Quote:I had some erection issues last night for the first time in a long time. ... I am also hoping my mind isn't getting bored by my wifes naked body. I think my mind may be used to being stimulated by lots of different women (thru my previous use of porn) and the excitement also came from the forbidden or the naughtiness of it. And a couple times while doing it my mind wanted to go to previous images id seen, but I forced them away, wanting only to be with her. How do I overcome this? I want to be mesmerized by my wifes body only and be hard as a rock everytime for her alone!
This is a guilt / belief issue. It's sort of like the person who's been taught that masturbating is bad / evil and if they masturbate, they'll never be able to have sex properly. And of course, when they are alone, their need for sexual release is so great that they end up masturbating...but then, when they have a wife, their body / mind fails them because they are stuck in the guilt of masturbating when they were alone and the belief that they won't be able to have sex...and that becomes their reality.
In like fashion, if a person is holding on to guilt over having looked at porn...and holding onto a belief that because they've looked at porn, they won't be able to appreciate their wife's body / lovemaking...well, that will become their reality too.
The fact is, the love, joy, and pleasure that you can have with your wife is FAR beyond any pleasure a person can derive from watching porn IF you become the kind of man who operates as I teach in my books.
Quote:I had some erection issues last night for the first time in a long time. I was very turned on by her, that wasn't the issue. But I think it might’ve been the result of a tough day at work and some anxiety or something. Is there any way to increase my testosterone or anything? I am also hoping my mind isn't getting bored by my wifes naked body. I think my mind may be used to being stimulated by lots of different women (thru my previous use of porn) and the excitement also came from the forbidden or the naughtiness of it. And a couple times while doing it my mind wanted to go to previous images id seen, but I forced them away, wanting only to be with her.
Then last night we were intimate again and I was only able to get a strong erection when she stimulated the head of my penis. Then afterwards, I wanted to go again but couldn’t. After not having sex for 6 months, are my muscles just not built up enough yet for the constant sex we’re having? Am I overstimulated? Do I need to do Kegel exercises or something?
There's nothing wrong with you...and the only thing you need to do is go into a relaxed, loving, accepting, non-performing state WITH your wife.
If you haven't already, read this article:
http://www.marriedandhappy.com/Forum/sho...74#pid1274
Even though this article is about PE, ED is the same problem with a different manifestation.
What you're experiencing is common...you've went through a lot of hurt, pain, and stress during this ordeal of your wife leaving you...and the "scare" of all that...plus the subconscious "scare" that it could happen again if you don't do everything "just right" is enough pressure to cause your penis to stop working...even though your mind is stimulated and even though intercourse or other forms of manipulation still feel good.
So, until YOU get settled down and relaxed, regardless of what your mental system thinks, if your emotional system isn't on full go, then I suggest you swing things away from sex and towards loving intimacy. Also, be sure you communicate to your wife that there is nothing wrong with her...that you are still getting your head "cleared"...and you're just not quite there yet...and as you continue to get your head cleared up, your body will resume its normal and proper mode of operation.
And when you are with your wife, consciously bring your mind and emotions into the present...stay out of the past...stay out of the future...stay in the here and now...consciously relax into a loving state...a state where you love yourself...regardless of whether another person does or not...relax into a state where you accept yourself as good and getting better. Really focus as many of your senses as you can into the experience of intimacy...shift the focus AWAY from your penis...shift your focus AWAY from the visual side of things...and become aware of feelings in all the other areas of your body...how your wife's hands feel as they glide across your back...how her warm breath feels on your neck or chest...the joy that her loving words bring to your ears...and how pleasant and wonderful the sounds of those words are. In other words, go into a total-body feeling mode rather than operating in a visual penis-centered mode. LET GO of all forms of performance, judgment, and evaluation. The moment intimacy or lovemaking becomes a performance to be evaluated is the moment you stop and go back to loving cuddling. The moment you start feeling pressure to perform for her...or to perform for you...so that you look good to yourself...is the moment you go back to connecting, loving, accepting, forgiving so that you are able to relax...and once you reach this relaxed, accepting, loving state, your body will work perfectly.
I have sometimes experienced this when my wife said or did something during love making that I interpreted as being a criticism of what I was doing. It would sort of shock me out of the happy vibe I was in and then I would lose my erection.
However, I think in those cases I was just being too sensitive. I could definietely be accused of having performance anxiety and anything that indicated that my wife was not enjoying it the way I wanted her to would just increase that anxiety. Of course, I would always blame her for killing the mood. In fact, all she was doing was trying to communicate to me what her sexual preferences were so that I would have the knowledge to make the experience better for her.
Over the years there were enough of these "mood killer" moments that for a while my wife stopped communicating sexual preferences to me. She just let me do whatever I needed to do in order to get my satisfaction. So, in my quest to be the perfect lover I unwittingly deprived myself of the best source of info I could possibly have on being a great lover for my wife.
Now I am making a concious effort to relax and just enjoy love making when it happens. I try not to worry about my performance, or how long it will be until the next time. I just try to have fun. And when my wife asks me to stop doing something, or try doing it a different way I may have a moment of feeling foolish, but I quickly put that thought out of my head and get on with the experience again. I may say something like "You mean like this ..." and then I do what she asked for with enthusiasm and it usually gets a very good response. I am slowly training her that I WANT feedback from her. I want her to tell me what her preferences are.
On the flip side of that, I also used to shy away from giving my wife feedback about my preferences. I wanted to avoid giving her any kind of negative feedback for fear that she would react the way I did, by getting turned off. However, a while ago I decided it was time to tell her that her technique for manual stimulation could sometimes be uncomfortable and I explained to her how I would prefer her to do it. I said it all as nicely as possible. There was an awkward moment where she was thinking and I thought she was going to get out of bed and tell me to do it myself. However, to my delight she proceeded to use exactly the technique I had shown her. She did a very good job and I made sure that she was well aware that I appreciated it. Now she does it like that all the time.
My wife wants to be a good lover for me, just like I want to be a good lover for her. It works both ways.
I am doing a double post on purpose because I have two diiefernt points to make, and I don't want this one to be lost at the end of the other post.
If you buy the Best Lover book you will learn how to create incredible sexual experiences for your wife that she will start to crave. I have only had the oppurtunity to create 3-4 such experiences so far, but my wife LOVES them. I am getting better sexual responses out of her than ever before.
The downside to this is that each of these experiences takes time and energy. After you have spent 60 minutes plus of intense love making it can feel like you have been through a physical and emotional work out. My wife and I have agreed that we could not do this every day because it would be too draining and we would also get tired of it. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing.
If you want your sexual experiences to be awesome every time then you need to space them out a bit. We never have sex more than twice in one week, and its usually more like once a week. Back when sex was not really fulfilling for either of us I craved it all the time. Now that it has become really fun I don't mind if we miss a week or so. I would rather wait and have the great expertience rather than forge ahead when one of us is not really up for it. Due to a series of illnesses, vacations, over night visitors and such we have been out of commission for almost a month now. However, I know that when we are both healthy again and oppurtunity arises we will both have had a month to look forward to it.