12-06-2011, 08:51 PM
The snare a man has to watch out for is that he doesn't just pull from my teachings to confirm, reinforce, and improve the things he is already doing right THAT HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH...while remaining blind to all the things he is doing wrong because he is NOT comfortable with those things.
Frequently, during the first few months of coming into this program...a man is essentially still operating in the same way as before...he is still operating in HIS OLD way...except he has made things a little better by improving some things that he is comfortable with...which again, is usually more or less all the stuff he was ALREADY doing right to some extent.
Make a note of this...
Dissatisfying results in a marriage relationship almost always stem from the things a husband is doing wrong...and from all the important things he's not doing because he's not comfortable with them...in relation to his wife.
Now, I understand that this doesn't feel very good because it puts a lot of "blame" on the husband...but the fact remains...take any woman in the world...no matter how non-affectionate, non-sexual, or non-whatever she is with her partner...put her in close proximity with a different man who has purposely made it his business to know how to interact with and handle a woman...and you will IMMEDIATELY see this woman start behaving in an affectionate, sexual, or whatever way...you will immediately see her become alive, animated, flirty, etc.
The point being...THIS kind of man does NOT have "holes" in his mode of operation...he does not have areas where he is "uncomfortable" doing certain things that a woman needs from him in order to be activated, animated, and turned-on by him. In HIS mode of operation, he has made it his business to be completely comfortable doing whatever he needs to do to get good results with a woman.
Back to my original point...some men will call me up...and say they are "doing everything I teach but not getting results"...and as we begin talking...it always becomes clear there is a "hole" in their way of operating...there is an area they are not comfortable in...and I start pointing them to those places in the books where I talk about whatever their "hole" is...and even though they had read those parts, they didn't "see" them because they were still in the mode of confirming and justifying their self.
The thing is...until a guy gets fed up with getting bad results...he is likely to more or less stay in confirming and justifying himself mode...he is likely to stay in the mode of doing ONLY what he is comfortable doing.
But, once he gets fed up with bad results and determines that he is no longer interested in justifying himself...that he is no longer going to restrict himself to only that which is comfortable to him...because that is not working for him...that he is only interested in doing whatever it is that works no matter how uncomfortable or awkward it feels to him...THAT is when he will begin to get things REALLY changing for the better.
And, here is the thing fellows...you can pretty much count on the fact that in a woman's mind, her "responsibility" is to make herself pretty and physically attractive...in her mind, her only responsibility is to make her self up so that she catches your interest and attention...and then pretty much everything else is YOUR "responsibility"...to "make" it happen...to BE THE MAN WHO CAN LEAD you and her to the happy, passionate place that you both want to enjoy.
So, the sooner we ACCEPT this responsibility and become the MAN who can make it happen for us and our wife, the sooner we can get to the outcomes we want.
And, we better not be lolly-gagging around lest our wife have a chance encounter with one of those guys who has made it his business to KNOW how to "fan her spark into a flame".
So, in relation to your wife...
What are those areas in my books that you are turning a blind eye to because they feel uncomfortable to you?
For some guys, the question is...which of my books are you avoiding because you are afraid of what they might say that you know you won't be comfortable with?
Your answer to these questions is probably the same area where your greatest payoff is going to come from.
Frequently, during the first few months of coming into this program...a man is essentially still operating in the same way as before...he is still operating in HIS OLD way...except he has made things a little better by improving some things that he is comfortable with...which again, is usually more or less all the stuff he was ALREADY doing right to some extent.
Make a note of this...
Dissatisfying results in a marriage relationship almost always stem from the things a husband is doing wrong...and from all the important things he's not doing because he's not comfortable with them...in relation to his wife.
Now, I understand that this doesn't feel very good because it puts a lot of "blame" on the husband...but the fact remains...take any woman in the world...no matter how non-affectionate, non-sexual, or non-whatever she is with her partner...put her in close proximity with a different man who has purposely made it his business to know how to interact with and handle a woman...and you will IMMEDIATELY see this woman start behaving in an affectionate, sexual, or whatever way...you will immediately see her become alive, animated, flirty, etc.
The point being...THIS kind of man does NOT have "holes" in his mode of operation...he does not have areas where he is "uncomfortable" doing certain things that a woman needs from him in order to be activated, animated, and turned-on by him. In HIS mode of operation, he has made it his business to be completely comfortable doing whatever he needs to do to get good results with a woman.
Back to my original point...some men will call me up...and say they are "doing everything I teach but not getting results"...and as we begin talking...it always becomes clear there is a "hole" in their way of operating...there is an area they are not comfortable in...and I start pointing them to those places in the books where I talk about whatever their "hole" is...and even though they had read those parts, they didn't "see" them because they were still in the mode of confirming and justifying their self.
The thing is...until a guy gets fed up with getting bad results...he is likely to more or less stay in confirming and justifying himself mode...he is likely to stay in the mode of doing ONLY what he is comfortable doing.
But, once he gets fed up with bad results and determines that he is no longer interested in justifying himself...that he is no longer going to restrict himself to only that which is comfortable to him...because that is not working for him...that he is only interested in doing whatever it is that works no matter how uncomfortable or awkward it feels to him...THAT is when he will begin to get things REALLY changing for the better.
And, here is the thing fellows...you can pretty much count on the fact that in a woman's mind, her "responsibility" is to make herself pretty and physically attractive...in her mind, her only responsibility is to make her self up so that she catches your interest and attention...and then pretty much everything else is YOUR "responsibility"...to "make" it happen...to BE THE MAN WHO CAN LEAD you and her to the happy, passionate place that you both want to enjoy.
So, the sooner we ACCEPT this responsibility and become the MAN who can make it happen for us and our wife, the sooner we can get to the outcomes we want.
And, we better not be lolly-gagging around lest our wife have a chance encounter with one of those guys who has made it his business to KNOW how to "fan her spark into a flame".
So, in relation to your wife...
What are those areas in my books that you are turning a blind eye to because they feel uncomfortable to you?
For some guys, the question is...which of my books are you avoiding because you are afraid of what they might say that you know you won't be comfortable with?
Your answer to these questions is probably the same area where your greatest payoff is going to come from.