Virtually EVERY day of the work-week, I get phone calls from DESPERATE married men. Here is the background information these husbands share with me:
* The husband thought he and his wife were on the happily-ever-after marriage train.
* Usually, there are a few kids.
* Sometimes, they have been married for 3 – 7 years…but usually it’s more like 10 – 20 years…and 25 years is not at all uncommon.
Probably, this more or less matches your marriage situation, right?
Well, let’s keep going…when a DESPERATE man calls me, I know it is usually going to be for one of three reasons:
1) His wife has just informed him that she is no longer attracted to him…that she is no longer happy with him…that she no longer has the right feelings for him…and she wants to “take a break”…that she wants him to go stay somewhere else while she sorts things out and “finds” herself…that she wants him to leave and give her some time to herself to figure things out…or something along these lines.
2) His wife tells him she has been talking with an attorney and will be filing within the next few days…or she meets him at the door and tells him that she has just filed for divorce and that he needs to go stay somewhere else…or, he gets served papers while his wife was away at her parents or a friends place.
3) He discovers…or his wife tells him…that she is having an emotional or physical affair with another man.
And, whether you realize it or not, you it is highly likely that have something in common with these men. What is that you ask? Well, virtually every one of these men told me the same exact thing…
“I NEVER thought MY wife would do something like this! I thought everything was just fine. Yes…like EVERYBODY…we have had our issues…but in no way did I think things were this bad.”
Virtually all of these men thought everything was fine…and then they got the surprise and shock of their life.
There were some other things these men USED to think also…
They all thought that the occasional dinner and movie…some jewelry on Valentine’s Day…a few presents on Christmas..and the various other minimal things that guys do…was all that was necessary for them to “maintain” their marriage.
They ALL were of the opinion that they did not need to do anything different from what they were already doing in their marriage. They ALL felt like nothing else beyond what they were already doing was required of them or necessary for them to do.
Have you ever noticed how amazingly motivated a husband can be to “work on his marriage” once he finds out his wife no longer wants to be in a relationship with him?
Have you ever wondered why most men…or maybe just yourself…are unwilling to purposely develop themselves into a man who is REALLY attractive to his wife such that she continues to WANT to be in a close, warm, affectionate, and sexual relationship with him?
Wouldn’t you think it would be better for a husband to purposely develop himself into the kind of man who enjoys exactly the kind of relation with his wife that he wants to enjoy…instead of remaining undeveloped and stuck in the kind of relationship he is in?
In virtually ALL cases, the reason a wife wants to end the relationship with her husband ALWAYS comes down to the same fundamental problem…THE HUSBAND DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE MAN TO AND FOR HIS WIFE!
At best, the typical husband knows how to be a cute “high-school” kind of guy who is funny in a juvenile kind of way…but he does not understand…because he has never purposely learned…how to be a man who draws and attracts his wife to him on an ongoing basis.
Consider this…any guy who will get up off of his couch and get of the house can get a woman to marry him. But, it takes a real man who has purposely developed himself and his “intimacy-with-a-woman skills” to be able to keep her attracted to him and turned on by him.
Let’s rewind a few years…
Between the ages of roughly 13 – 18, a female builds a fantasy in her mind of what she wants her life with a man to be like. But, being young, inexperienced, and foolish, her criteria for evaluating a guy is mostly based upon how “cute” he is.
More or less, the first “cute” guy who will seriously notice her and hang out with her is who she “plugs” into her fantasy and off she goes into marriage land…only to discover shortly thereafter that the “environment” her new husband creates in relation to her is NOTHING like the fantasy that she had built in her mind of what life with a man was going to be like.
So, as the years pass by, she progressively UNplugs her husband from her fantasy…and more and more she WANTS to plug some other man in…because she WANTS her life with a man to be a certain way…she wants her life with a man to match the fantasy she built in her early single years.
Having said this, the typical wife cannot tell her husband how she wants her life with him to be. For the typical wife, she either “feels it” with her husband…or she does not…and mostly she she does not…and, the more years that pass, the more she does NOT “feel it” with her undeveloped husband.
That brings us to this: as is proven by the millions of passionless, not-very-sexual marriages around the world, a woman will NEVER STAY turned on by an UNDEVELOPED guy…no matter how much he wants her too…and no matter how turned on she was in the beginning when she still had him plugged into her fantasy.
So right now…right now at this time of the year…is the time for you to invest in some “marriage security”…before you end up like the other UNSUSPECTING men…and on the phone with me asking how you can save your marriage.
Now, for some marriages, life is very different from what I have been describing. In those cases where a man purposely develops himself in his ability to skillfully attract his woman to him…well, the wife of this kind of man finds out that he is FAR BETTER than anything she ever imagined in her youthful fantasy-building…which triggers a level of respect…and passion…and intensity…and love…and desire…and fire…within this wife.
From there, let’s just say that this kind of man is VERY HAPPY with all the passion that is in his marriage. All the undeveloped guys can only dream about and wish for what this man enjoys on a regular, frequent basis.
The interesting thing is, ANY man can have this dream come true…IF he will but purposely develop himself into an attractive man.
Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro
You may use this article on your own website AS IS…IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“