How to Have a Really Good Conversation With Your Spouse ~ "Walk 'n Talk"
Agree together that you're going to try to give this a shot; (you will need a bit of an open mind, and nearly always, one party will be a little more reluctant than the other). Talking, really talking, is intimate, and intimacy may make us uneasy. After all, where might this lead? Put on some comfy walking clothes, and head out the door.
Decide on a destination; a spot that might take you 20-25 minutes to reach, at a gentle, SLOW, ambling pace. This will mark your half-way point. Flip a coin; the winner chooses who will "go (talk) first!"
Set out. The first talker speaks on any "non-hot" topic they wish;(see warning below). ANYTHING! It could be the weather, a childhood memory, something they heard on the radio, or what happened at work today, or a concern about one of your children. The only requirement is that the "first talker" makes an effort to keep letting their mind "leak," and the listener says nothing! WHAT? Yep, nothing, except... (see next step).
During the "Walk 'n Talk," on the way out, the listener can say only two things; 1,"Tell me more," or 2, "I love you." That's it. 20-25 minutes of an ambling walk, with only one of you talking, and the other just listening. (If you're up to it, you may wish to hold hands).
At the half way point, stop and turn for home. On the return, the other person now has THEIR say, again, on any "non-hot" topic they wish. Simple! But with the additional rule, that they may not touch on, or make any reference to anything spoken about on the way out. Seems unfair? You'll be ok... Again, the listener may say only two things, as outlined in step 4.
Home. Look at each other. Wonder a bit about this very strange walk together, and head inside. All subjects discussed (all of them!) are out-of-bounds for 36 hours. What? Yep! While we're letting our minds "leak," it is with the understanding and knowledge that we will not be discussing any of these things together for at least a few days.
Without question, this will be a very unusual experience, and for some, quite radical. Just think, when was the last time that either of you spoke for 20-25 minutes, with your spouse saying (almost) nothing? And importantly, this is not a "discussion" in a traditional sense. There is no "interaction," or problem solving. Just sharing, and considering, and because we're not bantering back and forth, interest and understanding.
Try this once a week for a month. Don't over-analyse what you're doing. Just take this time, and enjoy the gentleness of this kind of sharing. You may later want to try this while out for a drive, or when sitting together in your own home, but we recommend the walking as being a good way to begin.