Husband, are you REALLY aware of the TRUE status of your marriage relationship with your wife? In different words, do you know what your wife honestly thinks of her marriage relationship with you?
Well, what I can tell you from 25+ years of helping men and women with their marriage is that the normal husband does NOT know how his wife actually feels about him because she hides from him her true thoughts and feelings about him.
Moreover, the normal husband believes his wife’s perspective, thoughts, opinions, and assessments of him are way higher and far more positive than they actually are.
More specifically, the normal husband does not know:
- How much of a negative perspective his wife holds towards him.
- How frequently his wife feels strong distaste and disgust towards him.
- How annoyed, irritated, and frustrated his wife is with him on a daily basis.
- How much his wife despises having sex with him.
- How his wife hates the way he comes on to her for sex.
- How uncomplimentary and belittling his wife is of him to her family and friends.
The normal husband does not know these things because his normal wife does not plainly or directly reveal her true thoughts and feelings about him.
Now, as a result of how she feels towards her husband, the normal wife will definitely:
- Argue and fight with him.
- Be highly disrespectful towards him.
- Be obstinate, difficult, and contrary relative to him.
- Be angry for no apparent reason.
- Make a big scene out of little issues that pertain to him.
- Avoid affection, intimacy, and sex with him.
In other words, the normal wife will exhibit all kinds of negative attitude and misbehavior towards her husband…but she will not actually tell him the real truth of what she thinks of him and how she feels about him.
What is the real truth? It is this:
More often than not, the normal wife is turned off towards her husband…to the point that engaging in affection, intimacy, and sex with him is varying degrees of disgusting, repulsive, and revolting to her.
The surprising and unexpected incongruity is that in spite of feeling this way towards her husband, the normal wife will continue GIVING affection, intimacy, and sex to her husband for quite a while AFTER she is turned off towards him.
And yes, there will be a noticeable decline in the amount of affection, intimacy, and sex…but the wife will still GIVE some level of affection, intimacy, and sex to her husband. Consequently, the typical husband thinks there is nothing wrong with him…and the decline in intimacy must be due to some problem or flaw in his wife.
Now, when a wife first moves into being turned off towards her husband, most of her negative attitude and misbehavior towards him is because she is mad at him for being the kind of guy who turns her off towards him…and she just wishes he would learn how to think and operate in an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy manner so that they COULD have and enjoy a happy, satisfying, affectionate, intimate, and sexual marriage relationship together.
But again, the normal wife is rarely to never plain or direct with her husband. Instead, she just nags, complains, gripes, acts hateful, gets mad frequently, shows negative attitude, and so on…and her husband never realizes or recognizes that his wife is actually asking and pleading for him to make some improvements in his mode of operation so that she can be attracted to him and they can have a happier and more satisfying marriage relationship together.
But eventually, as a result of her husband never picking up on any of her hints, clues, or insinuations, the wife reaches the stage where her feelings of frustration and anger turn to feelings of futility and hopelessness…and she correspondingly turns to believing that she is wasting her life by being with her husband.
In other words, at some point the wife concludes that her husband will NEVER learn how to think and operate in an attractive manner…because after all, they have been together for ?? years and he has NOT CHOSEN to develop himself into an attractively-operating man in all of that time…so why should she think that he EVER will?
And at this point, the wife’s feelings of romantic love for her husband completely die…the flame of her intimate love for him goes out. And, once a wife’s romantic and intimate love dies, that is when any number of bad things are likely to happen in that marriage…that family…that home.
If you have ever seen the fallout that happens in a family and home as a result a woman “going off the deep-end” and doing all kinds of crazy and destructive things then you know exactly what I am talking about.
The thing is, BEFORE a woman takes off doing crazy and destructive things to her life and her family, she was FIRST a NORMAL wife and mom. It was only after she passed over her threshold and into the feelings of futility, hopelessness, and wasted-life that she was DRIVEN to go do the crazy, destructive things that she did.
And, you better believe that YOUR wife CAN ALSO cross over HER threshold…and end up doing things that YOU would NEVER, EVER imagine her doing to you, your children, or herself.
Now, in some cases a husband is so carried away and consumed with his own self interests that he is completely oblivious to his wife’s turn-off towards him. In general, because he is still more or less getting sex from his wife, he never connects or correlates all of her negative attitude or misbehavior with the fact that she is turned-off towards him and NEEDING him to make changes so they can have a better marriage relationship together. And, it is not until he discovers his wife is cheating on him…or he gets divorce papers served to him…that he even becomes aware that anything was wrong in his marriage relationship.
In other cases, the husband senses that things are not right or good in his marriage relationship with his wife…but he foolishly does not do anything…he foolishly does not change anything…he foolishly does not initiate any marriage improvement efforts…UNTIL AFTER he finds out that his wife is having an affair with some other man…or she is asking him to pack his bags and leave the house.
DUMB! DUMB! DUMB!
Why would any husband who senses his wife is unhappy MAKE THE DECISION to wait until his marriage is an absolute disaster and falling completely apart before he will MAKE THE DECISION to try to fix things so he can save his marriage?
When could this line of thinking and deciding ever be the right thing to do?
The answer is NEVER!!! And yet, it IS precisely what many husbands do. I know because day in and day out, I deal with such husbands calling me in a panic because their marriage, their family, their life is disintegrating before their very eyes and they are asking me if I can help them save their marriage.
Now, I do not mean to be insulting…but I have to be blunt and plain here…
The BEST time to work on improving and solidifying YOUR mode of operation is when your marriage is going great and it is obvious and clear that your wife is deeply in love with you and devoted to you. And, if you are not smart enough to start working on improving and solidifying your mode of operation while your marriage is going great, then the NEXT BEST time is when your marriage is still going good.
And, if you are not smart of enough to start working on improving and shoring up your mode of operation when your marriage is still going good, then at least be smart enough to start working on improving your mode of operation the instant you become aware that your wife’s feelings towards you are not as positive or amorous as they once were.
Again, I do not mean to be insulting…but I have strong feelings behind what I am saying here because I have had too many scared, panicking, heartbroken men call me up asking me to help them save their disintegrating marriage relationship. Too many times I have seen the men, women, children, families, and friends forevermore harmed by the fallout, trouble, hurt, and pain that stems from a marriage relationship coming to an end.
And the thing is, MOST of these marriages would have NEVER come to an end IF the husband would have just taken positive action way earlier.
In most all of these marriages, IF the husband would have just exercised a little bit of initiative…and put a little bit of time, money, and effort into improving his way of thinking, operating, interacting, and relating…in other words, if he would have just put a little bit of time, money, and effort into learning how to better lead he and his wife in their marriage relationship…then his marriage, family, and life would most likely STILL be intact.
Now, if you do not know who I am…then you might look at my unusual name…and jump to the conclusion that I am a man-hating woman who gets off on criticizing, bashing, blaming, and condemning men. Well guess what? I am a man…I am a husband…I am a Dad…and as a man who has spent 25+ years helping men and women with their marriage relationship…I can tell you that the #1 TRUTH I have learned about male/female relationships is that HOW a woman behaves in a relationship IS ALWAYS a reaction to the man that she is with.
Let me explain what that means this way: more times that you would believe, I have seen a wife leave her husband…a man with whom she had lived in a decidedly not-very-sexual marriage relationship for years or even decades…and go move in with another man with whom she had so much wild and crazy sex that it would put a porn starlet to shame. Same exact woman…but her WAY OF BEING with one man was VERY, VERY DIFFERENT from her WAY OF BEING with another man.
Moreover, there IS a highly sexual woman inside of YOUR wife’s body…and a man with the right mode of operation would see, experience, and enjoy that highly sexual woman on a regular basis…while a guy with an undeveloped and therefore unattractive mode of operation would rarely to never see, experience, or enjoy that highly sexual woman.
You absolutely have to know and understand this: adult females LOVE affection, intimacy, and sex. Adult females WANT affection, intimacy, and sex…and they want it ALL OF THE TIME.
Now, you might doubt the truth of what I just said because you have experienced and/or observed some number of adult females talking or acting as if they do not like sex. But whether you believe it or not, and regardless of what you have experienced or observed in your microcosm, the preceding paragraph IS the truth.
The deal is, an adult female only wants ongoing affection, intimacy, and sex with a MAN who thinks, operates, interacts, and relates in an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy manner.
And that is where the problem is…IF her husband is a normal husband, then she does NOT want to engage in affection, intimacy, and sex with him very often because he mostly does NOT think, operate, interact, or relate in an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy manner.
The fact is, the normal husband cannot articulate…not even a little bit…what his wife needs and wants from him in order to be turned on towards him. Bluntly, he has never made it his business to learn these things.
Now, his wife might excuse him if there was no way for him to rise out of his male/female relationship ignorance. But, what his wife understands is that his marriage relationship ignorance is blindly willful.
That is, what his wife sees in him is a guy who thinks he is perfectly okay as a husband and therefore, his self-assessment is that he does not need to learn anything about leading a male/female relationship…his self-assessment is that he does not need to change anything about himself relative to her…and his SELF-DECEPTION disgusts and repulses her to her very core.
Correspondingly, she turns-off towards him even more…her negative attitude and misbehavior increases…she increasingly avoids affection, intimacy, and sex…and she continues moving closer and closer to her threshold of giving up hope of ever having a happy, satisfying, fulfilling marriage relationship with him…that threshold where who knows what awful things are going to happen once she crosses it…that threshold where who knows how bad and destructive things are going to be when she crosses it.
Now in closing, consider these three points:
1. It is extremely unlikely that your wife will ever tell you her true thoughts and feelings about you. Most likely, your wife IS a normal wife…which means she would literally cheat on you or divorce you BEFORE she would ever tell you her true thoughts and feelings about you.
2. Up until she crosses over her threshold, your wife WANTS you to BE a man who thinks and operates in an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy manner BECAUSE she WANTS to have a happy, satisfying, fulfilling, affectionate, intimate, and highly sexual marriage relationship with you.
3. If your wife HAS become INCREASINGLY warm, loving, affectionate, intimate, passionate, sexual, and erotic towards you with each passing year…and you have been together for more than ten years…then keep doing what you are doing because you are operating in an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy manner. But, IF for some time your wife has continued to become less warm, less loving, less affectionate, less intimate, less passionate, less sexual, and less erotic towards you…and IF your wife has continued to showcase more and more negative, hateful, disrespectful attitude and misbehavior towards you…then that means YOU are a normal husband and YOU need to immediately learn how to improve your mode of operation before your marriage relationship gets any worse and before it gets any harder to repair.
So husband, point blank…is YOUR marriage at risk?
If you continue thinking and operating as you have, is there a danger that your marriage, family, and life will disintegrate?
Do you find yourself wishing that your marriage relationship with your wife was more satisfying, fulfilling, and enjoyable? I can assure you that if your wife is anywhere near normal, she IS wanting to have an affectionate, intimate, and sexual marriage relationship with you. But, because of how she is wired, she FIRST NEEDS YOU to learn how to think, operate, interact, and relate in the way that turns her on towards you.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro