Men, in order for you to enjoy intimacy more often with your wife, there are some things she needs you to do differently…
When you come home at the end of your work day, your wife needs you to have a genuine attitude that lets her know she’s the person you’ve wanted to be with all day…that you’re excited to see her…that you’re happy to spend time with her. (Note: that doesn’t mean coming home and smothering your wife and consuming all of her time.)
I can assure you, a dull husband who puts off a vibe that home is a dull place he goes to at the end of a dull day with dull people does NOTHING to sexually stimulate his wife!
So, when you get home, make REAL eye contact with your wife. Give her a warm, sincere greeting. And then, spend some time with her.
As before, I can assure you, no wife gets turned on sexually by a husband who blows in the door, grunts at her as he passes by, and then ignores her the rest of the evening in favor of more work or the TV.
On the subject of TV… Would it seem to an observer that you’re “more” married to your TV than your wife?
The thought that goes through many women’s head as they say “No!” to their husband’s sexual advances is, “Go “hump” the TV – that’s “who” you’ve spent all evening with!”
As simple as it may seem, many marriages would improve IMMEDIATELY if the husband would just turn off the TV and start interacting with his wife.
Men, being dull and boring doesn’t work when it comes to turning on a woman sexually.
The fact that men tend to be OUTCOME oriented means that they naturally tend to be PROCESS oriented…they want to know what process they need to follow in order to get a certain outcome.
And in the realm of intimacy, a woman – who’s focused on the relationship side of things – finds such an outcome and process oriented man…
…DULL, STERILE, and a TURN-OFF!
Now, the not-so-funny thing is, when I tell this to men, many of them just dismiss what I’m telling them as if what I’m saying doesn’t apply to them. They just flat don’t “get it” – and that’s why they don’t “get sex” very often!
So, let me give you an example of how a man’s natural process orientation gets between him and the intimacy he wants…
During the first year – give or take a little – a man spends quite a bit of time trying to learn what physical techniques his wife likes.
(As an aside, the fact that the man is paying so much attention to his wife is a major reason why the first year of marriage is usually the best – and subsequent years aren’t as pleasant.)
Once the man learns which physical things his wife likes – he’ll turn the whole thing into a scientific process.
From then on – at least until something major happens like a divorce or his wife cheating on him – the man will “apply” the exact same process to every lovemaking session he has with his wife.
And so, after a few years, it starts to look something like this…
- On Saturday night
- Turn off TV at 10:45 pm
- Go through clean-up ritual
- Crawl in bed with wife
- Start applying preliminary physical techniques – such as kissing wife on the neck.
- Start applying accelerator physical techniques – such as breast or vaginal stimulation
- Go for intercourse
- All through and off to sleep at 11:15 pm
To the woman, it becomes a STALE, REPULSIVE ROUTINE where she can reliably predict exactly what’s going to happen…she can reliably count on her husband starting “on her cold” at the same time to being “finished with himself” at the same time…like clockwork…
Such a ritual is totally UNINSPIRING to a woman.
No wonder so many women act like they don’t want sex.
They want more of a love life than to be totally ignored except for 11 pm on Saturday night.
As a counter-example, it’s kind of like trying to make love to a woman who never makes any sound and who never gives any indication of any pleasure or appreciation for the intimacy…she just lays there curiously looking at the man as if he were engaged in some freakish activity…pretty soon, the man is going to despise the very notion of having sex with such a woman. Pretty soon, this man will be looking for a new woman.
In like fashion, a wife is NOT looking for some man to merely have intercourse with. If that’s all she needed, she’d probably get herself an adult toy and stay single.
What a wife wants is for her husband to be a suitor – a man who’s wooing his woman – a man who’s showing attention too and providing excitement for a woman in an effort to attract her to him.
And when a man provides this to his wife, that’s when he’ll find her saying “Yes” to intimacy instead of “No”.
Copyright 2008 by Calle Zorro