I see a lot about the needs of wives on this forum.
I'm curious about what a husband's needs are?
I'm also curious about what a wife does or does not do that lets a husband know his needs needs are met?
Just in case I'm not being clear, what are a man's needs and how does a man know when those needs are being met?
Hi MailLady,
I'm going to be REALLY frank, so if that's not what you want, then please stop reading RIGHT NOW.
I noticed that you asked a similar question over on the Womens' forum, so I'm not sure what additional information you would like compared to what is over there.
If you are wanting to know how to touch a man's emotions so that he will be committed to you the way when a man touches a woman's emotions she will (usually) be committed to him, well, we don't work like that.
We men (whether we know it or not) have a set of values that we live by. An immature man will compromise those values when convenient, but in general, if you are a person who fits those values, fun to be with, and who touches him deeply on a sexual level then a man will CHOOSE to love you.
For a more mature man, the values are more important than the sex. For an immature man, the sex is more important than the values and HE MAY NEVER REALLY BE COMMITTED UNTIL HE GETS THAT PART OF HIS LIFE STRAIGHTED OUT.
A man's values are all about who he will RESPECT, and under what conditions.
So if you want to earn your man's respect, engage him on an INTELLECTUAL level about his values. Start with basic things related to his business relationships like honesty, work ethic, and especially what he expects from people who he will do business with. When is he willing to bend those rules he sets for himself and why? Notice that none of this has anything DIRECTLY to do with your relationship to him, although I bet you will learn quite a bit about him that you can apply to your relationship.
Then tell him that you WANT him to apply those same VALUES to YOU and to call you (in a gentile, loving, but firm way) when you step out of line.
If you want to deeply engage your man's emotions, the most powerful way to do it is through sex. But don't do it like the movie and pop stars do it.
You might try something like the following: Tell him that you want to say something really special and intimate to him, and that you want to do it in the most intimate setting you can imagine. And tell him that as a result tonight you want him to let you direct his movements during sex. When you tell him to stop moving, he has to stop moving and just relax, because you want to say something really special to him.
During foreplay, engage him visually. Maybe tease him by touching yourself...
Then when you start having intercourse with him, and things are comfortable stop all of his movement, and start to tell him in your most tender way all of the EMOTIONAL ways he touches you that mean so much to you, and all of the MANLY things he does that attracts you to him. Maybe squeeze him during appropriate words for emphasis... Caress him as you talk with him.
If he loves you, don't be surprised if he cries.
Then use all of your womanly sensitivity to see if he is ready to open up and talk that way to you. If he is, then encourage him.
At first, all you're after is just a few words from him. If he is ready, make sure he knows that any words from him will do for you, but that you want him to talk to you using WORDS about you as a PERSON just like you just did for him.
Let him know by your SEXUAL RESPONSE just how much those words mean to you and he'll start to get the idea that maybe he should do this more.
At first, you probably want to use a sexual position where he doesn't get a good view of you so he's less distracted and can focus better on YOUR EMOTIONS. And you might want to consider being on top so you can control his movements more.
Later, when this time has become more and more reciprocal in the emotional sense, you can start to combine visual stimulation with emotional. When he's got the idea, then you can encourage your man to be on top and take you for an emotional ride once in awhile.
When he's understanding how to connect with you emotionally during sex, tell him you want to hear those kinds of things from him ALL THE TIME.
Lastly, you need to connect HIS MANLY VALUES with YOUR SEXUALITY in his mind. In other words, you want him to take back leadership in the sexual area.
Share some of your wilder sexual fantasies that involve him where his is REALLY DOMINANT. Maybe do it during sex and position it as a "sexy story you're telling him", because that is when he is most open to these things.
Hope this helps,
...Muppet
(07-25-2009 12:49 PM)MailLady Wrote: [ -> ]Just in case I'm not being clear, what are a man's needs and how does a man know when those needs are being met?
One more thing: I'm assuming from your earlier comments that you ARE married. If you aren't married, then you should work on engaging him on the level of RESPECT, and don't give yourself to him sexually until after you have the full COMMITMENT of marriage FROM HIM. If you give him sex before you're married, he won't fully respect you and is much more likely to USE you.
...Muppet