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Manipulative / Abusive Wife?
Does your wife use and apply negative manipulation to gain power over you?

Does she try to dominate and get her way by making you feel guilty, miserable, stupid or "little"?

Does she position herself on a moral mountaintop from whence she points out your faults and shortcomings?

Does she say you disappoint her and fail to fulfill her?

Does she self-righteously portray herself as "good" and you as a "bad"?

My fellow man, it's time for you to STOP putting up with this. It's time for you to STOP trying to work this out by being nice. It's time for you to STOP rolling over and letting her "kick" you again. It's time for you to STOP being afraid of this woman who may never care for anyone besides herself.

The fact is, an abusive woman will continue being abusive as long as you put up with it. Until YOU say "No More!" she's going to keep on dishing out her abuse in bigger and bigger quantities. She'll find ways to trample on you even more. She'll find even more ways to hurt you. Nothing will satisfy her short of ripping your heart out.

But, if you'll stand up for yourself, then JUST MAYBE you'll give her a reason to wake up and realize she needs to start caring, respecting, and loving you.
Calle Zorro
(918) 814-3480
Calle, can you please expand on this? Im curious, how would you go about standing up?

Let me give you some background on my wife. She comes from a small family of two. Her mom rules the roost with out a doubt. She walks all over my father-in-law. He NEVER stands up for himself. He says its easier for him to ignore her than to argue back. But that, however, makes her irrate and also continues to fuel her power. Anyhow, he is an incredible guy and does just about everything you describe in nymphowife (naturally). Now your wondering, how does this all tie in to my wife? Well, I sense that my wife would like to have the power and authority that her mother has. And it absolutely kills her that i wont give up as easily as her father. When we get in arguements, she ALWAYS turns it back on me. I am always the bad guy and she can never admit that she is at fault. I dont mind aplogizing first because i know that most of the time we are both at fault, and that usually ends the fight. But even then, she still doesnt admit any wrongdoing.

How can i stand up to her to let her know that i will not conform to be her father and she will never rule me like her mother. How can i do this in a mature and civilzed manor to progress to a better marriage where i am respected.

Calle's books are pure gold, however there is a specific order for them, and it varies according to the issues we have. The Nymphowife ebook is adequate as the first book for man that is to bossy and possessive. However, for the situation you mention, the Sexual Marriage ebook is the important one. This book tells you that you should never argue with your wife, and never get rattled by her: that is how you get your power back.

In fact the books should have a subtitle:

How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac
Manual about making your wife happy

How To Create a More Sexual Marriage
Manual about becoming a MAN that is attractive to women

There is this sentence from another book I have: "in a sea of conflicts, women float and man sink". Men are, by biology, prepared for a high intensity and short term stress situation, and they take their time to recover. Women are more prepared for low intensity and prolonged stress situation, and they recover fast. So, in an argument and the following "treatment", women have the upper hand. In a small interval they are able to recover and get back at it, while the man is simply kept in a highly stressful state. It is the equivalent to a normal guy in a fight with a boxer: the normal guy may keep the pace for a few seconds or minutes, but afterwards he is simply massacred until he gives up.

The second thing to say is that women despise a man they can boss around. He might be the best husband the knows, but she will put him down the whole time. So, if you apply the Nymphowife material while you are not standing up for yourself, then you will accomplish little.
(01-29-2010, 03:16 PM)JonKelCal Wrote: How can i stand up to her to let her know that i will not conform to be her father and she will never rule me like her mother. How can i do this in a mature and civilzed manor to progress to a better marriage where i am respected.

The short answer: You NEED to buy Calle's "More Sexual Marriage" e-book and study that forum's archives.

The longer answer:

You let her know emphatically and with DOMINANT body language what you believe and that she won't walk all over you about it, but that if she has a different perspective and wants to talk KINDLY and LOVINGLY, you'd be glad to discuss it.

Here's an example.

Last night I got home and my wife was really angry because of some stuff that had happened. She kept on picking at me simply because she was in a bad mood. I kept on ignoring her and/or INVITING her to join me in being happy: (Why don't you have some ice cream with me? etc.)

Finally, she said to me, "It would really help me if in the future, you would make a point of considering my needs in the mornings (because the mornings are stressful getting the kids out the door)."

In other words, my wife had just crossed the line between being bratty and trying to dominate me by telling me that I hadn't been the loving husband that I really had been. And it didn't matter to me that the REASON her mind was DELETING and DISTORTING away all of the GOOD that I'd done for her earlier in the day was because she was in a BAD MOOD. One of my VALUES is that I won't let my wife put me in a BOX, no matter what her MOOD is.

So I turned to completely face her, leaned forward, walked a couple of steps toward her and through clenched teeth but completely in CONTROL, I said, "I will NOT have you telling me that I wasn't considering your needs this morning when in fact I WAS...." And then I rehearsed for her all the thing's I'd done for her that her mind was DELETING and DISTORTING away.

She didn't get it at first, so I walked another two steps closer (not in her face, but still a few steps away from her) and repeated that I am NOT that kind of MAN and that I will NOT have her telling me that I am....

Then she immediately apologized. But just as importantly, she was looking at me like, "I would come DO YOU RIGHT NOW if I weren't so tired..." Big Grin

So again, I'd invite you to buy "More Sexual Marriage" and join us in the forum to learn more. Oh--and I don't get a dime from Calle for saying this. I'm just one of many men whose marriages were saved through this material and through this forum.

Read all of these but I can't explain how to assist more then what Muppet suggested, HOW TO CREATE A MORE SEXUAL MARRIAGE really has all the answers.

They worked for me in 2 weeks but for most people the avg is 1-3 months. some 6 months etc.
Never get rattled
Thanks for the comments everyone. I will definately check out the "More Sexual Marriage" ebook. Sounds like it has some really good information.

It's nice to have this kind of support.

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