Why Doesn't My Wife Want To Have Sex?
EVERYBODY is turned off by the notion of somebody using them. NOBODY wants to be manipulated by someone else who's trying to benefit themselves but not you.
Given this, I want to give you a counter-example that just might help a whole lot of men in their marriage and sex-life.
Imagine that you just recently married...imagine that you're a reasonable, practical, logical sort of fellow...imagine that you've got one more year in college...imagine that money is in VERY short supply...imagine that the two of you both work evening jobs...imagine that the two of you are living in a not-so-pleasant apartment complex, a place where plenty of society's dark side resides...and your new wife is obsessed about getting pregnant and having a baby...so much so that every time you turn around, she's trying to get you to "get her pregnant"...every time there's a lull in work activity, she's pestering you to have sex with her...and when you do have sex, she's not the least bit interested in whether she feels any pleasure, she just wants you to hurry up and ejaculate...although sometimes, she really puts on a show and acts like she just wants to make love with you and getting pregnant doesn't really matter...but it quickly becomes apparent that the whole show was just a pretense and a sham...because once again, she's just trying to get you to ejaculate...and after you ejaculate, she wants you to help prop pillows up under her backside so it's easier for the "sperm" to swim to their destination.
Now, really imagine yourself being in this situation…and as you imagine it…
Notice how you don't feel like you can trust your wife – how your gut tells you her motives are lop-sided and aren't 100% honest.
Notice how she thinks only of what she wants and is oblivious to the life-long impact it will have on you.
Notice how one-sided things feel.
Notice how your wife gives no indication that she really cares about you, your interests, or your desires.
Notice how you'd really like to have sex – notice how your wife really could be such an attractive lady – EXCEPT this obsessive, selfish drive of hers to get pregnant at a most inopportune time is killing your desire towards her.
Notice how she's engaging you – not because she cares about your needs – but because she wants something from you.
Notice how she gives no consideration for timing or appropriateness – she just wants what she wants without regard to what works for you.
Notice how she hasn't bothered asking you what you might want – she's too concerned with what she wants.
Notice how irritating it is that your wife is constantly hounding you to have sex with her so she can get pregnant – and how her constant nagging on this point is like the biggest turn-off in the world.
Notice how the whole ordeal is such a huge turn-off to you and the automatic resistance to having sex with your wife.
Can you feel the feelings I'm describing?
Can you hear her nerve-grating nagging to get pregnant?
Can you look at her and see how repulsive her selfish neediness is to you?
If you can, then you have a good take on what most women feel, hear, and see in relation to their husband and his incessant desire for sex.
It's not that she doesn't want sex too. She absolutely does.
She just doesn't want it in the way he's trying to engage her in it.
So, if your wife doesn't want to have sex, try engaging her in a way that values her as a person. Try engaging her in a way that shows consideration for her wants and needs. In doing so, BOTH of you can "score".
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.
Given this, I want to give you a counter-example that just might help a whole lot of men in their marriage and sex-life.
Imagine that you just recently married...imagine that you're a reasonable, practical, logical sort of fellow...imagine that you've got one more year in college...imagine that money is in VERY short supply...imagine that the two of you both work evening jobs...imagine that the two of you are living in a not-so-pleasant apartment complex, a place where plenty of society's dark side resides...and your new wife is obsessed about getting pregnant and having a baby...so much so that every time you turn around, she's trying to get you to "get her pregnant"...every time there's a lull in work activity, she's pestering you to have sex with her...and when you do have sex, she's not the least bit interested in whether she feels any pleasure, she just wants you to hurry up and ejaculate...although sometimes, she really puts on a show and acts like she just wants to make love with you and getting pregnant doesn't really matter...but it quickly becomes apparent that the whole show was just a pretense and a sham...because once again, she's just trying to get you to ejaculate...and after you ejaculate, she wants you to help prop pillows up under her backside so it's easier for the "sperm" to swim to their destination.
Now, really imagine yourself being in this situation…and as you imagine it…
Notice how you don't feel like you can trust your wife – how your gut tells you her motives are lop-sided and aren't 100% honest.
Notice how she thinks only of what she wants and is oblivious to the life-long impact it will have on you.
Notice how one-sided things feel.
Notice how your wife gives no indication that she really cares about you, your interests, or your desires.
Notice how you'd really like to have sex – notice how your wife really could be such an attractive lady – EXCEPT this obsessive, selfish drive of hers to get pregnant at a most inopportune time is killing your desire towards her.
Notice how she's engaging you – not because she cares about your needs – but because she wants something from you.
Notice how she gives no consideration for timing or appropriateness – she just wants what she wants without regard to what works for you.
Notice how she hasn't bothered asking you what you might want – she's too concerned with what she wants.
Notice how irritating it is that your wife is constantly hounding you to have sex with her so she can get pregnant – and how her constant nagging on this point is like the biggest turn-off in the world.
Notice how the whole ordeal is such a huge turn-off to you and the automatic resistance to having sex with your wife.
Can you feel the feelings I'm describing?
Can you hear her nerve-grating nagging to get pregnant?
Can you look at her and see how repulsive her selfish neediness is to you?
If you can, then you have a good take on what most women feel, hear, and see in relation to their husband and his incessant desire for sex.
It's not that she doesn't want sex too. She absolutely does.
She just doesn't want it in the way he's trying to engage her in it.
So, if your wife doesn't want to have sex, try engaging her in a way that values her as a person. Try engaging her in a way that shows consideration for her wants and needs. In doing so, BOTH of you can "score".
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article as is and unchanged ONLY if a resource box pointing to www.MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog is included with it.
Labels: AllArticles
posted by Calle Zorro at
6:41 PM
7 Comments:
A lot of blokes are romantic, caring, and doing their share of the childcare and housework... and not getting sex. Many women are lazy in bed, or take for granted that their husband will always be there, with or without sex. The fact is, men and women have very different sex drives: as women get older, their interest in sex decreases, while most men enjoy making love, up until the moment they die! (Picasso and Ed Abbey come to mind). The answer? The choice for most men is either divorce or a discreet affair. At least, this seems apparent to me, after five decades, a dozen relationships, and two marriages. There is no one to "blame"... it's all just biology.
I'm not sure I agree with the solution the other commenter suggested but he does have a point. It is very much a two sided thing. Men must be sensitive to their wives and strive to show love and support to their wives in a way which connects. But... this doesn't necessarily stimulate her sex drive. It is also important for woman to understand how important sex is to men.
I'm sorry but your analogy fails. You had to include "wants a baby" even though the sexual desire of a man isn't as life altering and relationship changing as making a child.
If you drop the whole pregnancy thing out of your equation, you've created a situation that most men wouldn't mind.
Women, nag away.
I don't think anyone could put it any better than the first commenter. He's spot on. I've been married twice and I realize now that it's just a biological fact: women don't need sex, and men do. Over the years it becomes less and less important for women to have sex with their husbands because they foorl they have to. No matter how much a man does for his wife, it doesn't increase her sex drive. I'd never cheat on my wife, so this makes life very difficult, but I do find comfort in knowing the anser to this question now.
For "blokes" who want to shift the blame to "biology" that's a choice that can be made...although the results of that choice don't seem to be too good, do they?
In the meantime, guys like myself -- men who have decided that there is a LOT that we can personally do to affect our situations - men who have studied and learned and applied the appropriate skills - we AND our wives are enjoying sex on a regular, frequent basis...and we are enjoying all the other accompaniments of a happy marriage -- things like mutual respect, appreciation, and attraction.
Throughout all the years I've been helping men create happy, sexual marriages, I've not ONCE encountered a woman who is truly non-sexual.
I've only encountered men who didn't know how to turn their woman on.
Yeah...a man can say it's the woman...but, if it was up to your woman, what do you think would happen if you put her and her favorite celebrity up in a private and posh hotel for a weekend?
Even if she has the moral fortitude to withstand the temptation, you and I BOTH know she's going to be having sexual thoughts.
And, if one man can have this effect on her, ANY man can have this effect on her if he knows how to create the effect.
And, that's what I do...I teach men how to create a happy marriage...one that both they and their wife can enjoying sharing...and I teach them how to EFFECT a lot of sex.
To people who are in "Bobby's" situation, I recommend they get the "How To Create a More Sexual Marriage" eBook at www.MoreSexForMen.com
If that resource doesn't crack a woman out of her non-sexual shell, then a man can safely know that there really is no hope for that woman and he can make the appropriate decisions.
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