There is a common custom in our society that men often succumb to that drains the intimacy right out of their marriage. This custom states that men should open the door for a lady and that men should lift and carry things for a lady.
That’s all good and fine. I believe men should be gentlemen and women should be ladies. However, there are far too many cases where the man long ago ALLOWED himself to be PUSHED WAY BEYOND being a gentleman and into the category of indentured servant.
In other words, what was an appropriate custom meant to show respect to a lady has been transformed into an INAPPROPRIATE unspoken agreement where the man is a SERVANT by virtue of marriage.
The more females there are in the house, the more this tends to be true. It’s quite common to see a household of females – including quite young girls – driving and directing “Dad without any regard or respect for him because that’s what they see “Mom” doing.
“Dad” is just supposed to “do” everything for everybody…and he passively does it…soon, he’s viewed as someone who is at a the beck and call of others…soon, he’s treated like a doormat that everyone can use to wipe their feet on.
What was a good thing has become a very bad thing. It’s particularly bad because now “Dad” is NOT the man that “Mom” can look up to and admire, respect, and be attracted to. Rather he’s someone she looks down upon.
Now, he’s someone she has maternal or paternal feelings for.
Now, he’s someone she DEFINITELY DOES NOT have romantic feelings for. He has after all, become nothing more than an “indentured servant”.
Now, he’s in a sexless marriage.
Even worse, the daughters in these homes grow up and THEY propagate even more sexless marriages…
…and more divorces and more affairs.
If you can relate, then I suggest that you immediately stop being a “servant”. I suggest you stop rewarding and catering to those who disrespect you or use you.
By all means, be helpful to those who are respectful and appreciative. But, DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for those who are disrespectful and inappreciative. Let them know that when they choose to be respectful and appreciative, then you’ll be happy to be helpful. But until then, NOTHING!
Those who are used to “using” you won’t like it. They’ll get mad. They’ll throw fits. They’ll scream and holler. They’ll issue all sorts of threats. They’ll criticize and condemn you.
Just let them blow and you stand your ground.
And remember, there are two sides to being a gentleman… One side is respectful and appreciative of a lady. The other side COMMANDS respect and appreciation FROM a lady.
Make sure BOTH sides are in place and up to par.
Copyright 2018 by Calle Zorro