My young teenage daughter and her friends have a problem…
It’s a problem that most wives also have with their husband. As such, this article may very well help you improve your marriage.
The problem sounds something like this:
Girl: [calls boy on phone]
Boy: [answers with a slow, drab, deflated, non-energetic tone of voice] Hullo?
Girl: [with high energy and excitement] chatter…chatter…chatter…so what are you doing?
Boy: [same low-energy tone of voice] Nuthin!
Awkward silence ensues. So girl tries again.
Girl: chatter…chatter…chatter…so, what did you do today?
Boy: Not much!
Awkward silence ensues. So girl tries again.
Girl: chatter…chatter…chatter…tells funny story…delivers punch-line.
Boy: [with total lack of energy or excitement] That’s funny.
Awkward silence ensues…and you get the point.
It’s even worse when my daughter and her friends try to have a text message exchange with these boys. When text messaging, it’s like the ONLY thing the boys know how to say is LOL or some other 2-4 letter acronym…and that does NOT make for an interesting conversation.
Well, after a few months of trying to figure out how to have a conversation with guys, my daughter and her friends came to me with the announcement that guys do not know how to talk…and asking me how they were supposed to talk with boys when they won’t talk.
Now, just so it is clear, the boys I am describing here DESPERATELY want my daughter and her friends to like them. And yet, with each and every telephone conversation and text message exchange, these boys cause my daughter and her friends to be less and less “impressed” with them. With each “conversation” my daughter and her friends feel motivated to move on to “more interesting” boys.
Now, to make sure we are together…you might think I am just telling you a story about my daughter and her friends…but I am not…
I am talking about you and your wife!
Your wife WANTS to have interesting conversation with an interesting man!
But too often, a husband’s communication skills have never progressed much past the guttural grunts and sounds of the boys I used in the example “conversation” above.
When a husband “converses” with his wife in this short, abbreviated, conversation-killing, energy-draining way, it does NOT impress his wife or turn her on towards him.
In fact, it sometimes makes her wish she was with ANOTHER man who she could enjoy the pleasure of an intelligent, interesting, and inspiring conversation with…
ANOTHER man she could talk with…without having to carry the entire conversation…
ANOTHER man who had enough substance to him that she could share something more than a one-sided conversation with him.
Of course, she would probably never admit to thinking these kinds of thoughts but I promise you that she does.
So, how do you become a man who can carry on an interesting conversation with his wife?
1. Step out of the small, little world of your mind…that’s consumed with all your agendas, worries, fears, insecurities, and so on. Realize there is a whole big world that exists and it is filled with wonderful people to interact with…WHEN…you get out of the narrow confines and walls of your own mind.
2. Make the choice to be talkative. You CAN be talkative IF you want to be…so CHOOSE to be talkative with your wife.
The typical husband has a “mental guard” in place that causes him…usually for no real reason that he is conscious of…to shut down and not be very talkative when he is around his wife or other women that are attractive to him.
For many guys, this guard was installed somewhere between the ages of 10 – 13 and it has been firmly in place ever since.
In many cases, it is nothing more than a bad habit for a husband to not be talkative with his wife.
3. Take whatever your wife says and “recast” it with a new preface…something like:
* “Tell me about…”
* “I’m really curious about that. I would love to hear all about…”
* “That’s something I don’t know very much about. I would really like to hear all about that…how it works…why it works…what the factors are…so, explain to me…”
By recasting whatever your wife has said with a preface like one of these, you give yourself the directive to TRULY CONVERSE with your wife…to open up and expand upon what you say…and thereby give her the pleasure of REAL conversation.
4. Being interesting takes preparation. NOWHERE in life can you be a success if you are unprepared or ill-equipped and it’s no different in the area of your marriage relationship.
So, DO NOT come home from work unprepared or ill-equipped. Instead, before you leave your workplace, take 10-15 minutes to find 3 – 5 new and interesting subjects and/or stories to talk about when you get home.
With the information that’s available on the internet, there is no excuse for a man to not have something interesting to talk about with his wife and children during his evening at home with them.
Once a man has prepared himself, then it is easy for him to segue into one of his subjects or stories when the right time comes. The next thing he knows, he will have just given his wife the pleasure of 10 to 30 minutes of pleasurable conversation with him…multiple times throughout the evening.
Of course, a husband can ignore, deny, and reject what I am saying here. He can take the viewpoint that his lack of interest in talking with his wife is HER problem not his…and that’s fine…he can do that. But if he does, then he has no right to be upset when he discovers his wife is having long, ongoing conversations with another man on the phone, at the office, or online.
Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro
You may use this article on your own website IF you include the following: “Copyright by Calle Zorro of www.MarriedAndHappy.com“