Husband, are you in a marriage where your wife has no desire for sex with you? And, does it frustrate you enough that you sometimes question whether you should just end the marriage and start over?
Let’s consider this man’s question to me:
“Help! For several years now, my wife has had virtually no desire for sex. At the beginning, things were great in the sex department but now, any sex we have is like she’s doing me a favor. And honestly, I’ve just about reached the point where I’m done with her. If she’d just be more sexual, I’d be happy with her because outside of sex, she’s a great woman. But, I’m just not the kind of guy who can go without sex for weeks or months at a time. Is there any hope for a man in my situation or should I just bring what could have been a really great marriage to an end?”
Unfortunately, this man…whose wife has no desire for sex…is not an isolated case. The reality is that there are a LOT of men who are in this same dissatisfying marriage situation.
Now, let’s consider this interesting question…
What does it take for a wife to desire sex with her husband?
Well, there are a whole litany of factors that impact a woman’s desire for sex. Here, we will briefly look at four of them:
1. How a wife feels about sex is largely dependent upon how her husband feels about her outside the realm of sex.
Any time a husband is only interested in his wife sexually, you will also find that his wife has no desire for sex with him.
So, if a man wants his wife to have a greater interest in sex with him, then the first thing HE should do is start having a greater interest in his wife as a person. Of course, his interest must be genuine and sincere rather than just manipulative.
2. In order for a wife to feel sexual desire, she must first generate fun, exciting, positive, and sexy thoughts in her mind so that SHE invokes sexual anticipation within herself. But, there are a lot of important and pressing responsibilities and matters that crowd into a wife’s mind…responsibilities and matters that crowd out all her fun, exciting, positive, and sexy thoughts.
So, the second thing a man must do if his wife has no desire for sex is help her in strategic ways so that she has the time, space, energy, and luxury to generate the kinds of thoughts that invoke sexual desire within her.
This can mean all kinds of things from helping out around the house and with the kids to taking your wife to inspiring places that help her access her intimate side.
Now, as obvious and common-sense as this may seem, there is a world-full of husbands who are busy doing their own independent thing while leaving most all of the burdens and responsibilities of children, home, and family on their wife. What this means of course is their wife is generating unhappy, sad, boring, negative, and non-sexual thoughts in her mind so that SHE INVOKES a complete loss of sexual desire within herself.
Let me put this another way…
It takes two to have great sex. It takes two to have a great marriage. It takes two to handle the responsibilities of children, home, and family. And, men who have a great sex life ALWAYS remember that.
3. In order for a wife to feel sexual desire towards her husband, she must have a husband who is in HER estimation a MAN!
So, if a man’s wife assesses him as insufficient in the masculinity and manliness department, then he will find that his wife has no desire for sex with him.
This is in fact where many a man loses out with his wife and ends up in the situation where his wife has no desire for sex with him. Yes, these men are manly enough outside of their marriage and home. But, as soon as they walk through the front door of their house, they turn into a soft, passive, apologetic, push-over that their wife bosses around, uses, and abuses…and the result is that their wife has no desire for them.
These are the kind of men who provide for their family AND do everything for their wife and children. And, while they are doing EVERYTHING, their wife sits around bored, unhappy, and non-sexual.
In contrast, a MAN contributes to the marriage “team” that he is a part of…and he demands that his wife contribute too. He makes sure both members of their marriage team are putting forth concerted effort to make the marriage the best that it can be…starting with himself…and including his wife.
In a different vein, a MAN is open and positive about sex. He mingles fun, flirty, sexy talk into his chats and conversations with his wife. Sometimes, he even describes to his wife a deeply connected and highly sexual encounter he plans to have with her in the future so that she has something to anticipate.
Of course, a MAN is balanced…his conversations with his wife have plenty of meaningful substance to them that is well outside the realm of sexuality. This is important because without the substance, a wife will come to think of her husband as shallow and sexually-needy and be turned-off by him.
Going a step farther, a MAN is direct about what he wants from his wife sexually. There are plenty of men who are unhappy with their wife and their intimate life and yet, they have NEVER told their wife what it is that they want from her. So, a MAN tells his wife what he wants and helps her find a way to give that to him in a way that works for her too.
Think about it…how many times have you wanted to have a fun and sexual evening with your wife?
Now, contrast that with this question…how many times have you asked your wife to sit down with you and plan out a fun and sexual evening…one that both of you can enjoy?
The point is, how can you expect your wife to give you what you want and expect if you have never been MAN enough to tell her what you want and expect?
Having said the preceding, a husband does have to be careful here because he can end up pushing his wife farther away from him affectionately, intimately, and sexually. More specifically, IF a wife does not view her husband as attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy…then him demanding that she be more sexual with him is not going to work.
So, a husband needs to make sure he has developed himself into an attractive, appealing, desirable, and sexy man before he starts trotting out demands and expectations to his wife.
4. Many a wife has no desire for sex simply because of too much frustration and not enough fulfillment in the realm of sex. Certainly, their husband is capable of satisfying them but he does not put enough planning, variety, or time into lovemaking to satisfy his wife. So, the fourth thing a man must do if he wants to ramp up his wife’s interest in sex is put more planning, variety, and time into making love.
Too many times, husbands initiate sex with their wife…and 10 – 15 minutes later, it is all over with.
Well, in 10 – 15 minutes, a wife has not even had enough time to clear her mind let alone get into having sex.
In 10 – 15 minutes, a husband and wife have not had time to really connect emotionally.
10 – 15 minutes is NOT enough time to do something different than what you did all the other times before…which means you did the same thing you did the last time you made love with your wife…which means you are BORING…you are a lousy lover…and your wife will soon enough start AVOIDING sex with you.
The point is, walking into your bedroom, jumping in bed, engaging in sex, and cleaning up 10 – 15 minutes later is nothing more than a nuisance, irritation, and frustration to your wife.
Granted, a 10 – 15 minute quickie can be fun from time to time. But for a woman, quickies are not okay ALL of the time.
So for many men, if they did nothing more than just give their wife enough time to get out of her negative thoughts and feelings…and time to associate into positive, sexual thoughts and pleasurable feelings of intimate connection…they would instantly become better lovers.
If you find that your wife has no desire for sex with you, then understand that there are reasons for that…reasons can be eliminated by you developing and improving your marriage relationship skills.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro