Overcoming the insecurity that comes from having a wife who’s been unfaithful can be the most difficult form of insecurity to over come. For this reason, I want to give special attention to this emotionally-charged and sensitive subject.
If your wife has ever cheated on you, she shouldn’t have. And honestly, unless you previously cheated on her, there is no good excuse for her infidelity.
Now, I’ll say right up front that this is such a personal matter with so many variables that only you can decide how and what is the best way to deal with your wife’s infidelity. A person can decide that the marriage has been irreparably damaged and get a divorce. Or, a person can acknowledge their partner made a foolish mistake and forgive her for it and move on.
Either way, that’s a personal choice you’ll have to make for yourself. It’s such a personal thing that I’m not sure I can really help you. But, I would like for you to consider some suggestions…
Here’s the first thing I’ll suggest to you: REFUSE TO LET ANY ACTION OF YOUR WIFE’S EAT AT YOU UNTIL IT DESTROYS YOU!
Don’t allow yourself to develop the victim-mentality where you’re constantly reliving and remembering what she’s done. Don’t persist in blaming, condemning, and judging her. It will only serve to poison you with bitterness, resentment, and hatred.
It’s one thing if a woman’s actions destroy a marriage. It’s another thing to LET a woman’s actions destroy a man.
Unfortunately, this is exactly what many men let happen. After they’ve “reconciled” with their wife over her infidelity, they then let it eat on them until HIS MINDSET becomes so poisoned that it destroys both the marriage and himself.
Here’s something else I’ll suggest to you: let her off the hook – your hook. In doing so, you put her on God’s hook – and then it’s up to Him to deal with her as He knows is right and just. You see, a cheating wife has only scarred herself. It’s not on you, it’s on her. God will see to it that she reaps for the evil she’s done.
The Bible tells us, “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord, I will repay.” Because this is true, you don’t have to worry about what she’s done anymore. You can just let it go, let her off the hook, and let God take care of it in the RIGHT way.
Here’s the next thing I’ll ask you to consider: in truth, both married men AND women cheat on their spouse to varying degrees. Usually and mostly, the cheating only takes place inside the mind. But sometimes, one or both partners make the mistake of taking it to a level that’s outside of their mind.
For women, her “cheating” involves fantasies portrayed to her in soap operas or Harlequin Romances, or in her own fantasies created out of her imagination or experiences she encounters in life.
For men… Well, you already know that most men find pleasure in imagining having sex with any and every attractive woman they encounter. You already know they’re intensely turned on by the thought of having sex with a woman for the very first time, by scoring a one-night stand with a perfect stranger. You already know that it’s not unusual for men to fantasize about having wanton sex with dozens of hot women.
What’s bizarre though is that these same men would have a huge panic / anxiety / insecurity attack if they found out their wife was having the same sort of imaginations that they themselves were having.
Now, how crazy is that?
Wouldn’t it really be better to keep the fidelity of the marriage intact by recognizing that whether male or female, our sexuality is a key part of us and just be open and honest about it?
Wouldn’t it be better to use these sexual thoughts – both yours and hers – to pull you closer together?
Wouldn’t it be better for both of you to share your most secret, intimate thoughts on a bed of trust, respect, appreciation, and privacy that builds sexual excitement between you and your wife – so that neither one of you ever have to go outside of the marriage to enjoy what’s already going on in both your head and hers?
Copyright 2007 by Calle Zorro