Calle, do you have any advice for a once married man who is tired of being alone and who cannot seem to find the right woman? I have been alone for a while now and I am tired of being lonely. And just so you know, I am not alone because I am a bad person. I honestly am a good guy who just keeps meeting the wrong women.
Before I answer the question, let me first applaud you for being wise enough to recognize that the women you have been meeting are wrong for you. Too many guys are so scared of being alone…or they are so needy…that they jump into a bad relationship or marriage with the first female who will take them…even though they know down deep that she is completely unfit and unsuitable as a partner.
Also, you don’t state specifically whether you are divorced. It is fairly common for a husband and wife to be separated for years without ever getting or finalizing their divorce. So, if you are not officially divorced from the woman you were once with, then do that first. Otherwise, your incomplete divorce will be a complicating issue that muddies the waters when you do find the right woman.
With that said, when a man is fully tired of being alone…and he has had enough of meeting unsuitable women…then the good news is that there are multiple things he can do to help himself find the right woman.
Here is the first thing…
If you have not been able to find the right woman…and you are really serious about wanting to find the right woman, then you MUST:
- Change what you do and where you go on a daily basis.
- Change what you do and where you go over the course of each week.
- Change what happens in your life over the course of each month.
- Change what you are doing for entertainment.
- Change where you are looking for a woman.
Now, the easiest thing in the world would be for you to forget what you just read as fast as you read it. But, there are multiple important implications here…and again, if you are really serious about wanting to find the right woman, then make sure you recognize them.
For instance, it is easy for a lonely guy to bury himself in a rut where he is hidden away from the world.
That is, it is easy for a lonely guy to bury himself in working…or gaming…or gambling…or other such activities that separate him from other people…or more specifically, that separate him from the quality woman who he would like to share his life with.
So if this is you, then you need to immediately STOP doing what you are doing that is not working for you…you need to immediately “unbury” yourself…so that it becomes possible for you to find the right woman.
As another for instance, a lot of single and divorced guys are trying to find the right woman…IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES!
You are NOT going to find your angel if you are looking in places where she-devils hang out.
Likewise, you are NOT going to find your quality woman if you are trying to find her in places that are full of bar-flies who guy-hop.
And for sure, you are NOT going to find the woman of your dreams if you are hanging out in places where there are no women around.
Now, the items I listed above are the things a guy must change if he wishes to find the right woman. But, there can also be other things that a guy needs to change about himself.
For example, as elementary as it may sound, the biggest thing many lonely guys need to change is the way they dress their self.
Some guys dress themselves in slovenly, cheap, baggy, wrinkled clothes…to the point they almost look like a bum…and if this is you, then you definitely need to upgrade your wardrobe and start dressing sharper and classier.
Other guys dress themselves so fancy that they repel women. In some cases, the problem is that they out-dress women…to the point that they cause women to feel like they can’t compete…and so, women tend to shy away from them.
In other cases, the problem is that their wardrobe paints the wrong picture in the minds of women…perhaps the picture of them being a flake or a shyster…and if this is you, then you need to tame down your wardrobe and start dressing in a more classy, gentlemanly kind of way…instead of dressing like a Las Vegas show-performer.
So, if you are serious about wanting to find the right woman, then get very serious about changing what you do, changing where you go, and changing whatever needs to be changed about yourself.
Now, if you take action on everything I have described above, and you are still not able to find the right woman, then that means there is a specific change that is needed in you.
When it comes to relationships, you must understand that like is attracted to like.
Now, on the surface, it may sometimes appear that “opposites attract”. And indeed, there are plenty of cases where a guy and gal sure appear to be different. When you see an introvert who is married to an extrovert, it is easy to think that they are opposites.
But when you dig deeper, you will always find that they are in fact very much alike at a core, foundational level. In the areas that define them, you will find a definite likeness between the two of them. Beneath whatever differences you can observe on the outside, they are very much alike in who and what they are on the inside…which is why they came together in the first place.
So, what does this mean as it pertains to you? What does this have to do with you being able to find the right woman?
It means that if you are an undeveloped guy, then you can only attract an undeveloped woman.
It means that if you are a guy with issues, then you can only attract a woman who also has issues.
It means if you are a troubled guy, then you will only ever be able to attract a troubled woman.
Like it or not…want it or not…when it comes to relationships, like is attracted to like.
Therefore, IF a guy wants to attract a quality woman, he must first see to it that he has developed himself into a quality man.
IF a guy wants a decent, fitting, suitable, wholesome woman to share his life with, then he must first take responsibility for developing himself into a decent, fitting, suitable, wholesome man.
IF a guy wants to be able to enjoy life with an excellent, first-rate, brilliant woman, then he must first become an excellent, first-rate, brilliant man.
Okay…having made the preceding point, you are now ready for me to correct an error in your perception…an error that I have been purposely going along with up until now.
But before I go into it, please understand that I am correcting this error in your perception for your benefit. I am not being mean, belittling, rude, or critical. Rather, I am helping you expand your understanding and awareness so that you can know the truth…and thereby recognize which changes you need to make within yourself.
Recall your statement that you keep meeting the “wrong women”. Well, that is where the error in your perception resides…
Namely, a guy who is out meeting women does not keep meeting the “wrong women”. Rather, with few to no exceptions, he is actually meeting women who ARE a BALL-PARK fit and a match for him…AS HE PRESENTLY IS.
In other words, in his judgment, the women he is meeting are not in the ball-park of being the kind of woman he wants to be with. But, what he does not see is that they are in fact in the same ball-park as himself…that they are in fact more or less the level of woman that matches his level as a guy.
In still other words, the guy is meeting what he thinks are the “wrong” women…but he doesn’t realize that in terms of who and what he is, they are actually the “right” women because they are a ball-park fit with who and what he is.
So, who and what you are IS what you are attracting and therefore meeting.
Who and what you really are as a guy IS DETERMINING (at a ball-park level) what kind of gal will even consider going out with you or being in a potential relationship with you.
Therefore, if you keep meeting the “wrong women”, then that is because you yourself are the “wrong guy” for what you are wanting in a woman…and you need to actively develop yourself into the “right man”.
The good news is that when you are the “right man”, THEN you will definitely be able to find the right woman.
There is another angle that you need to also consider here…a spiritual angle.
Specifically, God has been holding you in a holding pattern…where you are not able to find the right woman…because He is waiting on you to develop and improve yourself so that He can connect you with the right woman.
God has a wonderful lady that He wants to connect you with…but He needs you to make certain preparations before He can connect the two of you.
So, how long are you going to make God keep you in this holding pattern?
How long are you going to keep yourself lonely, wanting, and waiting…before you decide to develop and improve yourself so that God can connect you with your lady?
Or, if that angle doesn’t do it for you…
There is a “right woman” who is anxiously waiting for you to develop and improve yourself so that God can connect the two of you.
And, are you going to procrastinate on developing and improving yourself for so long…that in order to do right by this woman, God has to give her to some other man…even though He intended to give her to you?
That brings us to this…
As a man progressively develops himself into a high-quality, high-caliber, high-value man who clearly understands how to lead a male/female relationship…who clearly understands how to lead an enjoyable, satisfying, fulfilling relationship with a woman…he also progressively develops within himself a presence, an essence, an aura, a quality, or whatever you want to call it…that quality females can immediately sense when they enter his sphere.
And, males who have this developed “presence” are so rare that when women sense it in a man, they will actively and aggressively “present” themselves in front of this man in order to get his attention.
When a man has this developed “presence”, women instantly recognize it because it is everything they are wanting in a man.
To elaborate on this so that the importance of it really registers with you…
When a man develops himself to the point that he has an attractive “presence”, then he won’t be trying to find the right woman…because multiple women will be actively “presenting” themselves to him…and all he has to do is select the one who is the best fit for him.
The point is this: developing yourself into a high-quality man who has a highly attractive mode of operation relative to females…will make it EASY for you to “find the right woman”.
Now, let’s tie the preceding to one more point from your original question…
Being a “good guy” is NOT necessarily equal to being an “attractive man”.
Similarly, being a “nice guy” is NOT necessarily equal to being a “desirable man”.
To illustrate, if you went looking for one, you could easily find a street-bum who is a “nice good guy”…a guy who is respectful, courteous, kind, generous with what he has, and so on.
At the same time, it would be very difficult for you to find a quality woman who is interested in being in a relationship with a street-bum…no matter how nice, friendly, generous, or caring he happened to be.
So, here is a truth that you must understand: a quality woman wants to be with a man who possesses the presence and the skills to be able to take her into a happy, satisfying, fulfilling, meaningful, enjoyable, exciting, pleasurable, and sexual relationship.
There are hoards of single and divorced guys who are in fact “nice good guys”…but they do not have the presence or the skills to be able to take a woman into this kind of relationship.
Consequently, these hoards of guys…in spite of their goodness and niceness…are not able to “find the right woman” that they are looking for and wanting.
More accurately, the quality, desirable woman they are wanting is AVOIDING them because of these reasons:
- Their lack of development in the area of male/female relationships.
- They do not understand how females think and operate.
- They do not understand what a woman’s REAL needs are.
- They do not know how to really lead, manage, handle, relate, and interact with a woman in an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy way.
So bottom line, if you truly want to find the right woman, then get my marriage program and develop yourself into a high-quality, high-caliber, high-value man who clearly understands how to lead a male/female relationship.
By the time you have absorbed the contents of my marriage program and made the principles I teach a part of who and what you are…well, “How do I find the right woman” will no longer be your question. Instead, your question will be, “Of the multiple high-quality women who are interested in me, which one is the best one for me?“
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro