Wives commonly complain of how their husbands have “lost” all sense of romance. They talk of how romantic he was before marriage and how he now doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.
And because romance is such a nebulous and ethereal concept, men often accept this accusation as being true. That leaves them struggling and wondering how to be more “romantic” in their marriage.
Well, I want to show you that the notion of a non-romantic husband is mostly a FALSE STEREOTYPE that husbands are unjustly saddled with.
First, let’s go back the dating game. Anytime you see “successful” courting (as the old-timers call it), you see a guy AND a gal who are both working at attracting and being attracted. You see them pursuing and being pursued. And, you see them setting up sequences and scenarios where they can be “caught”.
In other words, a successful courtship is a game where both parties are able to win a “catch” at frequent intervals. Of course, all of this “game playing” happens at a mostly unconscious level but it is nevertheless happening.
To cement this point in your mind, imagine yourself watching a lunch-room full of high-school kids. Notice how girls are play-hitting the guys – who turn it around and play-pinch the girls – and then the guys run away as the girls chase them – and then it turns around again and the guys are chasing the girls – and there’s lot’s of squealing and laughing as the game culminates in hugs or other forms of touching and petting.
So, as you can clearly see, the game of courtship is a continuous loop of give and take – of chasing and catching and then being chased and being caught. Of course, this game may get a bit more sophisticated as guys and gals get past their teenage years – but often not by much.
In contrast, anytime you see a one-sided courtship – meaning that one person is doing all the chasing and the other person never chases back and won’t be caught – then you’re seeing a relationship that can NEVER work. These kinds of relationships are often associated with the words “harassment” or even “stalker”.
Now, let’s move to the day after the wedding. At this point, there are a whole slew of responsibilities and obligations that were mostly non-existent prior to marriage. The big issue of course is money.
Prior to marriage, most young people work a job so they have spending money for playing. Usually, they don’t have to worry about paying a mortgage or the myriad of smaller expenses that come with normal life. For many young people, their biggest obligation is something like a car payment.
But after getting married, now ALL of the responsibility for a rent or mortgage payment, all the car payments, all the taxes, all the groceries, all the EVERYTHING falls in the lap of the young couple. More often than not, the majority of this burden falls on the shoulders of the man.
And so, he turns his attention and energy towards addressing this money problem.
And then usually, along come children with all of their associated responsibility. And, more often than not, the majority of this burden falls on the shoulders of the woman.
And so, she devotes most of her attention and energy to the children.
But, while all of this attention and energy is on solving life’s challenges, the man still wants sex and the woman still wants romance. Unfortunately, because of all the energy put into addressing life’s problems, neither the man nor the woman wants to put any energy into getting the sex or the romance – they just want it to be there.
And therein lays the problem!
Specifically, the man isn’t “chasing” like he was prior to marriage because he’s focused on money and the woman doesn’t want to get “caught” because she’s tired from her own work and from dealing with the kids.
But, again, society generally lays the blame on the husband for no longer being romantic.
Well, as they say in the country, that’s a bunch of HOGWASH!
It’s hog-wash because the very MOMENT you put that very same “non-romantic” husband into a situation where a different woman is flirting with him – meaning she’s chasing him and wanting him to catch her – is the very moment you will INSTANTANEOUSLY HAVE A MAN WHO IS AN ABSOLUTE ROMANTIC!
Do you see that?
So, it’s not that the man lost his ability to be romantic. It’s the fact that he lost a companion who wants to be caught.
CORRECTION! To state more accurately what I said a few paragraphs back, the man’s not chasing his wife – not because he’s so focused on money – but because she doesn’t want to get caught.
And when a man has a partner who doesn’t want to be caught, HE HAS NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT HE CAN BE ROMANTIC! He has nothing to work with. The platform upon which romance can happen has been totally blown away.
Now that we have this understanding, we can clearly see the fallacy of a woman wanting to enjoy feelings of romance while avoiding getting caught.
It’s a fallacy because romance is framed in and based on sexual tension and release. To desire romance that is stripped of the sexual element is a totally NONSENSICAL CONCEPT.
So, what’s the solution?
Both the man AND the woman must take personal responsibility for supporting and encouraging both the chasing and the getting caught.
In spite of all the challenges of life, both the man and the woman must take personal responsibility for PROMOTING the game of courtship within their marriage.
For when they BOTH play the chasing and catching game, their marriage will be FULL OF ROMANCE!
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro