05-17-2010, 12:01 PM
I would like to share a letter with all of you that I wrote to my two children. My son is 19 and my daughter is 17. After all my wife and I have been through, I thought it was important for me to share what I have learned with them. So here it is:
Dear xxxx and xxxx,
I came across some stuff that I want to pass along to the two of you. This is stuff my Dad wasn't able to pass along to me, and up until now, I couldn't share it with you because I just did not know how to say it.
I want both of you to know that I love you very much. If you can benefit from the mistakes I've made, and the lessons God is teaching me so that I am aware of how to change, then some good may come out of all this we've been through. So here it is:
Regarding your self image, remember that God intended you to be here. Because of that, you are always wanted and accepted by Him just the way you are. He loves you always, no matter how often you fail, and by the very fact that you are here, He approves of you. You do not need anyone else's approval in life so long as you keep this buried deep in your heart and remember it when things aren't going too well in your life.
As far as other people are concerned, everyone wants to be loved, trusted, respected, appreciated, and admired. These are the traits we all seek in others, and these are the traits they seek in us. As you honor God, these traits will stand out and make you a very attractive person. Others will be drawn to you. God designed us that way. The secret is knowing that just because others are attracted to these traits in us doesn't mean they are necessarily the right person for us. So how do we know when someone is right for us? Here's how.
First, become a person who can be loved, trusted, respected, appreciated and admired. We learn how to be these things by knowing we are honoring God in everything we do. The problems between people happen because one or more of these things are not happening in us or them, or both. Search your heart and you will see that this is true.
Second, look for a person you can love, trust, respect, appreciate and admire. If you find a person like this, they probably already have a desire to honor God themselves even though they may not know it yet. This type of person is willing to put your needs before theirs. They won't have selfish motives for why they want to be with you. It's not about what they can "get" from you, but what they can "give" to you unselfishly that makes these traits so attractive.
xxxx, you need to know that, as a man, you have to be the leader in this area. You need to be the one to step up to the plate first and become a man who can be loved, trusted, respected, appreciated and admired. You cannot wait for anyone to be that way first, and then you will be that way. God made you and I to be men. To be a man means we have the responsibility to lead. God gifted us with this ability, and He designed women to respond positively to this type of leadership. A man like this always considers the needs of the other person first and before his own. If you have sincerely become this type of man and a woman is not responding with love, trust, respect, appreciation and admiration for you, then be ready to walk away. Without these things from a woman, your needs will never be met because she is being too selfish to consider your needs. But the most important thing to remember is to first be that type of man, a man of integrity. A man who is a leader, confident, knows what he wants because he knows what his values are and will not back down from them no matter who challenges him. This is a man who will be very blessed in his relationship with a woman and will have all of his needs met.
xxxx, since God designed you to be a woman, you will naturally respond to a man like I just described. A man of integrity, who is a loving, trustworthy, respectable, and appreciative, is worthy of your admiration. This is the type of man that will be a tremendous blessing to you. He will not be needy, following you around like some puppy dog. He will be self confident, not cocky, and his confidence will come from his values and not his abilities. Look for a man like this and you will have all of your emotional needs met to the fullest. You will feel loved, trusted, respected, appreciated and admired. And as you feel these things from him, match them, one for one. Respond to him as God designed you to respond. This is a man worthy of my daughters love. This is a man I would gladly turn my precious daughter over to because I will know you will be cared for the way I care for you.
So keep these things deep in your hearts, xxxx and xxxx. They are the key to a happy, loving relationship. They are the things that make a relationship work. They are the things that will bring you the joy God intends for all of us.
I love you both very much and I am proud of you.
Dad
Dear xxxx and xxxx,
I came across some stuff that I want to pass along to the two of you. This is stuff my Dad wasn't able to pass along to me, and up until now, I couldn't share it with you because I just did not know how to say it.
I want both of you to know that I love you very much. If you can benefit from the mistakes I've made, and the lessons God is teaching me so that I am aware of how to change, then some good may come out of all this we've been through. So here it is:
Regarding your self image, remember that God intended you to be here. Because of that, you are always wanted and accepted by Him just the way you are. He loves you always, no matter how often you fail, and by the very fact that you are here, He approves of you. You do not need anyone else's approval in life so long as you keep this buried deep in your heart and remember it when things aren't going too well in your life.
As far as other people are concerned, everyone wants to be loved, trusted, respected, appreciated, and admired. These are the traits we all seek in others, and these are the traits they seek in us. As you honor God, these traits will stand out and make you a very attractive person. Others will be drawn to you. God designed us that way. The secret is knowing that just because others are attracted to these traits in us doesn't mean they are necessarily the right person for us. So how do we know when someone is right for us? Here's how.
First, become a person who can be loved, trusted, respected, appreciated and admired. We learn how to be these things by knowing we are honoring God in everything we do. The problems between people happen because one or more of these things are not happening in us or them, or both. Search your heart and you will see that this is true.
Second, look for a person you can love, trust, respect, appreciate and admire. If you find a person like this, they probably already have a desire to honor God themselves even though they may not know it yet. This type of person is willing to put your needs before theirs. They won't have selfish motives for why they want to be with you. It's not about what they can "get" from you, but what they can "give" to you unselfishly that makes these traits so attractive.
xxxx, you need to know that, as a man, you have to be the leader in this area. You need to be the one to step up to the plate first and become a man who can be loved, trusted, respected, appreciated and admired. You cannot wait for anyone to be that way first, and then you will be that way. God made you and I to be men. To be a man means we have the responsibility to lead. God gifted us with this ability, and He designed women to respond positively to this type of leadership. A man like this always considers the needs of the other person first and before his own. If you have sincerely become this type of man and a woman is not responding with love, trust, respect, appreciation and admiration for you, then be ready to walk away. Without these things from a woman, your needs will never be met because she is being too selfish to consider your needs. But the most important thing to remember is to first be that type of man, a man of integrity. A man who is a leader, confident, knows what he wants because he knows what his values are and will not back down from them no matter who challenges him. This is a man who will be very blessed in his relationship with a woman and will have all of his needs met.
xxxx, since God designed you to be a woman, you will naturally respond to a man like I just described. A man of integrity, who is a loving, trustworthy, respectable, and appreciative, is worthy of your admiration. This is the type of man that will be a tremendous blessing to you. He will not be needy, following you around like some puppy dog. He will be self confident, not cocky, and his confidence will come from his values and not his abilities. Look for a man like this and you will have all of your emotional needs met to the fullest. You will feel loved, trusted, respected, appreciated and admired. And as you feel these things from him, match them, one for one. Respond to him as God designed you to respond. This is a man worthy of my daughters love. This is a man I would gladly turn my precious daughter over to because I will know you will be cared for the way I care for you.
So keep these things deep in your hearts, xxxx and xxxx. They are the key to a happy, loving relationship. They are the things that make a relationship work. They are the things that will bring you the joy God intends for all of us.
I love you both very much and I am proud of you.
Dad