Husband, there’s one really important person you need to look out for…YOU.
That may sound completely obvious but when you look at the behavior of many men, it becomes apparent that they are needlessly sacrificing important parts of their life.
Usually, it’s in two particular areas that men don’t look out for themselves…that they don’t stand up for themselves…that they subvert their needs…and that’s in the areas of intimacy and their children.
In the area of intimacy, many young men are conditioned by their Mother to believe that it’s “not nice” to be sexual and it’s certainly “not nice” to try to engage a “girl” in sex.
Further, many young men are conditioned by their Mother to believe that they are supposed to give preeminence and dominance to “girls” — that they are supposed to put a “girls” needs and interests above their own.
The result is DISASTROUS!
It’s disastrous because when these young men become husbands, they are AFRAID to take the lead…they are AFRAID to BE A MAN who leads and guides his wife and his home. And, he’s AFRAID to BE A MAN who LEADS he and his wife into connection, intimacy, and sex.
Because of these fears — and because many women won’t lead a relationship in a sexual direction (at least not after marriage) he ends up in a relationship with lots of “love” — at least on the surface level — but with very little of the TRUE, GENUINE affection and closeness that comes with being in a highly intimate and sexual marriage.
The end effect is that he ends up quite unhappy with his wife AND his wife ends up quite unhappy with him. He’s unhappy with his wife because she isn’t “letting” him have intimacy and sex. She’s unhappy with him because he doesn’t lead the two of them into an intimate and sexual union.
It’s incalculable how many well-meaning Mothers have literally DESTROYED the lives of their sons and their grand-children because of inappropriate teaching.
But, what is done is done…and NOW, it’s time for men to stand up for themselves in the area of intimacy and sex…for the well-being of their marriage…and the impact upon all the various lives their marriage will have.
In the area of children, there’s an unspoken belief in many women that they OWN the children — that children are the property of the mother. With such a belief, a woman will tend to take possessive control of the children and push, drive, and direct them based upon her interests, wishes, or values and will STRONGLY resist any “meddling” from her husband.
What’s particularly amazing is that men often buy into this belief too. The result is that many men don’t stand up for their parental rights and they end up getting cut out of their children’s lives.
Frequently, it’s the case where a man will come to me looking for help after he and his wife are separated. Inevitably, when I ask him about his children, he’ll say something like, “Well, I don’t want to take them away from their mother…” Often, men will even say something like this even when they have teenage children pushing to stay with him.
When I delve deeper, the real deal is that the man has the belief, “I’d love to spend more time with my children…actually, it hurts a whole lot that I don’t “get” to be more involved in my children’s lives…but they “belong” to the Mother.”
So, in this area, here is what I tell men, “Children are NOT the property of their Mom! STOP sacrificing your relationship with your children because of some misguided woman with messed up beliefs about children.”
If we look at it from a Biblical perspective, we find out that all souls belong to God and that parents merely have the responsibility to care for, train, and raise any children — any souls — that God gives them so that they can become independent and productive citizens who perpetuate the species and create greater good in the world.
If we look at it from a sociology perspective backed up by studies and statistics, we find out that in general, people who create and enjoy the greatest good in this world — both for themselves and for others — are those who had a Dad who was actively involved on a daily basis in their lives. Conversely, those who create and enjoy the least good in life are those who had a Dad that was cut out of their life or who had a Dad who was uninvolved in their life.
The point is that men need to realize that the future well-being of their children is dependent upon them being as involved in their children’s lives as possible which means men MUST stand up for and FIGHT if necessary for at least EQUAL involvement in their children’s lives.
A husband must stand up for his relationship with his kids and REFUSE to let a woman try to cut him out or minimize his involvement with his children.
Husband, as it turns out, you are the only one who can stand up for you.
You’re the only one who can demand from life and people whatever it is that you want.
You’re the only one who can make sure you get frequent intimacy and a close relationship with your children.
You’re the only one.
Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro