your wife.

Men everywhere are doing all kinds of things to try to get their wife to be sexual with them. They have washed the dishes until they gleam. They have worn the handle off the vacuum cleaner. They have washed the clothes until they are thread-bare. They have bought their wife all kinds of jewelry.  That have taken their wife on cruise after cruise.  And yet, they cannot understand why their wife will not be sexual with them.

Pay attention to what I am about to say…

Doing things to try to bribe your wife into being sexual with you…doing things for your wife that you think she should appreciate and give sex back to you for…is NOT the same thing as being a sexy man.

The man who is forever trying to “nice” his way into his wife’s panties will soon enough find that his wife will use every available, semi-reasonable excuse she can come up with to keep him OUT of her panties.  The man who is constantly doing things for his wife to get her to be sexual with him will soon enough have a wife who “claims” she does not like, want, or need sex.

Moreover, just because you have a job and pay bills…just because you are the father of you and your wife’s children…just because some courthouse has a marriage certificate stored away that states you and your wife are married…does NOT mean you are a sexy man to your wife.

So, the truth remains…your wife will be as sexual with you as you are sexy. Your wife’s level of sexual expressiveness will quickly level off to match your level of sexiness.

What this means is that if you want your wife to be more sexual with you, then you must become a more sexy man. It is that simple!

How do you do become a sexy man?

Well, for every truly good thing that can be had and enjoyed in life, there IS a WISDOM that must be developed and maintained in order to acquire, attain, possess, and retain that good thing…and this most definitely applies to a man who wants to have a sexual marriage relationship with his wife.

If you can become a sexy man by yourself, then do it and enjoy the results. If you would rather take the fast path where you get instruction, help, guidance, and support in becoming a sexy man who enjoys a sexual wife, then there is the one legitimate place for you to go: Married And Happy

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website AS IS…IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

The fact is, until a husband purposely develops himself so that he can create this kind of relationship with a woman, he will continue to suffer in misery and unhappiness in his marriage.

The fact is, as long as a husband wants or expects his wife to be the creator of HIS happy, fulfilling relationship…as long as a guy just wishes his wife would be more sexual with him so he could be happier…well, that is how long that husband will remain in an unhappy, unfulfilling, and not-very-sexual relationship with his wife.

But today, I am going to “bust” wives. So husband, get ready to feel a bit of satisfaction as I stand up for you.

Before I start, everything that follows is based upon the typical marriage scenario created by the typical husband and the typical wife. I understand that there are exceptions and inverses to every rule…I understand that there are extremes and fringes…but what I am talking about here is the mainstream marriage of the mainstream husband and wife.

With that, here are my responses to some of the common things that wives say about their husband and porn…

#1: “As a normal wife, I cannot compete with the sexed-up girls in porn. There is no way!”

“You can’t? Who said you can’t? What do girls in porn have that you don’t have? Take your clothes off and go stand in front of a mirror. You will find that you have exactly the same equipment as the girls in porn have. But having said that, your husband does not want you competing with the girls in porn. He wants you to enjoy sharing exactly what you have with HIM. He wants you to want him in the same way you did before the two of you got married — that’s ALL he wants.

And, if you go back to that point in time, he was VERY happy with you. Why was he happy with you? Was it because you were a porn starlet? No! It was because he could see the womanly passion and sexuality in you and THAT was a big part of what he wanted to enjoy WITH you for the rest of your lives.

The fact is, at any point, ANY woman is capable of using her mind in the same sex-positive, sex-enjoying way that ALL highly sexual women do who live a satisfying life. All a woman has to do is put away the negativity, pettiness, and resentment she is focusing upon in relation to her husband.

After all, your husband IS more or less the SAME man he was BEFORE you married him…and at that point, YOU thought he was fabulous and wonderful…or you wouldn’t have married him! So, get back to thinking the same way about your husband NOW as you did then and watch how the happiness in your marriage blossoms…both for YOU and your husband…and notice in particular how the porn thing becomes a complete non-issue.

#2: “Knowing that my husband watches porn leaves me feeling emotionally abandoned and sexually devalued.”

Ah, now YOU are feeling what your husband felt FIRST from YOU. All the times you withdrew, abandoned, and rejected him…even when you could see that he was doing everything he could FOR you…as you watched him wash dishes and take care of the kids and so on…all so that the two of you could be together as husband and wife…so that the two of you could come together as lovers…and no matter how much he did…no matter how much he tried…you STILL turned him down more often than not.

After all, BECAUSE OF HOW YOU WERE USING YOUR MIND, it wasn’t important to you at that time…and so consequently, it should not be important to him either…right?

Do you have any idea how emotionally abandoned and sexually devalued YOU have caused YOUR husband to feel all these years?

But, I guess in your mind, it’s ok if you caused him to feel this way…but it’s absolutely NOT ok for him to cause you to feel this way…right?

#3: “I am very distressed by my husband’s use of porn. His continued use of porn threatens the stability of our marriage.”

I do believe that you are “distressed” by your husband’s use of porn…but not because you are concerned about your marriage. If you really cared about your marriage, you would NOT be treating your husband the way you have for all these years.

If you really cared about your marriage, you would not be holding onto all the offenses, grudges, resentment, and anger that you feel towards your husband over mostly petty, insignificant little things.

If you really cared about your marriage, you would be giving a lot more respect and appreciation to your husband…he would be a lot more important to you…it would be way more important to you to give him the things you know he wants to share and enjoy with you.

The fact is, porn should be the LEAST of your marriage concerns because porn is merely a symptom of a much bigger and deeper problem. Hopefully, you will understand that by the time you finish this article.

Even though you won’t admit it, what you are really “distressed” about is that your control over your husband and the blessings, security, and stability he provides you are at risk.

As long as he weakly and slavishly follows your lead…as long as he “wants” you…as long as he gives you whatever you want…as long as he is doing without while giving to you…as long as you know he is on your “leash”…you do not feel “distress”.

And, you do not care one WHIT about all the “distress” you cause him to feel, do you? Your husband is a man who committed his life, resources, and dreams to YOU…the one woman in the entire world that he gave his all too…his ONE most valuable prize…and he willingly gave it all up for YOU…but what he has ended up with is anything but a prize…what he ended up with in exchange for giving you his all is LITTLE TO NONE of the intimacy he THOUGHT he was going to get to enjoy with you.

But, it’s all about you, isn’t it? In your mind, the sole purpose of a man is to give and do for you…to dance like a monkey…and work like a dog…trying to put a smile on your face and keep it there…right?

#4: “I discovered my husband has been secretly looking at porn for quite some time. Now, I’ve lost all trust in him. Now, I can’t respect him. Now, our marriage has been shattered. That’s why we are separating and why I am divorcing him.”

Yes, that is exactly what you should do…because after all, it is absolutely ok for a woman to disrespect and disregard her husband for years…to hold him in low esteem while SECRETLY DREAMING of a sexy man like the ones in her romance novels, soap operas and chick-flicks.

What about THAT secret life of yours?

Is your “secret” life any less wrong than your husband’s? I don’t think so.

If anything, I question whether your secret life is MORE wrong because yours is more of an emotional desire…while his is more of a physical desire. Yes, your husband may have sought sexual release with the aid of porn, but he feels nothing in his heart for any other woman except you. But I wonder, how embarrassed and ashamed would you be if your husband was suddenly able to see into the secrets of YOUR heart…and the ill feelings you have felt towards him and the “attracted” feelings you have felt towards other men?

In other words, your husband may have been brought by the circumstances of his marriage with you to the point that he sometimes expresses his physical desire in the realm of porn but he still FULLY loves you and remains loyal and devoted to his relationship with you. Otherwise, he would have already left you for another woman…one who was warmer, more sexually open, and who had more respect and appreciation for him.

On the other hand, could you honestly declare before God that you have been fully loving your husband? Yes…yes…I know about all the things that you “do for him”…which in reality are things that you WANT to do…things that mean something to you…and you could care less whether they mean anything to him…and, you could care less if you did any of the things that he has told you are meaningful to him. So again, could you really declare before God that you have been fully loving your husband up to now?

Just in case you aren’t sure, let’s remember what turned your husband to porn in the first place. He FIRST tried EVERYTHING he could think of to get you interested in being his lover…MANY, MANY, MANY times he has initiated lovemaking with you…only to be rejected, belittled, denigrated, etc. MOST of the time…and at some point, he gave up and moved on to something else…porn…which you are allegedly not happy about now…right?

If you don’t want him sexually, why would you care if he uses porn as his sexual release outlet instead of you? Seems to me like you would be glad that he is finally leaving you alone. Based on the “attitude” you have projected at him for years over his desire for sex with you…it seems to me that you would be happy he has finally decided to stop pestering you for sex.

Are you really such a fickle person that you are unhappy if he asks you for sex…and you are unhappy if he doesn’t?

#5: “I’ve heard that guys who use porn would rather look at porn than a real naked woman.”

What nonsense. There might be one or two weirdo guys on our planet who would prefer to look at porn over a real naked woman…but for all the rest of the mainstream men in this world…put the option of porn in front of them…and the option of their naked wife…and WATCH how quick they toss the porn aside like it’s a nasty diaper…and give their wife their full, undivided attention.

In fact, I dare you to prove this point for yourself. Go buy a porno movie and a Polaroid camera and ask your husband if he would rather watch the porno movie or take pictures of you nude. (Hint: have a very loose grip on the camera so you don’t get hurt when your husband grabs it out of your hand!)

The fact is, the mainstream husbands I am talking about in this article will ALWAYS prefer the real thing over the fake. And, anything else they are interested in is only for the purpose of spicing up the real thing and keeping it fresh, alive, and passionate.

#6: “Men who look at porn ignore their wife.”

Yes…wives who affectionately and sexually ignore and deny their husband will either lose him to another woman…or end up being ignored by him as he redirects his interests elsewhere. If you don’t like this, then stop ignoring him. If you don’t like this, then stop being so hard to get along with. If you don’t like this, then start showing him some attention, interest, and warmth. Assuming you haven’t completely burnt his heart for you, he’ll come around.

#7: “Men who watch porn want porn-style sex with their wife. They want to act out porn-style sex with their wife. And, if a woman gives in to that, then her husband still won’t be satisfied. He’ll want to go into the more extreme forms of porn.”

Certainly, there are extreme, disgusting, sickening, disturbing, illegal, hardcore porn options available for consumption. And yes, there are those few weirdo guys who “get off” on that kind of porn. But, this is NOT what the mainstream husband is interested in “acting out”. What the mainstream husband IS interested in …AS IS DEMONSTRATED BY MAINSTREAM PORN…is a woman who is open, warm, and willing to POSITIVELY ENJOY sex with him…a woman who is HAPPY to share her body with her man…both in a visual sense and in a physical touch sense…a woman who WANTS TO HAVE FUN sex WITH her man that consists of straightforward oral sex and straightforward penetration in a variety of positions and locations.

So, is a man “acting out” because he wants this? Is he “acting out” because he wants more than a woman who insists on turning off all the lights, who refuses to enjoy oral sex, who says no to any position except basic missionary, or who throws a fit when her husband suggests they have sex somewhere outside of the bedroom?

In the secret confines of her mind, there has NEVER been a woman who ONLY wanted non-passionate grandpa / grandma level procreative intercourse. But in the real world, there are a LOT of women who use their mind in such a way that they narrow down their marriage bed to grandpa / grandma level sex…and then they have the gall to condemn their husband for trying to open up and expand their marriage bed so it can be a little more fun, interesting, and exciting for BOTH of them.

#8: “Men who look at porn can no longer be turned on by their wife or have an orgasm with her. They have to instead visualize images of the girls in porn in order to be able to perform. They have to pretend like their wife is some porn starlet who they have seen in some porn movie. And, I am not interested in having sex with a man who is pretending like I am someone else…who is imagining he is having sex with someone else.”

This is a strategy that women have been using for eons…if you could get inside the minds of married women such that you could see and hear their true and honest thoughts during sex, you would find that the overwhelming majority of them HAVE fantasized about ANOTHER man WHILE they were making love with their husband…and you would also find that MANY of them use this strategy on an ongoing basis…and now that SOME men are starting to use this same strategy…it’s all of a sudden “bad” and “wrong”?

#9: “All the women I know of whose husband looks at porn feel the same feelings of hurt, sadness, suffering, loss, betrayal, jealousy, and abandonment. A husband who uses porn destroys his wife’s self-esteem.”

To all these women…you poor little dears…you are so busy feeling sorry for your selfish, self-centered, self-focused little selves…that you are oblivious to the damage your on-going sexual rejection of your husband has caused HIM…to the point he has often felt like he has zero manhood left…you have “pounded him down” so much and for so long that he cannot even imagine himself ever being in an enjoyable relationship with a woman. That’s WHY he’s still with YOU!

Do you think he likes being in a miserable relationship with you? Nope! It’s just that your darkness and negativity has so brought down HIS self-esteem that he cannot imagine being able to attract another woman…and so he feels like you are his last and only hope…that’s why he’s still with you. And lucky for you because if he was a high self-esteem man, he would have long ago dumped you for a more enjoyable and satisfying woman.

What I can say is that when these same men finally get it that their wife will always refuse to be a wife to him…they are always pleasantly surprised when they find out that there are a LOT of women interested in them…who find them attractive and desirable…when they finally give up on their wife and move on with their life WITHOUT HER.

What I can also say is that as a wife, you should have thought about what you were losing and abandoning when YOU as a wife were creating the loss of your husband. You didn’t just “lose” your husband. You CREATED his abandonment of you by your actions, attitudes, and behaviors!

#10: “Marriage is founded upon exclusivity, trust, sexual fidelity, and intimacy. So, when a husband uses porn, he is tearing down the foundation of his marriage…his use of porn threatens the marriage relationship and will likely destroy it if he continues using it.”

I agree…so women should STOP using their minds in such a way that they turn themselves off…women should STOP using their mind in such a way that they subvert and deny their sexuality…women should STOP withholding sex and intimacy…because THEY (women) ARE threatening the marriage relationship!

Lady, you are a smart girl…it’s not hard to figure out…when you open up and share your sexuality with your husband, he will no longer have an interest in porn. You can blame and condemn him as long as you want but it STILL always comes right back down to YOU and your willingness to share your sexual nature with your husband.

#11: “Why do men want sex all the time? Why do men expect their wife to be sexually available to them all the time?”

Why does the sun shine and the moon reflect? Why do you get wet when you stand in the rain? Why do 13 – 21 year old single girls dream and fantasize about a hot, passionate, intimate, and SEXUAL relationship with a man…to the point it is the ONLY thing they can think or talk about? Because that is how it is!

But on the flip side, what is worse to a woman than a man who ONLY wants her for sex and has no other interest in her?

The answer is a man who has no sexual interest in her! The woman who feels the ugliest and the most depressed is the woman who does not have some man directing his sexual interest at her.

But, there’s another aspect to this…the person who proclaims the selfishness of others is usually the one who is the more selfish person. The person preaching that others should be more tolerant is usually the most intolerant person of all. And in this same vein, women want to preach to men that men should just accept them as they are…that men should just accept whatever relationship “crumbs” they happen to feel like doling out at the moment…AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT. But, let her husband drop into being a “crumb” provider and watch how quickly she “draws a line” and issues an ultimatum.

Let’s ask this question: why is it any more “right” for a woman to subvert her sexuality…than it is “wrong” for a man to not subvert his sexuality? Why is it any more “right” for a woman to use reasons and excuses to justify her state of mind towards her husband…than it is “wrong” for a husband to maintain his desire and interest in his wife?

And, while we are condemning men, let’s keep in mind that what men want is EXACTLY the same thing that women want.

To illustrate that last point, let’s suppose someone wrote a romance novel that more or less mirrored you and your husband’s meager, plain-Jane, boring life. Suppose that this book spoke of how the “heroine” was using her mind in a negative way to keep herself emotionally unhappy and sexually turned off most of the time. Suppose that this book spoke of how every time the “hero” tried to romance the “heroine”, she would just shut him down and push him away…perpetually. Suppose this book spoke of how the “hero” and “heroine” shared a mostly friendly but always platonic life together…both of them going to their boring jobs during the day…and then coming home and sharing boring chores and tasks…and then both of them putting on their grandpa / grandma pajamas and heading off to their own separate bedroom.

Is that a book that you would buy? Is that a book that ANY married woman would buy? Nope! The fact is, the kinds of books that married women are interested in are SEXUALLY-CHARGED books…books like “Gone With The Wind” and “Lady Chatterley’s Lover”…as evidenced by the fact that these kinds of books are ALWAYS listed in ANY “Top 100 books for women” list that you care to look at.

So, why do you think about and want sex all the time? Oh wait…I forgot…you don’t call it sex…you call it romance! Whatever…it’s still the same thing…you want the same thing your husband wants…and when you block giving him what he wants, you block giving yourself what you want. Your unhappiness…your lack of satisfaction…your lack of fulfillment is FED by what you dish out to your husband.

And, if you “claim” that you don’t think about and want sex all the time…then that is a SIGN to YOU…that is YOUR warning signal that you have so shut-down and subverted your sexual nature…that the ONLY direction your life CAN go is downward UNLESS you change things FAST!

#12: “As a wife, I feel like there is no way I can measure up to the women in porn. If I cannot give my husband what the girls in porn give him, then how can I possibly expect to hold onto him?”

Your concern is absolutely in the wrong place. It is the resistant, rejecting, withdrawing, bitter, resentful, hateful, spiteful, denies-her-sexuality woman who cannot “hold” a guy.

A man WANTS a strong erotic bond between he and his wife. A man WANTS to have a warm, loving, affectionate woman to share his life with. And, the moment his wife opens herself up to ENJOY being that kind of woman WITH him, is the moment his wife will get to start enjoying the kind of marriage relationship she dreamed and fantasized about when she was single.

Now, let’s regroup…

Is all of this to suggest that I am a supporter and proponent of porn?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

For most husbands, porn is a safe…albeit weak…way of retreating from a wife who is quick to reject sex…or who triggers feelings of inferiority, insecurity, or anxiety within him. Consequently, I am against porn because it is a way to avoid the problems between a husband and a wife rather than facing up to them and fixing them so that they BOTH can get on with REALLY enjoying life.

I am against porn for the same reasons I am not interested in watching standard TV programming…life is to be LIVED and enjoyed not watched.

I am against porn because I want men lusting after their wife…and wives lusting after their husband…instead of some stranger.

I am against porn because it does have certain over-stimulating, desensitizing effects upon those who consume it.

I am against porn because it triggers insecurity and fear instead of boosting confidence.

I am against porn because it is LESS than the best. The love-life and sex-life that my wife and I share and enjoy together day by day is FAR SUPERIOR to anything either one of us has ever seen in the world of porn…what we share is REAL compared to the predominantly FAKE and PRETEND stuff shown in porn…and that is what I want men and women EVERYWHERE sharing and enjoying together…that is what I want married couples modeling to their children…so that the negative marriage relationship statistics of our world can be reversed.

Now, let me speak specifically to the husband…

No matter how much you agree with what I have said within this article…no matter how “broke” you think your wife is…no matter how inappropriate her mindset and mentality towards you is…this STILL does not fix your marriage relationship problems.

When it comes bedtime, your wife is still going to be just as not-very-sexual as she was before. And, she is going to continue being this way UNTIL YOU LEARN HOW TO CREATE A DIFFERENT REACTION IN HER TOWARDS YOU.

That’s just the way it is. A woman ALWAYS reacts to a man with one of two reactions…turned-on or turned-off. And, if your wife is not highly sexual with you, then that means YOU ARE invoking the turned-off reaction.

But, THERE IS a way to become the man who invokes the turned-on reaction in your wife. Those guys who already know how to invoke the turned-on reaction in a woman WERE NOT born that way. Rather, they LEARNED how to create that kind of reaction in a woman. And, if they can learn it, so can you.

The only difference between them and you was that they encountered their “learning environment” earlier in life than you did. But, NOW IT IS YOUR TIME! Now, the “learning environment” is here waiting for you to step in and find out how to create that turned-on reaction in your wife so that you can REALLY enjoy life with her for the rest of your life!

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

Husband Or Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

In the course of helping men create a more affectionate, intimate, and sexual relationship with their wife, a LOT of women come to me talking about their greatest struggle in relation to their husband.

As a husband, you need to know about this!

So, what is a wife’s greatest struggle? In general, it is that she believes her husband is a good man. She believes he is a good provider for the family. She believes he is a good dad. She believes he is a level-headed, dependable man. Overall, she believes that he is a good person and a good citizen.

The problem is…she is not sexually attracted to him. As a normal woman, she likes sex. She wants sex all the time with a certain kind of man. She loves the idea of sharing her sexuality with a sexually attractive man. She dreams of passionate, exciting lovemaking. But yet, she doesn’t want this level of sexual closeness with her husband.

Now, when she and her husband finally do get around to making love, sometimes it’s kind of good…but again, the problem is that she doesn’t want it with him very often because she is not sexually attracted to him. In effect, she has to reach a certain level of horniness before she is willing to have sex with a man who she is not sexually attracted to…and that is why sex doesn’t happen very often in the typical marriage.

And so, a wife’s greatest struggle is that on one hand, her husband is a good man…and on the other hand, she is not sexually attracted to him. In relating to and interacting with her as a woman, her husband does not think, behave, or operate in a way that is attractive, appealing, desirable, or sexy to her and so she is not sexually attracted to him.

So, what is a wife supposed to do in this situation?

Her dream before she got married was to have a fun, enjoyable, exciting, passionate, intimate, and sexual marriage relationship with a sexy man. That is what she wanted. That is what she dreamed about. That is why she married her husband…because at the dating stage, she believed all of this was possible with him.

But, now that she’s married and has got to know her husband for who he really is…and her fantasies about him have been destroyed…well, she just doesn’t feel the “magic” with him. She wants the “magic”…but it’s just not there in relation to her husband. She has always wanted to share a “magical” relationship with a man…and she always will want this. This is STILL what she dreams about.

And yet, her husband does not provide her with the manly traits and characteristics she needs in order to be sexually attracted to him. Yes, he is a good man. And yes, he provides many other things for her that are important to her. But, in that most important area of shared sexuality, he does not provide the things she needs in order to be sexually attracted to him.

As has been said many times by a lot of smart people, “The enemy of the best is good.” And that my husband friend makes YOU your wife’s enemy. That puts YOU in that place where your wife is pushed away from you…and she is turned off by you…and she ends up being forced to look elsewhere for the “best” that she wants to enjoy with a man.

She doesn’t want to look elsewhere. She would much prefer that her husband be the one she feels sexual attraction for. But, he lacks the traits and characteristics she needs, and so he is unable to generate that sexual turn-on inside of her towards him. This is exactly why so many women harbor bitterness and resentment towards their husband…wife after wife is angry at her husband because he does not know how to turn her on.

For a while, a woman will try to supplant the sexual relationship she desires with a man by establishing close relationships with children, friends, pets, or her job. But eventually, she will reach that stage where she can no longer tolerate living with unfulfilled sexual desire. This is exactly why there are so many 35 – 50 year old women who seemingly “go crazy” in leaving their husband and family behind.

They realize that their life is approximately half-way over with and they are unwilling to spend the last half of their adult life in the same dissatisfying and unfulfilling situation as the first half. And so, they “go crazy” as people call it…but really they are just doing everything they can to find the “passion” they have been dreaming of since they were a teenager.

A related element of this struggle that a wife has is that she is “sick and tired” of being her husband’s “momma”. She is “sick and tired” of having to baby-sit and hand-hold her husband in order for him to be “happy”. She is “sick and tired” of having to teach him…and lead him…and guide him…and direct him.

Now, on the husband’s side, he is unhappy with his not-very-sexual marriage…he wants his wife to be more sexual with him…and yet, it’s not happening…so what does he do? Well, either he goes to his wife and starts complaining like a little boy…or he starts asking “momma” to teach him how to turn her on so he can get the sex he wants.

Well guess what? Neither of these behaviors work…they never have worked and they never will work. They do not work for the husband and they for sure do not work for the wife. A wife cannot be a “momma” and a lover to the same man. Let me say that again; your wife cannot be a “momma” to you…and be your lover at the same time. It will NEVER happen.

So, the more a husband tries to get his wife to be a “momma” to him…the more he tries to get her to be a “momma” who takes care of him and gives him all the things he wants, the more she is NOT going to be a lover to him.

I am going to go a bit deeper with this…

The typical husband asks his wife over and over what it is that she needs in order to be turned on. And, although she may occasionally give him some generic response such as “be more romantic”, she has mostly told him over and over that she doesn’t know exactly…and for the most part, she really does not know because she is a woman…she is wired to just feel turn on or turn-off in response to a man. She’s NOT wired to scientifically, analytically, and logically break down her feelings and needs so that she can communicate them to her husband in a scientific and logical way.

And besides, even if she could communicate a “scientific turn-on formula” to her husband, she wouldn’t want to because to do so would undermine and destroy the very passion and excitement that she CRAVES to share with a sexually attractive man.

But her husband…showing his fundamental lack of understanding of her…just keeps on asking her for the equivalent of a scientific formula…because he wants to be able to scientifically apply the formula…because he wants to be able to push a button that flips his wife into wanting to give him the sex that he wants with her.

And there he is…wanting sex…not understanding why his wife doesn’t want sex…and never realizing that she wants sex so bad she can barely stand it…but just not with him. There he is…not understanding that HIS mode of operation is what is squelching his wife’s ability to share herself with him sexually.

At this point, I want to go back to a point I touched on previously…

A man needs to understand that often, a wife will still have sex with her husband even when she is not attracted to him. In roughly 95% of all marriages, a wife becomes less and less and less sexual with her husband over time. A wife may get 5, 10, 15, or 20 years into the marriage…depending upon her caliber and capacity…before she reaches that stage where she can no longer have sex with a man that she has not been sexually attracted to for a very long time.

But, in the meantime, it is common for a wife to still have sex with her husband even though she does not feel any sexual attraction or desire for him. This truth is manifested in many, many ways. In some marriages, it is manifested by how the wife restricts the sexual activities that are “allowed”…such as blocking some or all oral sex…or allowing only missionary-position sex. In other marriages, it is manifested by the boringness, staleness, and lack of passion that accompanies the sex.

Why am I telling you this? Here is why…just because a man and his wife are having sex right now…that does not mean the wife is sexually attracted to her husband. What it means is that she is continuing to give herself to him in hopes that somewhere along the way he will figure out how to be the kind of man who turns her on sexually.

Now, just to be clear…as much as it may sound like it, I am NOT down on men. In no way am I suggesting that men are bad. I am saying these things so that men can become aware of what is REALLY going on in their marriage. I am saying these things so that the typical husband can understand that he has not received the education in relation to his wife that he needs to receive and so that he can do something about it and change his marriage accordingly.

The conditions and circumstances of the typical marriage proves that the husband has not yet received the education in relation to his wife that he needs. But, just because he has not yet received this education does not mean he has to go through the rest of his life without it. To do so would be just plain stupid…and I think men are a lot smarter than that.

So as it applies to you personally, don’t waste another day. Get the education you need. Take care of business. Get on it…and soon enough, your wife will WANT to be on you!

Go to www.NymphomaniacWife.com and get my program. Find out how to be a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, desirable, and sexy to your wife. Get yourself educated on how to BE the man who your wife IS sexually attracted to. Discover the traits and characteristics your wife needs you to possess in order to be turned on by you.

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

Husband Or Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

Do you frequently find yourself frustrated because your wife rarely wants sex?

Is the best that you ever hear from your wife something like, “We can “be together” if that’s what you want…”?

When you do finally get around to making love, does it feel like your wife is mostly just doing you a favor…that she is giving you something that she doesn’t really want herself?

Is your wife “so close” and yet so far away…as in she will undress in front of you…or even walk around naked in front of you…or she will dress in attractive clothes…or sit in provocative ways around you…but yet she doesn’t want you touching her “in that way”?

Or perhaps, are you in a situation where you’ve given up on sex and you would just like to get back to the place where you could hold your wife’s hands, cuddle with her, and kiss her again?

Have you had conversation after conversation and fight after fight over the subject of sex…only to have your wife tell you something along the lines of, “It’s not you…it’s me. I just don’t need sex. That’s just not something I want…sex just doesn’t really do anything for me…it’s just not a big deal to me…”?

An importantly, DID YOU BELIEVE YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE SAID THIS?

Many husbands do believe their wife when she says this. It feels better to their ego to believe that their wife is just not very sexual than to believe that it has something to do with them personally. The idea that they somehow lack that special something that turns their wife on is not very appealing to them so they choose to believe that their wife is a non-sexual person.

Let me tell you straight up what 19+ years of experience in the field of marriage relationships has taught me: to believe that your wife is not very sexual is a HUGE mistake that WILL cost you dearly in the long run.

Now, to validate this statement, I want you to consider some things from your own experience…

How many men have you personally known…or known of…where their wife wasn’t a very sexual woman…until she ran off with another man?

A little closer to home…

What about those few times when you and your wife were out somewhere…and a certain man came around…and all of a sudden it was like your wife turned into a different person…her eyes lit up…her body language changed…her smile brightened up…AND YOU COULD TELL THAT SHE WAS FEELING ATTRACTION TOWARDS THE OTHER MAN?

Didn’t it especially hurt to know that was the kind of attraction you wish she would show towards you?

(I won’t even ask you about the jealousy, the big fight, and the fallout that probably happened afterwards.)

What about those sexually-charged books, TV shows, or movies that your wife gets into?

As you face up to the truth…as you get honest with yourself…as you look at what really is, do you feel that little tug of fear in your gut?

If you do, that is a good thing. That is inner wisdom letting you know that YOU need to take action and become the kind of man that your wife IS attracted to and that she CAN open up and share her sexuality with.

Nobody can make you become this kind of man. But, you will be the one who pays the price if you don’t.

Many guys procrastinate until it’s too late. It’s cheaper and easier for them to do nothing and continue being angry at their wife while blaming and criticizing her.

But, when their wife finally gives up and says she “just can’t do it anymore…” all of a sudden they want to spring into action. All of a sudden, they want to “work on their marriage”. All of a sudden, they really want to know how to become an attractive man. I urge you…be smarter than that…be smarter than to procrastinate until it’s too late.

Yes, it will cost you some money…but mentally put that money in one hand…and mentally put your wife and your marriage in your other hand…weigh the two…and ask yourself, “Which is more important: a few dollars or my wife?”

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

It’s a problem that most wives also have with their husband. As such, this article may very well help you improve your marriage.

The problem sounds something like this:

Girl: [calls boy on phone]

Boy: [answers with a slow, drab, deflated, non-energetic tone of voice] Hullo?

Girl: [with high energy and excitement] chatter…chatter…chatter…so what are you doing?

Boy: [same low-energy tone of voice] Nuthin!

Awkward silence ensues. So girl tries again.

Girl: chatter…chatter…chatter…so, what did you do today?

Boy: Not much!

Awkward silence ensues. So girl tries again.

Girl: chatter…chatter…chatter…tells funny story…delivers punch-line.

Boy: [with total lack of energy or excitement] That’s funny.

Awkward silence ensues…and you get the point.

It’s even worse when my daughter and her friends try to have a text message exchange with these boys. When text messaging, it’s like the ONLY thing the boys know how to say is LOL or some other 2-4 letter acronym…and that does NOT make for an interesting conversation.

Well, after a few months of trying to figure out how to have a conversation with guys, my daughter and her friends came to me with the announcement that guys do not know how to talk…and asking me how they were supposed to talk with boys when they won’t talk.

Now, just so it is clear, the boys I am describing here DESPERATELY want my daughter and her friends to like them. And yet, with each and every telephone conversation and text message exchange, these boys cause my daughter and her friends to be less and less “impressed” with them. With each “conversation” my daughter and her friends feel motivated to move on to “more interesting” boys.

Now, to make sure we are together…you might think I am just telling you a story about my daughter and her friends…but I am not…

I am talking about you and your wife!

Your wife WANTS to have interesting conversation with an interesting man!

But too often, a husband’s communication skills have never progressed much past the guttural grunts and sounds of the boys I used in the example “conversation” above.

When a husband “converses” with his wife in this short, abbreviated, conversation-killing, energy-draining way, it does NOT impress his wife or turn her on towards him.

In fact, it sometimes makes her wish she was with ANOTHER man who she could enjoy the pleasure of an intelligent, interesting, and inspiring conversation with…

ANOTHER man she could talk with…without having to carry the entire conversation…

ANOTHER man who had enough substance to him that she could share something more than a one-sided conversation with him.

Of course, she would probably never admit to thinking these kinds of thoughts but I promise you that she does.

So, how do you become a man who can carry on an interesting conversation with his wife?

1. Step out of the small, little world of your mind…that’s consumed with all your agendas, worries, fears, insecurities, and so on. Realize there is a whole big world that exists and it is filled with wonderful people to interact with…WHEN…you get out of the narrow confines and walls of your own mind.

2. Make the choice to be talkative. You CAN be talkative IF you want to be…so CHOOSE to be talkative with your wife.

The typical husband has a “mental guard” in place that causes him…usually for no real reason that he is conscious of…to shut down and not be very talkative when he is around his wife or other women that are attractive to him.

For many guys, this guard was installed somewhere between the ages of 10 – 13 and it has been firmly in place ever since.

In many cases, it is nothing more than a bad habit for a husband to not be talkative with his wife.

3. Take whatever your wife says and “recast” it with a new preface…something like:

* “Tell me about…”

* “I’m really curious about that. I would love to hear all about…”

* “That’s something I don’t know very much about. I would really like to hear all about that…how it works…why it works…what the factors are…so, explain to me…”

By recasting whatever your wife has said with a preface like one of these, you give yourself the directive to TRULY CONVERSE with your wife…to open up and expand upon what you say…and thereby give her the pleasure of REAL conversation.

4. Being interesting takes preparation. NOWHERE in life can you be a success if you are unprepared or ill-equipped and it’s no different in the area of your marriage relationship.

So, DO NOT come home from work unprepared or ill-equipped. Instead, before you leave your workplace, take 10-15 minutes to find 3 – 5 new and interesting subjects and/or stories to talk about when you get home.

With the information that’s available on the internet, there is no excuse for a man to not have something interesting to talk about with his wife and children during his evening at home with them.

Once a man has prepared himself, then it is easy for him to segue into one of his subjects or stories when the right time comes. The next thing he knows, he will have just given his wife the pleasure of 10 to 30 minutes of pleasurable conversation with him…multiple times throughout the evening.

Of course, a husband can ignore, deny, and reject what I am saying here. He can take the viewpoint that his lack of interest in talking with his wife is HER problem not his…and that’s fine…he can do that. But if he does, then he has no right to be upset when he discovers his wife is having long, ongoing conversations with another man on the phone, at the office, or online.

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.

Husband Or Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

Now, I am not here to bash women … but I am here to articulate an important concept so that husbands can understand how to create the happy and sexual relationship with their wife that they want.

If you want to increase the amount of sex you and your wife have, then this is something you MUST understand.

Before I start though, I will emphasize the point that BOTH the husband and the wife DO want to be happy AND sexual TOGETHER.

Now, when it comes to YOUR wife, you may not believe this. But, it is true.

There has NEVER been a woman who dreamed of getting married and going through and her entire adult married life in a totally sterile, platonic, passionless, cohabitate-only, friends-only kind of marriage relationship. NEVER!

So, where do things go wrong?

What happened between your wife’s pre-marriage romantic visions of a love-filled, passion-filled marriage relationship and her non-romantic, non-affectionate, non-passionate, non-sexual behavior of today?

Well, the first thing is that MOST guys DO NOT know how to be the kind of husband who turns their wife on day after day. They don’t even have a clue about how to do that.

Most guys have NEVER been around a married couple who were truly happy and sexual with each other on an ongoing basis … which means they have never had a good marriage example they could learn from.

Most guys grew up in an environment where men constantly bashed women … and women constantly bashed men.

The result is that most men go into a marriage relationship making mistakes at every level … which results in them turning their wife off at every level.

And in my teachings, I reveal how to be the kind of man who instead turns his wife ON at every level … but for here, I want to talk about something the typical wife does that a husband needs to understand so that he can “handle” it in his wife.

Specifically, a man needs to understand that IN CONTINUED, ON-GOING INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE, the typical woman will almost always mentally sabotage herself and these other people.

In the realm of equipment, we understand the importance of having “fail-safe” devices so that if there is a failure … if something goes wrong … if something goes differently from plan … then the equipment defaults into safe-mode.

A woman’s mind is the exact opposite. If anything goes contrary to her wants, needs, or expectations, then her mind “device” WILL “fail-negative” … her mind will go to negative thought patterns that produce negative feelings, negative attitudes, negative behaviors, and negative actions.

Now, if a woman is single and unattached … and she is primarily around family members or friends who harmonize and sympathize with her … who are “yes-men and yes-women” to her … then she will generally get along just fine … she will generally be more or less positive, optimistic, and happy.

But, as soon as some new person comes into her life … male or female … she will almost always judge and evaluate that person based upon their looks, status, prestige, popularity, wealth, or other surface-level, materialistic criteria.

If she judges the person as not attractive or desirable … if she judges the person to be of no consequence or benefit to her … then she will mostly dismiss and disregard that person.

But, if she judges the person as attractive and desirable … as a person who can benefit or serve her in some way … then she will generally use her mind to FANTASIZE about a FABULOUS “relationship” between them … she will ignore what is and HALLUCINATE a perfect relationship with this person … she will ROMANTICIZE this person as a perfect person … and this is such a COMPELLING scenario to her that she usually becomes completely INFATUATED with the idea of having a closer relationship with this person … to the point she is typically CONSUMED with desire to HAVE her FANTASY.

But, once the FANTASY becomes a REALITY, she then goes into a totally different mental mode. Now, she goes into evaluation mode, comparative mode, and judgmental mode … and her FANTASY is violated on every hand … and now she moves into OFFENDED AT THE PERSON mode.

Now, let’s understand how this happens … in the mind of a woman, who is this perfect person she was “seeing” in her FANTASY?

Well, at its core and essence, it is another person who:

• Thinks EXACTLY like she thinks
• Wants EXACTLY what she wants
• Does things EXACTLY the way she does them
• Has the EXACT same timing of things that she has
• Values EXACTLY what she values
• Holds important EXACTLY what she holds important
• Wants to do for her EXACTLY what she wants them to do for her
• Wants to give to her EXACTLY what she wants given to her
• And so on…

Now, how many of these kind of people do you think there are running around across our globe?

ZERO, right?

Obviously, there is NO SUCH PERSON on the face of this earth. Everybody is such a unique person that NOBODY will EVER match her criteria of perfection.

If you reflect back on women you have ever interacted with or observed, you will undoubtedly find that most of them fall right into this pattern I’ve described: they get along well with “yes-men or yes-women” … “undesirable’s” get dismissed … and “desirable’s” (male or female) cause her to go through this sky-high enamored state to bottomed-out turned off state.

This pattern is definite, distinct, and pronounced in husband / wife relationships … but it is also found in business relationships and social relationships … and it is even there between women.

In fact, observe some women interacting with each other in a business or social setting. What you will usually find BEHIND their polite, smiling faces is “unspoken negativity” between them … the exception again being those who are “yes-women”.

But, bringing it back home … you HAVE EXPERIENCED this pattern in your wife first-hand, have you not?

You are painfully familiar with your wife “failing-negative” on you, right?

In fact, no matter how hard you try to keep things smooth, easy, and good for your wife, she STILL finds a way to “fail-negative” on you, doesn’t she?

Obviously, if you are to increase the amount of sexy you and your wife are having, then you must learn how to keep your wife from “failing-negative”.

Continuing on … there can be all kinds of permutations of this pattern that produce all kinds of unpleasant, unhappy marriage relationship problems.

For example, if a woman is never able to move a FANTASIZED “relationship” with a certain “desirable” guy past FANTASY and into REALITY … then she will tend to STAY STUCK in the FANTASY … and it turns into an UNRESOLVED DESIRE … sometimes a super-strong curiosity … sometimes a burning infatuation … that does not go away.

But of course, the necessities and flow of life REQUIRE a woman to move on with her life … so she will marry some other man … for the provision and security that he affords her … but her “passion” is still STUCK with the guy in her FANTASY.

And, this FANTASY is so REAL to her that YEARS LATER when the opportunity comes for her to reconnect with the guy in her FANTASY, she literally cannot “see” what the guy in her fantasy really is. Quite often, the guy is a total loser who has been divorced multiple times … he has been a failure in his career or business … sometimes, he is even living off of other people.

To any rational woman, this guy would be a completely unattractive “dud” that she had ZERO interest in. But for THIS woman, all she can “see” is the guy in her FANTASY that she has been holding all these years.

There are plenty of men who have ran into this problem with their wife … especially with the connectivity and accessibility that Facebook and smart-phones now provide.

So, what does this all mean?

It means that if you want a happy, affectionate, intimate, and sexual relationship with your wife … if you want to increase the amount of sex you and your wife are having … then you MUST become a MAN who is a master-handler of his own thoughts and feelings … and a MAN who is a master-handler of his wife’s thoughts and feelings towards herself and towards you.

You MUST become the caliber of MAN who has the understanding and capacity to HANDLE his wife in the ONLY way that works … so that she doesn’t “fail-negative” on you … and instead she responds with love, affection, and sexual desire towards you.

ONLY THEN, will you be able to have a marriage relationship with your wife that satisfies and fulfills you … and that satisfies and fulfills her … producing the happiness that you both want.

And if you choose not to become this kind of man … well, you will just continue to be another one of the millions of men who are running around buying their wife flowers and gifts, taking her to expensive dinners, trying to “communicate” with her, trying to be nice to her and do for her, and all the other common things men do to get their wife to be more sexual with them … that DO NOT work … that DO NOT produce the kind of marriage relationship that YOU WANT.

Copyright 2011 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage. Click here.

Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage. Click here.

Husband And Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

How much unhappiness have you experienced … what lackluster results do you continue to experience … because you have not yet been able to say to your spouse what you really want to say about sex?

Or, how many times have you tried to talk about something sex-related with your partner only to have it turn into an unpleasant, unhappy situation?

Whether you need to talk about a fantasy or a desire that you have in the sex-department … or you need to discuss a sex-related problem that is robbing you of satisfaction … it is important that a person be able to openly talk about sex with their husband or wife in such a way that they can effect positive and permanent changes.

Based on this, consider the following tips on how to talk more openly about sex with your husband or wife … and how to do it in such a way that you get good results that improve your marriage relationship with your spouse … and create greater satisfaction for you personally:

1. Mitigate embarrassment on both your part and your spouse’s part.

   Understand that you have some amount of embarrassment and awkwardness in having sex-related discussions … and that your spouse also feels some amount of embarrassment and awkwardness … perhaps even more than you do … about sex-related discussions.

   So, to lessen the embarrassment and awkwardness that your spouse feels, you must FIRST lessen the embarrassment and awkwardness that YOU feel. The more relaxed, calm, and at-ease you are, the more relaxed, calm, and at-ease your spouse can be.

   This is super important because if you are nervous, uptight, and on edge while you are trying to have a sex-related discussion with your spouse, then more than anything else, your spouse is going to get the message and feeling that “something is wrong”. And when that happens, it doesn’t matter what you say, the REAL message that “something is wrong” is communicated and conveyed … which means your spouse is going to become negative and defensive … which means you will not get the positive changes and outcomes you want.

2. Mitigate insecurities on both your part and your spouse’s part.

   Another aspect of helping your spouse talk more openly about sex with you is by becoming aware of your own fears, concerns, insecurities, and inadequacies … from your young adult years all the way up to now … and then being strong enough to speak openly about those things so that your spouse can realize that while the details and particulars may be different, you are very much like them in that you just want to “be enough” for them, you very much want to please them, and that you want to be satisfied and fulfilled too.

   Therefore, the less focused you are on your own insecurities, the less your spouse must focus on their insecurities. Stated differently, the more you are focused on mutually-beneficial outcomes and results, and the less you are focused on perceived inadequacies (whether your own or your companion’s), the more likely you are to effect the positive changes you desire.

   Now, this can take significant resolve, control, and strength on YOUR part because more often than not, when it comes time to have a sex-related conversation, it is because one person feels cheated and the other feels criticized which means you must take the lead in pulling yourself out of your negative feelings so that you can help your spouse get above their negative feelings.

3. Mitigate the fear of loss on both your part and your spouse’s part.

   BEFORE you get into a discussion about a sex-related issue, state and affirm that from your perspective, you and your spouse are on the same team and that you want everything to be an absolute win for both members of the team. State and affirm your ongoing commitment to your spouse … and your firm belief in their commitment to you. State and affirm that you want the very best for your spouse … and your firm belief that they want the very best for you too. State and affirm your desire to share and enjoy a long, happy, satisfying, fulfilling life with your spouse … and your belief that they want the same thing with you.

   Moreover, be prepared so that you are able to speak about multiple things you really like about your spouse as he or she presently is. This is important because it is hard for a person to be positively motivated to make positive changes when what you are saying … and what they are thinking … is focusing them upon negatives.

   Also, in your own mind MAKE SURE that YOU make the SWITCH so that YOU are GENUINELY thinking about a better, happier FUTURE with your spouse instead of an unhappy, dissatisfying PAST … and that you speak from that better future perspective.

4. Express confidence in both yourself and your spouse.

   Assure your spouse that you are fully confident in their ability to be everything you want them to be for you … and in your ability to be everything they want you to be for them … and that goodwill, learning, practice, commitment, attention, focus, and effort WILL infallibly make all that is good and right even better … and fix anything that needs to be fixed.

   On a related note, do not go into a sex-related conversation thinking that you or your spouse is broken, messed up, or weird. Neither one of you is “broken” and to think so is position yourself in a not-very-useful place that will hinder you in effecting the changes you desire.

5. Pick the right time to have a sex-related discussion.

   This is completely obvious … and yet, people get something on their mind … and that something really starts “bugging” them … and before long, they are spewing, dumping, and unloading at the worst possible time and in the worst possible way.

   Do not let yourself fall into this snare as it will only make it more difficult for you to effect the changes you desire. Take control of your mind, your thoughts, and your emotions so that they serve you in a useful way instead of making your life harder.

6. Know what you DO want as well as what you do not want.

   Too many times, people know what they do not want … and that is all they know because that is what emotionally consumes them. So, make sure you devote time to understanding yourself what it is that you really want … and why you want it … and understand what you want well enough that you can clearly articulate it in a warm, loving way that is not critical or offensive.

   Related to this, speak about what you want in positive terms. It is self-evident that a statement like, “I don’t like it when you don’t kiss me very often” will not be nearly as inspiring or motivating as something like, “I would like for both of us to find a way to enjoy kissing each other more often“.

7. Stay strong, firm, courageous, confident, and resolute.

   Any time there is something unpleasant to be handled or addressed, people have a major tendency to try to set it aside. You will likely encounter this tendency with your spouse. As you attempt to set up a sex-related conversation with your spouse, they will likely try to sidestep it, procrastinate on it, or push it off to some later time.

   Knowing that this is likely to happen, you must be emotionally prepared to be firm and determined about having this conversation. You must be ready so that you are not pushed away or brushed off.

   This is important because all too often, what happens is that a person initiates a conversation with their spouse, their spouse avoids or procrastinates, and then the person goes away thinking their spouse doesn’t care about them, doesn’t love them, and isn’t interested in them.

   The TRUTH is that the spouse would rather avoid facing their weaknesses because it is easier and less stressful than doing the work to make the improvements that are needed.

   Of course, you don’t want to position yourself in an adversarial way, so that is why you want to show strength and firmness … which will convey to your partner that you are serious and that this is a discussion that will be treated with the seriousness that is appropriate and necessary.

   There is another element that can come into play…

   Sometimes, when a spouse realizes that they cannot ignore or get out of a conversation, they may try to shut you down and stop you cold by counter-attacking you.

   If this happens, you simply acknowledge that you are completely open to discussing and resolving all issues in a manner that is satisfactory to both of you … but that you are not going to let other issues distract either one of you from addressing one thing at a time … starting with the issues you have already raised … and when those are resolved, THEN the two of you can move to the next set of issues to resolve.

Keep these 7 tips in mind for the next time you need to speak with your spouse about something of a sexual nature.

Copyright 2011 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage. Click here.

Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage. Click here.

Husband And Wife, This Is THE Solution If You Want A Happy Marriage That Works. Click here.

You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following:

“Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“

The answer is, “Yes!”

There ARE men who create the marriage they want with a wife who was previously blocked, locked, and shut-down.

But, they did NOT create the marriage they wanted by just WANTING their wife to be different.  They did NOT create the marriage they wanted by being frustrated all the time because their wife was not what they wanted her to be.  They did not create the marriage they wanted by trying something for a few weeks and then giving up and going back to their previous mode of operation.

These men created the marriage they wanted by becoming the kind of man who their wife could be attracted to and turned on by.

Imagine for a moment that your wife was a 450 pound woman with nasty and missing teeth, foul breath, lots of facial hair, matted, dandruff-filled hair, arm-pit odor that you could smell across the room, and so on — a woman who just totally grossed you out.

If your wife really was like this, in terms of you wanting her sexually, would it matter how nice she was to you?

The obvious answer is no.  If she’s nice to you, that might make it easier to get along with her but you will NOT want to partake of her sexually.

Well, hopefully you are not physically gross to your wife…but if she is not turned on by you, then that means the emotional connection you have with her AND your mode of operation around her IS gross to her and that is why she isn’t interested in sharing her affection or sex with you.  So, that is why a man must learn how to become an attractive, appealing, desirable, sexy man — so that he doesn’t “gross” his wife out when it comes to affection and sex.

How EXACTLY to become this kind of man IS explained in my digital books and in my private forum.  But, it DOES takes work, effort, diligence, and discipline to become this kind of man.  But then again, these ARE some of the very traits that make a man attractive — so these are traits a man SHOULD WANT.  No, it is NOT easy.  But, it is FOR SURE that a woman is NOT going to be attracted to a man who is physically, emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually lazy.

And, getting another woman DOES NOT fix a man’s problems.  If a man were to get another woman, it would be just a matter of time until he was in the exact same situation.  It would be just a matter of time until the new woman started reacting towards him just like his current wife does.  This is true because a woman is always reacting to the man…so without any changes on the man’s part, the specific details would be different but the outcome and results would be exactly the same because the character and nature of a relationship stems from the man’s way of thinking and the man’s mode of operation.

Here’s a way to think about things that can get a man going in a good direction: if I wanted my wife to be just like your wife, how would I get her to be that way?  What would I have to do so that my wife would be like yours?  What would I not do?  How would I have to think?  What would my mindset have to be? How would I have to interact with her.  What kind of person would I have to be?  What would I have to make my life like?  How confused and unclear would I have to be about my wife’s wants and needs?

Think about your relationship with your wife from all of these different levels because there IS a MENTALITY and PROCESS to creating the outcomes that you are currently experiencing.  And, as you become more aware of the mentality and process that creates what you currently have, THEN you will become more aware of how to shift your mentality and process to one that works better for you and that creates the outcomes that you desire.

Here’s another way to think about things that can get a man going in a good direction: if a certain kind of man was to walk into your wife’s life, she WOULD have a positive, affectionate, and sexual reaction and response to that man.  What kind of man would such a man be?  What would he be like?  What would he do?  What would he NOT do?  What would his mentality be?  What would his life be like, etc.

Again, all the solutions and answers are IN my digital books and in my forum.  But, the common problem for many guys is that they have such STRONG MENTAL PROGRAMS running in their own head that they can read the books and do a few EASY things different … but the SAME strong mental programs are still firmly running in their head which means their wife is STILL going to have the SAME exact response to her husband — except she will perhaps be a little nicer towards him.

Stated differently, it is EASY to see what another guy is doing wrong in his relationship … while it is HARD for a guy to see what HE is doing wrong in his relationship.  And THAT is why a man must become able to SEE HIMSELF in the way that his wife sees him.  And WHEN he begins to see himself accurately, THEN he can make the appropriate shifts and changes…THEN he can change his habitual way of thinking and operating…so that he can get a different and better response out of his wife towards him…one that he enjoys way more than his current results.

So, if what I have said here resonates truth to you, then I encourage you to do yourself the favor of going here: www.NymphomaniacWife.com

Copyright 2011 by Calle Zorro