What value, benefit, and blessing does your spouse gain from being with you?
What is it that you bring to your spouse that really augments, enhances, and improves their life?
What do you offer your spouse that is significant and meaningful to them?
What about the other way around…
What value, benefit, and blessing do you gain from being with your spouse?
How does your spouse augment, enhance, and improve your life?
What does your spouse share with you that’s significant and meaningful to you?
Sadly, for too many people, their marriage relationship is really nothing more than a “boarding arrangement”…two humans helping each other survive…two people pooling their resources and splitting costs…two friends helping each other with chores and responsibilities…two roommates filling in or standing in for each other when needed.
And, while it is good to have someone standing with you in this manner, it is not enough to satisfy and fulfill a person. If it was, people would just continue living with their brothers and sisters or they would continue to “dorm” with their guy friends or gal friends.
But, it is not enough…people want more…they thought they were getting more when they married…and too often, they end up with nothing more…sometimes even less…than what they had before they married.
How and why does this happen more often than not?
It happens BECAUSE of how each person RELATES to the other. Too frequently, the way people RELATE is based on:
1. Ignorance – primarily, this is a lack of understanding about the opposite sex but it can also be other forms of ignorance such as poor people skills.
2. Selfishness – where a person cares only about their self and their interests, projects, and happiness.
3. Insecurity – fear that causes a person to shut-down and close-up which distances them from their companion.
4. Entitlement – the belief that my spouse should just give me whatever I want with little to no effort or contribution on my part.
5. Laziness – the knowledge that one should and could relate to their spouse in a better way but lacking the desire or motivation to do so.
Without fail, these kinds of RELATING will assuredly drain the very life out of a relationship…draining it of respect, appreciation, attraction, honor, adventure, passion, and fun…leaving people in the “boarding arrangement” that is so unfulfilling and unsatisfying to them.
Soon, bitterness, resentment, and anger begin to build because people feel stuck and trapped. They have children and other long-term obligations and responsibilities that ethically and morally “locks” them into their “boarding arrangement”.
But, how come so many people can’t seem to fix their marriage relationship?
They can’t because they are so actively engaged in pride, ego, stubbornness, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and other negative-emotions that it’s easier for them to either distance themselves from their spouse and “live” in an imaginary / pretend / fantasy world…or to step out and seek affection, intimacy, sex, fun, and adventure with an outside person.
What many people don’t realize is that there are easy ways to “save face” and let go of pride, ego, and negative-emotions so that a person can do the “right thing” and create the happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship of their dreams with the spouse they already have.
Having said that, some people don’t want to have the relationship of their dreams with their current spouse. They WANT it to be ANOTHER person. Well, that’s the pride, ego, and negative-emotions that’s driving that kind of response. And, here’s what such a person should know: your unhappiness is INSIDE of you and will REMAIN WITH YOU…no matter who the other person in your life is. Your unhappiness will continue wreaking havoc in YOUR life UNTIL you learn how to rise above pride, ego, and negative-emotions.
Actually, your situation will only get worse for you because each new person you move to will only ADD TO the unhappiness that’s inside of you.
So, a person must learn to conquer the pride, ego, and negative emotions that block them from the satisfying, fulfilling marriage they so want…they must learn how to relate with their spouse in a way that produces the marriage satisfaction and fulfillment they so strongly desire…they must get the deep-level insight into their spouse…such that with this knowledge (versus ignorance) their marriage relationship is forevermore more satisfying and fulfilling.
Copyright 2010 by Calle Zorro