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A Story For Sexually Frustrated Men...

My friend was seriously unhappy.

He never said anything about his unhappiness. He never complained. But, I could see the hurt, anger, and frustration that seethed and stewed inside of him. It was all there below the surface.

Try though he might, he couldn’t hide the unhappy story that was etched into his face and eyes – the story of “I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do but what I want isn’t coming back to me.”

Because I cared about my friend, I asked him to take a ride with me. As I pointed my car down a scenic highway, we just rode in silence – my friend wrapped up in the turmoil of his thoughts. After several miles, with tears in his eyes, he finally broke and unloaded on me. Here’s what he said…

“My problem is that my wife is never in the mood. It’s been years since she initiated sex. And, when I finally get past all of her “sexual avoidance tactics”, she just lays there like a lump of coal, no emotion, no kissing, and no movement of any kind. I feel like I am raping her. At that point, I am so furious and frustrated that I would rather just stop and finish myself off. But, the feelings of humiliation from that are even worse.

And, I don’t get it. On my end, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. I’m a good provider for her and our children. I take time to talk with her and I listen to what she has to say – we even have dinner together almost every day. We have a nice home, she drives a nice car – you would think I would get something coming back to me, wouldn’t you?

And yes, she takes good care of our kids – and that’s the problem, she takes good care of everything and everyone except me.

I tell you, after years of her lack of interest in sex, I’m to the point that I feel nothing but hatred towards her. I’m fed up with being sexually needy. I’m sick and tired of getting the “cold-shoulder”. I’m through with being made to feel like I’m some kind of pervert just because I have sexual needs.

I used to love her with everything that’s in me – and maybe there’s still a little love buried down deep somewhere – but right now the flame is gone and all that’s left is bitter resentment.

And you know what’s most frustrating of all? I know it used to be in her. When we were first married, she was great. Now it’s like her sexual interest is completely gone – died out – and it’s killing me too.”

As you can tell from the story, my friend believed that he was fully meeting the needs of his wife but his wife was not meeting his needs in return – and as you know, unhappiness is exactly equal to expectations unfulfilled.

But now, let me tell you what was really going on – and check to see if this is the case with you. Because my friend was not meeting the most important needs of his wife, he had literally and physically turned off her sexual faucet and he didn’t even realize it.

Yes, it was true that he was meeting some of her basic financial and security needs. But that’s not at all the same thing as meeting her needs in a way fires up her sexual engine. It’s not the same thing at all.

That’s so important; let me say it again in different words. It doesn’t matter if you are meeting your lady’s surface-level needs if her deep-level needs are unmet.

And that was exactly the case with both my friend and his wife. He wasn’t meeting her deep-level needs which over the course of time had turned her off such that she was no longer interested in meeting his deep-level needs.

As we continued down the road, I told my friend about my ATTRACTIVE NYMPHOMANIAC formula that I had developed for opening back up a woman’s sexual faucet – and opening it up onto her man.

Let me give you a quick example of what I shared with him…

You know that females crave romance. Now, let me ask you, what is romance?

I’m serious. What is your answer? How would you define and describe romance?

If your answer was anything like most men’s, your answer revolved around “flowers and dinner”.

Truth is, you already know that’s not right because if you’ve been with your lady any time at all, you’ve bought her flowers and taken her to dinner and all it did was make her even madder at you – didn’t it?

So obviously, romance isn’t about flowers and dinner.

Here’s how I explained what romance is to my friend…

For a woman, romance is making her feel special. It is making her feel like, of all the available women, she is the only one you are interested in. When you asked your lady out on dates before you were married, it made her feel special because you were choosing her above all the other females around.

But this need to feel special doesn’t end for a woman when she gets married.

Even after marriage, your wife still needs to feel like she’s the most important person in your life. That’s why your wife needs you to “court” her even after you are married. She still has that need to feel like you are “chasing” her and trying to “win” her.

Now, that’s very different than trying to “bribe” and “soothe” her with flowers and dinner, isn’t it?

You can see that now, can’t you?

Anyway, as I continued describing the formula, my friend became more and more excited. His eyes began to literally glow. He now understood why the sex had died off in his marriage. More importantly, he clearly understood how to go back home and create a marriage of love, sex, and passion.

After our little road-trip, it was almost a month before I saw my friend again. He positively glowed such that I hardly recognized him. Clearly, something was very different for him. As soon as we had a private moment, I asked him how things were going.

Here’s what he told me…

“She’s initiating sex all the time now. I’m starting to worry about whether I’ll be able to keep up with her now. Thanks for sharing your ATTRACTIVE NYMPHOMANIAC formula with me. It has made all the difference in my life and in my home.”

Copyright 2007, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to http://www.marriedandhappy.com/ is included with it.

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9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who wrote this bullshit? A woman? Sex in a marriage is a catch 22. When men stop getting it, we get frustrated and detach from our wives. Men like guarantees. If I do 'this' then I get 'this'. If you make it too much work for us to get laid and the pay off isn't life changing sex, then we aren't going to go out for the hunt.
The last time I checked I live with my wife and spend EVERY SINGLE day with her. I cook for her, I help clean, we have conversations, we go out on dates, we do all kinds of shit and our sex life is still horrific. There are too many standards, too many hoops to jump through. Truth of the matter is, women are from venus and men are from earth. I don't do all this shit for my health. I do all of these things because my wife is the most important person in my life. Problem is, she doesn't want to do any work for herself to satisfy my needs. And they say men are selfish. When it comes to sex, no one is more selfish than a woman. You want to solve your sex problems? Find someone else to do it with. Sex is a need not an extra-curricular behavior that we earn for good behavior.

August 23, 2009 9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said.. "Who wrote this bullshit? A woman? Sex in a marriage is a catch 22. "


That single line is more true than the article it is referencing.

Women are very selfish. They do not even know what they want for them self's 80% of their life.

When a man approaches a women for sex they will use the man's desires as leverage to get what they want.

When a woman wants sex they will jump the man without going out of their way to check on the man's needs. and still expect the man to go out of his way to exceed her expectations.

Women don't like hearing this, and get quite defensive. This is because they cannot face the truth about their own selfish nature.

September 8, 2009 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If men could figure this shit out we would all be happy, but the truth is most women are too narcissistic to be a mans only sex partner. It's why we cheat. It's why we are bitchy. Tip to the wives. Make him feel like KING STUD at least once a week and you will have a happy hubbie, and never play the sex game where you hold out for what you want cause resentment doesnt go away easily. It will make him cheat.

October 23, 2009 10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's no way you can be romantic all of the time. The reality is: the principle of diminishing returns. Yes, you can be romantic for a while, for a weekend, or whatever, but once your wife gets used to these little sweet things you do for her, she's not going to continue putting out. The romance will be become expected. And when you don't do all this extra stuff she will be pissed. Basically this guy is saying: let your wife have you my the balls and she will put out. Totally not going to happen.

November 3, 2009 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the comment above - sex is NOT a reward, its an essential part of a relationship. Trying to be with someone that doesn't want to have sex is like trying to be with someone you're not physically attracted to, or you find stupid, or doesn't have a job.

Women withhold sex or "just don't feel like it" for a myriad of reasons. I supposed if a man took to obliterating a trait a woman once found attractive about a man - either he started gaining excessive weight, or quit his job for a lower paying one - she'd be INCREDIBLY supportive, riiiight? (Sarcasm implied)

Here's the real deal: if women don't want a man that's not stable, not fit, and not intelligent, then a man should at least have the RIGHT to say that he doesn't want a woman that isn't willing to create the desire to have sex up to 5 times a week.

I would have told your friend to divorce his wife. Mostly because the story is total bullshit, but also because making a woman feel special DOES NOT lube her right up and make her want to suddenly jump your bones.

November 8, 2009 9:29 PM  
Blogger Calle Zorro said...

In response to these comments...

1. I am a man.

2. This IS a real story...it's one that's played out time and time again through the years of helping men create a happier, more sexual marriage.

3. I do not deny that some percentage of women are bitchy, selfish, narcissistic, etc.

That does not mean they are non-sexual.

Most importantly, it DOES NOT mean there is nothing a man can do to create a happier, more sexual marriage.

This is where some men blow it...they'd rather gripe and complain about their wife...they'd rather go down the path of life in an unhappy relationship...trying to snag an occasional (problematic) affair on the side...than LEARN how to become the kind of man who HAS a happy, sexual marriage.

And, that's fine if that's what a man wants to do. But, while they are "enjoying" their complaining, there are thousands of men who are getting my training materials and they are CREATING the kind of wife they can be happy and sexual with...and they are REALLY enjoying life.

4. I suggest guys like these read the following posts:

http://www.marriedandhappy.com/Blog/2009/12/more-loving-and-sexual-wife.html

http://www.marriedandhappy.com/Blog/2009/11/my-wife-does-not-give-me-love-respect.html

http://www.marriedandhappy.com/Blog/2009/11/i-want-my-wife-to-want-me-as-much-as-i.html

December 9, 2009 4:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A+ for effort on trying to hock your shitty self help crap. Why should men be the only ones trying to keep the relationship alive? Does that make sense? NO. I'm not saying thats its ok to go have an affair. But to say that its the man's sole responsibility to upkeep the sex life? CRAP. I'm 24 and I know that. There has to be mutual conversation and understanding between 2 individuals in order to maintain a good relationship all around. You want REAL advice? Talk to your wife about your needs, why she hasn't been meeting them, her needs, and what you both can do to improve the situation. If she doesn't want to talk? Then fuck it! Monogomy is against human nature anyways. I would love to be happy with one woman for the rest of my life but its just not logical or practical. I'm giving it a shot anyways so good luck to everyone else who is doing the same and don't throw your money away on self help information for pathetic whimpering panzies. Grow a sack and take charge of YOUR LIFE. Not hers or anyone else's but YOURS. You only get one. Peace.

December 15, 2009 2:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I think it's pretty obvious why the men that have responded so negatively to this blog post aren't getting the kind of sex they want. They just don't get it, and they are not willing to listen to a point of view different from their own! Go on believing and thinking the way you do...you will continue to get the results you've already received. But instead, why don't you at least give this advice a chance (a real chance) and see if you don't get better results. What do you have to lose?

February 7, 2010 6:41 PM  
Blogger C said...

Yes, that is right guys. We don't get it. Provide a home, a partner, a friend, and maybe once in a while if you step it up another notch to keep her happy you might have an OK sex life. But I will say the last poster had it right, we do have it wrong. Do what is always done (and done wrong I might ad) and get what is always gotten. Get hitched, have some kids, provide well, and before you know it your sex life will be a big mysterious disappointing zero like most of the other men in the same place as you. Sure, we can then embark on a never ending journey of trying to entice our spouses for sex only to face greater mystery and disappointment. Or, maybe we should look at the lesson here. Men, do not get married, ever. No kids, no wedding vows, no secure opportunity for the ladies to turn off the tap and then blame you for the resulting anger and frustration. Let's face it, if you were dating, this technique of no sex would last for, umm, maybe a week. Then guess what, she would be single again! Guys, stay in shape, stay hard to get, and stay unmarried. Enjoy the life of freedom, exciting sex, and a just sit back and laugh at all your confused sex starved male friends who have less sex than you and pay one hell of a price for it. Break the tradition and get something different. And to all the ladies who think I'm a selfish prick, that's fine. You are probably married, full of all the same bullshit that this first poster was, and have a man sitting in the dark in your home somewhere with big blue balls staring at porn wishing he never met you.

April 5, 2010 8:42 PM  

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