Married And Happy Discussion Forum

Quote:I'm curious to know if you have advice for an independent woman with an exceptional sex drive that somehow ends up in relationships where I feel like the man waiting on a woman to get onboard. The only needs I can't meet for myself are sex and intimacy...that being said, maybe I just don't know how to function in a relationship that lacks communication, intimacy, sex, and passion.

There is a lot I don't know about you and your situation but based on the things you say above, I suggest you get more in tune with your feminine side and let THAT part of you shine a little more brightly.

In every person there is both a feminine and a masculine part. Generally, in men the masculine part is the dominant part and in women the feminine part is dominant.

However, this can sometimes inadvertently get out of kilter. Sometimes it's conditioning...how a person was raised...the kind of dad or mom they had. Sometimes, "bad" experiences cause a person to really escalate and emphasize the "wrong" part.

Here's what this all means...very few men want to be married to a strong, independent, solo-oriented, self-directed "man". A woman may have the body parts of a female but if her demeanor, attitude, and behavior are that of a "man" then she WILL continue to run into problems in her relationships with men.

Moreover, many men have confidence, security, and self-esteem issues – particularly in the area of sex – regardless of whatever external braggadocio they may exhibit – and this further augments the reason why a strong, confident, independent woman will have trouble in her relationships with men.

So, I suggest "softening" up a little bit...be a little more "girly"...be a little more loving and accepting...don't be quite so intimidating...be more flexible...let other people be themselves...let your man be himself...don't be so competitive...don't turn everything into a performance to be judged for its quality and excellence...lighten up...be a little more fun to be around...turn to God...pray for your relationship...pray for God to help you to become what you need to be...pray for God to help your man become the kind of man he needs to become...and I believe you'll find things begin to work better and better in your relationship.

And, should your current relationship come to an end in spite of your prayers and best efforts, then stay turned to God...if you've done your best and your man still leaves, then that just means God has something better for you. This time, pray for God to send you the RIGHT man...a man who has plenty of confidence, security, and self-esteem. You'll probably have to wait a little while but it will be well worth it. (I myself had to wait 5 years for God to bring me the right woman – and it was well worth the wait because now I get to enjoy her for the rest of my life.)

Even with a very confident man, there is still a very real danger. Experience has shown me that typically a man and a woman who are alike in this regard – highly confident and independent – will simply lead unhappy "individual" lives...he's doing his independent thing and she's doing hers...and there's not much happiness in that. So, regardless of what kind of man you have (or God gives you), it STILL goes back to doing things like I suggest in the above paragraph.

Quote:I'm curious to know if you have advice for an independent woman with an exceptional sex drive that somehow ends up in relationships where I feel like the man waiting on a woman to get onboard. The only needs I can't meet for myself are sex and intimacy...

I speak in broad terms as a first time commenter and a patient rather than a doctor.[I would not be on this site if it were otherwise] Please do not attribute anything personal or unkind in these comments:
Having no time for waiting in relationships brings a choice. What value do you place on independence? It must be apparent why businessmen of a driven nature use prostitutes-- A grubby transaction where you need to have sex so you don’t need to have sex, and then carry on with whatever was absorbing life. I don’t know many men who wish to marry a ball-breaking career success who reminds them of the boss. Life is for living and it is not a case of whoever has the most when he dies, wins. I am awed by Shakespeare’s insight into character and life. The Taming of the Shrew has enough character motivations for a three week conference, but the thrust of the plot is a man agrees to woo and marry a total ball-breaker [for her dowry] and accepts the battle as a challenge. But men who are up for this sort of challenge are few, in spite of the obvious rewards. Eventually she submits. He winds up with the dowry and her love, and it’s mutual as he sheds his dominating manner.

Kiss me Kate, and since thou art become
So prudent, kind, and dutiful a Wife,
Petruchio here shall doff the lordly Husband;
An honest Mark, which I throw off with Pleasure.
Far hence all Rudeness, Wilfulness, and Noise,
And be our future Lives one gentle Stream
Of mutual Love, Compliance and Regard

But then again the play is merely a dramatic presentation, and reality can be puzzling. Now, if only I could figure out why my generally loving wife privately solo-pleasures herself with the frequency of a high-school boy I might be more advanced in my own understanding of relationships.

I wish you good luck and mutual submission to the right man.