Now, I’ll say right up front that this is such a personal matter with so many variables that only you can decide how and what is the best way to deal with your wife’s infidelity. A person can decide that the marriage has been irreparably damaged and get a divorce. Or, a person can acknowledge their partner made a foolish mistake and forgive her for it and move on.
If your case is such that you want to forgive your wife and move forward, then I would like to help you by explaining what forgiveness really means…
Forgiveness rarely means that someone comes to you, tells you they were wrong, and asks you to forgive them.
The tendency in people is to view the act of forgiving as an authority figure (themselves) granting forgiveness to a subject (the other person) who has begged and pleaded for forgiveness. In other words, they think of forgiveness as a ceremonial act of PARDONING another person.
In reality, forgiveness is picking the thorns of negativity out of your own mind.
Forgiveness is casting out the little black thoughts that would like to harbor in the shadows of your mind because of what someone else said or did.
Forgiveness is looking beyond your aggravations, irritations, justifications, and rationalizations.
Forgiveness is putting out of mind the many times others have pained you, upset you, and trod over you.
Forgiveness is refusing to become irritated, aggravated, and frustrated when someone does something you don’t like. It’s replacing the little “zing’s”, slurs, or comments you at first want to say with something that makes the other person feel good about themselves.
Forgiveness is no longer allowing it to bother you when others are too fast, too slow, too much, not enough, they did or they didn’t, etc.
Forgiveness is stepping outside of your own feelings based on your experiences and values and stepping into the experiences and values of the other person – and then being able to truly say, “I understand how you feel.”
If you’re unable to step into their experiences and values, then it’s accepting them as they are and saying, “You have a right to feel the way you do.” or, “I’ve never experienced that, but I think if I were in your place, I’d probably feel the same way you do.”
Forgiveness is keeping quiet when you really want to tell someone how irrational and illogical their behaviors and feelings are. The fact is, if you were in their shoes and had their reasons, you’d probably have the same behaviors and feelings.
Forgiving is choosing to look for and see only the good in others rather than entertaining thoughts of criticism, condemnation, or hatred.
Forgiveness is a lifestyle that does not expect individuals to be faultless – that does not cast people into roles of perfection – because expectations of perfection result in irritation and anger.
Forgiveness is a mindset that understands this person has been hurt by someone, someone has made them feel unwanted and unloved, that they didn’t matter, that they didn’t count.
Forgiveness is letting go of and giving no energy to the negative, the unpleasant, the undesirable, the unwanted that someone else has injected into your life. And probably, that person is totally indifferent about the whole situation and could care less whether what they did or said was what you wanted. And by you letting go and giving it no energy, that’s forgiveness…and you can do that as frequently and often as you need to, can’t you?
FOR you must GIVE up on harboring anything in your mind that’s not what you want in your life – as your dominant thoughts become what you attract more of. And, after you’re through FORGIVING everyone and everything (including yourself if need be), that leaves nothing in your mind but LOVING POWER – the most influential and persuasive power there is.
Understanding, empathy, and tolerance melt away annoyance, judgment, irritation, and aggravation – all of which is summed up in a single word: forgiveness.
Pause for a moment and consider these two quotes from Richard Nixon:
- “The greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes when you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes; because only if you’ve been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain… Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Always remember: Others may hate you. But those who hate you don’t win, unless you hate them. And then, you destroy yourself.”
- “I’ve not lost until I hate as I’ve been hated.”
I never knew Richard Nixon nor have I ever bothered to study out the Watergate Scandal but these quotes make it clear to me that President Nixon understood what it meant to forgive – even though no one else was asking him for forgiveness.
Think of that! Can you begin to fathom how much POWER and FLEXIBILITY this kind of a forgiving attitude gives you?
Bottom line, forgiveness is for YOU so that your spirit soars free, your mind functions clear and powerfully, your feelings support you positively, and your wife-seduction results are outstanding.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro
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