This post is unlike any I’ve ever posted…this is highly unusual…this may invoke a pretty strong response in you…you may find this quite controversial…this brings things right down to the level of real life…husband, it’s time for you to stand up for yourself…wife, it’s time for you to get it right or you’re out…see what you think about this…and I want your comments…
I recently watched the online video, “Somebody’s Daughter: Pornography” (http://www.afa.net/somebody/). While I certainly can appreciate the effort that was put into this video and the positive intention of the video, I must say that this video may well cause more harm and damage than good and defeat the very purpose for which it was intended.
There’s a specific reason I say this…for the most part, porn addiction is a symptom of a bigger problem. Let me explain…
As you probably guessed, the essence of the afore-mentioned video is that pornography destroys lives, marriages, and families. However, on behalf of HURTING and UNHAPPY men everywhere, I’m here to say that in general, pornography is NOT what destroys lives.
I’m here to say that pornography is merely a link in a chain of problems and there are PLENTY of links PRIOR to the pornography link and you CANNOT focus on just the pornography link and ignore those prior links and expect any level of success in marriage relationships.
I’m here to say that for the most part, pornography is merely an instrument men use to get their needs met. And, I’m here to specifically emphasize that if most men had a wife who was meeting those needs, AT THE LEVEL DEFINED BY THE BIBLE, these men would NOT be interested in porn.
Granted, they might have a passing curiosity but they wouldn’t have a need or interest in spending untold hours hiding what they’re really doing and segregating themselves away from their family and society.
I’m going to be so bold as to say that in the majority of cases, if a wife were to regularly make love with her husband with HALF or even a FOURTH of the energy that the women in porn exhibit, she’d find that her husband had ZERO interest in or desire to look at porn.
So, before we condemn and sentence to hell all these sinner men who are looking at porn, let’s go deeper…
A study of the Bible will reveal to you that appropriate forms of erotica and sexual stimulus shared between a husband and wife is healthy for a marriage and that it is accepted by and approved of God within their marriage bed. You can study the Bible and decide what the definition of “appropriate” is – but that’s not what I want to talk about here…
At the same time, a study of the Bible will also reveal that God is not pleased with LUST – which is a strong desire for something while being completely devoid of any love, honor, or respect for that something or the provider of that something – but that’s not what I want to talk about either…
What I DO want to talk about is perhaps best dramatized in the first segment of the “Somebody’s Daughter: Pornography” video… It’s 2 something in the morning, and a HORNY guy is laying in bed tossing and turning with his wife’s back turned to him…and he finally gets up to sneak off and get RELEASE through porn.
Here’s a key point: if that man had known how to invoke a strong desire in his wife for sex with him…such that they made strong love before they went to sleep…HE WOULD NOT be up in the middle of the night slipping off to watch porn — HE’D BE SLEEPING LIKE A BABY!
But, because his needs have NOT been met, he can’t sleep, he’s up, and he’s on the prowl.
Warning, I’m about to unload…
I AM FED UP with society’s message that men are “bad” because they have a sex drive.
I AM FED UP with society’s constant effort to BRAINWASH men into believing they should squelch, squash, or ignore their desire for sex and live like eunuchs (castrated men) whose SOLE purpose in life is to support their wife in whatever way she wants and to complete whatever tasks she happens to throw at them.
I AM FED UP with FOOLISH women who want to act like they’ve “met” their husband’s needs by “pecking” a kiss on his cheek and cuddling on the couch with him in front of a TV for a few minutes – and fully expecting him to be happy and satisfied with nothing more than that.
I AM FED UP with women who subvert their own sexuality or re-channel it into romance novels or soap operas and play their stupid sex-withholding games on their husbands…
And then, when he moves to porn or an affair, she (and most of society) condemns him and acts like HE’S the one who did something wrong.
I grant you that two wrongs don’t make a right but if you want to get right down to it…from a BIBLICAL perspective…SHE WAS DOING WRONG LONG BEFORE HE DID!
So, while we’re condemning him, why don’t we go ahead and condemn her too?
I have a very deep reverence and respect for God, and with that understanding, I don’t care how “Godly” you are, if you stop eating food or drinking water, you WILL eventually die. We were made by God to PARTAKE of appropriate food and water for sustenance.
And, history has proven repeatedly that when people are placed in situations where food and water are withheld, they will eventually resort to all sorts of “immoral” and “ungodly” behavior – theft, killing, or cannibalism just to name a few.
Are you going to CONDEMN such people who found themselves in these terrible situations and used whatever means was available to them to get their basic needs met?
The fact is, God designed people to eat food and drink water and to withhold either is to go against God’s design for life.
In like manner, men (and women) were made by God to EXPRESS their sexuality in an appropriate way and to attempt to deny that sexuality is to GO AGAINST GOD’S DESIGN of life.
Excepting the eunuchs that Jesus talked about in Matthew 19:12, if the average man attempts to DENY his God-given sexuality, he WILL sooner or later – just like with food – resort to “immoral” and “ungodly” behavior in order to get his needs met.
Now, here’s why I’m saying this “Somebody’s Daughter: Pornography” video is dangerous…
Men everywhere can try to “get past” their “addiction” to pornography and it’s only going to BACKFIRE on them.
Sure, I believe God is capable of spiritually touching men in such a way that they become eunuchs – but experience proves that rarely does God do something like this because it goes against His design of life.
The DANGER is that the pornography problem is only going to fester and get worse until each of these men is in a warm, loving, marriage relationship where HIS sexual needs are FULLY met by his wife.
Men have the need for physical sex — that’s why God provided for every man to have his own wife.
Men have the need for viewing a nude female body — that’s why God provided for every man to have his own wife.
Men have the need to see a female body enjoying sexual pleasure — that’s why God provided for every man to have his own wife.
And, UNTIL A MAN HAS A WIFE THAT MEETS EACH OF THESE NEEDS AT THAT MAN’S LEVEL OF DESIRE, HE WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BEING ATTRACTED TO AND SUCCUMBING TO PORN, OTHER WOMEN, OR EVEN AFFAIRS.
And, the more he tries to deny this, the more problems will pop up in other areas of his life – just like poking a balloon creates more pressure and stress in other parts of the balloon.
But, when a man has a wife that meets each of these needs at that man’s level of desire, with very few exceptions, she’ll have a man who is faithful and loyal to her.
Of course, many women in our society don’t want to hear this sort of “blasphemy”.
Many women want to “throw the Bible” at men and say it’s “wrong” for them to look at porn…but, there’s a whole other side that isn’t Biblical either…come Judgment Day, what are women going to do with verses like this one:
“rejoice [make love] with the wife of thy youth. Let HER be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let HER BREASTS satisfy thee atALL times; and BE THOU RAVISHED ALWAYS WITH HER LOVE.” Proverbs 5:18-19
It’s kind of hard for this to happen if all a husband hears is “No!” every time he initiates a sexual advance towards his wife, don’t you think?
Or, what about this verse: “A bundle of myrrh is myWELLBELOVED unto me; HE SHALL LIE ALL NIGHT BETWIXT MY BREASTS.” Song of Solomon 1:13
Really think about that…a normal husband is NOT interested in trading off the reality of his wife’s readily available breasts for inaccessible ones in a picture or movie. At the same time, he WILL be interested in the pictures and movies if his wife’s breasts are inaccessible to him.
Plus, if you want to get all technical about it, the Bible tells us, “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” 1 Corinthians 11:8-9
Or what about the scripture that commands men and women to NOT withhold sex from each other; “Defraud ye not one the other” 1 Corinthians 7:5
Now, there’s always a flip side; let me tell you about the “Bible” that women whose husband’s DO NOT have a problem with porn live by:
“My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among [my] lilies.” Song of Solomon 2:16
“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” Song of Solomon 7:10
“By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth” Song of Solomon 3:1
Do you see how DIFFERENT the mindset of this kind of woman is compared to the stereotypical woman?
“She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.” Proverbs 31:18
The wife whose husband does NOT have an interest in porn REALIZES that God has blessed her with the “goods” and consequently, she leaves the lamp on beside her bed and she shares those “goods” with her husband – and she can be confident that he’s NOT nearly as interested in porn as he is in HER!
But, for the rest of the women, I can ACCURATELY predict EXACTLY what’s going to happen… AFTER their husband is gone…well, here’s some scripture for that too…
“I rose up to open to my beloved (she was closed to him before); and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer.” Song of Solomon 5:5-6
So, here’s the message to women…
If your husband has a problem with porn, you need to go take a long, long look in the mirror, you need to do some deep soul-searching because the odds are real, real high that YOU are the reason why he has such a problem in the first place.
And then, you should profusely thank God that you have a husband that’s a good enough man that he is ONLY getting his needs met through porn instead of with some other woman.
But, if you want, you and your lady friends can keep joking amongst yourselves about all your sex-prevention strategies and tactics…and here’s what you better realize…
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1
And to all you men,
PUT AN END TO ALL OF THIS NONSENSE AND BECOME THE KIND OF MAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO CREATE A DESIRE IN YOUR WIFE FOR SEX WITH YOU!
That way, you can HAVE THE REAL DEAL.
There really are men who know how to invoke desire in their wife for sex with them and these men have no interest in porn because what they have with their wife is far, far, far better than anything they could see in a picture or movie – I know because I’ve become one of these men – and you can become one of them too by getting the resources that are here: www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog
Now, what do you have to say about all this? Comment on your thoughts now…
Copyright 2009 by Calle Zorro