If you are to have a great marriage, if you are to have a relationship that is filled with happiness and fulfillment, it’s apparent that BOTH you and your spouse must CARE about each other.
But, there’s something that isn’t so apparent about how people within a marriage care. Let me explain…
When you read the word “care” in the first paragraph, you may have thought to yourself, “My spouse needs to be more caring towards me.” And, that may be true and we’ll deal with that in a moment but first, let’s check up on YOU…
All too often, married people:
· Care about what they can get from their spouse
· Care about how their spouse makes them look
· Care about what their spouse can do for them
· Care about how their spouse helps them fit the societal norm of being married with two children
But, they DON’T care about their spouse as a unique individual with particular interests and passions and they DON’T have a desire to lovingly SHARE in that individuality in a meaningful way.
As such, they DON’T really care about their spouse. They may have genuinely cared when they first got married but now their caring has DEGENERATED into a selfish caring.
Obviously, such selfishness is not the foundation of a happy, healthy, fulfilling marriage relationship.
So, take an honest look at yourself now. Just how much do you like, appreciate, approve, support, and even celebrate the unique individuality of your spouse?
Your answer to that question will tell you just how caring you are towards your spouse.
And here’s the thing…without a significant level of persistent caring between you and your spouse it’s impossible for there to be satisfying love – let alone lasting love.
In fact, all that can come from such lack of care is coldness, distance, disrespect, rejection, emotional abuse, and ultimately, the destruction of the marriage relationship.
Before there can be love, there must be mutual caring. Therefore, to enjoy more love in your marriage relationship, be more caring towards your spouse.
You can start by learning to chit-chat about whatever little things happen to be on your spouse’s mind – and doing so WITH INTEREST and ENJOYMENT! Doing so will build an ON-GOING connection between you and your spouse because there’s always some little something on their mind that the two of you can chit-chat about.
Now, let’s switch tracks. How do you get your spouse to be more caring towards you?
First, you don’t get angry or disgruntled with your spouse. Rather, you put REAL effort into enhancing and improving yourself, your skills, and your actions.
Did you RESIST what I just said?
Many people do. Now, pay attention…
Wonderful relationships come from being a wonderful person who has wonderful skills and who does wonderful things in relation to their spouse.
In other words, if you want a great relationship, YOU must first be the kind of person who has developed and who uses great skills in order to PRODUCE a great relationship.
Second, you stay calm, positive, and loving towards your spouse while communicating directly and firmly with them about the problem or issue. You stay loving towards your spouse at all times and directly and firmly communicate the thing you would like to see changed.
For the most part, people are UNAWARE of how what they are doing affects and impacts others. It’s a RARE person who maliciously does things to hurt others. Based on this, your strategy is to lovingly yet directly and firmly bring to your spouse’s ATTENTION the thing you want changed. Your strategy is to RAISE THEIR AWARENESS of how their actions or lack of action impact and affect you.
And, if you do this in a loving, calm, positive way, your spouse will inevitably receive it and make the corresponding changes.
Copyright 2008 by Calle Zorro