The husband who wishes to enjoy sex more often must get clear on the fact that his wife is not interested in any kind of an offer where she loses.
In other words, a man’s wife will almost always reject a seduction attempt if she in any way thinks, believes, or feels that in the final outcome she will lose.
Now, there are an endless number of specific ways a woman can lose. Fortunately, we can wrap all of those variations up into a simple, easy-to-understand pattern – and it has to do with a wife giving more than she receives.
I call this the Loss-Pattern and here it is:
“In a woman’s mind, any situation where she can give physical and/or emotional pleasure without receiving an equal or greater level of physical and/or emotional pleasure in return is considered a loss situation that is to be avoided at all cost.”
At first, this pattern may seem so broad as to not be very useful. But, after you think about it a little more, you’ll begin to see its usefulness and the beauty of its inherent flexibility.
To start with, browse through the following list of examples where men commonly invoke the Loss-Pattern, causing their wife to avoid and reject his future sexual advances:
1. A husband thinking only of himself and his pleasure before, during, and after the sexual act. He doesn’t notice or care if she’s into the experience or if she’s even really stimulated or turned on. He only cares about jumping in and taking care of himself.
2. A husband failing to notice that his wife is uncomfortable or hurting during sex. Even worse, he notices her discomfort or pain but continues on because he only cares about getting himself off.
3. A husband giving no regard to whether his wife might become pregnant or at risk health wise. A fertile woman takes on the risk of having to spend the next 20 (or more) years raising and caring for a child every time she engages in sex. Further, medical science tells us that a woman is at greater risk than a man is of contracting a STD or developing a sexual health problem such as a yeast infection.
Husband, take a few moments to carefully compare this list to your own bedroom actions and behaviors. Consider it carefully because most men think it does NOT apply to them while their wife says that it DOES apply to them.
The fact is, the husband who is guilty of any of these inconsiderate violations (and there are plenty more that could be listed) will soon find his woman resisting most or even all of his sexual advances.
She’ll resist because he’s presenting her with an offer where he “wins” and she “loses”.
No wife is interested in that kind of offer.
Now, let’s consider the “opportunity” aspect of the Loss-Pattern. Of special importance is the phrase, “physical and/or emotional pleasure”. This is especially important because it gives the husband multiple opportunities and paths by which he may seduce his wife.
Ideally, a woman will get peak levels of pleasure both physically and emotionally from a sexual encounter. However, given the stresses, responsibilities, and constraints of life, this isn’t always possible.
In general, a woman’s source of pleasure can cycle between the physical aspect and the emotional aspect of love-making. It all depends upon what’s going on in her life, what external influencers she may be encountering, where she’s at in her cycle (if she’s a menstruating woman), the approach of her husband, and a myriad of other factors that can move her from one aspect to the other.
(On the fringes of normal, there are some women who have an under-developed sexual response and so their pleasure comes primarily from the emotional aspect of love-making. On the other extreme, there are women who have emotionally shut themselves down and so they only allow themselves to feel the physical aspect of love-making.)
So again, the opportunity for the seducing husband is that there are multiple ways that he can give his wife pleasure.
Perhaps one of the best examples of this concept that I’ve ever come across is the story of a woman who suffered a back injury that permanently paralyzed her from the waist down. The net effect was that she could feel nothing during sexual intercourse – and yet this woman wanted sex and enjoyed having sex with her husband.
Now, how could that be?
It was simply because her husband made it a very emotionally satisfying experience for her every time they made love.
This brings us to the corollary Win-Pattern that every husband should firmly implant in his mind if he desires to successfully seduce his wife. The pattern is:
“A woman will want to give physical and/or emotional pleasure any and every time she knows she can get an equal or greater level of physical and/or emotional pleasure in return.”
As a husband becomes better and better at basing his seduction around the framework of this Win-Pattern, he’ll find himself becoming a better and better seducer – seducing his wife more and more often.
Eventually, he’ll reach a Pavlovian-like sex-life. Just like Ivan Pavlov could ring a bell and his dogs started salivating because they expected to be fed, this kind of husband can ring the “sex bell” and his wife will start desiring sex because she expects to get physical and/or emotional pleasure.
To some, this might sound a bit crass, but since it’s a win for both husband and wife, that makes it good.
Copyright 2008 by Calle Zorro