In relation to their wife, married men generally fall into one of three groups. Two of these groups predictably encounter marriage relationship failure…two of them inevitably experience a loss in affection and intimacy. Only one group of husbands enjoys an ongoing marriage relationship that’s filled with happiness, affection, and intimacy.
In the first group are the husbands who are good at being nice to their wife…they are good at having conversations with her…they are good at being considerate of her…they are good at paying attention to her…and in general, they are good at meeting her “female companionship needs”. But, there are two problems. First, they don’t meet the deeper “primal female needs” that she has. Even worse is the second problem; they lack that strength and masculinity (in relation to their wife) that she wants and needs in order to be attracted to them.
Husbands who fall in this group generally experience a significant drop-off in affection and intimacy from their wife within just a couple of years of marriage or less. Generally, by the time 4 – 8 years of marriage rolls around, the marriage is in serious jeopardy as the wife has pretty much disengaged completely from her husband. Often, the wife of this kind of husband has cheated on her husband…sometimes just emotionally…sometimes physically. And all the while, the husband is trying even harder to be “nice” to his wife in an effort to get her to once again be attracted to him.
In the second group, are the husbands who have got the strength and masculinity part down…they are attractive to their wife because of their manliness…but they do a lousy job of meeting any of her needs. They often don’t even meet her basic “female companionship needs” let alone her “primal female needs”.
Husbands who are in this group generally tend to have a “decent” marriage for a longer period of time. Usually, the marriage does ok for 8 – 15 years because the husband IS an attractive, manly man. But, at the same time, the wife is steadily building up resentment, bitterness, and anger towards her husband because he does not meet her female needs. Generally, the wife eventually “blows up” and establishes some kind of distance and separation from her husband. She may move to another bedroom…she may move out to stay with someone else…or she may file for divorce…all because she cannot take having unmet needs anymore.
Interestingly, once the wife of a husband in the second group has her “blow up”, the response of her husband is often to jump squarely over into the first group of men. He lays down all his attractive masculinity and he really starts working on being a “nice companion” to his wife…and now, his wife is completely turned off by him…both by his response and his loss of masculine attractiveness.
In the third group of men are those husbands who understand what their wife’s needs are at all levels and they meet those needs on purpose — which keeps their wife happy. AND, they have a “JUST RIGHT” level of strength and masculinity — which keeps their wife attracted to them.
The men in this third group enjoy a marriage relationship where their wife ENJOYS sharing her affection and intimacy with her husband year after year after year of their marriage. They have a strong, wonderful marriage that works and that keeps on working.
And, if you are a man who is in the first or second group, then it is WELL WORTH the cost and effort right now of putting yourself securely into the third group so that for the rest of your life you can enjoy a happy, affectionate, intimate marriage relationship with your wife. Your own wisdom tells you that any investment and effort you expend now will absolutely be far less than the cost and pain of separation and/or divorce.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro
Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife. Click here.
After reading two articles on the love-lorn man from this blog I think it would be interesting to read your opinions on women that are unable to “get sex” ( even quickies) from their husbands.
My theory is that you are working with older couples because I hear a completely different story from most of my friends ( who are under 35)
These are gorgeous, well educated women, that earn a great living and are fabulous mothers….. and they cant get their husbands to touch them. Most say that sex has turned into a once a month ordeal with lots of begging on the womens part and then the husband doesn’t even have any stamina.
The stereotype of the poor exhausted husband having to support his entire family is out-played. Women work hard and play hard the least a man could do is put out a few times a week. I think men are using this whole issue as a cover to not have sex. There is something going on with the modern man that i haven’t quite figured out but they DON’T want sex.
(My theory is they want to lay in bed all day eating chicken wings while playing video games and watching football)
It takes two….. It should not, MUST not be expected that its the mans job to make all the effort to build and maintain a marraige. What about the mans needs? They are different but no less important. Both sides must work at it. It takes two…
Hi David, yes, it DOES take two people working at a marriage relationship in order for the relationship to work. The question is, “Who is going to be the LEADER?” The guy who is sitting around waiting on a WOMAN to LEAD him to happiness is in for a rude awakening as the woman will sooner or later move AWAY to find a MAN who can and will LEAD her to the happy, sexual place that she wants to share with a man.
Hi Kal, you are absolutely right! There ARE guys who certainly are closed off and shut down emotionally and sexually in relation to their wife. And, it’s not at all uncommon for the kind of woman you describe to be married to a guy who just doesn’t respond or act like the normal sex-driven guy. However, there’s a reason he’s not being sexual with his wife. And, I (and a colleague) do have a brand-new solution for the woman who is dealing with a non-affectionate, non-sexual husband. Check it out here: http://www.TheWifeBook.com
I do appreciate your efforts to put all of this in writing and in a format for guys to use. I do appreciate that you seem to be coming from a Christian perspective as well – or at least something that is compatable with a Christian approach. I “get” what you are saying. And on a certain level, it all makes sense. I believe it to be tried and true. But at the same time, the whole thing makes me sad, because I don’t think I can live up to any of it! I’m a single guy and the more I read your stuff, the more I realize I’m in that first group – “a nice guy but not masculine enough for a woman to be attracted to him.” . . . so much so that I’m practically to the point of giving up on EVER finding a wife and getting married. Time isn’t on my side much any more either. It seems impossible. It seems like in order to “succeed” in this area of life I would have to ACT a way that I’m not. I do know that God said it is not good for man to be alone – but Paul also said it is better to be single if you can. . . . Maybe I’m just supposed to remain single. I guess I’m happy for the guys who are in marriages that you can help. But this whole not-being-who-you-are and you’re-not-good-enough-as-you-are aspect really has me depressed. Yeah, I know. I’m too emotional. I’m too much of a “wuss” as another author who takes your same type of approach would say. I know that I’m a “failure” at this, but my ONLY comfort is that Christ still died for me and loves me anyway. I don’t know what I expect you to do or say in response. Perhaps there is nothing you can say or do. But maybe you should know that there are guys like me out here too who have this perspective. Merry Christmas and God bless you and your work.
Thank you for your blessing.
Now, consider this…there WAS a time when you could not walk or run…that was “who” you were. There WAS a time when you could not read or write…that was “who” you were. But now, if you are a normal guy, you can walk and run…you can read and write…and you can just do these things without even thinking about “how” to do them.
The point is, “who” you are at a given time in your life does not in any way define “who” you are capable of becoming. The only factor that defines “who” you are capable of becoming is YOU…because God has already given you the innate ability to develop your faculties and abilities.
MOST men and women are right where you are at…they are in the 95% of the population who do NOT enjoy the “good life”. Why? It’s because they will not DECIDE to STUDY, LEARN, PRACTICE, and EXPERIMENT in the areas of life that MATTER THE MOST. Or, if they do, then they won’t stay DISCIPLINED and DILIGENT enough to APPLY and IMPLEMENT what they learned long enough to make it a habitual way of operating. Look at the people who are all around you…and yourself…and consider what you see against the important areas of life…spirituality, health, finances, and relationships…and how many people have got it together in these important areas?
Really, it comes down to laziness and a foolish attitude/perspective. Think about it…how many “typical” kids would go to school and learn even basic skills if they weren’t forced to go? Most would not. But, while they are forced to go to school, they “keep” the attitude/perspective such that by the time they are adults, they are no longer “forced” to learn…and so they DO NOT! And THEY are the ones who get to SUFFER the CONSEQUENCES.
That’s why only about 5% of the population enjoys the “good life” because only about 5% of people are disciplined enough to learn what they need to learn and diligent enough to implement and apply what they know in order to be successful in all the important areas of their life.
Learning is critically important. Implementation and application is critically important. Fail to do BOTH and you will FAIL in life!
Why do the 95% FAIL in their intimate relationships? It’s because they haven’t ever been “shown” how to be successful in an intimate relationship…and they won’t learn on their own how to be successful in an intimate relationship…they just want it to be “given” to them without any learning or effort on their part. Not only that, but MANY of the 95% even have a disdain for intimate relationship “knowledge”. I was talking with a man yesterday who is about to lose his wife and children in a divorce and in the course of our conversation he said this, “I was reading this “stupid” book that said I needed to spend 15-30 minutes in conversation each day with my wife…” His attitude…whether spoken or unspoken…is the attitude of MOST of the 95%…that’s why they are unsuccessful in their relationships. And so, ignorance and failure continues to perpetuate in their family tree.
But in other cases, people “know” but they won’t implement and apply. Let’s pick on health…everybody “knows” how to be healthy…eat right and exercise right. But how many people actually do that? Well again, look around you and you’ll see that only about 5% of the population implements and applies what they know. Only about 5% make it a HABIT to do the right things EVERY day. Those are the people you see out jogging…while the 95% are stopping off at McDonald’s or the donut shop on their way to work.
Going back to the reading and writing analogy…there was a time when it was INCREDIBLY hard for you to even trace out a simple letter or number. In fact, you had to have special paper with special lines all over it…you even had to have the letters outlined in dashes for you…and you STILL couldn’t trace the letter correctly. But now, you can draw out letters and numbers on a blank sheet of paper without even thinking about it. Well, guess what? That’s exactly how it is for me NOW in my intimate relationship. When I first started studying this subject 18+ years ago, it WAS HARD. Even when it was “outlined” for me, I STILL got it wrong. But NOW, I do all the right things that turn my wife on to me both emotionally and sexually…and I do those things without even thinking about it. It’s completely natural, genuine, and authentic…and it WORKS! And, the good news for you is that you don’t have to spend 18+ years figuring it out…all you have to do is go buy my “Get More” marriage bundle at http://www.DoThisGetSex.com and read through that material 5 times…and by the time you get through reading that material 5 times, women WILL start to be drawn to you…because there WILL be “something” about you that’s “different”, “intriguing”, and “appealing”.
Or, you can just think about how “hard” it is…and do nothing…and get depressed about all the lack and non-success you “enjoy” in your life.
As far as time is concerned, “running out of time” is NEVER a person’s problem. The problem is squandering and wasting time by not learning and not implementing. But, start learning and implementing and soon enough, “time” will become a WONDERFUL thing as you ENJOY success in all the important areas of your life.
Not sure where I fall into, all I know and feel is I don’t want sex or intimacy from my wife or anyone else. Married 40 plus years and hadn’t had sex or intimacy for at least 30 years. And to be honest I certainly like life better this way. I try and stay away from my wife, not really sure why either! I prefer being alone, I don’t have friends, nor am I interested or care whats going on in the world. I do enjoy working on my projects down stairs, I’am building furniture fo my soon to be finished apartment down stairs. That way I won’t have to bother by using the upstairs.
Ultimately, whatever projects you are working on “downstairs” have no meaning, value, importance, or significance unless two things are true:
1. Your projects somehow make the world a better place by benefiting someone other than yourself.
2. You have someone to share the failures and successes of your projects with.
Also, the relationship you describe as having with your wife and other people says a LOT about YOU…it says a LOT about how you represent things in your mind…and such representations create a LOT of loneliness and unhappiness for YOU to “enjoy”…which is why you have to DISPLACE your interest and attention on projects that somehow never seem to satisfy or fulfill you…you are attempting to use projects to fill a void that a project can never fill.
And the worst part is that you will die the same way you have lived…alone and unhappy.
But, that’s a choice you obviously have made…and you obviously can continue making that choice if you want to…or you can decide to live a better, happier, more satisfying, more fulfilling way that results in happiness for you and for whatever few people are still around you.
Thanks for the response, I do very much enjoy my life and I really don’t care what other folks think, let alone my wife. Shes a great gal but shouldn’t be with me. She still is here so its her problem, I’ll just continue to ignore her. My projects keep my mind active and I stay busy. I don’t really want to live better and happyness is in the eyes of the beholder. Only I know what makes me happy, My next project is rebuilding an old car I bought. And if I die in the garage or my shop thats fine at least I died alone and in my favorite place.
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