Married And Happy Discussion Forum

I know it's important for a man and woman to have a good connection in order to have a happy marriage and I believe being a good conversationalist is important in creating a good connection.

Trouble is, I'm not very good at creating conversation with my wife that both of us can enjoy and grow closer from.

Any tips?

In my view of the world, the key answer to your question is make sure you are fulfilling your purpose in life and that you are helping and guiding your wife to fulfill her purpose in life. When you've got two people who are actively engaged in something they are passionate about, they'll never want for something to talk about.

If anything, both husband and wife will have to be careful that they don't over do it to the point of boring their companion...that they don't become so absorbed in their own deal that they fail to show interest in their spouse's doings.

When it's balanced, you can enjoy listening to your wife talk about what's going on in the fulfillment of her purpose and she can enjoy listening to you tell about your victories, successes, and opportunities as well as enjoy giving you her suggestions on how to deal with your obstacles and setbacks that you face in the fulfillment of your purpose.

From a different angle, any time you're doing something new, different, and good, there will be challenges. Life challenges create lots of things to talk about. Life challenges pull people together. Think about a time when you or your wife started a new job or business. Recall when you found out that your wife was pregnant with your first child. In both cases, there were all sorts of things to talk about, right?

Beyond this, I also think it's important that you take the lead in creating positive memories.

Positive events create positive conversations.

Besides, if there are lots of positive memories to reflect on, sometimes there's no need to say anything. You can just sit there and bask in the pleasure of happy memories while holding your wonderful companion. And, if there are events to anticipate, you can enjoy riding down the road together while dreaming about and anticipating those upcoming events and not saying a word.

Your question reminds me of a black gentleman and his wife I once interviewed... They were both musicians, they were both small business owners, and they were both into helping their community. He told me, "I think of these three things plus our marriage like a four-legged stool...if something isn't working for us in one area, we can tap into the other three to make sure we always have that connection that keeps us together. Soon enough, we always get back to having a solid four-legged foundation."

I've always been grateful for that man's wisdom.

I think an easy way to have conversation with your wife is to force yourself to become interested in her interests. You might be surprised that things you typically did not think interesting become more interesting when you see your wife's eyes light up when she realizes that you actually ARE interested in what she has to say and do. Someone once said, they key to making friends is to be interested in other people, NOT to try and force people to be interested in you.

I really never thought birdwatching, gardening, or many of my wife's other hobbies were very interesting but after using her as a fountain of information I have come to find that I REALLY like birdwatching and my wife loves to teach my about birds. The result has been without me even realizing it that my wife is now showing more interest in my hobbies.

So the next time there is a lull in the conversation ask your wife what it is that she loves most about her favorite hobby and then try and see if you can have a little bit of interest in it. You will be surprised I think. At first, it might seem boring but as you get more information on it, hopefully it will be something that really is a diversion you can both get into and quite possibly your wife will ask you one night what it is you like about your hobby and show some interest.

And of course if that fails, there is always the tried and true, "Got any good gossip?"

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Oh I should add.. If your wife doesn't have any hobbies, that is a problem in itself and Calle addresses it well in one of his books.. Sorry I can't remember which one!

How to Have a Really Good Conversation With Your Spouse ~ "Walk 'n Talk"

Step 1

Agree together that you're going to try to give this a shot; (you will need a bit of an open mind, and nearly always, one party will be a little more reluctant than the other). Talking, really talking, is intimate, and intimacy may make us uneasy. After all, where might this lead? Put on some comfy walking clothes, and head out the door.

Step 2

Decide on a destination; a spot that might take you 20-25 minutes to reach, at a gentle, SLOW, ambling pace. This will mark your half-way point. Flip a coin; the winner chooses who will "go (talk) first!"

Step 3

Set out. The first talker speaks on any "non-hot" topic they wish;(see warning below). ANYTHING! It could be the weather, a childhood memory, something they heard on the radio, or what happened at work today, or a concern about one of your children. The only requirement is that the "first talker" makes an effort to keep letting their mind "leak," and the listener says nothing! WHAT? Yep, nothing, except... (see next step).

Step 4

During the "Walk 'n Talk," on the way out, the listener can say only two things; 1,"Tell me more," or 2, "I love you." That's it. 20-25 minutes of an ambling walk, with only one of you talking, and the other just listening. (If you're up to it, you may wish to hold hands).

Step 5

At the half way point, stop and turn for home. On the return, the other person now has THEIR say, again, on any "non-hot" topic they wish. Simple! But with the additional rule, that they may not touch on, or make any reference to anything spoken about on the way out. Seems unfair? You'll be ok... Again, the listener may say only two things, as outlined in step 4.

Step 6

Home. Look at each other. Wonder a bit about this very strange walk together, and head inside. All subjects discussed (all of them!) are out-of-bounds for 36 hours. What? Yep! While we're letting our minds "leak," it is with the understanding and knowledge that we will not be discussing any of these things together for at least a few days.

Step 7

Without question, this will be a very unusual experience, and for some, quite radical. Just think, when was the last time that either of you spoke for 20-25 minutes, with your spouse saying (almost) nothing? And importantly, this is not a "discussion" in a traditional sense. There is no "interaction," or problem solving. Just sharing, and considering, and because we're not bantering back and forth, interest and understanding.

Step 8

Try this once a week for a month. Don't over-analyse what you're doing. Just take this time, and enjoy the gentleness of this kind of sharing. You may later want to try this while out for a drive, or when sitting together in your own home, but we recommend the walking as being a good way to begin.

Source: http://www.ehow.com/how_4988273_conversa...-talk.html