A common problem for the typical husband is the mismatch between his sex-drive and that of his wife…or at least, that’s the problem as HE perceives it.
But, think about this: the kind of man that the typical adult female is highly attracted to IS IN FACT a highly sexual man…he is in fact a virile, sexually-potent, high-sex-drive kind of man.
Of course, the man she is attracted to possesses other important traits and characteristics as well, but his sexual virility is a top-3…if not a top-1…requirement for her (in the man she is attracted to).
I will say this in a different way: a woman wants the man she is attracted to…to be a highly sexual man…and she specifically does NOT want the man she is attracted to…to be a low-sex-drive, sexually-impotent man.
You KNOW this is true…and let me prove it to you…
For ANY normal adult female, if you could get her to openly and honestly “construct” and “describe” the “perfect man” that she is highly attracted to…you would LITERALLY see the interest, the excitement, and the attraction SHINING on her face…as she described him.
(What you probably would not see is the wetness that was accumulating in her panties…although there are some females who produce such a volume of wetness that the evidence would show up on their external clothing.)
But then, after this same woman was finished describing the man that she finds highly attractive…if you were to tell her that…
…this man she just described was indeed EVERYTHING that she just described…EXCEPT that he was born without a penis…
…or, that he was indeed perfect in EVERY way she had described…except he had zero sex drive…
Or, that he would indeed “love” her like no other…that he would in fact “love” her beyond her wildest imagination…that he was indeed the absolute best cohabitating “partner” a woman could ever have…but sexually, he was only interested in being sexual with other men…
…you would plainly see the interest, excitement, and attraction…in the man SHE had just described…IMMEDIATELY disappear off of her face! All that would be left on her face would be a blanched look of strong disappointment.
In short, take the sexuality out of a man that a woman is attracted to, and you will at the same time, take out the woman’s attraction for him.
So, what does this all mean?
It means that a mismatch in sexual desire is NOT the problem for the typical husband and wife.
The problem is that the typical wife is NOT attracted enough to her typical husband…she is not sufficiently turned on by him…such that their sex-drives can match.
Now, the solution is NOT to find another spouse. All that would do is perpetuate and multiply the problem with new and different individuals.
The solution is for the typical husband to enhance his attractiveness…so that his wife can FINALLY become sufficiently attracted to him…to allow HER sex-drive to match up with HIS.
Now, what do I mean by enhancing a husband’s “attractiveness”?
Well, certainly physical appearance is important. So, if a husband has some work to do in this area…if he needs to lose some weight…if he needs to update his wardrobe…if he needs some grooming…then by all means, he should address these things immediately and stay on top of maintaining his physical appearance.
But, for the typical husband, it’s not so much his appearance that is not-attractive. MOSTLY, it is his “mode of operation”. It is his way of thinking, behaving, operating, choosing, interacting, and so on that makes him not-attractive.
And unfortunately for him, his mode of operation is so engrained and embedded within him that he cannot “see” himself…he cannot “see” how unattractive he is to his wife…and so consequently, he “thinks” there is nothing wrong with him…and that his wife is the one who is “broken”…that SHE needs help getting her “sex drive problem” fixed.
And of course, the typical female is not very logical or analytical when it comes to relationships with a man. The typical female either “feels it” with a man…or she doesn’t. And, if she does not feel it with a man, she does NOT do much about analyzing “why”.
What she DOES do is try to “talk” about it with her husband…which works poorly to badly with the typical husband…because after all, in HIS mind, his wife is the one with the problem…and besides, it is a sensitive matter that sort of questions his manhood…and so he gets all sensitive, defensive, offensive, or whatever negative behavior it is that he exhibits when his wife tries to “talk” with him.
Over and over, women tell me:
* My husband tells me that he wants me to be more sexual with him…or more accurately, he DEMANDS that I be more sexual with him…but, when I try to tell him what I need from him in order to be more sexual with him, he doesn’t respect that…he doesn’t listen to me…he just mocks and scoffs at me…he makes it clear that he doesn’t care about my needs.
* My husband “marvels” at the fact that I seemingly have no desire or interest in sex. What I “marvel” at is how when I try to explain what I need from him to get me turned on, he just condemns and criticizes me for needing what I need from him…and then he wonders why I’m not very “sexual”.
* Every time I try to talk with him, it just turns into a huge argument. I’m trying to help our marriage…but it just turns into a mud-slinging fest…or a barrage of dragging old skeleton’s out of the closet.
* My husband is not happy with me…and I am not happy with him…but when I try to discuss it…so that we can fix things…so that we can come together…he just shuts down completely…and won’t say a word to me for days. It is VERY frustrating trying to make a connection with him so that we can improve our situation.
* When I try to talk with my husband about our marriage, he just gets very angry and starts lashing out at me in a verbally hurtful way…and I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate to leave our marriage after all these years but I don’t really see any other options.
* When I try to talk to him about making some improvements in our marriage, he gets very condescending towards me…and he goes off on a defensive posture that is essentially about how he is always right and I am always wrong.
* I want our marriage to be better…and I realize that I need to do my part…and I try…but no matter what I say or do, he always comes up with some reason why what I say or do is never good enough.
* When I try to tell him that our marriage needs some help, he essentially starts telling me that I am crazy and that there is nothing wrong with our marriage except the fact that I am not sexual enough with him.
These are ALL REAL statements that thousands of married women have told me over the years…and the result of “trying to talk with their husband” leaves these women feeling:
* Like their husband does not care about them.
* Very frustrated, bitter, distant, and cold towards their husband.
* VERY disconnected and withdrawn from their husband.
* VERY non-sexual towards their husband.
* Wondering why they are still married to their husband after all these years.
* Like the ONLY thing they can do is to “walk away” from the marriage.
In short, the result is that the typical wife just “shuts down” and “turns off” sexually relative to her husband…because in HER way of processing and interacting, IF she cannot “talk” productively with him, THEN there is no way for the sex-drive mismatch problem to be fixed.
At the same time, the inverse scenario does not work either. It does not work for a husband to ask his wife what she needs him to do in order for her to be more sexual with him. For a woman, she wants a man who can just “take” her into a happy, warm, close, loving, passionate, exciting, intimate, and sexual relationship…and if a husband is asking his wife how to take her there, then that essentially tells her at a subconscious level that her husband is NOT man enough to “take” her into the kind of relationship she really wants to have with him…and so she shuts down sexually towards him…and moves into a “platonic” relationship with him. This is why so many wives “love” their husband like he is their Dad or brother…but “not in THAT way”…meaning not in a sexual way.
Bluntly, the typical husband has on multiple levels squelched or even killed his wife’s sex drive…and he doesn’t even realize it…and his wife doesn’t know how to describe what he is doing to turn her off in a way that makes sense to him…and when she does try to talk with him about what he’s doing in her not-very-acceptable-to-a-man kind of way, his insecure, weak-ego response just makes a bad situation even worse…and when he asks her what she needs him to do that will turn her on sexually, well, that just causes her to “see” him in a non-sexual way…that causes her to paint a non-sexual picture of him…and so she SUBVERTS her sexuality in response to that picture…and there they are STUCK in an unhappy, unsatisfying, unfulfilling marriage relationship…until one of them finally “breaks”…and the marriage “blows up” in a very bad, very unpleasant, very destructive way.
But, the good news is this: when a man will make the decision to become an attractively-operating man who knows how to turn his wife on, then he will find that his wife’s sex-drive starts increasing until eventually, his “attractiveness” has caused his wife’s sex-drive to match his own.
So, if your wife’s sex-drive is substantially less than your own, then that means you need to improve and enhance your “mode of operation” so that you are more attractive to her…so that her sex-drive can increase towards you.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro