If a husband has a wife who is a full time housewife – or the more politically correct term “homemaker” – then he needs to know that he is in a “charged” situation that can easily explode into a full-blown divorce.
As the primary bread-winner, it’s easy for a husband to elevate the importance of what he’s doing and to minimize the importance of what his wife is doing at home. It’s easy for him to look at his long hours and “compare” that to her sitting at home doing nothing.
In the meantime, his wife is at home struggling with thoughts like:
- Nothing positive is happening for me
- I have no career or future
- I have no money to get the things I want
- I have no way to contribute or carry my own weight
- He gets to get out of the house and I don’t
- He thinks all of his needs and interests are important
- He thinks the needs that the children and I have are stupid and unimportant
- If I have to vacuum, wash dishes, scrub toilets, etc one more time I’m going to lose my mind
Obviously, these thoughts lead to feelings that are anything but pleasant. And, when a person is feeling unpleasant feelings, they are primed to MOVE AWAY from them – even if it means moving away from other things that are also important to them – such as their family!
But then, an even more powerful charge is added to the situation when the wife asks for something from the husband that she is dependent upon – the husband who is giving no consideration to the personal sacrifices his wife is making to be a homemaker…
And, for a myriad of reasons, he complains and gripes about whatever it is that she’s asked for before he finally tells her, “No”.
Now, those unpleasant feelings she was previously feeling have just become intensely unhappy feelings that become darker by the minute as she feels the related feelings of:
- Being neglected
- Being a burden
- Stuck and dependent
- Being demeaned
And those intensely unhappy feelings build a stronger and stronger motivation inside of her to make some changes in her situation – changes that don’t include a husband whose attitude and behavior straps her down to a life of insignificance, unimportance, and boredom.
Plus, it doesn’t matter how a woman came to be a homemaker. Maybe, she and her husband agreed before marriage that she would be a homemaker. Or, maybe circumstances have just worked out such that she’s now a full-time at-home mom.
Either way, husbands are strongly advised to realize a few important truths…their wife and children:
- Have wants and needs too
- Have interests, desires, and hobbies too
- Want to have significance in life
- Want to achieve and accomplish meaningful objectives and goals
- Want to experience excitement from time to time
This is important. It’s important because if a man doesn’t take the lead and PROVIDE for these needs within his family – and these needs are just as real as the needs of having groceries on the table and a roof overhead – then the woman will be forced to take her own lead and create a better future for herself that does not include the man who is currently repressing her.
Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro