Over at head-heart-health.com, Ms. Katie Paul wrote the following:
I was taught at church that having sexual desires and/or attracting sexual desire was a sin. They gave it a special name — the lust of the flesh.
Human sexuality was seen as a rampaging carnal impulse which must be abolished at all costs. Impure thoughts, even without any action, had the potential to cast you into the depths of hell at any moment. The only remedy for this huge character flaw was to get married. Apparently God didn’t quite get the design right when he gave us a libido years before it was appropriate to have one.
Not surprisingly, my sexuality came with a huge side order of shame. Not only did I find all manner of boys and men attractive, I also enjoyed watching them look at me when I wore a tight skirt or a low-cut blouse. I suppose I should have worried about objectification, but to be honest, I was too busy asking God to forgive me for masturbating (again!). I was ashamed of my desires and thought they somehow made me a bad person.
I no longer feel that way, but I know women who still do. The tentacles of religion reach deep into people’s hearts, turning what is healthy and normal into something to be kept under control.
There are several very important life-matters contained in these four paragraphs. So, let’s explore Ms. Paul’s article in more depth…and please hang with me all the way to the end because I am going to build up to a matter of major importance in YOUR life and in the lives of YOUR children.
To get us started, it is interesting how WE blame God when WE get it wrong. It is quite amazing how people will blame God when people do it wrong.
However, experience (aka “The School of Hard Knocks”) will eventually teach all of us…IF we will let it…that God designed everything perfectly and that He did not make any mistakes in His designs.
Experience will eventually teach us…if we let it…that the more we align with God’s design, the better our life will be. Conversely, the less we align with God’s design, the worse our life will be.
Now, there are those few people get to know God and His nature for their own self by studying the Bible all the way through so they can learn what God’s perfect design is and so they can align with God’s design and thereby enjoy the good-life.
But, most of us apparently prefer to learn what God’s perfect design is the hard, painful, slow way…which in turn reduces how much of the good-life we get to enjoy.
So, we can blame God all we want…but the truth is that people are the ones who do not get it right. People are the ones who mess up what God designed to be good.
To illustrate…except for cases where humanity has interfered, the plant and animal kingdom works perfectly because God gave plants and animals an ingrained instinct and He did not give them the power of personal choice.
But, we humans have been given the power of personal choice…and we love to blame God for our bad choices.
Next, all too often, the more people blindly belong to and follow a religion without seeking out their own personal relationship with God, the more they get it wrong.
We need to know this because in the area of sex, MOST religions and denominations have it VERY, VERY WRONG!
God absolutely designed sex to be a beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing.
But, for the good of people, God also provided parameters in which our sexuality is to be expressed and enjoyed.
These parameters are in place…not because God wanted to block us from something good. But rather, because He wanted to implant and protect good in our lives.
Deep down, we know this. In fact, we always experience that “warm-heart” feeling when we see God’s design being followed in someone’s life.
For example, if we encounter a man and woman who have been married for a long time…and we find out they were both virgins when they married…and we find out they have never shared their sexuality with anyone except each other…and we see they have built a life of happiness, satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, and meaning together…and we find out that sex has been a key component of their happiness together through the years…then we cannot help but feel a very specific and very strong form of admiration and appreciation towards this man and woman…plus a longing for what they have in our own lives.
Well, our reaction is our conscience…our intuition…or more plainly…that part of God that resides in all of us…TELLING us that what we are seeing IS an example of God’s perfect design.
Now, what about sexual desire and the need for sexual release before marriage?
What is God’s perfect design there?
Well it is simple: God designed masturbation so that every person can keep and contain themselves sexually until they do marry.
And, there are two important reasons why God gives people sexual desire BEFORE they are of a marrying age:
1) So they can get to know their own body and learn what works for them sexually.
2) So they can begin developing the required life-long adult skill of handling and managing their own self in a positive, constructive, and beneficial manner.
Next, what about the matter of looking at others…or being looked at by others…in a lustful manner?
Well, certainly we can all…whether male or female…appreciate the pleasure of seeing a handsome male or a beautiful female…especially when we can see they work at taking care of themselves…and we can all appreciate the pleasure of seeing someone else appreciating us…especially when we have worked hard to take care of ourselves.
In fact, the Bible tells us about how God Himself looks down from Heaven and views us with appreciation…so clearly, there is nothing wrong with appreciating.
However, while there is nothing wrong with us mentally and visually appreciating someone in a love and respect based form…or someone else mentally or visually appreciating us in a love and respect based form…it is wrong for us to engage in lust-based imaginations and leering…and it is wrong for us to provoke lust-based imaginations and leering in others towards our self.
Why are these things “wrong”?
Well, the bottom-line answer is that lust-based imaginations and leering towards a person we are not married to DOES NOT lead to greater goodness and enjoyment in our own life…nor in the life of the other person.
Let’s start with the scenario of married people. The MORE a husband and wife satisfy and fulfill each other, the LESS they have a need to look at others…or to be looked at by other…in a lustful manner.
But, the LESS a husband and a wife satisfy and fulfill each other, the MORE they have a need to look at others…and be looked at by others…in a lustful manner.
And, the truth is that NOTHING GOOD can come from married people lusting after another person they are not married to…or being lusted after by some person they are not married to…while at the same time, MAJOR hurt, harm, loss, and destruction CAN come from lusting after some person…or being lusted after by some person…other than their spouse.
Conversely, NOTHING BUT GOOD can come from a husband and wife lusting after each other and acting upon their lust for each other. It will make their own life better. And, it will make the lives of their children better because those children will grow up with happier parents.
The point is, God’s design is perfect…and when people will align with God’s perfect design, their life correspondingly works out well.
But, what many do is they reject God’s perfect design…they do things that are contrary to God’s design…they engage in activities that they should never be engaged in…they connect with people they should never connect with…and then, they blame God for the subsequent disasters in their life.
Now, let’s go to the scenario of single people and lust-based imaginations and leering…and please be patient with me because I am building up to something important…
The MORE a dad and mom give their sons and daughters Godly love, appreciation, teaching/training, and affirmation, the LESS these sons and daughters have a need to look at others…or be looked at by others…in a lustful manner.
Conversely, the LESS a dad and mom give their sons and daughters love, appreciation, teaching/training, and affirmation, the MORE these sons and daughters have a need to look at others…and be looked at by others…in a lustful manner.
Once again, we see that God’s design is perfect. That is, WHEN parents are BEING and DOING what they are supposed to be and do relative to their children…all of which is plainly spelled out in the Bible…then young unmarried people ARE receiving the feelings from their parents that they NEED to feel…and therefore, they have no need to go searching for those feelings elsewhere.
But, when parents do not provide their young adult children with the feelings that they NEED, then those young adult children go SEARCHING for those feelings elsewhere…in ways that are NEVER good for themselves or for others.
Now, everything I am about to say applies to both males and females…but since Ms. Paul was speaking primarily to females, I will continue in that vein.
The search for certain feelings…that parents SHOULD be providing their young adult daughters…but too often do not…is precisely why there are so many young females who have sex with guy after guy after guy.
And, whether they orgasm or not, these young females soon enough discover that sex with a given guy does not produce the feelings they are wanting.
Yes, they started out thinking they would get the feelings they were wanting by hooking up with some certain guy. But, after they had hooked up with him…they still felt an emptiness…they still did not feel what they were searching for…and even worse, they felt like a part of them had been lost or debased.
But, they were still craving certain feelings. And so, they went on the prowl…again…looking and searching for a new guy who they hoped would give them the feelings they were craving.
Soon enough, this is their “lifestyle”…stuck in a rut of going from guy to guy…always searching…but never finding what they are really looking for.
What they don’t consciously realize is that they are going farther and farther away from God’s design.
What they don’t understand is that they are going farther and farther away from what they are really wanting.
However, what they do know is that they feel worse and worse about themselves as they go.
The end result is that these young adult females wreck, scar, debase, and in some cases ruin their life…all because their parents failed to be proper parents.
And that brings us to the important point I have been building up to: we cannot help it if our parents failed with us. But, we CAN break the cycle and do it differently with our children so that our children have no reason or need to go down the prodigal path of hurt, harm, loss, and destruction.
Now, consider this question: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PARENTS?
Parents bring children into this world who are designed by God to be sexual beings…and yet, these parents do not teach their children about sex…they do not talk about sex…they do not channel their children’s sexual desires…they pretend like sex is a non-issue…they pretend their children’s sexuality does not exist…they stick their head in the sand about all things sexual relative to their children…but bizarrely, they expect their young adult children to just know how to handle and manage their sexuality properly without any advice, guidance, teaching, or wisdom.
And then, these parents are all upset and in a tizzy when their young adult children create problems as a result of their sexuality…and they indignantly act like their children should have known better and done better.
Well, what SHOULD have happened is THE PARENTS should have been PARENTS instead of COWARDS!
What SHOULD have happened is THE PARENTS should have been real enough, open enough, honest enough, and mature enough to be a man and a woman who TAUGHT their children about a key part of themselves.
But instead, these parents foolishly ignored their children’s sexuality because they were too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it.
That brings us to yet another important question: where did these parents get this embarrassment and shame from that blocks them from being good parents who teach their children about their sexuality and how to handle, manage, and channel it?
They DID NOT get it from God! They DID NOT get it from the Bible!
It can only be that they got it from satan because the Bible plainly tells us that satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy…and hurt, harm, loss, and destruction IS THE ONLY thing that can come from parents NOT teaching their children about their sexuality and how to handle it properly.
I HAVE to go farther with this…
It is nothing more than PURE EVIL when parents directly or indirectly teach their children…particularly their daughters…that sex and their sexuality is “bad” and “wrong”.
God NEVER said sex was wrong! The fact is, God CREATED sex…and EVERYTHING that God created was good!
But, when parents embed the sense or belief that sex is bad and wrong in a daughter, well, the ONLY thing that can now happen is for her to go through an ongoing cycle of struggling with guilt and shame. Now, she can only feel badly about herself because on one hand she likes sex…but on the other hand, sex is bad…so she must be a bad person.
Moreover, not only is her own life going to be trashed because of the guilt, shame, hang-ups, and issues she feels around the subject of sex…she is also going to trash her marriage…because she thinks / believes that sex is wrong…and so she blocks sex with her husband…which then generally leads to infidelity or divorce…and now, MULTIPLE LIVES AND GENERATIONS are being trashed…ALL BECAUSE SOME STUPID PARENTS INSTILLED IN THEIR DAUGHTER A WRONG SENSE / BELIEF ABOUT GOD-CREATED SEX!
The proper God-approved thing would have been for the parents to lovingly and plainly MESSAGE their daughter…the first time they found her naked and playing with herself as a young 2 year old girl…and every time thereafter that something of a sexual nature came up…a message along the lines of:
* BOTH she as a person/soul…and her body as a temple…are wonderful, amazing, and incredible…because that is exactly how God created her to be.
* BOTH she and her body are a wonderful source of beauty and pleasure…both for herself…and when she is grown and married, for her husband as well.
* We are all created by God as sexual beings and that is a good thing.
* God designed her mind and her body to be able to give and receive pleasure…but God has a perfect design for her to align with in every aspect of her life…including the area of sexual pleasure.
* God designed her body so that when it is touched and stimulated in certain ways, her body will feel pleasure and this is a gift from God to her…but again, God has a perfect design for her to align with regarding sexual pleasure.
* As an unmarried young lady…when she feels the desire to touch herself in ways that feel good to her…when she feels the desire for sexual pleasure…she should enjoy that in a private place by herself.
* Her sexuality is a good thing that God gave her…but God intended for her to enjoy her sexuality privately until she is married.
* Then, when she is grown and gets married, she can enjoy sharing her sexuality with her husband…she can enjoy giving and receiving sexual pleasure with him…just the two of them in their own private space.
* Her sexuality is a wonderful gift not only for herself…but a very sacred gift that she can give to her husband when she grows up and gets married…and that is why it is important for her to keep her virginity…so that she has that precious gift to give to her husband…a husband who has also kept himself a virgin so that he can give his virginity to her…and in keeping their virginity for each other, they will be able to give each other a life-long gift, blessing, and experience that is completely unique and private to them…and NOBODY else will ever know, have, or experience what they share together sexually in their private life. In other words, God designed sex to be a valuable, unique, protected gift that a man and woman share in marriage that nobody else would ever have access to…a gift that no matter how rich or poor a husband and wife were…no matter what their station in life…independent of everything else…they would have something that was private, valuable, and cherished between only the two of them.
* If she ever has any questions or concerns about anything…including anything of a sexual nature…she is not to be embarrassed or ashamed about that…and she is to feel perfectly comfortable coming to either or both of her parents so they can give her proper and wise advice, guidance, and counsel.
Well, a daughter that has had this kind of belief system installed in her from her infancy on up IS going to be a female who enjoys her sexuality in the all the ways that God meant for her to enjoy it…both as a single person and as a married person…without any shame, guilt, or problems.
Moreover, this daughter will become a woman who perpetuates the goodness that she has enjoyed in her own life into the lives of her own daughters…because that is what she grew up with and what she knows…and a sliver of the world will be a better, happier place…and it all started with a mom and a dad doing what they were supposed to do…and that is, instill in their daughter positive and healthy beliefs and perspectives about her sexuality.
But, how many parents do this?
And, here is what I want you to think about: by NOT instilling positive beliefs and perspectives in their daughters (and sons) about sex…by NOT providing their daughters (and sons) with proper guidance, direction, and channeling relative to their sexuality…parents CREATE AND PERPETUATE EVIL in our world.
People, STOP DOING THIS!
STOP BEING COWARDS!
GET RIGHT WITH GOD AND START DOING GOOD, RIGHT, AND WELL SO YOU CAN STOP FEELING GUILT AND SHAME…AND SO YOU CAN GET PAST YOUR OWN ISSUES!
START INSTILLING POSITIVE BELIEFS IN YOUR CHILDREN THAT ALIGN WITH GOD’S PERFECT DESIGN AND THEREBY DO YOUR PART TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE WITH FEWER PROBLEMS AND FEWER BROKEN LIVES!
With that, I want to close by asking for two things from you:
1) I want you to share this blog post with everyone you know…because this is a real-life subject that people everywhere need to consider and act upon. If by sharing this article, you cause even one parent to recognize the importance of properly teaching and training their children about their sexuality…then you have helped make the world a better place. To share this blog post, just copy the link in your browser’s address bar and email or text it to people. Or, scroll down to the social media buttons below and share this article on Twitter, Facebook, and so on.
2) I want you to scroll down to “Leave A Reply” below…and share your thoughts in response to this blog post. Even better, share your experiences (you can do so anonymously if you want). Have you enjoyed a blessed life because your parents were big enough to teach, guide, channel, and affirm you in a sex-positive way similar to what I described above? Or, have you suffered through many hurtful and unnecessary problems in life all because your parents did not teach, guide, channel, or affirm you in sex-positive way similar to what I described above? By telling your story, you can help others see the difference between the right way and the wrong way…and when they can see that, then they can choose the right way in their own life…and in the lives of those who follow in their footsteps…and the world will be a better place as a result.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro